his substitute

After leaving the tea room, Xun Musheng sat in the back seat of the car for a long time, not talking about driving or where he was going.There is an important meeting in the afternoon, but there is plenty of time.Wang Ke turned around and asked, "Mr. Xun, what are we now?"

It took a few seconds for Xun Musheng to say, "Go back to the company."

Wang Ke knew that he was in a bad mood recently, so he didn't dare to say anything, so he immediately drove out of the parking space, but just after two traffic lights, he heard Xun Musheng say: "Find a place to turn ahead and go to the clinic."

The clinic is the psychological clinic of the theater headquarters. Wang Ke sighed in his heart and had to follow suit.

These days, Mr. Xun has to see the patient every day.I haven't gone yet today. I have a full schedule of work in the afternoon and evening, and I only have free time at noon.If you don't go, you may not see each other for a whole day.

Mr. Xun couldn't go without seeing that person all day.A few days ago, Wang Ke saw with his own eyes that he was extremely restless in the office all day. At 8 o'clock, he lost his temper because of a small mistake made by the manager of the department below.And the boss didn't get off work, and the others didn't dare to leave.When Mr. Xun slammed the door shut, some bold employees began to whisper, discussing how Mr. Xun, who had always been kind to others, suddenly went berserk.

Only Wang Ke knows why.

Because he didn't go to the clinic all day.

It can be seen that Mr. Xun is deliberately restraining himself. He seems to be fine in the morning. Since noon, his state has been very wrong-he only took two bites of food, and he is alone by the window in a daze. He keeps looking at his watch and is always distracted. , his complexion became more and more ugly, and there was always a hostility in his eyes.

All symptoms of rage.

To use an inappropriate analogy, Mr. Xun is like a drug addict.I tried my best to stay away from drugs, but I couldn't suppress the urge to take drugs at all. The more I restrained, the more I wanted them. If I couldn't get them, I lost control and went crazy.

However, going to the clinic to take a look is like drinking poison to quench thirst.

Wang Ke remembered that Mr. Xun left the company after 9 o'clock that day and asked him to drive the car to the clinic.An hour later, Mr. Xun returned to the car. The anxiety he had exposed in the company before was gone, replaced by a long silence.

Silence or madness, I don't know which situation is more disturbing.

There was some traffic jam on the road, and Xun Musheng's brows were tightly frowned from beginning to end, and emotions such as boredom, anxiety, anger, and impatience merged into a dark river in his eyes.The spring was shining brightly outside the car window, but he couldn't put half of the light into his eyes.

The speed of the car was slow, he sweated a little, clenched and loosened his hands unconsciously, looked forward from time to time, saw the traffic flow, he punched the car door, and cursed in a low voice: "Fuck!"

He wanted to stand outside Chi Yu's ward immediately, and he didn't want to delay for a moment.

When facing Zhou Chenzhong just now, he refused so much, but now he can't wait to see the person who deceived him immediately.

Xun Musheng held his forehead with one hand, feeling absurd and ridiculous.

How could he not care about Chi Yu?The man who didn't smile much took away all the tenderness and patience he could give.No one has ever been treated so meticulously by him. He wants to get back the sincerity he has given, but he can't even get back half of the fragments.

The most hateful thing is that he can't let go at all.

The resentment towards Chi Yu grew wildly day by day, enveloping his heart like thorns.But the sharp thorns pierced into the flesh, but bright red buds bloomed against the wind.

He didn't want to meet Chi Yu, but he couldn't bear the days when he couldn't see Chi Yu.

Cheating money and money is cheating, but cheating love and heart is not cheating?

It was already afternoon when we arrived at the clinic, and Xun Musheng was standing outside Chi Yu's ward as before.

The clinic is more like a home than a military hospital, and the wards are decorated with a sense of life.

But Chi Yu, who lived inside, was still lifeless, like a puppet who locked herself in a transparent box.

He was sleeping - he seemed to be sleeping all the time, at least every time Xun Musheng came here, he was either lying motionless on the bed, or sitting at the end of the bed with dull eyes, as quiet as a boring painting.

