Cultivate a black technology god

Chapter 222 Ariel's past (25)

Being cared for?The monthly allowance her father gave her stopped.

Her father left her no inheritance.

Her life is getting worse and worse.

Luckily, she has an MFA and dropped out of the pre-med program, so she doesn't have to pay tuition.

And Dr. Wilbur's psychoanalysis had to be free.

But to Ariel, it was like a loan that would have to be repaid in the future.

For rent, food, clothes, and other necessities, Ariel relied on gifts from her friends.

She also considered these gifts to be loans.

In addition, she earned a meager income from intermittent home tutoring and the sale of paintings (she no longer works at Westchester Hospital).

Finally, Vanessa led her to work as a temporary worker in the laundry.

Meanwhile, the psychoanalysis has progressed considerably, fueled by anger that Ariel herself can feel.

Vicky brings the avatars together by telling them the full story of Ariel's past and present.

She told Dr. Wilbur: "The gang has grown close," she told Dr. Wilbur.

The two Peggies have been synthesized into Peggy Louisiana.

And this Peggy humorously expressed her willingness to become one with Ariel.

One day in May, Peggy sneaked into the doctor's office wearing a military tape raincoat and squinting around.

She looked under the table and chair, and then said to the doctor with great dignity:
"We have to get to the bottom of these traumas. It's going to take some good detective work, Dr. Wilbur—I mean Dr. Watson."

"Well, Mr. Holmes," asked Dr. Wilbur, "what are we going to solve today?"

Peggy replied, "For the parts, Dr. Watson, for all the parts that will cure this rare case."

For three days, Peggy assumed the role of Sherlock Holmes, helping the doctor unearth and eradicate the trauma of the past.

Just when Dr. Wilbur thought integration was within reach, Mary suddenly fell into a severe depression.

In early June, Mary sat in her doctor's office, too depressed to speak.

The next day, none of the avatars showed up on time for their appointments.

Dr. Wilbur called the apartment, but no one answered.

The doctor managed to get into the apartment and found Mary hiding under the dresser and refusing to come out.The doctor finally got Mary out and put her on the bed.

The next day, still no one came to see the appointment, the doctor went to the apartment again, and encountered the same scene.This was repeated many times.

At one point, Mary said angrily, "Here I am."

"where?"

"A stone building with no doors or windows, but a curved roof that is open to the open air," Mary answered.

"I couldn't get out of the roof at all. I was locked in the walls and there was no way out."

At first, Dr. Will thought that the wall symbolized her longing for a house of her own.

"What is this place, Mary?" the doctor asked her.

"It's shaped like an Eskimo's domed hut," Mary answered.

The doctor remembered that Mary had said earlier that she was locked up "in the walls" and asked her:
"""

"I don't know, I don't know," sobbed Mary.

It turns out that this is the dome building that imprisons people, and the dome building hinders the progress of psychological analysis.

Dr. Wilbur had to dismantle the dome stone by stone.

This means analyzing again the fundamental psychological problem.

However, the more concentrated the psychoanalysis was, the more depressed Mary became.

The more depressed Mary became, the more suicidal she became.

Mary wanted to jump into the Hudson River.This time, Vicki, who had protected Ariel from committing suicide, told the doctor on the phone:

"Mary is going to jump into the river, and I don't want to stop her."

"Wait until I get there," begged Dr. Wilbur.

Despite being infected by Mary's severe depression, Vicki waited for the doctor to arrive.

Mary's suicidal thoughts persisted, explaining:
"Even if I burn to death, it will only hurt for a while. I don't care if I go to heaven or not. The only reason I want to go to heaven is to be with my grandmother. But if my mother is there, she still won't let me stay with my grandmother." of."

Then, crying, Mary counted her "miserable childhood,

’ and about the bare walls of Willow Corners.

Peggy protests: "We're trying to get things done, but Mary's holding us back."

What's puzzling is that despite being freed from her mother, individual incarnations of Ariel still have such intense suicide attempts.

Dr. Wilbur used to think that Ariel's suicidal thoughts were caused by her hatred of her mother turning into hatred of herself.

The doctor guessed: Ariel's liberation didn't have much impact on Mary, who always had suicidal thoughts;

At the same time, as Vicki said, Ariel needs her mother more than Ariel.

