Wacky Wednesday

···Amon···

"She's just a crazy woman."

This is my No. 16 deep breath.My adrenaline levels haven't dropped since seeing that email.I just want to get out of here right now so I can clean up my mess.

"I see what you mean," I said to Connor, "but are you listening to me? You just have to tell her that."

"I don't want to tell her that. And I don't want to be roommates with her anymore. I'm moving out." He looked at me. "I need a place to sleep for the time being."

Only then did I realize that he was discussing with me. "I live with Amon." I reminded him.

"Just for a short time. I'll just sleep on the sofa and try not to stay at your house during the day."

"You and Beth have been friends for a long time," I said, "Yes?" I tried to build on what Connor had said in the last 10 minutes—since Beth hooked up with Stephanie, and As if in a daze, he had to keep the dormitory clean and tidy every day, but last night he threw away the Philadelphia Eagles jersey that he had accidentally left in the living room—to evaluate the status quo.

The current situation is assessed as follows: I have more important things to do than this pile of crap.

"We were friends before she got sick. Now you and her..." He stopped.

I?

"What happened to us?" I asked.

"You're always away. I still want to have some fun, but you always have to go home before curfew. Don't you think it's weird that you do whatever Amon orders you to do?"

"He didn't command me." I didn't command Jack.

I think should not be?

"Lately he's been... almost manipulating your life. Beth too. 'Stephanie's going to take me to the movies. Stephanie wants us to go to the symphony with her.' Symphony! Beth I will never touch the symphony in my life.”

"Okay," I said, "let's get back to business."

"You know why she's been so weird with the apartment thing! She never cared if I left dishes in the sink for days or left clothes lying around. But now Stephanie comes over a lot, so we have to act like we're fucking clean and hygienic—"

"Don't swear." I said without thinking.

He looked at me like grass was growing out of my ears. "What did you say?"

"Nothing. It's just—I think the three of us need to sit down and talk. Or tomorrow?"

"You know what she advised me to do to calm down yesterday after I saw the Eagles jerks set themselves on fire? Do hatha yoga. Because Stephanie does that. And now Beth is doing it too Did. Do I fucking look like a hatha yoga guy?"

He really doesn't look like it.

"It's not Beth's style at all, it's something Stephanie can do. Beth is just following the trend. Crazy follow the trend."

The assessment of the status quo is as follows: The mental age of Jack's friends is always fixed at 12 years old.

I glanced at my phone.It will be three forty-five soon.I now strongly question whether the idea of ​​having them in the same room is even viable. "Think of it this way, hatha yoga is important to her now, and she wants to share it with you."

"Not at all! She just wanted to compare me to Stephanie to show off my incompetence. I'm sloppy and uneducated. She doesn't want to live with me; she doesn't want to play with me..."

"She's in love," I said. "Maybe she's acting a little differently than before, but it's okay to get over it."

"I miss last semester. We hung out every day."

"Let's go out to play now, too."

"Yeah, I only go out once a week. And who do you guess too much?"

"Stephanie?" I asked cautiously.

He slapped the table. "Stephanie looks just like Churchill!" Several people turned their heads and looked over. "I'm sorry, but it's the truth."

"She means a lot to Beth, though. From what you've said, I think you're jealous of her, and that's normal, it's just—"

"You talk like a fucking therapist."

"Young man, keep your mouth clean."

I didn't hold back.This sentence blurted out.

Connor tilted his head. "Honestly, what's wrong with you?"

God.I don’t want anything now—really want nothing—just lie on the couch with relaxing music and a glass of shiraz.

"Sorry." I whispered.

Connor pulled the coffee cup into his hand, and the table was covered with circles of wet watermarks as he moved the cup around. "I feel like we haven't done anything interesting for a long time, except for that trip to Canada."

I sat up straight.I almost forgot about Canada.

I'd love to know the details.

"I must have had so much fun at the time that I forgot everything." I leaned forward, "Tell me about it."