But even so, Xun Musheng could still stare at it for a long time, until the people in the painting turned their heads as if feeling something, or were politely asked to leave by the nurses.

The corridor was extremely quiet today, the nurses were not there, and Chi Yu never got up from the bed.So Xun Musheng just stood there with his face sinking like water, his mind was empty, and when he came back to himself occasionally, what he remembered was Chi Yu's shy smile before the truth was revealed.

It was getting late, and Wang Ke had to remind him softly: "Mr. Xun, the meeting in the afternoon..."

"En." Xun Musheng stood where he was, without rolling his eyes.

Wang Ke stood aside quietly, anxious.

The people in the room turned over on the bed, and Xun Musheng woke up like a dream. He took a step back, let out a long breath, and said to Wang Ke in a deep voice, "Go and drive."

Chi Yu lay on his back, staring at the ceiling.

Most of the time, he couldn't sleep.Without medication, the long night is like a brutal mooting.

But the strange thing is that although I have asked myself countless times "Why am I still alive", I am unwilling to really choose death.

Otherwise why quietly accept treatment?Why obediently take medicine?Why not take the initiative to end your own life?

To live is to be punished, but death does not seem to have much appeal.

In the final analysis, it is probably because in this world, there are people and things that are more attractive than death.

He knew the answer, but couldn't admit it.

The afternoon sun was dazzling, he turned sideways to the window, closed his eyes, and let the sunlight hurt his pupils.

Gradually, the eye sockets were scorching hot, as if they had been crying.

Xun Musheng returned home late at night, and his eyes fell on a bright and clean glass jar.

It was the jar he used to make nectar pomelo, and it had been empty for a while.

There are two fresh grapefruits in the kitchen, probably bought by Wang Ke, packed in an exquisite gift box, bright yellow and full of fragrance.

Xun Musheng picked up one, looked at it for a moment, found a fruit knife, and scratched it on the peel in a random manner.

At the beginning, Chi Yu held the pomelo in his hand and peeled it skillfully. The skin of the pomelo was lifted like a hat, revealing the pulp inside.He couldn't imitate it, and he didn't want to imitate it. After struggling for a long time, the flesh of the grapefruit was exposed, but the whole grapefruit was too horrible to look at.

He looked at the juice in his hand, frowned and turned on the faucet. After rinsing it, he broke off a piece and put it in his mouth to taste it. It was sour and numb, and he couldn't taste any sweetness.

Feeling unhappy, he roughly peeled the remaining pulp, threw it all into glass jars, and searched for nectar. It took more than ten minutes to realize that there was no nectar left. All the nectar in the house had been used to make pomelo.

Chiyu peeled pomelo.

After standing in a daze for a long time, he picked up the glass jar and threw it violently to the ground. The fragments and grapefruit scattered all over the ground, and the green fragrance spread out. He couldn't help but step back and hit the kitchen door with his back.

That day, the grapefruit tea that Chi Yu bought back was in disarray as it is now. Chi Yu's arm was scratched by pieces of glass, and the white down jacket was stained with tea and blood, making it extremely filthy.

Chi Yu, who was dressed in white, was originally the brightest scenery in his eyes.

The past is vivid in my memory. In the autumn, at the tea shop in Shengxi Square, Chi Yu was wearing a white coat and sitting in the warm light, as if his whole body was glowing.

He pushed the door open and entered, making eye contact with Chi Yu.At that moment, he clearly saw the starlight in Chi Yu's eyes.

Xun Musheng pressed his temple with one hand, trying to drive away that fairytale encounter, but the harder he tried, the clearer the fragments in his mind became.

He remembered the small amount of the corners of Chi Yu's lips raised, the slight bend at the end of Chi Yu's eyes, and every small change in Chi Yu's expression.

This person is like a spell engraved in his soul, no matter how hard he struggles, it cannot be erased.

What an incomprehensible and sinful existence.

He squatted down, trying to pick up the fragments, but his fingers were cut by the sharp fragments, and the smell of blood filled the air.

