The First Chaos In History

Shi Huang said: "You have prepared some gifts (what)?"

I spread my hands and said, "What are you going to prepare? Just pick up a piece of milk at the door."

Liu Bang curled his lips and said, "How can your attitude make people marry your girl?"

I said: "Bangzi, my current public identity is a small manager with a monthly salary of 1,400. I want to mention a few Zhonghua and Moutai to send over. If his dad didn't think he was fake, he must think I was robbed."

Liu Bang said: "I’m right. He tasted the sweetness and he still cares about how your money came from? I didn’t have any money back then, but when Lao Lu (hou Lu’s father) passed his birthday, I said I made a great gift. How is Lu? He hasn't picked it up himself yet."

Jing Ke stabbed Liu Bang and said, "Then have you paid for it?"

Liu Bang: "I have money for a fart. I borrow clothes." Speaking of this, Liu Bang squinted and looked at Xiang Yu. Yu Ji."

I said contemptuously: "Does Lao Lu Neng compare with Lao Xiang? Baozi's father has been doing accounting all his life."

Liu Bang said: "You are stupid, I didn't have money back then, don't you have money now?"

At this time, Xiang Yu suddenly grabbed Liu Bang's clothes and asked curiously: "Then Lao Lu didn't realize that you were eating and drinking?"

Liu Bang laughed and said, "How can it be, although Lao Lu is not an accountant, but he has a bunch of accountants under him. It depends on your personal charm. You don’t need to tell him that I’m a poor man, but too. I admire him, so I had no choice but to come in and get a glimpse of his respect."

I spit on the ground: "Bah, shameless."

Qin Shihuang said with a smile, "It's really not easy to let the Qiangzishe (say) this sentence."

I grabbed Liu Bang: "Brother Liu, teach my brothers!" Everyone was dizzy.

Liu Bang spoke eloquently and said: "Anyway, you just remember three words!"

Everyone looks at him.

Liu Bangyi said sternly: "Shameless!"

Everyone fainted again.

"What is the main contradiction between a man and a man? Isn't it just a face? You are shameless to marry his daughter. He is happy in his heart. This old man is just like a child. You have to grab his beloved toy. You have to play well with him first, let him treat you as a friend. And it’s the kind of friend that hurts you, and you can do bad things together if you talk about it."

I said, "Then can I ask Baozi's dad to take a bath with me?"

Everyone looked at me, Qi: "Bah, really shameless."

I chuckled and said, "Just kidding, I don't lack my heart."

Liu Bang continued: "So, pinch Baozi's dad's veins, plus Baozi likes you. If this thing doesn't happen, I really have nothing to say-mainly I have Fengfeng, or it will be too soon. If you act, you can still get the buns?"

I wiped my cold sweat and said that it was dangerous. Although Baozi was firm, he had to add countless chaos to me if he wanted to do so.

I resolutely said: "I have decided to drown the old Xiang in honey water, and let him obediently send me misfortune!"

Liu Bang nodded and said, "Xiaoqiang is like me. Although he has a bad head, he is willing to listen to other people's opinions." He glanced at Xiang Yu, and Xiang Yu always looked thoughtful.

I glanced at everyone. He sighed and said, "We have only suffered from our teachers and sisters, and I don't know what we are doing now." Xiang Yu bowed his head again in ashamed.

We randomly found a restaurant and ate, and then came to a tobacco and alcohol specialty store. I asked the boss, "Do you have any fakes?"

The boss glared at me and said, "Nonsense, I am so arrogant, do you dare to sell fakes?"

I approached him and said mysteriously: "I want fakes, the price is easy to negotiate."

The boss gave me a cold look. Say: "Then I can't help you, go somewhere else."

I excitedly rushed to Liu Bang and they waved: "Come in, just buy it from this store."

The boss said depressed: "Are you trying to test me after a long time of trouble?"

I said: "Not only to test you, I also want to scare you," I pointed to Xiang Yu and said to him, "I see that big guy, if you dare to sell me fakes, I will let him block your door every day and not beat you. Don't scold you. The limited oxygen supply will suffocate you."

