No.70 days

After only listening to two songs, Shao Wu and Tang Heng left the bar and went to a nearby hot pot restaurant.

On New Year's Eve, the hot pot restaurant is full of people having New Year's Eve dinner. The whole family sits around the table, and there is endless laughter and laughter.And the two of them were arranged in a corner by the waiter, and the light was a little dark, but it didn't matter.

The bottom of the sirloin pot was brought up and was being heated, countless tiny air bubbles rose from the bottom, Shao Wu stared at those fleeting air bubbles for a few minutes before saying to Tang Heng, "I'm sorry."

He thought that Tang Heng should be a smart person who could understand what he said.

However, Tang Heng is not only smart, but also very straightforward: "Why don't you try it with me?"

"I..." Shao Wu consciously let the other party go, feeling very guilty, "I still think it's not good."

"What's wrong?"

"..." How should I answer this, I think it's not good to think about other men dating you?

"Is it related to that phone call?" Tang Heng scooped up a bowl of beef brisket soup for himself, "That man in black?"

He is too sharp.

Shao Wu simply said the truth: "Yes, I like him... I have liked him for a long time." They are all adults, and it is somewhat embarrassing to say such words.

"how long?"

"Seven or eight years."

Tang Heng nodded: "It has indeed been many years. Does he not like you?"

"He's straight."

"Oh--"

"He has to get married." Perhaps it is precisely because the other party is a stranger who has no relationship with him. He usually holds back his words and suddenly has the desire to be told. "His parents died in the Wenchuan Earthquake. After passing away, only his grandma and his sister are left in the family, and now that grandma is getting old, he is the most worried about him, and wants to see him get married."

Tang Heng smiled suddenly, as if he had heard something very interesting, and asked, "So this person lives entirely for his family?"

Shao Wu didn't know why he asked such a question, but after thinking about it, he felt that it was indeed the case.In order to take care of his mother-in-law and Longlong, Yang Shuyi stayed in Chongqing to study at university, and also gave up the postgraduate insurance for Longlong to study fine arts. In the years after the earthquake, Yang Shuyi supported his family.

"Well, yes." Shao Wu replied.

"How could there be such a person," Tang Heng said indifferently, "I can't figure it out, one person lives for several other people, or one person lives for one person, how do they do it?"

"...Because he only has them."

"My friend, that is, the dead Guizhou man, he is a bit like the person you mentioned, but he was even more extreme-we were in college at the time, and in winter the school would hold warm-up activities, Do you know? Send some cotton-padded quilts or something."

Shao Wu said, "I know."

"One year, he signed up and received a quilt. The quality of the quilt issued by the school was very good," Tang Heng's speech gradually slowed down. He lowered his head and stared at something, and continued, "He sent the quilt back When he left his hometown, he only covered himself with a thin air-conditioning quilt. The winter in Wuhan is very cold, and his dormitory is on the first floor... Until one day, I accidentally saw that his feet were covered with chilblains. I asked Are you a fool? He smiled and explained to me that it’s okay, he said that his sister is in confinement and can’t catch a cold..."

"Uh," Shao Wu asked cautiously, "is he your boyfriend?"

"Ex-boyfriend," Tang Heng paused for a second, then added, "and he's already dead."

"..." Shao Wu thought to himself, your expression doesn't look like he is dead.

"However, while I called him stupid, I was moved by him," the waiter delivered the fresh-cut beef they ordered, and Tang Heng quickly picked up the plate and drove the beef into the pot, saying, "I'm really touched." .Before I met him, I never understood the charm of the quality of 'hard work and hard work', but with him, I understood. After we were together, I thought that if I treat him well, then he will treat me well, just Treat me as you would his family."

Shao Wu pinched his chopsticks, he didn't have the intention of cooking hot pot at all, he asked: "Then what then?"

"Then I found out that's not the case," Tang Heng shrugged, "He would just treat me like a fool and take my money."

"..."

"Later I thought, maybe, people like them have their own order, and if you are in that order, for example, you are his family, he will treat you as well as he can. And if you are in this order Besides, it doesn't matter how much you pay."

Shao Wu was a little confused by what he said, so he could only follow his words and ask: "Then how can we enter their order?"

"It is impossible for us to enter their order," Tang Heng smiled, "because we are gay."