Mary is indeed not affected much by Ariel's liberation, because Mary's main problem is not with her mother, but with her grandmother.

Mary accepted her grandmother's simple state of mind of living an exemplary life and remained at peace.

However, she later became more obsessed than Ariel and other incarnations.

For Mary, there was no way out unless she got rid of this inner conflict and could not eliminate her suicidal thoughts.

They are full of intense inner conflicts.Year after year Mary was trapped in that igloo.

Year after year there is a struggle between suicide and survival and the willingness to be miserable and the willingness to get well sooner.

Marcia confided to Dr. Wilbur;
"We're all afraid of recovery." And then there's another fear, a subtle one that doesn't come easily into words.

Instead, Mike and Sid had already said it bluntly:

"Are they going to kill us?"

"Am I going to die?" Every avatar asked Dr. Wilbur that.

For some incarnations, integration seems synonymous with death.

The doctors reassured that no, that the avatars would not cease to exist after integration, but they were dubious.

"I have a lot of things to do, and you see, I won't be here long," Vanessa told Marcia.

Even after Ariel misunderstood what the doctor said that Vicki had inherited more of the original Ariel's disposition than the current Ariel herself, she solemnly said,
"I don't want to die, I don't want to give up my position to that chattering woman."

Then two things happened that made that promised land even more remote.

Dr. Wilbur thought that Mike and Sid would be integrated soon after they reached the age of 36.

In theory, it seems impossible for two 37-year-old "men" to be nourished in one woman's body.

They may have succumbed to some of the masculine traits that every woman possesses to some extent.

However, one day in 2001, came such a passage:

"I'm Mike and I want to talk to you, Dr. Wilbur,"

"Hi, Mike," the doctor replied.Knowing that she had never treated a multiple personality before, she didn't know what was going to happen next.

So why the surprise?

"I want to know something," Mike said defiantly.

"what's up?"

"How long is this farce you're going to go on about integrating Sid and me with those women?"

"I explained it to you long ago," the doctor reminded them,
"I said you two live in a woman's body, and you have to face up to the fact."

"Then why do you want us to become men? There are many things to do in the future, don't you bother?"

Mike is having a hard time with the doctor.The doctor replied:
"I didn't turn Sid and you into men, you two weren't boys, and you're not men."

She added calmly: "You still haven't."

"Bullshit," Mike retorted angrily, "bullshit to your face. Whoever it's on can see it. My mind's eye can see I'm a man."

He looked at the doctor and added:
"I'm not going to be part of a woman. Sid isn't either."

"Where is Sid?" the doctor hesitated.

"Right here," Sid agreed aloud. "I came with Mike.

He spoke for both of us.Now our dad is dead.We are the men of the family.The effeminate doctor is not allowed to stand in the way. "

"Sid," the doctor asked him,
"What did I do to make you talk to me like that? I thought we were friends."

"Then you should talk about friendship and be a friend," Mike said. "Give us freedom and let us be free."

"That's what I'm going to do," pleaded the doctor.

"Don't fool us with your puns," Sid said.

"Integrate us with that group of women, that's not freedom, that's bondage."

"I've had enough of being their hostage," Mike said sadly.

"Our time to be free is coming. Like it or not, we are not going to be part of a woman. We are going to be men in our own rights."

"You are what you are," said the doctor.

"Then let me tell you something," Mike said.

"You want Ariel to come out into the world on her own. You've been encouraging her to dream of being an independent, self-reliant woman and find a position for herself. Maybe a teacher. But the power in education is in the hands of men And Sid and I don't help her like we used to. We don't do this or that for her, we don't play Mr. Fixit in her house anymore. Take dreams as Let’s talk about the doctor, she doesn’t have this kind of ability. After studying natural science for so many years, she has achieved nothing in the end. Medical schools strictly select girls, and they will not pick her easily. This is still a man’s world, women No real chance yet. Doctor, you should wake up and see what Arielle Dorset really is. She's a woman, and women don't make a splash in the world."

So they swaggered out of the clinic.

At the door, Mike also delivered an ultimatum:

"Let us be free, female doctor. The world does not belong to you, it belongs to us!"

Mike and Sid are rebelling, Mary is still spinning around in the dome, and everything is out of order.

