For the rest of his life

Chapter 60 Week 3: Balance 2

I can’t tell you before I finish, it’s too chaotic and complicated to make me feel chaotic, and I’m completely confused.

"sleep."

After speaking, she stood firmly in front of her, stretched out her fingers, and slowly unbuttoned the buttons on her chest one by one.

"...?" Xu Chenmu patted himself on the face hard, what was he going to do.

"Here," Lu Qiong showed her her shoulders, as if she had caught a glimpse during the day. The tattoo there was a small circle, and her face was turned sideways. Perhaps it was because of the light, half of her face was hidden in the chaos and there were only dots. She tugged on her clothes, trying to let Xu Chenmu see clearly, her eyebrows lowered, "It's my second semester of freshman year of high school, it's tattooed, it's very childish."

"So the biscuit is the biscuit." Xu Chenmu panicked, she seemed to recall some unnamed outlines, and when Lu Qiong opened her shoulders to her, her heart seemed to be filled with bitterness, inexplicably sour stand up.

elder sister……

Another person called out like this, brewing emotions little by little by the Breeze River, and then filled with tears. I don’t know whose, it was completely full of sadness, but after such a long time, it turned into a slightly sour, with a little sweet taste. She pursed her lips and pressed her tongue against her chest, as if there was such a taste in her mouth. She could hear Lu Qiong's narration clearly, but she felt it was abstract and couldn't understand. There was a huge monster hidden behind her, and the monster's eyes were watching in the dark.

Hastily pulled up her clothes, "Little biscuit, it's all right, I'm still very naive after I met you, each age has one idea..." She hurriedly arranged Lu Qiong's clothes, she let herself be manipulated, her body was weak Pulled over softly.

She felt that everything would change after she knew about those past events.

If you can't maintain the current state, ignorant, paradoxical, recalling the indifferent scene, you have to face the sharp thorn in your body in the past, and when it moves in the skin, it will affect the pain in the whole body to the limbs.

It's just that the turning wheel has started to work, and many things have begun to change, going back to the past, or leading to the future, she sighed: "I'm so sleepy, I want to sleep."

Deliberately avoiding today's topic, she saw that Lu Qiong seemed reluctant, but she had to make a gesture. Now, since she opened her mouth, she felt that most of the fog between herself and Lu Qiong had dissipated. She is on both sides of the river, and the river bed has no bridges, plank roads, wooden piles or boats.

The river is the rift in the earth, created from nothing, and the water is the gathering of tears, formed over the years.

But she remembered that nothing happened, and it naturally became like this, no one knew what each other or she did wrong, her head suddenly burst into pain, many pictures, those she filtered out in the past, no memory Things that hadn't been recalled flooded in again. She dryly straightened Lu Qiong's collar and wiped it over and over again, her fingers trembling violently.

"Let me finish, okay?" Lu Qiong lowered her eyebrows gently, "Even if you forget tomorrow, let me say it again today, and you may remember tomorrow. I rely on Tang Yi. I'm sorry for you. I'm sorry." Something has to be said."

"It's just because he was your psychiatrist all along. Is that the case?" Xu Chen said with a pale face, "But I think it's normal, the relationship is more important than us, so let you Choose him instead of me, is that so? So I worry about gain and loss in my heart, afraid that you don't want me, you see, I still remember."

"—Not really—" Lu Qiong grasped the hands that kept smoothing the collar on her chest, and slowly pushed them away, "But it's the same, I can't get rid of my dependence on him, I'm a patient , psychopath, it's not fair to you."

"How can anyone say that they are mentally ill." The fingers trembled more and more, trembling in Lu Qiong's hands. Her hands were also so cold, and they were all cold. At this time, no one can warm anyone. She I don't understand why I am so nervous, but I can't remember the previous experience for a while.

Did she have experience before?

But she was stunned for a long time, licking her lips in a daze: "You just don't want me - Tang Yi is an excuse, right?"