He raised an eyebrow. "Come on, how can you be so high."

"I want to know what the hell happened that time," I said bluntly.

"Mom, why are you so serious?"

I can't bear the little patience I have. "Connor!" I snapped.

"Eat shit, you! You put on airs with me, don't you—"

I stood up. "You have ten seconds to start explaining exactly what happened on that trip from start to finish, or I'll—"

He also stood up. "Otherwise what's wrong with you?"

I don't have to answer because Beth is here.At least I'm assuming it's Beth.She took one look at Connor and me, then turned around and walked out.

"Beth, wait," I called.

Beth turned her head to face me. "What is he doing here?"

Connor sat back down and raised his glass. "Have a cup of coffee in free America," he said. "Why are you here? To take off my clothes and throw them away?"

"I'll talk to Jack. Looks like he's not available." She glared at me.

Connor turned to look at me. "You called her here?"

Oh my God.

"I'm going," Beth said.

"No one is allowed to leave," I said. "Beth, sit down."

"Do you need to tell me to sit down?"

Connor turned to Beth. "He's acting weird today."

Beth looked at me, the anger on her face replaced by concern. "Are you still angry about the exam?"

"He just said to me 'clean your mouth, lad,'" Connor told her.

"Your mouth is dirty enough. Stephanie said—"

"I don't fucking care what Stephanie said."

"Stop." I ordered.

"I don't care what you say, either," Connor said to me. "God! I just want to chat, I don't want to hear you pour me chicken soup of 'unity, friendship, harmony and coexistence'."

"I just--"

"Come on. Let's put it this way, you are really good and loyal as a friend. You speak human words, never lose your temper with me, and comfort me when you encounter bad things. But I hope you don't behave like you It's like you know more than I do. I don't want to see you like this, man."

I was proud of Jack at first, and then I was confused for a while.I managed my people, led my department, and got Jack to go to bed on time by being knowledgeable.Other than that, I don't have many other strategies.

"Well, maybe Jack has had enough of it and doesn't have time to listen to you pushing me behind my back," Beth said.

"Yo, it's like you didn't come to force me with him?"

"No one is allowed to force anyone." I said.

"I just want to push," Connor said, "that's my purpose. I don't want you to solve anything. Why can't you listen to me and echo a few words: I understand you, Connor, this is terrible That's too bad. Bess has been going crazy lately."

"I'm not crazy. You're unbelievably selfish, immature, rude, and—"

"Shut up!" I yelled.

There is absolutely no such link in the "deep comment method".I sat still and was short of breath.I can't listen to it anymore.I don't want any more problems that I can't solve.I want to be Amon Monterrey who doesn't have anything to do with A&L.A person who makes occasional mistakes but doesn't feel sorry for them.A person who doesn't always use the "deep comment" to deal with his relatives and friends, or thinks about life from the perspective of profit, loss, product and performance.

The status quo is assessed as follows: I don't know how to relinquish control of anyone, for any reason.

No one around me is so close to me that I can let myself do wrong things under the nose of the other person and it doesn't matter.

wrong.There is one.

That is Jack.

Maybe I misunderstood Jack's need.Maybe, like Connor, he doesn't need me to fix things.He just wants me to listen.

Jack had the good fortune to befriend these two, although they were both a little convulsive.I have never had even one person who was willing to skip school and go to Canada with me.

I think the reason I can't stand being in Jack Parker's body is that I don't even have the desire to try to be him.I continue to be my Amon Monterrey in a body that is one size smaller.

Exchange positions.What would Jack Parker do at a time like this?

I took another deep breath.

"We will be friends even after death..." I sang tentatively, "I will never be separated from you." I took another deep breath and continued singing. "You are the lid of my takeaway cup, the snow soaked in my urine..."

Jack's voice is very moving.But if I sang it, it would not be very pleasant.

Connor looked at Beth. "He smoked."