Dr. Wilbur had to pull himself together again and maintain the tenacity and patience inherent in himself during the previous eight years.

The next morning, the patient was Ariel.

But Vicky, Peggy and Rousey give her strength.

As at the beginning of the psychoanalysis, Ariel spoke of music again, but in a different way.

"I played the piano when I was a kid, but I stopped playing it.

I lost it all.As soon as I sit on the piano bench, I feel stupid," Ariel said with a wry smile.

"You'll make wonderful music on the piano," said Dr. Wilbur in the same tone as Dr. Taylor of Willow Corners' old drug store when he spoke of the violin.

"How can you say that?" Ariel was puzzled.

"You may be very surprised," said the doctor,

"One of your incarnations does play beautifully. When you become one with her, she will give you the ability to play, just as Peggy gave you the ability to be angry."

"Which one is it?"

"Vanessa," the doctor replied,
"I'm going to talk to her and try to get her closer. She's still pretty far from you. But, Ariel, she'll be fine when the fifteen of you become one."

The doctor thought again of Mary, Mike, and Sid, and wished he wasn't being too optimistic.

In March, while Mike and Sid were still stubbornly resisting integration, Mary emerged from the dome.

During the psychoanalysis time, Mary stated:
. .

That was her grandmother's philosophy.Mary also stated exactly this in the early stages of psychoanalysis.

But after she was deceived, her grandmother and this became blurred.

After solving the problems shared by Marcia and Mary, Ariel's health improved and she planned to find a full-time job.

This will be her first full-time job since arriving in New York.

Vicki told Dr. Wilbur:
"Vanessa felt like we didn't have the right clothes to wear when we re-entered society."

Dr. Wilbur took Ariel to the store and bought several new suits for her.

Ariel has not taught for ten years, and it is difficult to teach again.

But encouraged by the new clothes, and the confidence that Peggy had given her back, Ariel was in and out of the lobby of many buildings in New York, looking for various employment agencies.

At 8:8 in the morning of August 4, Ariel woke up and found that she had a very clear "peggy relationship".

She closed her eyes and rested, to see if she could find out what Peggy wanted.

A group of purple boats with green sails came within the sight of Ariel's mind.

Ariel once painted a grey-green oil painting in Professor Klinger's class, but never paid much attention to the combination of purple and green.

Peggy said, "Look, there are three little orange and red flags on board."

Ariel got up.It was five o'clock in the morning, and it was too early to look for a job.

She decided to give Peggy paper and pencils to draw the group of purple and green boats with orange and red flags.

What a horrible concoction, Ariel thought, but why not make Peggy happy?

By six o'clock, the boat Peggy had drawn was sailing away.Peggy wanted to title the painting "The Little Orange Flag," but Ariel thought "The Sailing Ship" would be better.

Finally, Ariel gave in to Peggy.

This morning, Ariel felt calm and energized as she went to the employment agency.

She attributes the joy to letting Peggy paint.

This morning, Ariel was hired as a receptionist in a New York hotel.

She worked there for a week, and Ramon Allig asked her on a date.She said yes.

He is a guest accountant in New York City and will soon be returning to his native South America.

The day after their first date, Dr. Wilbur was on vacation overseas for a medical conference in Zurich.

Ariel walks the doctor to the airport and talks about Ramon.

"I like him," she said with an unembarrassed candor that the doctor had never seen before when she talked about any man. "He invited me on another date tonight."

"He's good enough," the doctor smiled.

"Hold on? I've forgotten all these words. I haven't dated in a long, long time."

Dr. Wilbur's plane took off into the air.

Ariel kept watching, and when she could see nothing, she found a row of benches in a cool place.

Ariel sat down to look at the scenery, feeling at peace and not feeling alone with the doctor gone.

When thinking of Ramon, it is also very comfortable.Is this the so-called euphoria?
The word had never been in her vocabulary until now.

Ariel returns to the apartment.That night, before Ramon called, Ariel still felt as if the doctor was with her.Dr. Wilbur said many times:

It's the way it should feel, but it hasn't felt like this before.This time, Ariel experienced it for herself.

She was excited to talk to the doctor about Ramon.She felt that her outing with the doctor was a very important and even critical treatment.

Now it was Ramon who took the place of the doctor.She still thought calmly of him, a man she hadn't turned away.

(End of this chapter)