Cultivate a black technology god

Chapter 219 Ariel's past (22)

:) In the last chapter, Ariel was abused and blocked, so I am too lazy to change it.

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"I'm so sorry," Ariel said.

"By the way, you should apologize," Heidi said.

"Look, Mother," Ariel held up her hand.

"I don't have time to watch it right now," Heidi said. "I'm busy, can't you see I'm busy?"

"Look what I made. It's for our Christmas tree."

"It's just a picture in a magazine, with some tinfoil," Heidi sneered.

"I think it's pretty," Ariel said, "and I'm going to hang it on a tree."

"Well, I'm busy," said Heidi.

So Ariel hung it on the Christmas tree next to the piano in the living room.

She looked at the handiwork that her mother had despised but which she was so proud of.

"Mother, come and see," she called Heidi back to the kitchen.

"I do not have time."

"come on."

Suddenly, Heidi stopped what she was doing and stared at Ariel.

"You didn't hang that thing on the tree after I spoke, did you?" Heidi asked.

Ariel wished she could take it off before her mother saw it.

But her mother was already standing by the tree and called to her, "Come here at once and take it down from the tree."

Ariel stood still.

"Did you hear?"

"I'll take it off right away," Ariel promised.

"Didn't you say 'immediately'?" Heidi's voice was piercing.

Ariel falls into a trap and is caught between a rock and a hard place.

If she obeyed, she would go to the tree, where Heidi stood ready to beat her.

If Ariel didn't go, she would be beaten for disobedience.

Ariel decided to use the former method.She tore off the handiwork, ducked away from her mother, and ran for the door.

Heidi chased after her.Ariel ran faster.

"You're running around the house again," her mother threatened.

The cry echoed everywhere.Ariel didn't know whether to run or stop.

If she stopped, her mother would beat her for the Christmas decorations.

If she continued to run, her mother would beat her again for running.

The trap has been done seamlessly.

As soon as Ariel stopped, she was punched heavily on the right cheek.

There are bad days, but there are good days too.

A day like the one the Floods come to visit is a good day.

As the Floods—Pearl, Ruth, Alvin, and their mother—ride away in the sleigh, Ariel waved goodbye from the porch steps.

The snowmobile was gone, and Ariel walked into the house.How happy she was playing that afternoon with Ruth and Pearl, who were a little older than her, on the sunroom floor.

She was only three and a half years old, but they played with her and taught her many things.

Pearl also made Ariel's doll, Betty Lou, walk.

Ariel walked into the sunroom with Betty Lou in her arms.

Heidi followed and said, "Drop that doll, and I'll take off your woolen sweater."

But Ariel didn't want to leave the doll behind, what a wonderful afternoon, she learned a lot.

She had learned how to make Betty Lou walk.

"I want to show you how Betty Lou walks," Ariel told her mother.

"I don't have time," Heidi said angrily.

"I have to make dinner for Dad. You drop the doll for me right now, and I'm going to take off your cardigan."

As her mother took off her cardigan, Ariel said:
"I like Pearl. She's so funny."

"I don't have time," her mother replied, hanging the sweater on a clothes hook in the kitchen.

Ariel followed her mother out of the sunroom and into the kitchen, wanting to talk about what happened that afternoon.Her mother started preparing dinner.

She was taking out some pots from the cupboard when the blue woolen sweater she had hung hastily on the hook fell to the ground.

"When I turn my back on you, something happens to you," said her mother,
"Why did you pull the cardigan off? Why can't you behave yourself? Why do you have to be so bad? You nasty girl."

Her mother picked up the sweater and checked it back and forth.

"Dirty," she declared in a doctor's diagnostic tone.

"Mother always cleans you up, and you only spoil,"

Ariel felt her mother hit her hard on the side of the head again and again with her flexed knuckles.

Then her mother pushed her into a small red chair.

At this time, her grandmother came downstairs to talk to her and her mother.