The boss shivered and said, "Don't worry, there are absolutely no fakes."

I bought two Chinese two-bottle Moutais and asked the boss for a large cardboard box to put on the van. Liu Bang said, "It looks a bit monotonous, so let's buy something more, it's better to be brightly colored."

Ersha suddenly pointed to the wreath at the entrance of a wreath shop on the opposite street and said, "Buy two of them."

…

In the end, I bought half a basket of large mangoes from the fruit stand, and the fragrance of the yellow was tangy. Then we opened the doors of both cars, and people sat outside and gnawed the mangoes, like a driver helping with freight.

I looked at my watch while gnawing on the mango pits. Said: "Teacher and teacher should finish the meal, we will pick up her and the buns and run directly to their house." As it was said, Master Li called and said that the business was over, and then she refused to let us pick it up and called directly. A car came.

After Li Shishi arrived, Xiang Yu rushed to pay the fare in a rare and considerate manner, tore a mango and handed it to her, Li Shishi glared at him and gnawed the mango.

I smiled and asked, "How is the progress?"

Master Li said: "It's a happy chat. If I were a man, Zhang Bing would have fallen in love with me."

I solemnly said: "She's not already in love with you, right? Why does she ignore so many suitors? Is there any problem with her sexual orientation?"

Li Shishi lightly kicked me, and then asked Qin Shihuang: "Have you taken all the people who talked to her?"

Qin Shihuang threw the mango peels and brought up the photos in the camera. There is a must to take pictures of fat guys. That is, no matter who and what scenes are taken, they look like murder scenes. The beautiful university campus on the camera was taken to death by him. The portrait of Ren Deng is the same as the nostalgic photos of the late Qing Dynasty. Master Li held the mango like a nutria, looked at it diagonally, and suddenly pointed out, "This is the chairman of their student union."

We were in a panic and surrounded Qin Shihuang one after another, only to see a pale center-divided small glasses on the small screen of the camera, with a wretched face and a few violent teeth. We were watching, only a dark cloud was pressing on top. He looked up and saw Xiang Yu was looking down at this place.

I touched my fists excitedly and said, "It seems that Brother Yu is missing a major competitor. How could Zhang Bing like this guy? Look at his virtue."

Master Li said: "That might be the case, this kid will come in particular, his brain is very fast, he can fool around, it is said that he is very talented, and he will have his articles if he buys a local magazine."

I asked: "How does Zhang Bing feel about him?"

Master Li said, "Maybe it's not bad, don't look at him like that. There are many little girls chasing him, but this kid has spoken out. Zhang Bing won't chase him."

I frowned and said, "No, the lieutenant girl is afraid of her husband. Don't let Zhang Bing be stewed by others' warm water, she died unconsciously in the end."

Scrolling through the photos, the boys are tall, short, fat, thin, handsome and ugly. They drew a circle on the ground with their toes, and then clicked countless points around them. Xiang Yu was stunned and said: "Did you see this circle? It is the sister-in-law’s castle. These points are the princes from all walks of life. The castle is already at stake. Sooner or later, it will be lost. Now it depends on who is the first to conquer it. If you don't take action, Brother Yu will regret it."

Xiang Yu frowned and said nothing.

Qin Shihuang suddenly stretched out his foot to wipe all the small spots around the circle, and said: "Eliminate, do you all die?"

I furiously said: "Brother Ying, don't follow and add chaos. You have to unite the seven kingdoms and you pay attention to a combination of vertical and horizontal lines. Can you kill so many princes?"

I looked at my watch again and said, "Now let's pick up the buns, and go back to discuss the situation of the siege at night."

In the car, I asked Master Li: "How did you talk to Zhang Bingpan?"

Master Li said: "At the beginning I had no choice but to follow her, but they happened to have a dance class, and they happened to dance the song "Swords" that I had skipped before, so I found an excuse to go in. Then I said that I also learned dance, so I jumped together. Now Zhang Bing calls me senior sister, and their dance teacher also welcomes me to come often."

"Which school did you say you graduated from?"

"Yes, they asked me the same way."

"Then what do you say?"

