Jonson's Diary

February 2018, 2, sleet

This is my first day at work. The piano store is not far from home. I choose to walk. The breakfast shop is very lively. I used to love Xiaolongbao. After eating the big stuffing and thin skin, I have a cup of cold yogurt. Life is complete.

Xue Lin got up very early today, said she went out for morning exercises, and brought back a very rich breakfast!Nuts, Xiaolongbao, shrimp dumplings, yogurt, and bought a lot of vegetables and fruits.

I bit the little cage and asked vaguely: "Aren't you going to cook for me today? Why are you shopping for vegetables? I'll buy them on the way back later. Are you tired of carrying so many things?"

"You cook too badly," he said with disgust, filling up the refrigerator, "If you continue to cook, I will be poisoned to death by you in a few days!"

I thought to myself, it shouldn't be!I used an electronic scale to make it very strictly according to the recipe, and there is nowhere to go if it is unpalatable!How could it be that exaggerated?

When we lived together, neither of us was happy to cook, so we ordered takeaway every day.We can't be expected to be in the mood to cook after school, holidays and weekends.

In the beginning, Xue Rin was the king of dark cooking. Scrambled egg shells with tomatoes were his specialty. This dish has been ridiculed by me for several years, and it is the black history he most wants to delete.After all, he was born with a golden spoon in his mouth.

Later, Xue Rin's cooking became more and more delicious. The biggest reason is that he was born with a golden spoon in his mouth and has eaten all kinds of food. His sensitivity to cooking is definitely beyond my comparison.

When I opened the door of the piano store, I suddenly realized.

Yesterday he played a prank on the ginger tea. He probably didn’t put flavored honey, just chopped ginger and boiled it casually. I can’t stand pure ginger. He guessed that my sense of taste is wrong, so he was very angry.

The piano store has 3 small sound-proof rooms, two people in each room, learning from each other, exchanging piano practice, what the boss and I need to do is wander around in the three rooms and give guidance.

As soon as I walked in, I saw the boss was talking to a young man, probably in his twenties.

In addition to the room for students to practice the piano, the largest room is where the boss receives special customers. Some artists will come to his place to receive short piano training or music-related guidance.

I really met a hermit expert, and I wonder why the salary is so high. Now I understand, our piano is taking a high-end route.I'm lucky too, but can I really teach them well?I'm afraid I'm going to mistake someone for my son.

"Qiao Song? You came just in time, come and demonstrate playing "Green Sleeves""

"Hello, Teacher Qiao!"

I reflexively replied: "Hello!" Then I asked the boss, "Which version is it?"

"Greensleeves" is an English ballad that is said to describe the love of King Henry VIII.This man, who was quite violent in the legend, really fell in love with a folk girl who was dressed in green.

One day in the suburbs, the sun was shining brightly.He is handsome and mighty on a horse.She has long golden hair, and the sun shines on her fluttering green sleeves, making her beautiful.Just a chance to meet each other, and the image of each other is branded in their eyes. (From Baidu Encyclopedia)

Over the years, there have been various adaptations of this piece of music, and people are willing to write lyrics for this piece of music, but they all cannot avoid a central point:

O my love, you have wronged me,

Abandoned me you are ruthless and heartless

Green sleeves are all my happiness,

Green sleeves are all my joy.

Green sleeves are my heart of gold,

Only she is my beloved.

When I put my fingers on the pianists, they are out of my control. I think of Xue Lin, and I can't extricate myself from my own memories.

I never thought I liked him, and I didn't love him either, as I wrote before: we are just a bad relationship.

Since I don't love him, why do I care about him?

It is because of habit.

I'm used to him, he's a part of my life, and if there's anyone I want to spend the rest of my life with, it's him.

Not because I love him, but because I can't stand people other than him meddling in my life, but he can't be with me.

He may have a gentle and beautiful girlfriend who will leave a light when he comes home late, or he may have a gentle and gentle boyfriend who will stand with him through thick and thin.

He shouldn't have a boyfriend who is dying every day, who is perverse and cruel, and who is afraid of himself when he goes crazy. In any case, it's not me.

If one day he tells me that he wants to be with me, I will refuse him without hesitation.

Reasons why I reject you:

I'm sorry for making you fall in love with me who is so bad

I'm sorry, I always want to leave you alone to die

I'm sorry I always make you worry and burn you out.

Sorry, I can't control myself.

Sorry, I can't make any promises to you.

But even so, I love you with the few calories left after my life burns.

This is the first time I say I love you, and the last time, all emotions will not bother you.They are buried and then melt away with time or with life.

The song is over.After a long time, the applause sounded.

"A very wonderful performance. This is not the best "Green Sleeves" I have ever heard, but the most depressing and shocking "Green Sleeves" I have ever heard. I dare not breathe when I listen to it."

"Where did the young people get such deep sorrow?" the boss sighed, "Maybe next time I should let you demonstrate how to play "Waltz of Flowers"?"

I tried to pull a smile, and sure enough, I failed again.

Sad?maybe!I just play out the world as I see it.

July 2018, 2, overcast

Severe headache, vomiting to dehydration, anorexia, severe auditory hallucinations.

Barely finishing my work, I'm considering whether to resign.

Resigning on the second day of work is probably very nerve-wracking for the boss, and it will bring him trouble, so it should be delayed for a few days!Maybe it will get better in a few days.

Always throwing up like this, it feels so wasteful!Should I simply give up the option of eating and go directly to the hospital for nutritional injections?Not so good, I have to work hard, I have to eat.

It's really troublesome to eat!I have to put the food into my mouth with the chopsticks, and then put down the chopsticks. I have to chew and swallow, which is troublesome and tiring. Besides, eating is many times more uncomfortable than swallowing a knife.

2018. 2, 22

I don't know what to write, I can't say a word.Xue Lin asked me to write whatever happened today.

Xue Lin took me to see a doctor.The doctor said, logically, I am getting better, and it will not be so serious all of a sudden. Think about whether there is anything in the surrounding environment that makes me uncomfortable, and try to stay away from it.

I tried to remember, but my mind went blank.

At night, I was in a daze with a box knife, cut my wrist and put my hand in a bathtub full of water, bleeding to death, not bad.

Xue Lin came over and threw my knife, I felt his whole body trembling.

He is so timid!If it were me, I would also be scared when I saw a freak holding a knife at home at night.

Xue Lin began to chatter about various suicide methods, and finally he said: "Death is very painful. You are not afraid of death. Are you afraid of living?"

No, it's a hard thing to be alive.

"For me, living is more painful than dying." My life is like a long-distance race, exhausted and painful, but I still can't stop.I was knocked down by the stones under my feet, and I couldn't get up again, but I couldn't stop.

At first I could climb, but slowly I couldn't move, but I couldn't stop.So I used the little bit of strength left in my whole body to squirm on the ground in embarrassment.

There was no good flesh on his body, and he was dripping with blood, like a piece of red velvet cake that had been poked to pieces.

Even so, the people around me never let me stop.They all told me you gotta live.

Such a rotten life, why should I live?

What's the point of getting up?What's the point of eating?What's the point of exercising?What's the point of listening to music?Later I discovered that even the meaning itself has no meaning.

Xue Lin was silent for a long time and said: "If there is such a day, remember to tell me, I will accompany you."

My eyes are sore, and my heart is so numb that I can't even cry.I can still save it, what if it is saved?