This hot pot restaurant is not that big, and a few seconds later, a family member at the other end of the hall who was having a New Year's Eve dinner sang a song in Cantonese, which Shao Wu couldn't understand.The atmosphere seemed to be pushed to a climax suddenly, the crowd was full of voices, wine was mixed, and even the bright white lights became brighter.And Shao Wu and Tang Heng sat opposite each other, cooking and eating beef silently, without even saying a word.

Until the singing over there ended, the two of them scooped up a plate of beef.Shao Wu put down his chopsticks, took a sip of the buckwheat tea, and said, "But have you ever thought about another possibility?"

Tang Heng: "What?"

"A certain person, he is very good to others, but hurts you... because you are special."

"Have you attended the female Durban class?"

"I really think so... At least I thought so," Shao Wu smiled wryly, "He is not the kind of person who would intentionally hurt others, but he treats me... I even had some extreme thoughts, I think, if he Mom and Dad didn't die in the earthquake, if he wasn't so unlucky, maybe I wouldn't like him so much. But the fact is that I can't help but pity him, and I don't know why, if we just believe in 'fate' for a while , Then why do you say that he is so unlucky? Isn't fate too unfair? Then I feel that he has been treated so unfairly, and asking him to be nice to everyone and perfect is not It doesn't make sense in itself."

Tang Heng said thoughtfully: "But his 'bad luck' was not caused by you—you also said that if you have to find a reason, it can only be 'fate'."

"I didn't cause it, but—but he is obviously the one who should be compensated, why should he continue to pay and sacrifice instead?"

"It's none of your business."

"Related." Shao Wu's cheeks were a little hot, "If I am the only person in this world who he can hurt, then I will compensate him instead of 'fate', right?"

"Why is it you?"

"Because I'm special to him, too."

"Your logic is very self-deceiving," Tang Heng said calmly, "but we can temporarily follow your logic, well, the way you compensate him is that you love him and are hurt by him, you are willing, but what about him? Did it ever occur to you that the compensation he got from you--that's weird to say--the love he got from you, would one day reach a certain breaking point, and then he wouldn't need, um, with Logically, he doesn't even hurt you anymore."

"...that day has come."

"Then," Tang Heng asked, "he doesn't need you anymore, what should you do?"

"I... I don't know. I think maybe I'll like someone else, I'm waiting."

"Well, let's assume that he accepts you and you are together. Would you refuse him to treat you well? You can't say that although you are together, he can still continue to hurt you. "

"..." Shao Wu shook his head, "I don't know, I can't imagine him being with me."

"It's not that you can't imagine, but if you are together, your logic won't work," Tang Heng analyzed slowly, "Your rhetoric is just to give you a reason for giving without expecting anything in return, so If you’re together and you start to need something in return from him, your logic breaks down. The problem is that you follow this logic to give to him, but the end of this logic is not that he returns your love.”

Shao Wu was completely stunned, he didn't expect Tang Heng to make such in-depth reasoning step by step with his few idiot's dreamlike words.But so, so, "You mean... I shouldn't think so?"

"Shouldn't it?" Tang Heng's tone softened, "No one can control your thinking, but you have to be mentally prepared—of course, maybe you have been mentally prepared for a long time. If you pay for him, you have to to the response."

He pays for him and gets no response.He loves Yang Shuyi, the emotion of love comes from him, the impulse of love comes from him, this has nothing to do with Yang Shuyi, nor is it a matter of money and goods.Shao Wu had expected it a long time ago, but just hearing Tang Heng say it like this, he still felt like his heart was broken again.

Tang Heng didn't say anything else, just greeted Shao Wu: "Eat quickly, you'll grow old if you drink it."

Then they chatted about other things. It turned out that Tang Heng was doing sociology research. He studied at Wuhan University for his undergraduate degree.Shao Wu asked him, has he already naturalized in Macao?He shook his head and said, he didn't intend to enter.

Soon they finished eating, and after chatting for a while, they seemed to have become close friends. At the same time, they both understood that they were just friends, and there was no other possibility.When they parted, the two made an appointment. After a while, Shao Wu went to Macau, and Tang Heng took him around.

In the end, Shao Wu still couldn't help asking him: "How do you think you can get rid of that... logic?"

Tang Heng said, "That's just your excuse."

"Oh……"

"You are crazy too," Tang Heng smiled, "But who can control this kind of thing?"

Then he got into the taxi and waved to Shao Wu.He is going to Gongbei Port, and then go back to Macau through customs.

