Turn around

In a blink of an eye, another semester has passed.Si Lan had already finished his second year of high school, and the whole semester was extremely relaxed, so he borrowed Lin Sen's third year's test paper to do it, and began to lock himself in the studio all day long.

Throughout the school year, Si Lan's works were published one by one, more and faster, but the strange thing was that he never won any awards in important competitions.After missing the grand prize again, one of the judges of the competition gave Si Lan a comment:

The skills are becoming more and more mature and impeccable, but the artistic conception of the whole picture is not as good as before.Your paintings make me think that you are troubled by chaotic emotions, can't find direction and can't make decisions.Reflected in the works, it is the hesitation of brushwork.

Lin's father watched and scolded the teacher for being picky, and his skills were already "impeccable". If he didn't give an award, he would be a fart.But Si Lan knew that the teacher was right.

He was indeed lost in the chaotic emotions.Because he gradually remembered that Lin Sen was not only a man, but also his brother in name.

Then I suddenly realized that what I was walking on was a road of no return where there was no response and no daylight.

So from the moment he saw Lin Sen's girlfriend, he forced himself to call him brother, remembering the fact that he had deliberately ignored it for ten years, reminding himself day by day, let go of those unrealistic fantasies, and see clearly the relationship between you relationship between.But it's getting more and more sad, and I don't want to be willing. Isn't what I gave, isn't it feelings?The more I thought about it, the more I struggled, and sometimes I even wanted to admit it in one go, and then confess to Lin Sen, but was rejected, and I completely gave up my heart.

When Lin Sen's college entrance examination was approaching, a rare quarrel broke out at home.

It was Lin Sen and Father Lin who were arguing. Father Lin had worked hard all his life for his company, and it finally had the scale it is now. He hoped that Lin Sen could study business and take over the career that he had spent countless efforts on after graduation, but Lin Sen wanted to Go to Beijing to study music, and then go abroad for further study.So, when Lin Sen happily presented his grand plan in front of his family, his father, who rarely loses his temper, became angry.

This quarrel lasted for several days, and neither of them was willing to give in. Dad said that he had worked so hard for most of his life without an heir, and Lin Sen said that his life was not his father's, and he had to decide his own future career.

It was already April at that time, Lin Sen recklessly bought a plane ticket to Beijing to take the entrance exam for the Conservatory of Music in May, and then did not go home for several weeks, completely cutting off contact with his family.Papa Lin became furious and froze Lin Sen's account, locking up all the materials he needed for admission. Even if Lin Sen went to Beijing, he would not be able to take the exam.The father and father were so competitive with each other, Mama Si couldn't say anything, she could only sigh and sigh all day long.

Seeing that the exam time was approaching day by day, the atmosphere at home became more and more tense, and Si Lan, who didn't say a word during Lin Sen's quarrel with his father, walked into his father's bedroom.

Si Lan didn't say anything about the two of them taking a step back. He directly said to Papa Lin, "Dad, let my brother go to Beijing for the exam. I will also take the college entrance examination next year. I will study in the business school. I will definitely pass the best exam." I will inherit your company from your business school, so let me go."

Dad was stunned, staring at Si Lan for a long time, and said, "Xiao Lan, don't you want to learn to draw? Why do you bother..."

"Dad," Si Lan cut him off, "I'm also your son, can't I inherit your company?"

"That's not what I meant!" Papa Lin hastily denied that he had been father and son with Si Lan for more than ten years, and he really regarded Si Lan as his own son.

"Father, I remember when I attended your wedding with your mother when I was over six years old, I dared not call you father, but I just called you brother. I have become closer to my brother these years, and I really hope that my brother can pursue you. His own dream. Besides, I didn’t do it all because of my brother. As you can see, I haven’t won any awards for more than half a year. Maybe my level has reached the limit, and I can’t study further. But if I switch to business, Maybe something can be done. Dad's company is the lifeline of our family, and I won't be careless. Dad, I'm only one level younger than my brother, so why don't you just wait for me for an extra year?"

Papa Lin pondered for a while, and finally reached out to stroke Si Lan's head, and said only one sentence: "I have wronged you."

Si Lan shook his head, his voice choked up: "No, Dad, but I hope you don't tell brother."

I said good night to my father and went back to my room.In the dark room, Si Lan was covered under the quilt, biting his fist and crying.

Everything he did was for Lin Sen, that Lin Sen who could only call him brother.The moment he walked into his father's room, he saw himself clearly. He knew clearly that he fell in love with Lin Sen. For him, he would give up the most important thing in his life.But Si Lan didn't regret it. As a gay man who fell in love with his brother, he thought to himself that there was only so much he could do.

Before falling asleep, Si Lan kept his last thought firmly in his heart: Si Lan, enough crying is enough, enough is enough, I have done everything that needs to be done, and don't do such ugly things for him again.

The next day, Father Lin called Lin Sen to go home. Although his tone was still stiff, he agreed to return Lin Sen's application materials for the exam.In this way, he acquiesced in Lin Sen's decision to enter the Conservatory of Music.

Lin Sen didn't know why his father suddenly changed his mind, but he was still very happy. When he went home to take his things back to school, Lin Sen sent him to the door for the first time and said, "Lin Sen, I hope you won't regret it in the future."