Her mother said, "Grandma, please don't come near Ariel. She is being punished." Her grandmother did not come near.

Opposite the little red chair is a clock on the mantelpiece.

Ariel was too young to read a clock, but she knew where the long hands pointed and the short hands pointed.

Now, the long gauge is pointing to 12 and the short hand is pointing to 5.

"It's five o'clock sharp," said her mother.

What a wonderful afternoon, Ariel thought as she sat in the little red chair, not daring to move.

I have so much fun, it's a pity that Alvin can't play with us because we're playing with dolls and he's a boy.

How bad it was that he was excluded from us. "

Her mother was very kind to the Floods.She gave them many things:
Food for Mrs. Flood, a pair of mittens for Pearl, a pair of baby leggings for Alvin, and two sets of games from her mother, which Ariel never played with and had no chance of come and play.

She looked at the clock.The short hand is now pointing to 6.

She told her mother.

"I didn't ask you," said her mother sharply.

"For that, you'll stay for five more minutes, you dirty girl. You've stained your cardigan, and you have a dirty mouth."

"What did I do wrong?" Ariel asked.

"You did it yourself, you understand." Her mother replied.

"I'm going to punish you and make you better."

Ariel didn't want to think about herself, she wanted to sit on the little red chair and look at the clock.

But she often thinks about her current situation.

As soon as she thought about herself, she immediately tried to think of something else.

"Why are you always so bad, you bad girl?" asked her mother.

The word "you" confused Ariel, and the word "bad" confused her. She felt that nothing she did today was a bad thing.

Ariel didn't tell anyone about the blue sweater that day, but the thought stuck in her throat, and it made her throat hurt.

There was another thing about the glass beads that Ariel hadn't mentioned to anyone else.

This string of colorful glass beads, like a rainbow, is very beautiful and very old. It was made in Holland and passed down from Heidi's mother to her daughter.

Heidi then sent her daughter.Ariel likes to pull it, take it into her mouth, and lick it with her tongue.

One afternoon, the cotton thread threading the glass beads broke and the beads scattered all over the living room carpet.

Three-year-old Ariel was anxious to pick the beads up before her mother saw them.But before Ariel picked it up, Heidi grabbed her and stuffed a bead into the child's nose. Ariel felt like she was about to suffocate.

Heidi was in a hurry, but she couldn't figure it out.

Heidi was scared. "Quick, let's go to Dr. Quinones."

Dr. Quinones removed the glass bead.

But before the mother and daughter left, the doctor asked:
"Mrs. Dorset, how did the glass bead get in?"

"Oh," replied Heidi Dorset, "you know what children do. They always put things in their noses and ears."

At night, Heidi told Willard about her daughter and the glass beads.

"We've got to teach her to be more careful," the mother told the father, "teach her...rebuke her...beg her...influence her...let's make rhymes."

Willard agreed.

Ariel didn't tell Dr. Quinones a word, she didn't tell her father a word.

Another unexpected incident, Ariel also swallowed her anger and remained silent.

It happened one afternoon in the wheat pen.

Ariel was only four and a half years old at the time.Heidi took Ariel there to play.

It is raining.

The mother and daughter climbed from the folding ladder of Willard's wood shop to the wheat pen on the top floor of the shop.Heidi says:

"I love you, Peggy." Then the mother put the baby in the wheat and walked away, folding the ladder into the ceiling.

Surrounded by the wheat, Ariel felt suffocated and felt like she was dying.After a while, she didn't know anything.

"Are you there, Ariel?"

She suddenly recognized her father's voice.

Then, standing beside her, Willard bent down and gently pulled her out, leading her downstairs.

Her mother was waiting in the carpentry shop.

"How did Ariel get into the wheat pen?" Willard asked his wife. "She'll be suffocated."

"Freud must have done it." Her mother kept telling lies.

"This wretched boy. The town and the church are in trouble. We must get this scoundrel out of here."

Willard immediately went to Floyd.

Ariel and Heidi went home alone.