Shao Wu stood in the night wind and watched the taxi drive away, thinking, he just said, "You are crazy too", he said, "Also".

After the Spring Festival, the results of the postgraduate entrance examination for senior students were settled, and many students who failed the entrance examination chose to study abroad, so Shao Wu's work suddenly became busy.The boss of the company is a big sister from Northeast China with a very straightforward personality. She praised Shao Wu several times, and in mid-July, he was promoted.

Busy with work, Shao Wu didn't have the mood to go to Macau during the holidays. He just wanted to lie in bed and sleep all day.But Tang Heng is busier than him, and the two occasionally chat on WeChat. Tang Heng said that this semester he will take two undergraduate courses, and the college has cooperated with the Academy of Social Sciences on a project, so he is always in Macau, Hong Kong, Toss back and forth between the three places in Beijing.

May NO.12 was Shao Wu's 24th birthday. He mustered up the courage to call his parents, but they turned off their phones.Shao Wu thought, probably, his number was put into the blacklist.Not long after, he transferred another 2000 yuan to Zhu Jingjing, asking her to buy some random gifts and visit his house—as a friend, to visit his parents.

Naturally Zhu Jingjing went, Shao Wu clearly remembered that it was Sunday, early in the morning.He told Zhu Jingjing that there should be someone at home on Sunday morning. Although his father is often away on business trips or meetings, his mother should be at home.He didn't go to work that day, and after waking up at five o'clock in the morning, he couldn't fall asleep anymore, clutching his phone and waiting for Zhu Jingjing's WeChat.At eight o'clock sharp, Zhu Jingjing said she was leaving, and he replied, okay.His palms started to sweat, he fantasized about the scene of Zhu Jingjing seeing his parents, if he mentioned him, would his mother cry?Will you say you miss him?He was even prepared. If, if his parents let go, he would immediately resign and return to Yongchuan. Anyway, Yang Shuyi would not be with him. He could promise his parents that he would be single for the rest of his life, so it didn't matter whether he was gay or not.

At 47:[-], Zhu Jingjing unexpectedly called.

"Shao Wu, I've arrived at your door..." She said cautiously, "I didn't knock on the door. The neighbor said that your parents have moved."

"..."

Shao Wu thought, it seems that they really don't intend to recognize him as a son?

It's his own fault.Not wronged.

But is he really going to stay in Zhuhai, at least for many years?There are quite a few Cantonese among his colleagues, and he has gradually been able to understand some Cantonese; he is used to the light Cantonese cuisine, and he thinks it is good.Life seems to have fallen into another track, one far away from the past and from home.He couldn't even distinguish his emotions, was he happy, disappointed, or numb?

He also has new habits, such as playing badminton with a few colleagues every Saturday night; going to Yangming Square to watch movies alone; .It's a pity that Yang Shuyi's Weibo is like a zombie account - he will forward some content related to geology and urban planning every now and then, but he never posts Weibo himself.His Dianping account is also frequently updated. Shao Wu has counted and marked 1991 restaurants in total. He does not write reviews, but only gives ratings.Six of these eight restaurants are in Chengdu, and two are in Xichang, so Shao Wu guessed that he should have gone to Xichang for a business trip in May this year.

He can only know what Yang Shuyi has seen and where he has been within such a limited range, but this is better than clicking into his almost blank circle of friends again and again.

After the phone call on New Year's Eve, they hadn't contacted each other again. Shao Wu felt that this was very good. He could still look at him in such a silent way, like looking at an old friend, which was enough.

A year passed quickly, and by the end of 2015, Shao Wu had achieved the position of a middle-level leader.Although the scale of their company is not large, his income has indeed increased a lot compared to when he first came to Zhuhai.A couple of his subordinates got married and moved into a new house. Shao Wu was invited to drink housewarming wine at their house, so Shao Wu even moved to settle down and buy a house, and began to pay attention to the policies in this regard.Anyway, he was alone, had little expenses, and could afford a loan.

By the beginning of December, the temperature in Zhuhai was still above ten degrees, so it was just right to wear a coat.Tang Heng said that his class this semester was finally over, and taking advantage of the clear weather during this period, he asked Shao Wu to visit Macau.Colleagues also urged Shao Wu, you have been in Zhuhai for so long and haven’t been to Macau, can’t you justify it?By the way, help us bring some cosmetics.

So on December 12th, Shaowu crossed the Gongbei port and arrived in Macau.

