Retrograde

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She knew that Zhao Jili was distracted too much now - he was a little drunk at first, now he had to take care of his face, grasp his expression and gaze, and pay attention to what she was saying and what she meant, so he had no time to care about him.

So as long as she is light enough and slow enough, Zhao Jili will definitely not notice what small movements she is doing at the moment.So she lowered her eyelashes while talking, and finally inserted all five of her fingers into hers.

"If I want to avoid you, if I want to fool you, I won't give you all these ten years." Qin Jueheng blinked slowly, and his slender eyelashes blocked the window. The bright light cast a circle of small shadows on the white color, which is a good-looking appearance that Zhao Jili is all too familiar with.

More than ten years, more than ten years? Zhao Jili couldn't tell clearly, she even forgot how old she was for a moment, and also forgot how entangled the person in front of her was with her.This moment only reminded her of a very young night when Qin Jueheng held her in his arms, when clusters and clusters of fireworks burst into the starless high sky on a winter night, and The blinking of Qin Jueheng was concealed by the fireworks, as if this moment had come before him again.

The memory of that time is far away, but it is colorful and gentle, quietly hidden under the dust, and only when the strong wind blows by, will the stars shine occasionally.It is a memory without disputes, gaps, estrangements and suspicions.

"In the past, I always thought that many conflicts were due to my pampering you too much. But today, so much time has passed, and once I think about some things, I can also know that you are not the only one who has been spoiled."

"I have a lot of bad things. Since I was a child, I have been used to being admired by the stars, used to being submissive, arrogant and conceited."

"I was well protected by my mother and sister. I know that as the younger generation in the family, they love me very much. But when the same thing happened to me, I didn't know how to love you. I like me more than others, and I love you more than others. If you like me, I want to like you even more, but in the end, I still only know to satisfy you, to be obedient to you, and to make everyone love you. I want you to be under my shadow forever, Forever and ever in a dream I wove—I think that's liking."

Qin Jueheng spoke very slowly, she lowered her eyes and spoke softly, while kneading Zhao Jili's knuckles and the back of her hand once and for all, like kneading a kitten, both light and slow.

"I know." After a few seconds of silence, Zhao Jili may have reacted, and his knuckles tightened suddenly.This action pinched Qin Jueheng a little painfully, and the slender joints of the two squeezed each other, making each other uncomfortable for a while, but neither of them let go.

"You will give me the best, the best intentions, and the best things for everything. You will give me everything that I have looked at twice, and you will hand it to me intact if I have shown that I like it. "It is undeniable that Qin Jueheng has such thoughts, and he will never get tired.

If it was one day, two days, one year, or two years, Zhao Jili couldn't be sure if this kind of hospitality was just for a while, but now it seems that Qin Jueheng has been like this for more than ten years.

----If you say that you like someone, you want to take off the sun and moon, stars and clouds and give them to him, then Zhao Jili cannot deny that Qin Jueheng likes himself very much.

"But your mind is too selfish, you like to see me happy, you never choose what you give me, whether it is suitable for me or not, whether I really like it or not, you will not go into it If you think I will like it, give it to me as soon as you can."

"In this way, you always make me feel that after all, what you like is still only yourself. You want to see me happy because you still like to see me happy. And you want to see me happy today, tomorrow Maybe you want to see others happy. Qin Jueheng, am I the most special? Do you really like me?"

Zhao Jili's question brought a bit of childish greed and a possessive desire that Qin Jueheng was not familiar with. For a moment, it seemed that he had returned to a long time ago. At that time, Zhao Jili would hug her neck and ask over and over again- ---"Auntie, do you like me the most? Am I the most special one?"

……

"Like someone, who would be like you?" Zhao Jili clasped Qin Jueheng's fingers with one hand, and grabbed Qin Jueheng's wrist with the other hand, and the distance between the two became closer.

"You know what I want to do, you know what I really want, but what you give is still what you want to give." Zhao Jili's logic is not very clear, but he still insists on saying intermittently: "I have wanted since childhood Seeing the days outside, when I was a child, what I wanted to do the most was not to be your cat or dog, not to be arranged by you to be the best, the most envied or the most disdainful by others."

"Do you know, Qin Jueheng, I used to be very young, before I met you, I just wanted to be a gust of wind. Life can be short, run around with your hands open, and want to see you stuff, and then blown away by a bigger gale."

"This is the place I've wanted to come since I was a child, but because of your love, it took me an extra five years to finally stand here." Zhao Jili's nose almost stuck to Qin Jueheng's face, making people feel I could smell the vague alcohol in her breath, and the first moment of contact penetrated from the tip of the nose to the lungs, and then quietly entered the heart.

"So tell me, whose favorite would be as perverted as you?" Zhao Jili seemed to be smiling, but the distance was too close, and Qin Jueheng couldn't see her expression clearly: "I have never had a best friend, no I want to be able to go to someone I like well. I don’t have my own dreams. I walk the road that you leveled out for me. Others will laugh at me when I see it. It's powerless."

"No, it's not."

Hearing this, Qin Jueheng finally stopped dodging, but leaned back, took a step back with his heels to create some distance, and looked straight into Zhao Jili's eyes.There, she saw vague and distant, familiar starlight, pieces of which burned like wildfire and fell like streamers.

"You didn't want to come here since you were a child, let alone leave me." Her tone trembled a little, even though Zhao Jili was drunk, she grasped that precariousness in an instant: "You said you liked me the most, He said he would always be with me."

"Even if the child's words are innocent, I take them seriously. I like you, but in the wrong way, but I still want you to be with me forever. I'm afraid that even if you let go a little, you will take you hatred slipped away from me."

"How can I tell you my sincerity so that you can understand?" Qin Jueheng seemed to be unable to continue speaking, his voice became weaker and weaker, and at the end of a sentence, it was almost weaker than his breath.

"I don't really hate you." Zhao Jili held the knuckles of Qin Jueheng's wrist very hard, and after saying this sentence, the strength became even stronger.

"I like many of your looks." Zhao Jili rubbed his fingertips up a few inches, and finally grabbed Qin Jueheng's elbow, supported himself with her body, and bent his waist slightly, as if he couldn't stand up Le: "When you were gentle, when you smiled at me, when you asked me if I liked it, and when you hugged me a long time ago, the scent of roses on your body."

In memory, liking this kind of feeling is often just a moment.Zhao Jili recalled jumpingly, but finally stopped the conversation: "---But I also hate many of your appearance."

Qin Jueheng never thought that such words would come out of Zhao Jili's mouth so bluntly.Perhaps she had thought that in such a confession tonight, there would be many accusations that Qin Jueheng had heard before, and for those accusations, after so many days and nights, Qin Jueheng would also be able to make a statement Zhao Jili was more satisfied with the answer.

But what she didn't expect was that on this drunken Christmas Eve, in the night wind of a strange city, what Zhao Jili said was something that Qin Jueheng had never thought of.