waiting for the flowers to bloom

It was finally the summer vacation, and many students who took the postgraduate entrance examination did not go home. Song Fanfan only stayed at home for a week before returning to school.Sui Dong just finished his work that day, and he was still outside, so he went to the station to pick him up and go back to school.

Sui Dong remembered it very clearly, because it was the first time Song Fanfan called and asked him to pick him up.Something was wrong with Song Fanfan that day, his face was a little pale, and he was in a trance. He didn't say anything when he asked him what was wrong, but said that he didn't sleep well at night.Sui Dong didn't care, so he didn't ask any more questions, just sent Song Fanfan back to school and left.

A week ago Song Fanfan returned home after the exam, Tong Wei and Weng Ling called him to talk again, saying that they felt that the matter of Song Fanfan and Sui Dong could not be delayed, they thought for a long time and consulted a lot, and decided to take Song Fanfan to meet a people.

It was a place like an office building. They walked into a room. The decoration inside was also like some kind of office, but it was warmer than an office. There were a few pots of unnamed flowers on the bright windowsill. A man was sitting in front of him writing something.Song Fanfan had never met this person before, and Tong Wei didn't seem to know him well, but he respected him very much.

The man looked about forty, and it was very hot, but he was wearing a well-fitting suit, and he looked kind. When he saw Song Fanfan and the others coming, he got up like a gentleman and said hello: "Here you are. This is Xiao Song, right? Hello. "

"Hello." Song Fanfan was a little confused, completely confused about what he was doing.

"Fanfan, talk to Teacher Li here, and your dad and I will go shopping." Weng Ling urged Tong Wei to go out after finishing speaking.

Song Fanfan was thrown here for no reason, and he was so embarrassed that he didn't know what to say.The man calmly poured a cup of tea for Song Fanfan: "Taste it."

"Thank you."

"I don't know what your parents told you. Let me introduce myself first. My surname is Li, and I am a psychological counselor. Everyone calls me Teacher Li or Doctor Li. You can call me whatever you want."

After hearing this, Song Fanfan finally understood what was going on. Tong Wei and the others thought that there was something wrong in their hearts...

wry smile.

Song Fanfan didn't know how to describe his mood at that time.Aggrieved, sad, helpless...

"I've heard from your family about your situation. Here you can have no worries at all. Can you tell me all your troubles? I will try my best to help you solve it. "

After listening to the other party's words, Song Fanfan only felt tired. "Then... do you think there is something wrong with me?"

Dr. Li spoke a lot of vague words, but Song Fanfan's thoughts gradually drifted away...

——Leave everything else first, you feel nothing together now, what can you do later?Have you thought about it?At that time, no one will reason with you, it will all be ridicule, sarcasm, and even abuse or hurt you, will you be able to be so firm together then?Are you sure you two are still like this after all that time?

Thinking of what Tong Wei said, Song Fanfan felt flustered for a while, he didn't know, he wasn't sure.He wasn't completely sure at first, but after knowing about Zhao Chengfang's existence, he was even less confident.

But a person's persistence is often dominated by the stubbornness in human nature. Doesn't Song Fanfan have an obsession with Sui Dong?It is said that life is like a play, not to mention that Sui Dong has played so many roles in his life, he is no longer just a cameo like those people before, he should be another protagonist in his life, but the ending is still unknown What will happen.

"Although medical science has denied that your condition is a disease, homosexuality also depends on the situation. If you are not born with it, but because of some acquired factors that cause you to hate the opposite sex or other psychology, after our Counseling can still gradually restore the normal orientation. According to your adoptive parents, you were raped by a crazy woman for a few days before they adopted you, do you remember?" The counselor's words brought Song Fanfan back to reality.

Song Fanfan was not taken away by Tong Wei immediately after Song Xinzhou's death, because Tong Wei received the news a few days late, and he was indeed imprisoned by a crazy woman for a few days, "Well, I was 6 years old at that time. But I can't remember It's too clear." Song Fanfan didn't know what he thought of, and he shuddered fiercely.

"I know you only got together with each other when you were in college. There was no sign of this before, right?" The doctor changed the subject when he saw his reaction.

Song Fanfan nodded.

"My preliminary thought is that it is very likely that you have a certain accumulation of emotions in your mind and some things that happened when you were a child, which will make you have a kind of dependence on the person you trust more, and this person happens to be It is a man, and this feeling of dependence makes you feel that you have special feelings for that person. As a psychological counselor, I have encountered various patients who have some abnormal behaviors due to psychological problems, You can trust me, trust me to help you, and trust yourself to get through."

Song Fanfan listened to these words, but didn't listen to much, but the words "abnormal" and "patient" sounded particularly harsh. He seemed to be locked in his heart, but he couldn't express his feelings sad.

"Isn't it normal?" Song Fanfan murmured.

After going back that day, Song Fanfan locked himself in the room and didn't come out for a whole day. He was indeed thinking about what the consultant said, is his situation a disease?But he didn't think so.Although he has troubles, everyone has troubles, and this is not the reason.In other words, there is no so-called reason for this kind of thing, it is just the blending and cohesion of emotions, so what can I do...