Willard returned home and told the mother and daughter: Freud said
"No, I didn't. Why do you doubt me?"

"Freud was a liar," her mother said scornfully.

Willard didn't know what to do, so he asked Ariel how she got into the wheat fence.

Ariel's eyes met her mother's.She was silent.

"I don't want you to go there again." Willard taught his daughter.

"Lucky I got home early because of the rain. Lucky I went to the shop. There was something wrong with the ladder, so I climbed up to have a look."

Just as Ariel had said nothing about the button hook and the glass bead, she had said nothing about what had just happened.

Back when Ariel was just two years old, her father asked her one night,
"Why are your eyes so purple and swollen?" She said nothing.She didn't let her father know that her mother had kicked the child in the eye when she kicked away a block he was playing with, and punched the child in the mouth where a baby tooth was growing.

These inseparable events reveal that Ariel spent her childhood in confinement and torture chambers.

On the way back from the drug store, the relevant memories came to torture Ariel again.

However, the torment of memory can sometimes be brushed aside.

First grader Ariel enjoys going to school, making friends and once visiting the home of her classmate and friend Laurie Thompson after school.

Laurie's mother was a warm and cheerful fat woman.

She stood on the porch steps to meet Laurie and Ariel, gave Laurie a hug around the waist, smiled at Ariel, and led the children into the house.

Milk and fresh apple pie awaited them both.

Everything was so peaceful at the Thompsons' house, but Ariel, then seven, was sure that Mrs. Thompson would do terrible things to Laurie as soon as she was gone, just as all other mothers did.

Ariel's mother tortured Ariel and made her afraid.

And Ariel herself was powerless.What's worse: Ariel doesn't dare ask anyone to intervene.

Ariel loves her grandmother, but as long as her mother says "Grandma, don't go near Ariel, she's being punished,"

Her grandmother would not intervene.Ariel tripped over her mother as she descended the stairs and fell.

Her grandmother heard the sound and asked what was going on. Her mother replied:

"You know how clumsy children are, she fell down the stairs." Her grandmother didn't intervene either.

Her father also did not intervene.Didn't he see that button hook, that dislocated shoulder.

Split throat, burned hands, purple eyes, swollen lips, glass beads in the nose, and that wheat fence?

Doesn't he understand what it all means?

But her father wouldn't come to find out.

Whenever Ariel started to cry, her mother always said:
"What if someone comes?" Ariel resented her grandmother and father for not intervening, resented the neighbor who never came, resented Grandpa Dorset who always stayed upstairs and didn't know what was going on downstairs, and resented Dr. Quinones, who sees Dorset children hurt again and again but doesn't ask what's going on.

Later, Ariel also resented several of her teachers, who used to ask her what happened, but never really looked into the reasons.

Ariel especially loves Martha Brecht, her seventh-grade teacher, because she can talk to him.

But Ariel was also disappointed in the teacher, because the teacher, although she seemed to think Ariel's mother was weird (and maybe crazy), didn't intervene.

Later, when Ariel was at the Academy, the nurse, Miss Updike, despite seeming to understand, sent her home to be tortured.

Ariel was sad that these people didn't come to rescue, but she didn't blame the perpetrator.

At fault is the button head or other means of murder.

But the perpetrator, since it was her mother, whom she not only obeyed, but respected and loved, was not to blame.

About 20 years later, when Heidi said on her deathbed in Kansas City, "I really shouldn't have been so angry with you when you were a child," Ariel not only didn't think the word "angry" was an understatement, she even went so far as to Recall how my mother felt "angry" and felt guilty.

Ariel's feelings for her mother have always been complicated by Heidi's contradictory behavior.

Mothers who embarrass, shame, and torture their daughters cut out colorful images from magazines and stick them on the bottom half of the cupboard door so that Ariel can take a closer look.

at breakfast.The mother often put some prunes, figs, and dates, which the children love most, under the porridge, which surprised her very much.