"I didn't say excuses, what I said was true, before, I quarreled with you before, yes, I quarreled with you, I can't see that I am a person who can quarrel, it is because of Tang Yi, I am too dependent on him, you don't I hope I rely on him, so we quarreled, and then we broke up, and then you have an accident, out of morality, I will take care of you, I put the facts in front of you, that's it—”

Taking a few deep breaths, Lu Qiong realized that her breath was a little loud, and she couldn't breathe as if hundreds of stones were pressed on her chest, "I, always, found myself, I'm sorry for you, your love, you, know me mean? That is, literally."

"Do you love Tang Yi?" Xu Chenmu was a little confused.The wrist loosened, and Lu Qiongsa took half a step to the right, resting his forehead with one hand and hugging his chest with the other, his fingers clenched the clothes under his armpit tightly, and pulled out several parallel lines: "No, it's not love, Xu Chenmu , I don't love him, that's not the same as love."

"I forced you, didn't I?" Xu Chenmu whispered, "I pretended not to know about this matter, we pretended nothing happened, I forced you to say it, let's not say anything, okay, just go back to the way we were before .”

Does Lu Qiong love her?

She dared not give a definite answer.

She didn't think of anything, how could she jump to conclusions, Lu Qiong fell into memory today, only Tang Yi's shadow in memory, so tall, appeared like a hero, even though he was a hero like a ruffian, he still thought he was very handsome, Coming here in a valiant manner, I vented my anger on Lu Qiong, such a bright color in the life of such a depressed girl, even I was a little trembling at the time, I felt that it seemed to be right, it seemed that what Tang Yi said was correct, anti-law would not shine on everyone A person, the person under the shadow must use a special way to protect his own rights and struggles——

Simply, disturbing my mind, becoming chaotic, chattering, uncontrollable, and finally determined to decide that my point of view is correct.

Only then did he realize that in Lu Qiong's memory, he was not in the memory.

"Okay, sleep."

"Lu Qiong, don't take care of me. I remember everything. I'll take care of you. I pretend I don't have Tang Yi, is that okay?" Xu Chenmu hugged himself, feeling a little cold.

"You're talking stupid again." Lu Qiong turned her head slightly, "I won't leave you until you remember—"

"When I think about it, you just don't want me, right?" Xu Chenmu noticed that Lu Qiong always mentioned such a sad thing, which seemed to be something destined from the beginning, and frowned, feeling wrong. It's not normal, I must have tried hard to suppress this change in the past, but I can't remember it after amnesia, but it made this matter earlier, and it became like this.

"It's because of me - I can't help it, you, the love I gave you, and the love you gave me, it -" Lu Qiong choked, not knowing how to respond, "There is no comparison, I, I don't love me like you love me You and I--"

"I don't understand, why should we be equal?" Xu Chenmu was stunned, "Besides, why should we discuss it as a theory—you don't like me anymore, Tang Yi can compare me—or I can't compare it, if it's because you love him and you want to be with him, then I can accept this result, but the current situation is that you say you don't love him, because a person you don't love, you have to Abandoning the person who loves you, this is—this is a very strange thing, why do we discuss this thing, go to sleep, go to sleep, I won't ask, I really won't ask..."

Lu Qiong stared at her silently.

There was the sound of running water in the bathroom.

"I'll get you clothes. I haven't brought a lot of clothes here." Lu Qiong said softly standing at the door.

"……"no respond.

Lu Qiong felt that Xu Chenmu seemed to be angry, and felt that she should be angry. If Xu Chenmu became angry, she would feel much calmer in her heart, but Xu Chenmu went to take a bath with a sullen face. Like the mark, she returned it to her hand, and her heart was full of waves. She wondered what was wrong with her, so why did she say it out.

Was she moved by Xu Chenmu or what?What kind of stimulus did you get to say such hurtful words.

The light dimmed, and she sat in the center with a stack of clothes in her arms and waited for the sound of the water to gradually subside. After it tended to stop, it slowly ended. She felt that she was alone again, but she knew that she had been doing it since she knew it. It's not Xu Chenmu's fault but his own, the heart lake has been difficult to calm down, like a solitary boat floating on the sea, unable to find the lighthouse.

leave?or stay.

Why can't she leave Tang Yi?

Why does she rely on Tang Yi everywhere?

It's because Tang Yi and himself were the only ones who accompanied him since he was a child...

but--

She put Xu Chenmu and Tang Yi at the two ends of the scale, examined the two weights with her unprecedented solemn and serious eyes, and looked at which end the pointer in the middle pointed to. The color of words could not describe the balance of these two people. Like wife and mother falling into the river together, who do you save first? This is such an embarrassing question. Xu Chenmu, the woman she loves deeply, Tang Yi, a reliable person she has formed a habit of relying on.

It should be the right one to choose. This is two people who cannot coexist. The three views, habits, and previous experiences are mutually exclusive.

Lu Qiong's fingers caressed the pajamas, which were warm and fluffy. Although she hadn't taken them out for a long time, the smell of detergent hadn't dissipated because she placed them properly. She kept rubbing Xu Chenmu's clothes with her fingers, like It was rubbing, like rubbing a magic lamp, Xu Chen appeared in front of her eyes and asked her, what wish do you want to come true.

She said give me an answer, I don't know what to do.I can't get out.

Old Xu said that Tang Yi was not a decent person.

But he is an important person to her. She felt that if it wasn't for Tang Yi, she would collapse and die in minutes.

Tang Yi has always been helping her, protecting her, and being her reliance. What has not been said is hidden under the iceberg, and the tip of the iceberg has not revealed a ten thousandth.

But what about Xu Chenmu?

"Sister, sister, I'm so sad."

The wind became colder and colder, and it came from nowhere, her knees hurt, she rubbed her knees, pressed the clothes tightly, the wind blowing by her ears was like the thin air from the willow branches that night. Leaves brushed past the ears.

The author has something to say: Chinese New Year is coming soon, but it is a pity that I go home very late for the New Year, just in time for the Spring Festival travel season, it is very difficult.

During the Chinese New Year the year before last, I saw someone selling sugar cane, and a large bundle was thrown on the car, but I didn't buy it either.

In my mind, the sweetest thing in the world is beet if not honey.

To buy sugarcane rashly is like betraying Miss Beet.

Beets look like sweet potatoes, uglier than sweet potatoes, cooked, cut into thick slices, dried on the stove, super sweet.Like chewing candy.

Thinking of burning potatoes, burning eggplants and sweet potatoes, there are not many people who grow sweet potatoes here, but occasionally there are, the most potatoes are in the fields (other people’s fields), and I used to take a group of friends to secretly dig at night. Potatoes, eggplants, and corn cobs are stewed in the fire with their leaves, and a big fire is set up, that is, a wildfire. At that time, I never thought that there would be a fire. It often happens like this, and I am in a hurry to burn for an hour. A lot, I can’t remember how long it took. After the fire was turned off, the potato skins were scorched, and the ash was removed. It was crispy and chewy, and the inside was soft and crispy. The eggplant is brought home for cold salad, with smoke and garlic in the cold salad. The burnt skin of the corn is peeled off, and the inside is as soft and glutinous as boiled, but it is refreshing. The moisture from the corn leaves has entered the corn cob. Peel it off with water drops and the fragrance that hits your face.

There is still a stove at home, and there will be a red-hot charcoal fire at the bottom of the ashes. When wildfires cannot be burned, potatoes and sweet potatoes are placed there.

Now the stove has improved a lot. You can cook milk tea from Inner Mongolia over charcoal fire. You can put ugly dumplings that cannot be seen on the stove and bake them until they are crispy. Baking buns and steamed buns is the same. I always have cumin and chili noodles at home, and I can’t tell when I eat them secretly, but the taste is too strong. When you look at it, you can know why I am so fat.

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