In fact, Song Fanfan was also afraid. He knew that their situation was unacceptable, but he was unwilling to give up just like that, but he couldn't find a reason to keep going.emotion?He wasn't even sure anymore...

It was another Saturday, and Song Fanfan was brought to the same office as before.Originally, he didn't want to come again, but both Weng Ling and Tong Wei kept persuading him to take a look at the house, saying that there would be no harm in giving it a try.He couldn't stand the expectant and worried eyes of the two, so he listened to their arrangement and came to the consultation room again.

"Do you have any new ideas?" Facing Song Fanfan's silence, the consultant was not dissatisfied, as if he was used to it.He got up and walked to the bookshelf on the right, and continued: "I will make a corresponding plan according to your situation, but at the same time, you can't hold back from me."

Song Fanfan didn't answer, and he didn't care. He took out a black notebook from the bookshelf, put it on the table, and asked him, "Then do you know what homosexuality is?"

Before Song Fanfan could respond, he answered by himself, "Homosexuality declares that homosexual behavior is an essential disorder. It is an act that violates the laws of nature, excludes the gift of life, and does not come from a true emotional and sexual complementarity." Homosexual behavior is not allowed under any circumstances." While speaking, he opened his notebook and wrote something in it.

"I'm not religious."

The other party raised his head: "Then do you think the relationship between you is maintained by emotion or sexual attraction?"

Song Fanfan was silent, there was no sexual intersection between him and Sui Dong.Feelings?Before he knew Zhao Chengfang, he might still think so, but the appearance of Zhao Chengfang made him so uncertain about the vague and ambiguous relationship between himself and Sui Dong.

However, Zhao Chengfang could only lie on the hospital bed after all, unable to do anything.Song Fanfan felt that there would be no change between himself and Sui Dong because of a patient, but in fact, he became more and more uncertain.The only thing he can be sure of until now is his own feelings for him.

"He's not like anyone else in my life."

"In his life, are you also like this?" This sentence hit Song Fanfan's uneasiness. I am afraid that in Sui Dong's life, Zhao Chengfang is the most special one, and he is still affected by it now. Sui Dong suffered a serious injury, just like that in Sui Dong's world.

"I don't know." Song Fanfan had no choice but to answer like this.

"Then why are you still so persistent? Feelings should be mutual."

Song Fanfan didn't know how to explain his thoughts to him, "I...don't know."

"But you know it's wrong, and you don't care about your parents' advice. Have you never thought about their feelings? You may not care about what others think of you, but have you ever thought that one day, others will blame you because of you? Target your parents for your behavior, they will accept the blame of others instead of you, and it is not you who take the risk, but them!" The counselor's voice was very low, and he hit Song Fanfan's chest heavily.

"I didn't!" Song Fanfan was a little at a loss by what he said, he held onto the armrest tightly, pressed his back tightly against the back of the chair, and breathed carefully.

"Okay, let's put this aside for now. Last time I mentioned something about your childhood, you said you couldn't remember it, but you obviously reacted to it, so I hope you can talk to me Say it."

Song Fanfan remembers things early, although he can't remember all the things at that time, but that incident was a nightmare that he would never want to recall again.Even though more than ten years have passed, when he was mentioned by the consultant again, he still felt chills, and all kinds of memories swept over him like waves: Song Xinzhou had just passed away at that time, and Song Fanfan was completely orphaned.With the help of the neighbors, Song Xinzhou was buried with great difficulty, but Song Fanfan was too small and no one was watching, and the countryside at that time was still unplanned, with various small roads intersecting and extending. Song Fanfan was not familiar with the roads in the village, nor did he He lost his way somehow and was abducted by a crazy woman in the village.Song Fanfan doesn't remember exactly how long he was locked up, but he only remembers that he was wrapped in a huge cloth, and the woman exposed her black rutou and rubbed against his mouth... He resisted desperately, but she threw him on the ground ground, then screamed and picked him up, put him in his arms and patted him lightly...

Don't think about it!Song Fanfan silently gave orders to his brain, but it was too late.Those memories and feelings hit my face like a strong wind, making people shudder.

Song Fanfan couldn't help feeling sick when he thought of that tumor-like thing, he covered his mouth and forced himself to suppress the energy.

For a moment, the whole house was quiet, only the hands on the dial clicked. Song Fanfan slowly got up from his seat: "I'm sorry, I have something to do, so I'm leaving first."

It was sunny outside, and it was hot in the dog days.Tong Wei was still sitting in a nearby coffee shop, and when he saw Song Fanfan coming out, he also hurried out.

Sitting in the car, Tong Wei asked him, "Why is it taking so long this time? How is it?"

"I'm not going."

"Not going? Then you..."

"I have something to do at school tomorrow, so I have to go to Heng'an in a while."

The two returned home in silence. Song Fanfan didn't eat, so he simply cleaned up and left.