Suddenly, I thought of Chi Yu's arm cut by the glass block, and the blood vessel pierced by the needle.

Is Chi Yu in pain?

He laughed out loud.

Zhou Chenzhong asked him to help save Chi Yu, but he was already too busy to take care of himself, who would save him?

From winter to spring, the days are lengthened, and the time seems to be extraordinarily long.

Chi Yu was still living in the psychiatric clinic, and the situation didn't get worse, but it didn't get better either.Xun Musheng still ran to the clinic every day, sometimes early in the morning, sometimes late at night, and he had to take a look at him, otherwise he would not be able to get through the day.

Ye Feng was always by his side, and kept a lot of things on his lips, but he couldn't say them all the time.

Feelings are always self-knowledge, no matter how thoroughly others see it, it is impossible for others to intervene half a step.

Xu Cheng also often comes to the clinic.

Unlike Xun Musheng, Xu Cheng would walk into the ward generously, chat with Chi Yu, and take Chi Yu downstairs for a walk.Once the two met in the garage, Xun Musheng glanced at him coldly, Xu Cheng approached, looked at him for a moment, and said, "Why are you here?"

Xun Musheng sneered, and a voice echoed in his ears - yes, why am I here?

I have asked myself countless times why I am still here.

If you know the answer, will you continue this senseless behavior?

Zhou Chenzhong said "he has you in his heart", like an invisible shackle.He put it on his hands and neck and couldn't take it off again.

Woke up in the middle of the night, inexplicably took out the agarwood beads in the drawer.The bracelet was given to Wen Yun, but now looking at the lonely wooden bead, Chi Yu is what comes to mind.

Only Chi Yu.

He closed his eyes, clenched the wooden bead tightly, and put his fist on his heart.

Still unable to convince himself to "help" Chi Yu, the only thing he can do is return the wooden beads to Chi Yu.

It had rained a few days ago, and the air smelled of grass and earth.Xu Cheng and Ye Fenglin went to visit Chi Yu together, Chi Yu still didn't say much, but smiled politely at them.Xu Cheng suggested to go outside for a walk, Ye Fenglin asked Zhou Chenzhong's opinion, Zhou Chenzhong nodded, just pay attention to the time, and don't go too far.

Chi Yu didn't object to leaving the ward, but he hesitated when he walked to the door of the clinic, and looked back into the yard, "I..."

"The weather is fine today, Uncle Zhou said you should come out to relax." Xu Cheng said.

Ye Fenglin also said: "We won't go too far, if you get tired, we will come back."

Chi Yu gave a soft "um" and said, "Thank you."

There is a residential area near the psychiatric clinic, Chi Yu walks unhappily, with his head down all the time, Xu Cheng is telling jokes, Chi Yu seems to have heard it, but he doesn’t seem to hear it, his expression is numb when he should laugh, and when he shouldn’t laugh Barely pulled the corners of his lips.

Ye Fenglin knew that he didn't listen at all, he just didn't want to embarrass Xu Cheng, so he responded from time to time.

After walking for more than half an hour, Ye Fenglin remembered Zhou Chenzhong's instructions, and whispered: "Let's go back."

Before Chi Yu could say "Okay", she suddenly glanced to the front right.

The moment no one could react, he suddenly started to run at an unbelievably fast speed, not at all like a patient who had been in the hospital for a long time and was listless.

Xun Musheng returned to the office just after listening to the project manager's report, picked up the wooden beads and looked at them for a while.

It's time to return the property to its original owner, after that, there will be no relationship.

Suddenly, the phone buzzed on the table, it was Ye Fenglin calling.

Ye Fenglin would go to the clinic today, and he had reported to him in advance, so he called at this time, probably because he wanted to tell him about Chi Yu's situation.

He wanted to hear it, but he didn't want to hear it.

The phone kept vibrating, but he still picked it up, and was about to speak, when Ye Fenglin hurriedly said: "Come to the first hospital immediately, something happened to Chi Yu."