In order to encourage Ariel who lost her appetite to eat more, Heidi asked Ariel to guess what was at the bottom of the bowl first, and then asked her to finish the food in the bowl to see if she guessed right.

Heidi also prepared children's plates decorated with pictures, silver cutlery with Ariel's initials SID and a special Ariel chair that is slightly taller than ordinary kitchen chairs.

There are toys all over the house, and many delicious things.

Heidi said: Children who are starving in other countries are willing to exchange any treasure after seeing these delicacies.

At one point, four-year-old Ariel replied:
"As long as you give it to them, they can eat it." Heidi reminded Ariel:
"You have a wonderful family, two parents and more care and love than any kid in town and you should be grateful."

Over and over again as a child and teenager, Ariel heard phrases like, "You should be grateful," followed by, "I've been so kind to you, and you still haven't thanked me enough."

So, Ariel would say, "You are the best mother in the world, and I will try to be better."

This "best mother in the world" would say, "You're late from school, and I'm worried about you, afraid you'll die."

She didn't allow Ariel to swim, ride a bike, or skate. "If you ride a bike, I'll see you lying on the street, covered in blood. If you skate, you'll fall into a hole in the ice and drown."

Heidi Dorset announced several serious rules for childcare.

Never hit a child, Heidi preached, avoid it in every possible way, and never hit a child on the head or face under any circumstances.

Heidi has this ability to distort reality and deny it.

It is a kind of mental magic that enables her to separate what she actually does from what she thinks she does, separating action from assumption.

Heidi likes to dress up her daughter and show her off.

She asked the child to read or recite in front of people to show the child's precocious talent.

If Ariel mispronounced, Heidi would take it as a personal shame.

Ariel felt: It seemed that the mother herself was reading in public.

"My dear Ariel," her mother wrote in her daughter's elementary school yearbook,
"Live for those who love you and who really know you. Live for the heaven that smiles on you and the good you can do. Your dear mother."

But the dear mother in Ariel's life wasn't the one who put figs under her cereal, wasn't the one who worried her daughter would drown while skating, wasn't the woman who showed her daughter off in public.

Ariel's dear mother is a person in that "virtual" world created by Ariel herself.

In this virtual world, Ariel gets a rescue that she can't get in the real world.

The dear virtual mother lives in Montana, a state Ariel has never been to, and Ariel has many brothers and sisters with whom she plays.

The Montana mom doesn't hide her dolls in the cupboard when Ariel wants to play with them.

Montana's mother would not tie Ariel to the legs of the piano, beat her or burn her.

Montana mothers don't say Ariel is funny and only blond kids are beautiful.

Mother Montana would not punish Ariel for crying, or telling her not to trust people, not to read much, never to marry and have children.

The imaginary good mother makes Ariel cry when she has a reason to cry, and the good mother doesn't laugh for no reason when she has no reason to laugh.

While Mother Montana was here, Ariel played whatever she wanted on the piano.

Montana's mother was not sensitive to voices, so Ariel didn't have to freak out when she blew her nose or cleared her throat.

When Mother Montana was here, Ariel was free to sneeze.

What a Montana mother wouldn't say: "You're not a good girl when you're such a bad kid,"

No headaches for Ariel due to injustice.Mother Montana would never say:
"No one loves you except mother." And only used some means that made Ariel unbearable pain to prove this maternal love.

Where Mother Montana lived was more than a house, it was a home.

In this home, Ariel can touch things freely and doesn't have to scrub the sink every time she washes her hands.

In this home, Ariel didn't have to constantly try to win her mother's favor.

Mother Montana was so sweet, so tender, always kissing her and hugging her.

In Montana's mother's house, what wouldn't be said to her:
"You are better than your friends," and at the same time say:
"You can't do anything; you're nothing; you'll never catch up with my father. My father was a Civil War hero, he was a mayor, he was a gifted musician. He could do everything. His granddaughter, my boy , shouldn't look like you, how did I give birth to a child like you?"

(End of this chapter)