It was a sunny day, and the temperature had picked up compared to the previous few days. Shao Wu was wearing a denim jacket, and even felt a little hot.Tang Heng said, since this is your first visit to Macau, why don't you visit the Ruins of St. Paul's?After all, it is a historic site.Shao Wu looked around at the European-style buildings, and said in a good mood, "I'm listening to your arrangements."

As Tang Heng said, you can’t see people in ragged clothes on the streets of Macau, especially when they arrive at the front of Yamala by bus, there are more tourists around, and there are men and women carrying LV bags everywhere.The two followed the mobile phone navigation to the Ruins of St. Paul's. The long and narrow street was crowded with people. Tang Heng said to Shao Wu helplessly, "That's why I only went there once."

Shao Wu was in a good mood, and joked with him: "Then have you ever been gay in Macau?"

Tang Heng said bluntly: "I suspect there is no gay here at all."

After visiting the St. Paul's, it was noon. Tang Heng took Shao Wu to Guanye Street: "I heard from the students," he said, "the Portuguese tarts and offal are good here, and the nearby Portuguese restaurant is also quite authentic. "

Shao Wu asked curiously: "You really don't go out usually?"

At noon, the temperature rose and the sun was also bright. Tang Heng squinted his eyes and said, "I don't like this kind of place where there is no need to worry about food and clothing. It's like a fictional utopia."

After he finished speaking, you and Shao Wu looked at me and I looked at you, and then both of them laughed.Shao Wu said: "You are worthy of rock and roll."

"Guanye Street is not far from the Venetian," Tang Heng continued, "Don't you want to bring cosmetics for them? You can buy them there."

"Ah."

"There's a casino in there too, if you want—is that your phone?"

"Ah?" As soon as he said that, Shao Wu heard that the cell phone in his pocket rang.

The moment he saw the words "Yang Shuyi" on the screen, Shao Wu almost threw the phone out.

Dreaming?No, no, it should be that Yang Shuyi dialed the wrong number with shaking hands.

Shao Wu clutched the phone and didn't answer it, just waiting for Yang Shuyi to hang up on his own initiative.But the phone rang persistently, ding ding dong dong as if urging his life.

Tang Heng asked: "Is that yours, 'friend'?"

"……Correct."

"Does he call you often?"

"No, the last time was... the night of New Year's Eve."

The phone is still ringing.

Tang Heng was silent for a second: "Then I am also lucky, and I can still bump into each other a year later."

Shao Wu: "..."

It seems that Yang Shuyi did not dial the wrong number.Shao Wu had no choice but to pick it up, bit his lip secretly, and forced himself to calm down.

"Hello, Shuyi?" Very well, this tone is very appropriate, it is the tone you should have when facing an old friend.

"Shao Wu," Yang Shuyi's tone may have been hesitant because he hadn't contacted him for a long time, "Is it convenient for you now?"

"Ah, convenient, convenient—what's the matter?"

There was silence for a few seconds.

"I'm getting married," Yang Shuyi said, "on February [-] next year."

Oh, he's getting married.

...he is getting married?

Like a thunderbolt falling from the blue sky, Shao Wu swayed and stood firm. He said, "I guess I couldn't walk away at that time. Hey, I was busy at that time. Many students went abroad after their postgraduate entrance examination results came down." "I'm sorry Yang Shuyi, I have to go back on my word, I won't go to your wedding, I go back on it.

"Well, is that so?" Yang Shuyi said calmly, "It's okay, your work is important."

"What kind of job is this for me? I just make a living." Is it abnormal to speak too fast?Shao Wu gritted his teeth and insisted, "Don't worry, I won't be able to arrive, I'm sure my heart will be... Hey, by the way, I'm in Macau, so I'll send you a greeting card first, give me an address."

"Don't bother. Then you can play, I'll hang up first?"

Don't you even dare to give me an address? Are you still afraid that I will make a scene at the wedding?No I really really won't go.

"Okay," Shao Wu said with a smile, "Then I wish your wedding a success, ah."

Shao Wu hung up the phone, raised his head, and was facing a small statue embedded in a pale yellow wall. He was stunned and asked Tang Heng: "What is that?"

"Statue of the Virgin, there are many churches here."

Because of the wind and the sun, the statue of the Virgin is already very mottled.Shao Wu looked at her, but couldn't see her facial features clearly, so he could only guess based on the general posture - she should lower her head and lower her eyebrows, as if she couldn't bear to look at everything in the world.