"I said ‘what do you guys look at?’ and they said ‘it looks like you are at least from the Central Dance Academy’ and I said ‘yes’."

I listened to my tongue, and finally praised: "The cousin really pays equal attention to beauty and wisdom. If you travel through the early days of the founding of the People's Republic of China, the "Shenzhen VI" may have gone to heaven after the Cultural Revolution."

Master Li wondered: "Why?"

"Being a beauty spy steals American technology."

I told Baozi that she was waiting for me at the entrance of their store. She had changed into a refreshing denim and stood there with two tacky gift boxes in her hand. I drove the car to her, she got up and saw A car of people was there, and said a little unexpectedly: "Huh. Are you all going?"

Li Shishi smiled and handed her a mango, then took the gift box and put it away. Said: "Cousin, why do you have to buy gifts yourself when you go to your house?"

Baozi glanced at me, and said to her: "Your cousin is a pig brain. Every time I go empty-handed, I ask my mother to tell me. I gradually get used to it. Now." She saw a pile of mangoes. Said: "I have learned well now, and I know how to buy fruit." Then she saw a cardboard box under the mango and asked me: "What is that?"

As I drove, I said, "Dighead, let your mother do it for you."

Our car ran all the way to the railway.

Baozi lives in a bungalow on the edge of the railway. He falls asleep at night and feels like an earthquake after a train. Baozi’s mother is thin when she is young, and sometimes the train can knock her mother on the kang like a shofar. , This situation didn't improve until the buns were born.

The only advantage of living here is that you can have a compound, which is the case for every household. Quite a hometown style. So as soon as our local car drove to the residential area, it attracted the attention of a large group of local neighbors. When Baozi and I got out of the car, we were surrounded by enthusiastic neighbors. Baozi asked me to carry the gift box and call the door by myself. The carnation was stuffed in her arms and said: "For your mother." Baozi's mother asked as she came to open the door: "Is it a strong son—"

I said, "Auntie, it's me."

Baozi froze after receiving Hua and immediately threw it back into the car, pretending to be a okay person, waiting for her mother to open the door.

This is always the case. Baozi went to call the door, but her mother called my name without exception. This trick was to summon the neighbors: see my daughter bring her boyfriend back.

When the buns were born, the neighbors said that the child would not be easy to find a partner in the future, and her mother was more irritated.

After her mother called so, the neighbors on both sides really came out, put their arms on the low wall, and greeted me with a smile: "Xiao Qiang is here." There was a sense of watching the show in his tone.

I can't scold it yet. Can only nod again and again: "Here comes."

Baozi's mother took the gift box in my hand, wringing her neck and shouting: "Come on, why do you buy these?"

At this moment, Er Sha carried a bunch of mangoes and rushed in, putting all his old brains on the steps, and I explained to her mother: "It's all my friends."

Immediately after Liu Bang came into the courtyard with the box in his arms, Baozi and her dad made their debut, and slowly picked up the embroidered curtain, looked at the mango and the gift box, walked up to the cardboard box, and said calmly, "What is this? ?" Then he brought up two red Chinese cigarettes. The neighbors all said "Yo", Baozi and her father put the cigarette aside quietly, and brought up two boxes of exquisite Moutai. The neighbors were amazed. In our place, we send so many things at once, so what? Said it is considered a serious gift. Baozi was also very surprised. After a while, she bit my ear and said, "You don't want to use fake cigarettes and wine to make my dad crippled, do you?"

At this time someone shouted: "Oh, Xiaoqiang is getting rich, come and drive two cars." Baozi then discovered that Xiang Yu was following us in a Hyundai.

Baozi’s mother distributed fruit to neighbors according to each family’s order. Her father opened a package of Chinese cigarettes to give people respect. When the neighbors smoked real cigarettes, they became more admired and said enviously: "Old Xiang, my son-in-law is filial enough. what."

Her dad was smoking a cigarette and laughing. It seems that these gifts are more intimate, and someone usually says that. This old guy will say: "What son-in-law, Baozi's friend, friend."