Beth sat down too, hanging her bag over the back of the chair. "Jack, we've been really worried about you recently."

"I was worried," Connor corrected. "You've got nothing on your mind but Stephanie. When I said Jack was stressed out and acting weird, you didn't listen."

"I listened." Beth looked at me. "Is it your grades? If you need it, I'd be more than happy to fill you in on geology. I still have the notes I took last year. And..." She hesitated. "If... you... things at home... don't go your way, you can talk to me at any time."

"Follow us." Connor glared at her.

"us."

"Not going well?" I said.

Beth hesitated again, and looked at Connor.

"For example, Amon domestically abused you." Connor said.

"Connor!" Beth said anxiously.

"What?" I laughed out loud. "You think Amon—what, he abused me?"

Beth blushed. "He feels very controlling. Like when we go out, because he wants you to come home, you have to go home. Like you want to go out and drive, but he won't lend you his car."

"For example, if you don't want to tell him your grades, it's because you're afraid of irritating him." Connor added.

For a little while, I got really mad at Jack—acting like I was the bad guy, after he'd been the one who'd been pissing him off for weeks, and I had to deal with him a lot.Yet the guilt in my heart told me that Jack wasn't lying to his friend.I did set a curfew for him.I did not borrow his car.I think "thrilling" is an overstatement to describe my reaction to his grades, but I did push him to work harder because I believed in his ability.

How would I feel if I were Jack?Not just today, but all the time.If I had been told from a young age that I wasn't very bright.What if I dropped out of college, took a job making sandwiches, and at 22 started a relationship with some family discipline in my trust in a man I had just met.If I quit my job and go back to school with a part of me wanting to please this man.If I fought my way through a dreadful first semester, only to receive grades that were blatantly disapproving and enforced rules on how long and how often I should study.

Jack longs to be organized.I know.He also knows.But he's also so desperate to please people that I sometimes forget how much he needs positive support and how sensitive he is to other people's attitudes.

"Annoying," he once told me, and that's how the people around him—his parents, his nanny, his long-lost ex-boyfriend—said him growing up.

He was too loud and his behavior was too exaggerated.It's too clingy.He is willful, stubborn, and tricky.

The first time he told me about it, I was indignant for him, and a little smug.Because I don't find him annoying.I know how to handle him.I love everything about him: the kid side, the clown side, and the beautiful, smart, unconfident young man who needs to be guided, supported, prodded, and pampered.

Since when was I no longer his safe haven?No longer the one person he can lean on and trust no matter what problems he encounters?

Since when did I stop giving him support and understanding?

Beth and Connor looked at me expectantly.Suddenly from a mediator to a mediator, I don't know whether I like this change or not.On the one hand, I feel safe with these two people who really care about me.But on the other hand, I hope they let it go.

"It's just... I haven't had a good time these days," I said. “There was a lot of pressure.” I thought about A&L and the countless hours I spent hunched over my computer, giving seminars, and pretending to be interested in the experiences of candidates I would never die to hire. .When I got home, I wanted to be with Jack, but my mind couldn't rest. I couldn't stop thinking about getting my laptop out as soon as possible so I could get back to work. "And I—I don't think my boyfriend understands what I've been through. But I think he understands me a little bit now."

"Dude," Connor said, "shall I get you a glass of water or something?"

I shake my head. "No need. I'm just... day. I've been really out of my mind lately."

Beth's hand reached across the table and rested on my arm. "Jack. It's all right. Say whatever you want."

"Sometimes I just feel like I'll never be good enough," I confess.

"Have you told Amon about this?" Connor asked.

"No. We haven't talked much lately."

Beth nodded sympathetically. "It's not easy to maintain a relationship."

Connor rolled his eyes. "You just talked about your relationship... Let me think about it, a week and a half?"

Beth slapped him on the shoulder. "I've been roommates with you for a year. Stephanie said—"

"Oh my god, please—" Connor was about to stir up trouble again.He met my gaze.I gave him the look I usually use to bluff Jack. "Can you just...less mention...her name?" He paused. "Please?"

