The Abandoned Empress

The sound of several horseshoes rang under the faint moonlight. The noble district was very quiet late at night when everybody was asleep and where the ubiquitous common banquets were not held because of the trial that took several weeks.

After riding a horse on the dark streets for a while, I saw a shimmering light in the distance. When I spurred the horse, she picked up speed, shaking her mane roughly, as if she knew my impatience to return home quickly.

“Welcome back, my lady.” The knight guarding the entrance of my house bowed.

I returned his greeting silently and expressed gratitude to the other knights guarding the house late at night before stepping inside.

After returning to the room and taking a shower, I let Lina out. I sat by the window and looked up at the night sky, lost in thought about Jiun, myself, our past and present.

I was now in a very subdued mood. I couldn’t get what Jiun told me out of my mind. It was the sad ending that made me, Jiun and him all miserable. The more I reflected on it, the more mixed feelings I had. I sighed in spite of myself, torn between feeling vindicated and feeling bitter.

He should have led a happy life because he abandoned me, but he didn’t. If he had been happy, I would have resented him as much as I could, but I couldn’t because he didn’t.

I suddenly recalled the first time when I heard God’s voice after returning. At that time, God clearly said that the fate of many was twisted by the child of His blessing, so He had to turn back the time to correct it.

If so, did the past when all of us were all miserable exist because of our twisted fate, or was it determined like that from the beginning?

What the hell is fate? If the couple was woven into a thread of fate, then separated from each other in just a few years, if the blessed child loved by God ended her life after living miserably, was it because of their fate? Was it the fate of the empire boasting of one thousand of history to fall because of a mere duke’s wild ambition? Was it his fate that despite his estrangement from Jiun, he wouldn’t give her up to the end in a situation where his life was in jeopardy?

<The inevitable decision given to you, humans. That is destiny.>

I recalled the High Priest’s voice that resonated through the pure white space.

God said destiny was an inevitable decision given to humans. Then, who decides fate?

And what does an inevitable decision mean?

I have always denied the God who gave me this life, but now I had no choice but to ask Him what fate was and why He let all this happen.

I asked, looking up at the darkness, where even the moon was hidden behind the clouds.

Vita, Father of life, was this what you intended for me? What is the fate that Vita mentioned to me? What do you get by twisting the intentions of humans like this?

You told me that many people’s fate was twisted by Jiun. But what you said sounds strange somewhere. If there was a predetermined future like you said, wasn’t it already twisted the moment you brought Jiun here? It was fate to have lost her by mistake, so was it a predetermined future that she would not exist in this world?

Nevertheless, you brought Jiun to create the past where she, I and he were all unhappy. And this time, you accepted her wish and turned back time again. No matter how much I thought about it, I cannot understand it. In order to correct the twisted fate, God should have sent her back to her world in the past.

God, why did you send me and her to this time? Why should I spend a different time with her in this world rather than a predetermined future, and that twice?

I rubbed my stinging head when I trembled at the thought of something that suddenly came to my mind. Was my present self also a predetermined destiny? Wasn’t it me, instead of her, that God wanted to have me by turning back the clock? By doing so, didn’t He try to bring up the future again for me, which was not twisted by Jiun, before her appearance?

‘No.’ I shook my head vigorously.

My present self was different from the old me before Jiun appeared because I, Aristia, living at this moment, was definitely a woman created by my own choice. Didn’t I make decisions without any hesitation that the old me would never have made before her appearance? Of course, because of that, I was no longer more praised as the perfect empress as I used to be.

Vita, I would believe that I’ve pioneered my destiny just like the middle name Pioneer you gave me. I refused it for a long time and sometimes resented it, but now I would like to thank you for giving me that name. If it weren’t for that name, I would have been far away from the Imperial Palace a long ago. If so, I wouldn’t have been able to share my love with him, nor dreamed of a future with him.

Yes, the future with him and my new destiny.

Suddenly, my frozen heart began to get warm. I suddenly missed him. I missed his always neat suit, navy blue eyes, and his voice that was cool but warm.

If it weren’t for this darkness, I would run to him right away, jump into his arms and tell him I came because I wanted to see him all of a sudden.

“Aristia.” I blinked my eyes slowly.

What is it, a dream? Otherwise, how can I hear his voice in my room?

“Are you sleeping?”

“Your Majesty?”

When I hurriedly turned around, I saw a human shadow under the moon that I missed so much. A neatly dressed black robe, deep blue eyes with anxious light. Is it really him?

“You are…”

When I jumped into his arms, he held me tightly and stiffened suddenly. While he was at a loss about what to do, he slowly wrapped my shoulders with his arms. I could feel his warmth when his body touched mine, and I was touched by the unique refreshing scent from his body.

Yes, it was indeed him. He was there to love me indeed. And I was not in a dream or illusion anymore.

If he hadn’t loved me, if he hadn’t cared about me endlessly, or if he had given me up halfway through, would I have changed my fate as it is now? Could I have overcome my past and believed in love again?

“… Thank you.”

“Um?”

“Thank you for telling me that you love me, for not giving me up when I kept pushing you out and for changing my fate.”

He was silent. Instead, he reached out and stroked my head as if he wanted to comfort me. Suddenly, tears welled up in my eyes and dropped on his soft hands.

I’m not going to let this lonesome man end his life so lonely. I won’t let him live alone, trembling with anxiety, without believing anybody like he did in the past because he has given me a new life. Sometimes waiting, sometimes approaching, endlessly caring for me, he has made it possible for me to create a new destiny.

Surprised by my sudden tears, he whispered something, but I just tightened my hands holding him, with my mouth tightly closed. I shed tears, leaning on his chest. Tears mixed with regret, bitterness, gratitude, and relief flowed down my cheek.

How much time passed? When I pulled my body from him, a bit embarrassed, he reached out and wiped off the residual tears around my eyes and asked, “Are you okay?”

“…Yes, Your Majesty. ”

“What’s wrong with you? What did you say…?”

He suddenly stopped in the middle of asking carefully. Then he turned his head and said, staring into the air intensely. Only

“I’ll be out for a moment.”

“Pardon? Where are you going to go late at night?”

“Well… even if we are an engaged couple, I feel a bit awkward to stay with you, dressed like that…”

“Pardon? What’s wrong with my clothes…”

I took an urgent breath. After hugging me suddenly and leaving word, he left the room.

Leaving alone, I stared blankly at the closed visit.

Oh my God! What did I do a moment ago?