The old couple got a lot of face, and then let us all in. The old item took a look at Li Shishi, and I hurriedly said: "This is my cousin." Baozi's mother took Li Shishi's hand and sighed: "Ah, what's this girl? It's long, is there an object?"

Master Li blushed, and Baozi hurriedly pulled her mother away. At this time, Xiang Yu bowed her head and came in. Baozi's mother's expression changed, and she whispered to Baozi's father, "Is this strong son coming to propose or snatching a kiss?"

Lao Xiang sent the buns and her mother to cook, put me on the kang table, and everyone else was sitting underneath. It was a bit like Liang Shan Juyi meant. I had nothing to say to her dad. To be honest, I was a little bit embarrassed. I don’t know if all accountants are like this when they are old, like everything is clear to their chests, he and Liu Laoliu can see that Liu Laoliu is his horse when he stands with Liu Laoliu. I mean that he is more like him. A god, but he is too much like a fortune-telling.

After chatting with her dad for a few moments, Baozi went to help her mother cook, leaving our family with men drinking tea.

Liu Bang took the lead to stand up and said with a smile on his face: "Old Xiang, always listen to Xiaoqiang telling us about you."

Old item: "Oh?"

"Xiaoqiang admires you the most..."

The old Xiang smiled coldly: "It's just because he scored 26 points in the math test, right?"

"Cough cough cough..." I choked up with a sip of water.

"Hehehe, look at what you said." It seems that Lao Xiang is indeed more difficult to deal with than Lao Lu back then

Bang was slashed.

Qin Shihuang stroked his cup and said, "Brother Xiang, the hungry people (our) Qiangzi Kesi (is) a good baby." Well, this is a good trick. He came out as an elder and shouted for me.

Old Xiang: "Well, our buns are also good, right?"

What's wrong with Hengmei, right? Although I didn't say that I was particularly enthusiastic when I came here, I was talking and laughing.

Xiang Yu saw that he couldn't justify his failure, stood up, and said majesticly: "Uncle Xiang, do you have the surname Xiang? Hehe."

Just listening to the continuous sound of tea-spraying in the room, I fell unlucky today on this surname Xiang.

Now only the well-behaved Master Li was left. Before she could get into trouble, Lao Xiang cried out in the yard, "Her mother, do you need help?" The meaning was very clear: Girls should go out and help with cooking.

Master Li stood up and said grumblely: "I'll go help."

So we fell into a cold field again. Everyone stared at me with scorching eyes, and the meaning was very clear: Are you confident that you are going to get your father-in-law?

I held up the tea cup grimly, and then said with a smile on my face, "Drink tea and tea."

Everyone immediately cast contemptuous glances.

The room suddenly became so quiet, I heard the sudden emergence of Er Shao Semiconductor said: "The following is the time for traditional storytelling. Today is broadcast for you "Lv Siniang Assassinate Yongzheng", performer..."

Old Xiang's eyes lit up and asked Jing Ke, "Do you like storytelling too?"

Jing Ke: "Yes, do you like it too?"

The old Xiang waved at him: "Come on, sit up and tell me about the episode yesterday. I didn't listen to it."

Then Jing Ke sat in my seat and told Lao Xiang about storytelling. I sat in his seat and listened to Liu Bang Xiang Yu and the others.

…

Ersha is really a killer, often surprisingly wins at the most critical moment, and can stand loneliness in peacetime. Hide yourself deep, deep...

When eating. Because the room couldn't be opened, Qin Shihuang and the others were arranged in the courtyard. Everyone tacitly left me and Lao Xiang inside, because we still had something to discuss for outsiders.

Lao Xiang and Er Shao talked very happily, but as soon as they saw me, I got a straight face again. After we had a few glasses of wine, I boldly said, "Uncle. Are we going to talk about Baozi's money, gifts and money?" "

The old Xiang put down his wine glass and said, "Do you have a house?"

"I have..."

"Furniture or something..."

"It's all mine, don't worry about it."

The old Xiang's brows eased, and he said casually: "If that's the case, you can give 5."

I didn't even want to say: "It can be done."

The old Xiang was taken aback, and immediately said: "I mean 5."