Lin Sen frowned, thinking that his father was unwilling to threaten him again before compromising, and didn't take it to heart.He didn't know that one day he would indeed regret it, regretting that Si Lan had made such a big sacrifice without knowing it.

Lin Sen's exams went very well, and his performance in cultural subjects surprised the teachers of the Conservatory of Music. In May, Lin Sen skipped the college entrance examination and packed his bags for Beijing.

Si Lan was very excited to help him, but his father ignored him, and Si Lan ran to help Lin Sen complete the graduation procedures for his current high school, and helped pack his things and buy a plane ticket.Lin Sen joked that Si Lan seemed to want him to leave quickly, so he sent him away with all his heart.Si Lan smiled and said yes, yes, his hands were buried in the luggage and he kept shaking.

On the day Lin Sen left, Si Lan didn't go to see him off, saying that there was a test, so his parents sent him to the airport.After getting on the plane, Lin Sen turned off his phone, and when he got off the plane and turned on the phone, a text message came in, from Si Lan, saying brother take care.Lin Sen smiled, thinking that this kid is really cold.

In the following year, Lin Sen stayed at Si Lan's home in Beijing. At the beginning, Si Lan rarely contacted Lin Sen. Every time Lin Sen called home, Si Lan also said a few words.Gradually, Si Lan's text messages increased, talking about family and school matters, reminding Lin Sen to dress up for dinner, when Lin Sen received such text messages, he joked about Si Lan's mother-in-law, but his heart always seemed to be ironed The appropriate stickers.

It's just that Si Lan seldom mentioned his own affairs. Even if he did, he only said that his grades were so good that he didn't fit in with others, that he was too proficient in homework and had nothing to do in class, and so on. Now I don't draw any more, and I always spend my spare time reading books.

When Si Lan took the college entrance examination in June, Lin Sen hadn't come back from school, and Si Lan didn't want his parents to wait for him at the entrance of the examination room.During the two-day exam, Si Lan passed through the bustling parents crowded outside the exam hall with a blank face, her sweaty hair sticking to her forehead.

After finishing the last test, the candidates went back to the classroom to fill in their volunteers. It rained suddenly. Si Lan stopped a taxi at the school gate. A passing car splashed water on his face. Si Lan suddenly felt extremely wronged, and the rain was blurred. Losing his sight, he took out his mobile phone to call Lin Sen in the heavy rain.The phone rang for a long time before it was connected. Si Lan shouted loudly in the sound of rain, brother, you should come back quickly. Lin Sen seemed to be busy on the other side, and said a little impatiently that he would come back when he was on vacation.

Si Lan picked up the line and clutched the copy of the application letter in his hand. The first choice, the second choice and the third choice were all from the same major in the same school, the best business school in China.

That day, Si Lan walked home, and then fell seriously ill with satisfaction.Dad was very distressed, but he himself felt relieved as if he had let go of something.

After Si Lan recovered from his illness, the three-month long vacation also began. After discussing with his parents, Si Lan packed his luggage and went to his grandfather's house.Si Lan's grandfather lives in the countryside of Sichuan. The village is surrounded by mountains and rivers, and the environment is very good. That's why the old man refuses to leave the countryside to live in the city no matter what his children say.Parents felt that the environment there was very good for Si Lan's health, so they readily agreed to let him go to cultivate.When Si Lan left, there were only two days left before Lin Sen's holiday.

When Lin Sen came home, he thought that his younger brother who had been close to him since he was a child would be very happy to welcome him. Unexpectedly, there was no one else. His mother said that he had gone to his grandfather's house. Lin Sen said on the surface that this guy would really enjoy himself, but he was vaguely empty Like a piece.

Halfway through the summer vacation, Lin Sen's former piano teacher called him, saying that he wanted photos from a previous competition, but Lin Sen searched everywhere in the room but couldn't find them.At that time, the Lin family's father took Si's mother to spend the summer in Chengde. Lin Sen called to ask, and Si's mother told Lin Sen to go to the studio to look for it. There were old books and photos of the two in middle school.Lin Sen then went to the studio to rummage, and found that there was only one locked cabinet left.Lin Senming knew that things like old photos would not be locked in the cabinet, but out of curiosity, he pried open the lock.

Inside were Si Lan's painting utensils. In addition, there were six thick diaries in a cardboard box.

When Lin Sen saw these things, his heart suddenly sank violently. He had long wondered why there were no painting utensils in the studio, and he never thought that they were all locked here.But doesn't Si Lan need to practice?How did he do in the Academy of Fine Arts exam?It was only then that Lin Sen realized that he had never asked Si Lan. He had never asked Si Lan on the phone or in a text message: How was your exam in the Academy of Fine Arts?

Lin Sen suddenly realized that he no longer knew Si Lan, what he was thinking, and whether he was doing well or not.What I saw was the Si Lan in the phone and text messages, which was described by Si Lan himself.

And the real Si Lan might be in these diaries.

At that moment, Lin Sen had a desire in his heart.He desperately wanted to know what Si Lan was like locked in the diary.Is it the same as what I saw, or completely different.Lin Sen was both excited and frightened, as well as vaguely looking forward to it. Knowing that it was wrong, he opened one of the diaries and read it all at once: