Harry Potter and the Way of Reason

Ryan Felson descends a flight of stairs made of uneven stone and primitive mortar, all the while lighting a fluorescent flickering spell to light the long way between the torch-lit candlesticks she holds aloft Pick up your wand, and walk across the distance between the lights.

She entered an empty stone cave, many dark gaps pierced the cave's stone walls, and an ancient torch burned the moment she entered.

There is no one else in the cave, not yet.After standing uneasily for a few long minutes, she began to polymorph into a sofa soft enough for two, or perhaps lying down would be fine.It would be so much easier to make a simple wooden stool, she can do it in 15 seconds, but - hey -

By the time the couch was finished, Professor Snape still hadn't come.She sat down on the left side of the sofa, feeling her heart pounding hard in her throat.For some reason, as the waiting time got longer and longer, instead of relaxing, she became more nervous.

She knew it was the last time.

One last time, and then all memories will fade, and Ryan Filson will find himself in a mysterious stone cave, wondering what the hell happened.

It feels a bit like dying.

The book says that if it's done in the right way, forgetfulness is harmless, and people can forget things anytime, anywhere.People dream and when they wake up they forget what they dreamed about.Oblivion doesn't even cause this sense of discontinuity, just a momentary disorientation; like being startled by a loud sound and then forgetting your previous thoughts.That's what it says in the book, and that's why the Ministry of Magic has unanimously agreed to use the Forgetfulness spell in the course of official duties.

But even so, these thoughts, these thoughts in her head at the moment; they will soon belong to no one.When she looks to the future, no one will finish her unfinished thoughts for her.Even if she can finish all the thoughts before the next minute, they will not exist later.If you were going to die in the next minute, wouldn't that be what you were thinking about?

There was the sound of dull footsteps...

Severus Snape emerged from the cave.

His eyes turned to her sitting on the sofa, and a strange expression crossed his face; it was strange because it wasn't sarcastic, angry, or grim.

"Thank you, Miss Filson," Snape said quietly, "you are very thoughtful." The Potions professor took out his wand, cast various secrecy charms as usual, and walked towards her , sitting heavily beside her on the deformed sofa.

Her rapid heartbeat now is entirely due to another reason.

She turned slowly and looked at Professor Snape, who leaned his head on the back of the sofa and closed his eyes.But not sleeping.His face looked tense, not relaxed at all, as if in pain.

She knew--it suddenly dawned on her--that she had been allowed to see this only because she would never remember it; and no one had ever been allowed to see such an expression before her.

A frenzied conversation going on in Ryan Filson's mind goes something along the lines of: I can lean in and kiss him; your little brain is totally nuts; his eyes are closed and I bet he won't stop me in time; I bet it will be years before someone finds your body—

But Professor Snape's eyes opened again (she felt a moment of disappointment, then a moment of relief), and said in a more normal voice, "Your reward, Miss Filson." Ge's standard processed ruby ​​and handed it to her. "Fifty facets. If you want to count them, I don't mind."

She held out a trembling hand, wishing that Snape would press the ruby ​​into hers, wishing to feel the touch of his skin—

But Snape just raised his hand slightly, let the ruby ​​fall into her palm, and leaned back on the sofa. "You'll remember exploring this cave, and finding this gem dropped," said Snape, "and since no one but you will believe such a thing, you'll think you should deposit it in in a separate account at Gringotts to avoid trouble."

For a while, the only sound in the cave was the slight crackling of torches.

"Why—" Ryan Felson said.He knows I won't remember. "Why are you doing this? I mean - you asked me to tell you where the bullies are and who they are, but don't tell you if Granger is there or not. I know, by the Time-Turner principle, if you want By letting Granger go there, you can't know if it happened. So I figured, we're the ones telling her where to go. It's us, right?"

Snape nodded, but said nothing.His eyes closed again.

"But," Ryan said, "I don't understand why you're helping her. And now—after you treated Granger like that in the lobby—I really don't understand at all." Ryan had never considered himself special. Kind.Regarding the controversy about the general of the Sunshine Corps, she didn't take it to heart at all.But helping Granger fight the bullies... well, got her used to thinking of that as the good side, and of herself as the good side.She found that she actually liked this feeling quite a bit.Just giving up like this is not easy. "Why are you doing this, Professor?"

Snape shook his head, expression tensed.

"Is it—" Ryan stammered, "I mean—while we're here—do you have anything to say?" She did have something to say, but she couldn't. exit.

"I can think of one thing," Snape said after a pause. "If you're interested, Miss Filson."

Snape's eyes were still closed, so she couldn't answer with a nod.She forced herself to say "yes" and her voice changed.

"There's a boy in your class who's in love with you, Miss Filson," said Snape, eyes closed. "I won't say his name. But every time you walk across the room, he takes Peeking at you when you're not looking. He dreams of you, longs to have you. But he never asks for a kiss from you."

Her heart beat even faster.

"Please tell me the truth, Miss Filson. What do you think of this boy?"

"Well—" she said.She stuttered. "I think—not even asking for a kiss—that's—"

sad.

It's so pathetic.

"That's weak," she said, her voice trembling.

"I agree," said Snape, "but suppose the boy helped you. Do you think you should give him a kiss if he asks you?"

She took a sharp breath—

"Or do you think," continued Snape, eyes still closed, "that he's just annoying?"

The words stabbed her like a knife, and she couldn't help taking a loud breath.

Snape's eyes flew open, and his gaze met hers across the sofa.

Then the Potions Master started laughing, a small sad chuckle.

"No, not you, Miss Filson!" said Snape. "Not you! We're really talking about a boy. In fact, a boy who took your Potions class with you."

"Oh," she said.She thought back to what Snape had just said, and thought of a boy staring at her, silently, and began to feel frightened. "Oh, well, it's kind of creepy, in that case. Who is he?"

The Potions professor shook his head. "It doesn't matter," said Professor Snape. "Out of curiosity, I would like to ask, how would you feel if that boy still loved you after so many years?"

"Well," she said, feeling a little bewildered, "is that too pathetic?"

The torch cracked in the cave.

"It's strange," said Snape quietly, "that I've had two mentors in my life. Both were very insightful, but neither of them told me things I didn't see. The first why Didn't say, the reason is obvious, but the second..." Snape's expression tightened. "I thought I would be naive if I asked him why he remained silent."

There was a long silence, and Ryan searched his brain desperately for something to say.

"It's a strange feeling," said Snape, his voice softer, "looking back after a measly 32 years and wondering when your life was so ruined beyond redemption. Did the Sorting Hat call out' Slytherin'? That doesn't seem fair because it didn't give me any choice; the Sorting Hat spoke the decision as soon as it touched my head. But I can't claim it sorted me wrong. I Knowledge itself was never cherished. I was not loyal to the one I called a friend. I was never filled with righteous indignation, then and now. Courage? There is no courage whatsoever in risking a life that has been ruined .My little fears have always dominated me, and I have never turned away from any path these fears drove me. No, there is no way the Sorting Hat could have sorted me into her house. Perhaps my ultimate failure lies in That's a foregone conclusion then. Is that fair, I wonder, even if the Sorting Hat tells the truth? Is it fair to pronounce a man's fate just because some kids have more courage than others? ?”

Ryan Filson came to realize that she knew nothing about the mind of her Potions professor, and unfortunately, all these dark, deep-seated secrets weren't going to help her solve her problems at all.

"But no," said Snape, "I know where the last mistake was. I can point to the day, the hour, when I missed my last chance. Miss Filson, the Sorting Hat to you Did you suggest Ravenclaw?"

"Yes—yes," she said automatically.

"Are you good at guessing riddles?"

"Yes," she replied again, because whatever Professor Snape wanted to say would not be heard if she answered "no".

"I don't know riddles at all," said Professor Snape in a distant voice, "I was once given a riddle to solve, but I couldn't understand the simplest part of it until it was too late." Late. Before that, I didn't even think the riddle was for me. I thought I just overheard it when the truth was that someone else heard my riddle. So I sold my riddle to And that's when the rest of my life becomes irrevocable." Snape's voice was still far away, sounding more thoughtful than sad. "Even now, I don't understand any of the important parts. Tell me, Miss Filson, if a man with a knife tripped over a baby and got stabbed by the knife. You'd say the baby Have," Snape lowered his voice, as if imitating a voice deeper than his own, "kill his power?"

"Um... no?" she said hesitantly.

"Then what does it mean to have the power to destroy a person?"

Ryan pondered the riddle for a moment. (Again, she wished she had chosen Ravenclaw, to hell with her parents' disapproval; but the Sorting Hat had never suggested Gryffindor to her.) "Um..." Ryan said, pulling her Thoughts organized into words, "It means you have this power, but you don't have to. It means you can do it if you try—"

"Choice," said the Potions Professor in the same distant voice, as if he wasn't talking to her at all, "there will be a choice. That's what this riddle implies. And for the one who chooses, the choice hasn't been The established facts, because the riddle does not say, will perish, but only have the power to perish. How does a grown man mark a baby as his equal?"

