Cultivate a black technology god

Chapter 210 Ariel's past (13)

The trip to Connecticut produced not only changes in several incarnations of Ariel, but Ariel herself.

In the summer, there was far less security and restraint than in the first seven months of psychoanalysis.

Ariel begins to talk about her early surroundings.

The root cause of the multiple personalities was not disclosed in the conversation, but from the description of the town and the environment in which Ariel became a multiple personality, Dr. Wilbur still learned a lot, which was helpful in later elucidating the cause of the disease. learn.

And so, step by step, Dr. Wilbur guides Ariel (and Vicki) in their meticulous exploration of Willow Corners, Wisconsin.

Ariel was born here on January 1995, 1, and spent the first eighteen years of her life here.

Willow Corners is located on the plains of southwestern Wisconsin near the Minnesota border.

There is nothing to see around.The sky is so blue that it looks so low that you can reach it with your hand.

The local accent has a nasal sound.In Ariel's childhood, men, women and children drove open horse-drawn carriages from far away villages to towns.This view is a testament to the town's dependence on farmland.

There are some tall elms and elms growing in the town, but there are no willows, which is inconsistent with the name of the town.

Most of the houses here were built by Willard Dorset's men, and they were basically white-framed dwellings.

The unpaved streets are usually dusty and turn into countless swamps on rainy days.

From the looks of it, there was nothing remarkable about Willow Corners.It was built in 1969.

It is not a small town, but a miniature town.

Any monotonous news of a thousand inhabitants living within an area of ​​twenty square miles is carried in a small town weekly called the Konas Courier.

A typical headline for a newspaper reads: Little Rascals Destroy Jones' Outhouse;
The Mothers Club has picnics at the Senior High School on Wednesdays.

Originally a frontier town, Willow Corners grew with the arrival of railroads and trains.

During Ariel's teenage years, the town was primarily a wheat distribution center.

Main Street is the center of the town and houses the general store, hardware store, inn, barber shop, pharmacy, bank, and post office.

A standout is a gun shop that harkens back to the days of the frontier town.

There are also two grain warehouses capable of lifting and storing, which are the center of the town's economic life.

Store hours are every Wednesday and Saturday evening.

At that time, parents and children come to buy things together like a festival.

It's also a place for small talk and exchange of news.

There are two policemen in the town, who work day and night respectively.

There is also a lawyer, a dentist and a doctor.

An ambulance was on standby to take the patient to the Mayo Clinic, eight miles away.

The clinic, located in Rochester, Minnesota, had achieved worldwide fame at the time.

A small part of the middle of America, the town is Republican in domestic politics, isolationist in international terms, and stratified in class structure -- rich and famous at one end and working class at the other.

The townspeople mistook money for virtue and worshiped the rich, regardless of how they amassed their wealth or how well they behaved, failing the Willow Conas book clubs, music clubs that brought culture to town Outstanding efforts by fine women in clubs and choirs.

Before Ariel was born, even when she was six years old, the richest man in the town was her father.

By the time of the Great Depression, the situation had completely changed.

From the time Ariel is six until she leaves home for college, the wealthiest townspeople are German and Scandinavian farmers, the owner of the local bank, and a vulgar woman named Mrs. Weir.

She married five husbands successively, and got the estate in the town and a silver mine in Colorado.

As any sociologist can guess, Willow Corners has churches of many denominations, fundamentalist denominations, from Seventh-day Baptists to Seventh-day Adventists.

Then there are Methodists, Congregationalists, and Lutherans, who despise each other but collectively view Roman Catholicism as the embodiment of evil.

The town, despite its outward hypocrisy, is brutal in its deeds.

From jeering at the thoughtless ice seller to sniggering at the neurotic telephone operator, racial prejudice against Jews and against blacks was rampant.

Bigotry and cruelty are tolerated.

The town is filled with irrational optimism, expressed in the cliché "Failure is the mother of success" and the copybook motto "Today's leaves of hope are tomorrow's bright flowers" .