For a second, Beth looked as if she was about to rip his face off.Then she snorted and said, "All right. You-Know-Who said—"

"Stop, she's not Voldemort. Just—is there a limit to the number of times you can mention her name every day? Say six times a day? Do you think six times a day will work?"

Beth narrowed her eyes. "Seven times."

"Ok, deal."

"What did Stephanie say?" I asked Beth.

"She said that the fiber of God operates in each of us, so we are considered one. As long as we work hard, we can understand each other and reach consensus in all aspects."

Connor grimaced in disgust. "It's really smelly and long—"

"Pretentious and terrific nonsense," Beth finished for him. "I agree. But it makes sense. I think dating is like looking in a mirror. Because in many ways, your partner is your mirror image."

What do I want my mirror image to know?I want him to know that we all matter.We can share the pain and stress of life, just as we share our residence, our income and our future.Every time one of us wants to selfishly carry the burden on our own back, the other has to be ready to grab him and let him go.Not only do I have to be more empathetic to what Jack is going through, I'm also helping him better understand what I'm going through so he can be my partner and give me a hand.

I got so caught up in the "I have to protect him, help him, solve his problems" thinking that he could also be a helper, a protector, a problem solver.

"I don't quite get it," Connor whispered. "I haven't had a girlfriend for more than a year."

"You will," said Beth.

"I still prefer to be a single person who doesn't touch my body."

"You still don't touch the spring water with your ten fingers."

Connor opened his mouth to speak.

"I think you guys need to compromise a bit," I interjected. "If there's a limit to how many times Besty Stephanie can have, there's a limit to how many dirty bowls Connor can pile in the sink."

Propose solutions.The best of both worlds.

Whether you like it or not, I'm Amon Monterrey--the dignified personnel director, Gong, intermittently disabled.This last attribute I'm trying to accept.

Connor sighed. "Yes, sir."

"How about not stacking any of them?" Beth asked.

"You hate washing dishes as much as I do, and you know that," Connor said. "You hate yoga, and you know it very well."

"I don't hate it."

"Bullshit. You told me earlier that you pulled your hips when you did the head-to-knee reverse forward bend."

"I'm better now, and it's all thanks to Ste—"

"I'm counting," Connor warned.

"Hey, shouldn't we all hug each other at a time like this?" I asked.

This is not a step in the "deep comment and replacement method", but it feels appropriate to use it at this time.When we hugged each other, there were several people in the store applauding.

"Do you want to talk to Amon?" Connor asked as we sat back.

"Of course."

"I hope we can meet Amon together someday," Beth said.

"Yes, I just want to see what kind of person he is," Connor agreed, "if he treats you well."

"Also, let's get acquainted. From what you said, he seems to be a very nice person." Beth said.

I grinned. "Just, maybe a little reserved?"

"That's what you said," said Beth.

"You'll meet him. Soon," I promised.

My cell phone rings.

"Dude," Connor kicked me under the table. "Let me tell you what's happening in Canada is this: we get drunk, we go through a few shops and you try on a corset and tell a bum you like his beard. You don't have a big undress Dancing girl's belly, didn't steal a trooper's horse, didn't do anything, had a good time."

"You two went to Canada?" Beth asked. "Why don't you tell me?"

"You were at your relative's wedding when we went. Jack and I agreed to pretend that what happened in Chatham-Kent didn't exist."

Note ①: Chatham-Kent, a Canadian border city, is across the lake from Ohio, USA.

I see.On a whim, Jack went on a cross-country adventure with his friends.I didn't know about it, it was really intolerable.

My phone keeps ringing.I took it out of my pocket.

Beth turned to look at Connor. "Did you know that Stephanie has a friend from Montreal and she's still single..."

The call was from the main unit at A&L.For some reason, my heart sank and I stood up.

"Sorry, I'll go take a call."