"What?" Ryan asked.She didn't understand at all.

"Marking a baby is easy. Any powerful black spell can leave a permanent scar. But you can do it to any child. What mark is there to show a baby is equal to you?"

She said the first thing that came to mind. "If you sign a marriage contract, it means that you will become equal one day in the future, when that child grows up and you get married."

"Ah..." Snape said, "I'm afraid that's not what it means, Miss Felsong. But thank you for your efforts." Long fingers, hands trained to concoct extremely precise potions, lifted up and rubbed rubbed the man's temples. "I'm going to be driven mad by it, so many important things tied to such flimsy words. Powers he doesn't know... that's definitely not just a spell he doesn't know. Not something he can simply learn through practice and study." Got something. Inner talent? Nobody can learn Disguise Magus...but that's not like a power he doesn't know. I don't understand either, both can wipe out the other except for a small part of the other What do you mean; I can understand it in one direction, but not the other way around..." The Potions Professor sighed. "None of these make any sense to you, do they, Miss Felsong? Those words don't mean much at all. The words are just shadows. It's her tone of voice that conveys meaning, but in that respect I've never been able to..."

The Potions Master's voice trailed off, and Ryan glared at him.

"Prophecy?" Ryan screamed, "You heard a prophecy?" She had taken a prophecy class for a month or two and turned it away in disgust, and that was all she understood of how prophecies worked.

"I'll try one last thing," said Snape, "something I haven't tried before. Miss Filson, listen to my voice, the way I speak, not what I say , and tell me what you think it means. Can you do it? Very well," said Snape, nodding resignedly, though she had no idea what to do.

Severus Snape took a breath and read aloud, "Because these two different souls cannot coexist in the world."

The words sent a shiver down her spine, and what was worse, she knew that the tone of voice that uttered these empty words was imitating a real prophecy.She flustered and blurted out the first thing that came to her mind, which might have had something to do with who she was currently with. "Can't these two different ingredients exist in the same crucible?"

"But why not, Miss Filson? What is the point of such a statement? What is it trying to tell us?"

"Ah..." She gambled on her luck. "If the two ingredients were mixed, they would catch fire and burn the cauldron?"

There was no change in the expression on Snape's face.

"It's possible," said Snape finally, after a terrible silence lasted perhaps several minutes, "that would explain the word helpless. Thank you, Miss Filson. You have done me a great favor again."

"I—" she said, "I'm glad—" The words caught in her throat.The Potions Master thanked her conclusively, making her realize that the Ryan Filson who remembered these moments was about to cease to exist. "I hope this is not forgotten, Professor Snape!"

"I hope," Severus Snape whispered in her barely audible voice, "everything is different from what it is now..."

The Potions Master stood up from the sofa, the weight of his presence slipping away from her.He turned, drew his wand from his robes, and pointed it at her.

"Wait a minute—" she said, "before—"

For some reason, the first step from fantasy to reality, from imagination to action, is incredibly difficult.Even if it is only one step, there will never be any further progress.The gulf between them is like the distance between two mountains.

The Sorting Hat never suggested Gryffindor to her...

... Is it fair to pronounce the fate of a woman in this way?

If you can't even say it now, when you won't remember it later--knowing that after this moment it's over, like you're going to die--then when will you say, yes Who said?

"Can I give you a kiss first?" Ryan Felson asked.

Snape's dark eyes studied her so intently that her blush spread to her chest, and she wondered if he knew she was still weak and that what she really wanted wasn't a kiss.

"Why not," said the Potions Master quietly, leaning over the sofa and kissing her.

It was completely different from her imagination.In her fantasy, Snape's kiss was fierce, predatory, but it was - really, just clumsy.Snape's lips were pressed down so hard that hers were pulled back, showing her teeth, and at the wrong angle, their noses collided, and his lips were closed too tightly, and—

She didn't realize until the Potions Master stood upright again and raised his wand again.

"This won't be—" she said curiously, looking up at him, "this won't be—is it—your first—"

Ryan Filson blinked, looking at the cave she had discovered, holding a rare ruby ​​in her hand that she had just found in the dirt around a corner.It was an unbelievable windfall, but she didn't know why looking at the ruby ​​made her feel so sad, like she'd forgotten something, something that had once been dear to her.