And the latter motto is still inscribed on the inscription in the auditorium and gymnasium used by primary and secondary schools.

In fact, in this town, the flowers of tomorrow will wither on the leaves of today's narrow-mindedness.

However, the honest citizens of Willow Conas have never seen any "flowers of tomorrow", let alone the withering of flowers.

Dorset's house is located on Grape Street, diagonally opposite the school.

This home has already appeared in psychoanalysis:

White house with black shutters.

Some people regard white and black as the two extremes of life, or as life and death.

But the house's builder, Willard Dorset, never considered these symbols.

He had only practicality in mind: a spacious lawn, a raised ground floor, a garage, and a small adjoining house that served as his carpentry shop and office.

The thick machine tree shaded the front of the house.

There is a cement avenue behind the house leading to an alley, and the alley is connected to the back door of the shop on the street.

The kitchen steps of the Dorset house, leading to the cement walkway.

The Dorset family's next-door neighbor is a hermit.

The woman across the street is a midget.

There is also a man on this street who rapes his 13-year-old daughter and lives with her in this house as if nothing had happened.

It was this strange deformity and obscenity that gave rise to all kinds of bastards, which flowed through the town like underground currents, yet appeared so ordinary, so normal, so puritanically reserved when they emerged above the ground.

The Dorset family has its own characteristics, which may be obvious to others at a glance.

When asked about the Dorsets, Mrs. Moore, the piano teacher in Western Restaurant, thought that Ariel was moody and that both mother and daughter were emotionally abnormal.

A distant cousin of Willard Dorset described the father and daughter as "reticent", while the mother was "lively, quick-witted, and energetic", though somewhat "nervous".

He also said that the mother and daughter were always together, too close.

A faculty member recalled:

"Arielle's mother was always forcing her to do this or that."

Jessie Flood worked as a live-in maid for a Dorset family for six years.

She only said: "They were the best people in the world. Mrs. Dorset was very good to me and to my family. She gave us all kinds of things. There is no better people than the Dorsets." I found it."

Jesse's father, James, had helped Dorset in the carpentry trade.

"Dorset is the best boss in the world," he said.

Willard Dorset was born in Willow Corners in 1960.

Like most townspeople, they are descendants of the earliest settlers.

In 1980, he brought home a girl named Henrietta Anderson as his wife.

Both the Dorsets and the Andersons share similar ancestry and traditions.

On the paternal side, Heidi's great-grandfather was an English clergyman.

The name is Charles.

He emigrated from Devon, England, to Virginia with his brother Carl, who was a primary school principal by profession.

In terms of matriarchy, Heidi's ancestry is closer to England.

Her mother, Erin, is originally from England.

Grandparents moved to Pennsylvania from their native Southampton.

Willard's father, Aubrey, was the grandson of an Englishman who had emigrated from Cornwall to Pennsylvania.

Willard's mother, Mary Dorset, was born in Canada and was of British descent.

Willard and Heidi were arranged to meet each other by a third party.

He was in Eldwell, Illinois at the time.

Heidi's father, Winston Anderson, was the founder and first mayor of the city.

He came to Elderville after serving in the Union cavalry during the Civil War.

During his later years in the city, he opened a musical instrument store, directed the choir at a Methodist church, and was later re-elected mayor.

Pretty and jovial Hattie embarrassed Willard Dorset on their first meeting.

Heidi fell silent for a while as they strolled the streets of Eldwiery, and then made an impromptu speech for her father, who was running for mayor.

Willard stood dejectedly on the sidewalk.

There have been men who have been captivated by Heidi's beauty, wit, and vigor, only to break up with her because of her sharpness and eccentricity.

But Willard was not.

He tolerated her willingly because he thought she was smart, elegant, and a talented pianist.

He himself sang tenor in the church choir, and fancied that Heidi would be his accompanist.

He thought Heidi was erratic in her behavior, but it would change as she got older.