I said again: "Okay."

The old Xiang sighed, lit the table with his chopsticks and said, "I remember you can drink enough-I said, Di, is: 5!"

I chuckled and said, "Don't keep talking about my 26 points in the math test. I got 5,000 and 50,000 points."

It took a long time for Lao Xiang and I to realize that I was not drunk, but now he was a little lost, and took a peanut skin with chopsticks and stuffed it into his mouth to chew.

Suddenly, I wanted to know what my future father-in-law, Tai Shan, was thinking at this moment, so he pretended to take out his phone to check the time. He pressed "7474748" to him, and it showed that this kid gave such a heavy gift, and he didn't push down the money for the gift. What kind of horrible idea did he make? I want to go back little by little in the future?

I snorted and came out. It's no wonder that Lao Xiang didn't give us a good face since he hit the door, because he was afraid that it would be difficult to speak hard at this time.

I said to him: "Uncle, these 5 yuan..." He immediately showed alertness.

"You can take my aunt for a trip. If you can't go far away, go to Xinmatai, and come back again after all the money is spent."

The old item was uncomfortable now. He picked up the cigarette case in embarrassment. I hurriedly picked up the fire and lit it for him. Then he realized that he hadn't sent it to me, so he shook out one and gave it to me.

We are smoking cigarettes. The old Xiang was uncomfortable for a long time before he said, "Xiaoqiang, it's actually not a loss for you to marry a bun with so many gifts, you know, our Xiang family is also behind the famous family."

I said perfunctorily: "That's that."

The old Xiang also felt pale and weak, and took out a photo of a leg from under the kang mat, but he didn't show it to me first. He asked me, "Do you know whose descendants we belong to?"

I haha ​​and said, "Who?"

Old Xiang said: "Xiang Yu!"

"Boom" My head forcibly smashed the kang table out of a pit. There was a bang, and the cups, plates and chopsticks scattered all over the floor. People outside thought we were fighting. Baozi's mother jumped in first and shouted: "If you have something to say!" Following the crowd, Baozi looked inside very nervously, and Xiang Yu was beside her.

Lao Xiang motioned them to retreat, and said calmly: "I know you don't believe it, I have photos to prove it."

Did Xiang Yu take photos with him?

The old Xiang handed me the photo in his hand. I saw it was a copy of the work of Winning Fatty. The wrinkled black and white photo was very cold. A thin old man was holding the hand of a gentleman and laughing, but it was really ancient. Up.

I asked dumbly: "This is Xiang Yu?"

Lao Xiang pointed to the thin old man in the photo and said, "This is my grandfather, the great ancestor of Baozi. This is a photo of the Republic of China. At that time, my grandfather donated a finger from his ancestor to the county. The man next to him was the county. Long, after expert appraisal, it is indeed something from the end of Qin Dynasty. Later, the county returned the certificate and certificate of award, do you want to see..."

I just feel dizzy, the old Xiang is actually Xiang Yu and I don’t know the ash grandson of dozens of generations. Then, did I become his gray grandson-in-law for dozens of generations?

What should I call him from now on, UU reading www.uukanshu. Com Yu brother ancestor? Brother Yu Zuzong?

Heaven, earth, which angel sister is playing the game with me?

This unexpected incident directly caused me to spend the rest of the time in a daze. It seems that I am still in a marriage date with the old Xiang-or it may not be decided, my mind is really messed up.

But in the end, everyone was very happy. The old couple kept sending us to the car. The old Xiang patted Xiang Yu on the shoulder and said, "Young man, drive carefully..."

In the car, I was silent all the time, and Baozi played with the bunch of carnations while asking me: "Hey, what did you say to my dad?"

She asked me for a long time before I reluctantly recovered, and asked her back: "Why don't you give the flowers to your mother?"

Steamed bun made a contemptuous cut and said, "Do you think my mother is the kind of person who likes flowers? It's better to give her this as a handful of leeks."

I nodded and became silent again. When I finally reached the door of my house, I said to Baozi, "You can give the flowers to the big one when you get off the car in a while. It's a grave for your ancestors."