Retrograde

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----If she doesn't try to please, if she doesn't try to avoid conflicts, how can she confess her thoughts to Zhao Jili, who is always on guard and always faces a bit of thorns in front of her?

She always needs a little chance, a little hint from Zhao Jili.

Thinking about it, she felt the familiar anxiety and upset again, but she always kept in mind that she could not lose her temper with Zhao Jili again, could not turn this conversation into a familiar dispute, let alone resolve it by force.So she lowered her eyelashes, covered her eyes with her hands, put them down after a few seconds, and shook her head.

"Excuse me, but this can never be let go."

"Why do you have to entangle each other?" Zhao Jili felt helpless at Qin Jueheng's inexhaustible and unreasonable entanglement: "If you don't know what you can't let go, why don't you find a better one? No one is unique Yes. The relationship with you makes me completely unable to see a way out, and I don't know what you want this time."

When Zhao Jili said this, he pursed his lips and took a breath.

There was a slight gust of wind at the intersection, but she didn't feel any sobriety because of the gust of wind. Instead, she felt more confused because of the words she blurted out just now: "The last time you wanted my complete obedience, you wanted me to be imprisoned forever In the relationship you like. What about this time? Qin Jueheng, I can't understand what you want from your behavior."

"And if you are always like this, I will never be able to accept you for the rest of my life. Year after year, you will feel tired, and I will feel bored--at that time, it will always end like this."

"I'll find someone who's not that special, who I don't like that much, and you'll find a new pastime that catches your eye, and then you and I will always have to part ways."

"Once this kind of relationship has no results, once it's over, how long it was entangled at the beginning, it will become more and more unbearable in the end. I don't want to become a memory that someone wants to erase, and I'm tired of continuing to be with you. You play this game with no end."

"So is there an end to all this? What do you want to do? Can you give me a little, even a little sense of security, can you make everything normal?" Zhao Jili's voice climbed into an inaudible cry, What she wanted, what she had never said seriously, all her wishes for this relationship, were finally revealed at this moment.

The light in the high window next to him flickered slightly, like a faint struggle, and then returned to calm after a moment.

----"Sense of security", this is not the first time Qin Jueheng has heard this word.

Whether it's Zhao Jili's crying voice or her rare confession, Qin Jueheng thinks of the many intimate relationships she has welcomed and sent off a long time ago.

And in those relationships that come and go like clouds, she never seems to be a person who can give people a sense of security.And after so many years, she once thought that she could take on the responsibility of raising a child, and that she was the one who could make Zhao Jili give everything at ease, but no matter whether it was the conflict two years ago or the conflict tonight It was finally Qin Jueheng who realized clearly - after so many years, she may never have changed.

He has never been a person who can give people a sense of security and certainty.And such an erratic person, how did Zhao Jili endure the past many years?

If it was Qin Jueheng himself, he might have cut off such a relationship long ago and left it behind, and never went back to look back even once.

So I am special to her after all.Qin Jueheng didn't know whether it was pleasure or regret.She bit her lip to suppress the ups and downs of emotions, let out the breath she was holding intermittently, sighed slightly after calming down, and replied softly: "Yes, I can give you whatever you want."

Zhao Jili didn't understand the meaning of these words.Qin Jueheng has said this way too many times, so in Zhao Jili's eyes, the answer this time is the same inexplicable and meaningless compromise. mess around with yourself.

She still doesn't understand what she wants, she didn't understand it before, she doesn't understand it today, and maybe she will never understand it in the future.

Zhao Jili's emotions were up and down, and when he was extremely disturbed and entangled, he smiled instead: "Don't make fun of me, and don't think I'm easy to fool. Today is the first time I tell you this, and it will also be the last time ."

After Qin Jueheng heard these words, he almost had no reaction other than holding his breath almost imperceptibly.

She lowered her eyelashes, staring at the slightly wet stone brick floor, and heard Zhao Jili continue to speak: "Qin Jueheng, if you are always like this, we might as well leave it alone."

Hearing this, Qin Jueheng finally raised her head, and she immediately wanted to refute and explain, but she saw Zhao Jili immediately waved her hand, motioning for herself not to speak.

"Think about what you're going to say, and then tell me. Don't say anything meaningless, I've heard enough."

Qin Jueheng looked at Zhao Jili's eyes that were shining brightly under the light from the window, the light in front of his eyes was too blurred, it seemed to gather all the soft and beautiful stars, and it seemed to be a star marsh that could drag people into the end of the abyss , It makes people feel slightly dazzled when they catch the eye.

She blinked slowly, trying to remember this starlight better.

And after that, she will melt this starlight into her heart and hold it in her hands.

The author has something to say: Hmm...it seems time to reconcile after arguing for so long.

Then I won’t change it until the 2nd exam (collapsing)! Everyone, don’t forget me, praise me for being cute in your heart every day!

----Of course, it would be better to boast loudly (噫~

Chapter 53 The Eve

Zhao Jili was a little upset.

She was slightly drunk at first, but the silence seemed too long against the background of the noisy distant sounds. She began to gradually forget what she had said just now, and also forgot what she wanted to express in the first place.

There was a vague noise all around, but there was silence and silence in front of my eyes.Zhao Jili didn't know what Qin Jueheng was thinking, she only felt that at this moment, immediately, she wanted Qin Jueheng to face herself - don't talk about him, and don't keep running away, otherwise she would rather turn around and leave immediately, I don't want to make any more pointless entanglements.

So in the short and chaotic silence at this moment, Zhao Ji ideally wanted to leave, but wanted to wait. She took a slow breath, but she still didn't move.

Qin Jueheng also saw that Zhao Jili's state was unstable, but here tonight, it was pointless for her to let Zhao Jili go back like this, and let her continue to think wildly after she woke up.

Then a period of silence came to an end, Qin Jueheng lowered his eyelashes, took two steps forward very lightly, approached Zhao Jili and gently stretched out his hand, hooking her two fingers.

At ten o'clock in the evening on Christmas Eve, the two stood by this deserted alley for so long that their fingertips touched each other for a while, and no one was warmer than the other.

Qin Jueheng's movement of holding Zhao Jili was so light that as long as Zhao Ji was ideal, she could push away without any effort.

But after this very light movement, the two of them hooked each other and stopped in place, even though the shadow was reflected in the light of the high window, neither of them moved again.

After a while, Zhao Jili heard Qin Jueheng's soft sigh.

This voice was shallow and shallow, and it was blown away in the bustling night wind of the city in the first second, and it lingered in people's ears like a hallucination in this remote corner.

"---Performance."

Zhao Jili showed no expression.With her face turned away, she focused her eyes on the cars passing by in the alley, but at the same time, she clearly felt the tightness of the fingertips that were hooking her, and a cool feeling spread to her senses for a moment, real and lingering.

"I'm not avoiding you, nor am I here to please you to fool you." Qin Jueheng said, very slowly pulling Zhao Jili's remaining fingers.