She was already 27 years old when they got married, so what he said "will change when you get older" is a bit ambiguous.

Anyway, he fell in love with Heidi Anderson.So, after many weekend dates, he proposed to her.

Heidi didn't love Willard, and was outspoken that her first date with him was to provoke her fiancé, a jeweler, who had reneged on his promise to quit drinking.

Heidi declares that men are all the same, that they are all unbelievable (as Peggy Lou puts it in Dr. Wilbur's office), "they only have one thing in mind."

Still, the idea of ​​moving to Wisconsin still appealed to Heidi, who had never left her native Illinois, and moving to another state was her reason for leaving.

In 1990 she moved to Willow Corners as Mrs Willard Dorset.

Heidi finally has Willard in her heart and even cares about him.

He was nice to her, and she tried to reciprocate.

She cooks his favorite foods, finds recipes for delicious pastries, and serves him on time—lunch at twelve o'clock sharp, dinner at six o'clock in the afternoon.

She doesn't like housework very much, making her a feverish and busy housewife.

Soon after their wedding, Heidi and Willard often spent their evenings to the sound of music.

She became his accompanist just as he had expected.

In the 13 years of marriage, Heidi had four miscarriages and no children.

The couple thought they would never have children.

But neither of the couple ever thought about whether there were psychological reasons for these miscarriages.

However, judging from Heidi's joy and anger, love and hate about the pregnancy, there may be psychological factors.

She loves taking care of other people's babies, and has talked to mothers more than once about "stealing a baby."

But Heidi just said that she desperately wanted a child, and she often immediately followed up to express the opposite emotion.

Having a child means having to take care of the child, a reality that often conflicts fiercely with her motherhood.

Dr. Wilbur later speculated that the intense turmoil of conflicting emotions disrupted Heidi's endocrine system and became the cause of the miscarriage.

When Heidi was pregnant with Ariel, Willard was afraid that the baby wouldn't survive either.

Inby, for the first time in his life, he made Heidi's master, forbidding her to appear in public during pregnancy.

In this way, before Ariel was born, she was surrounded by an atmosphere of concealment and secrecy.

When Ariel was born, she weighed only five pounds and one quarter ounce, and Willard included the fraction of that quarter ounce on the birth notice, lest people say the child was too small.

Willard decided to name the baby himself.

Heidi didn't like the name Arielle Isabel, and was determined to use it only when she absolutely had to.

In normal times, Heidi called her daughter Peggy Louisiana, and later she was often called Peggy Lou, Peggy Ann, or simply Peggy.

However, it wasn't just Ariel's name that made Heidi's mind uneasy during the baby's first few months.

After becoming a mother, the above-mentioned ambivalence has not been slightly reduced.

Heidi said somberly when she first saw her own daughter:

"She's so fragile, I'm afraid she might break somewhere."

In fact, it was Heidi herself who "broke off".

After giving birth, she suffered from severe depression, which lasted for four months.

During this period, Heidi's only contact with the baby was breastfeeding.

The burden of caring for the newborn fell to Willard and a nurse, but mainly to the Dorset grandmother.

When Heidi got better, she got into a fight with Willard over whether she could breastfeed the baby when there was no one else in the house.

Even when Heidi was willing to take the child to the bedroom to breastfeed and close the door, Willard still issued a harsh injunction:
"No. Everyone will know what you're doing."

Heidi points out that other women, such as the woman who sits in the back of the church, or the peasant woman who rides into town in a buggy and often lunches with the Dorsets, do the same when there are strangers around, but in front of them. child breastfeeding.

However, Heidi stated that she does not intend to breastfeed in front of outsiders.

But Willard was stubborn, pointing out emphatically:
"Heidi is no 'farm woman'".

Heidi acquiesced, but resented her acquiescence.

Ariel cried softly when she couldn't get milk, and Heidi scolded the baby for crying because it made her nervous.

Already distressed at the thought that lack of milk would be bad for the child, already resentful at being suppressed by Willard, she screamed:

"I'm going to break through the ceiling!"

The depression that followed Ariel's birth added to Heidi Dorset's characteristic anxiety and moodiness.

The more time passed, the less Heidi thought about pleasing Willard.

"I don't care, this is a free country."

She yelled when he complained.

She no longer had the patience to sit by the piano and accompany him.

In fact, in any case, she sat for less than a few minutes before getting up to straighten the curtains or dust some of the furniture.

She does it even in other people's homes.

She could sew, but her hands were too trembling to thread a needle.

Ariel's little dresses were all made by Willard.

The frantic Heidi was not so good at juggling words as she was with curtains and dust.

When it comes to saying something that rhymes with the same pattern, she can't say it.

She also developed a habit of repeating the end of other people's words.

If someone says, "I have such a headache,"

Heidi was about to repeat: "Such a headache."

When she was nearly eight years old, Ariel would often sit on the steps of the back porch, on the coat box on the attic, or on the box in the front hall, with her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands, thinking:

Why on earth can't find an appropriate word to describe "what's missing"?

Why live in the nicest house in Willow Corners, dress better than anyone else, have more toys than any family of kids, and yet be missing something?

She especially loves her dolls, crayons and paints, and the little iron and ironing board.

The more eager she was to find out what it was she lacked, the more elusive it became.

She knew only that this vague "lack" caused her to experience what her mother used to call "sadness, depression, and low spirits."

The most disturbing part of Ariel's mind was that she felt that she had no reason to be unhappy, and if she did, she would be disloyal to her parents.

To assuage her guilt, she prayed to God to forgive her in three areas:

Not more grateful for what she had;

Not as happy as her mother told her she should be;
And not like other kids.

Distressed, Ariel would sometimes rush to the upstairs room where Dorset's grandmother lived.

In Ariel's life, where her grandmother is is crucial.

At the end of the day, it was her grandmother, not her mother, who had cared for Ariel since she was a child.Her mother was moody, but her grandmother was always calm.

Grandma would hold Ariel on her lap.

The child sat drawing on the drawing paper that her grandmother always had ready for her.

Her grandmother was so proud of the paintings that she would hang them on the wall, side by side with oil paintings the old man had painted herself years before.

Grandma had lots of canned prunes, apples, and dried figs.

She would take Ariel to the kitchen pantry and let her choose.

Grandma told Ariel to open the drawers and take whatever she wanted.

One day, Ariel finds in a twitch a photograph of herself as a baby, perfectly preserved, and immediately understands that her grandmother really likes her.

More powerful proof is that when Heidi scolded the child, her grandmother came to protect her.

"Hi, Heidi," her grandmother would say,

"She was still a child." Ariel remembers the times she was sick.Every time when her grandmother finally came downstairs to stay with her, Ariel, who had been unable to eat, suddenly could eat.

However, when I went upstairs to see my grandmother, I never stayed too long.

Her mother forbade her to exceed the allotted time.

Every time she visited, Ariel always felt that time was passing by. Ariel's needs were so strong and the opportunities for fulfillment were so few, that when her mother came upstairs to fetch Ariel, the child felt how time flies. Just pass? !
When the grandfather came to the house, it was Ariel herself who ended the visit.

She didn't like the big, stout man.

As soon as she heard his wooden prosthetic legs coming up the stairs, she told her grandmother:

"I have to go." Grandma replied with a knowing smile.

When Ariel was four years old, her grandmother had a psychotic episode.

She's wandering around Willow Corners.

Ariel took it as her own duty to find her grandmother, and she brought her home and protected her until the old man recovered, just as her grandmother had protected her for many years.

Within five years of her recovery, the Dorset grandmother came to protect Ariel again, but when Ariel was nine, the grandmother contracted another disease - cervical cancer.

The disease made Ariel distressed and frightened.

(End of this chapter)