【Taizhong】Fake Orthopedics

*BGM: Billie Eilish - No Time To Die

In fact, it’s not that I haven’t thought about what would happen if the incorrect relationship between brothers was exposed in front of my father. The accomplice, in essence, she never expressed acquiescence, she just buried the source of her pain that she couldn't deal with, so that the time of exposure can be delayed, she may also be looking forward to the twisted relationship between me and Osamu Dazai It will end one day.It was as if she knew that this beautiful glass shell called "family" was already full of cracks, and water would seep out no matter what, but she still had to use transparent tape to paste those cracks in vain.

I turned my head again and looked at Osamu Dazai. Perhaps it was because of my low perspective. In my eyes, Osamu Dazai was calmer than I imagined, as if such an outbreak was also in his expectation. .There was a buzzing in my head, but the sound from the outside was still indistinct. I squeezed Osamu Dazai's fingers and told him to go upstairs.

"Come here." My father's panting, furious voice was burning like a fire. Even if my hearing is not functioning normally at the moment, the voice can still be poured into my head.

In fact, the distance from the door of the living room to the entrance is only four steps, but my father didn't take the initiative to come over, maybe he was trying to force him to retain his last bit of reason. Of course, I also know that it is not for me and Osamu Dazai , It's just that domestic violence is not pleasant to say, and it will damage his reputation. Even if he copied the ashtray and threw it at me just now, it would definitely not cause serious injury to me.

I suddenly wanted to laugh.

His words were also in my expectation. I knew that at the moment of exposure, my father would definitely hold me accountable first——Osamu Dazai has perfectly embarked on the first stage of his planned "son" role Steps: After being admitted to the medical department of the Gold Medal University, my father still has to wait for him to enter the hospital for further studies after graduating successfully and become a top clinician. How could he just let him go? Of course, I have to take care of all this.

Osamu Dazai didn't move a step, so I stretched out my hand and pushed him, and repeated: Dazai, you go upstairs first.

The male high school student graduating today is still wearing his uniform, holding a paper tube with a graduation certificate. The tassels hanging from the paper tube hang down as he walks, swaying from side to side like hypnotic needles in his sight, Dazai Zhi paused again at the corner of the upstairs, and looked back at me, but his eyes were covered by shadows, or the pain of scratches on his ears made my eyes a little disabled due to synaesthesia, I couldn't see Clear his expression.

Glass shards fell on the floor of the entrance, and some of my blood also fell on it, not too much, most of it still stuck to my skin, or dripped on the shoulders of my clothes. It was not so much pain as it was It is more abrupt that the wind in the door blows past the ears and takes away the temperature of the blood.I bent down, took off my shoes, put my feet in the slippers, and walked in the direction of my father step by step.A few pieces of broken glass were also splashed into the shoes, and the soles of the feet will probably be ground and bleed, but I don't have the energy to think about it now.

There was a clock in the living room, and although I didn't check the time, it was not difficult to deduce that my father and I had talked for about three full hours.He scolded me for letting him down again and again, and now he still does this kind of thing. Raising me to such a large age is nothing. What’s the matter, after I answered him truthfully, he was silent for a while, breathing heavily and asked me if I didn’t know this was immoral—his question was like nonsense, how could I not know.

"I will move out. If you want me to sever ties with you, it doesn't matter if I never come here again. I know what I did was wrong, but it's all my sin. I don't know what to do. "When I said this, I paused, and continued after a while, "... If you need to punish Osamu Dazai, at least let him finish college, and I will pay his tuition fees." Actually, I also I don't know why I said such a thing. While I hate my father's harsh criticism of me and Osamu Dazai for walking the right path, I have already engraved these influences into my bones, and I must ensure Osamu Dazai's studies no matter what. Unable to be interrupted by this, I racked my brains to figure out what else I could do in this situation.My affairs are not important, and now I don't expect to have any kind of ending with Osamu Dazai.

The father sneered, half mocking, half cursing: "You can afford it? Don't think I don't know about your resignation. If I don't come to ask you, will you really think I'm a fool? Beg me, Are you asking, or do you want to prove that you are doing this for your brother's benefit, because you love him? It's disgusting!"

I wanted to justify for a while, but the words were stuck in my throat, as if the tongue had been cut off, and I could no longer make a sound. I thought of the conversation between the criminal and the police detective in the movie, that kind of constriction, which made people unable to breathe It was a dark room, even though the lights were still on in the living room, and the sunlight outside was not completely lost.With the last ounce of strength, I snatched back the little remaining right to speak that was almost burnt out by my father's anger.

I asked him, "Did you really love her when you cheated on her 18 years ago?"

Then the clips of this movie were decolorized, and the few colors that were originally there were dimmed and turned into black and white. I saw my father's body become stiff for an instant, as if the pause button had been pressed, and then, My father hunched over slightly, gradually showing a little depression. He pondered for a while, and finally gave me an ambiguous answer. He said: Maybe.I asked him again if he ever loved his mother.This time he still didn't answer me directly, he only said that he must be with his mother.

I laughed lightly, and I didn't know whether the smile was catharsis or complacency. Father's cheating was his way of finding relief, and Osamu Dazai and I did not repeat the same mistakes.With the same blood in our bodies, even this distorted fate is very similar.

There was the faint sound of a car stopping outside. After a while, the door was opened, and the woman walked into the room with a purse and a handbag, still muttering to herself why there were so many glass shards in the entrance, After all, something broke, and when she pushed open the door of the living room, she saw that my ears were covered with dried rusty red, she screamed again, dropped the bags and bags in her hand, and went to find the medical kit.

"Within this month." My father suppressed the anger just now, sighed, and said this to me sharply.I know what my father meant for me to pack up my things within this month and leave this house completely, and as early as last summer, I had this idea and wanted to escape from here far away.All this is nothing more than a moratorium on the death penalty, nothing unacceptable.

The mother didn't know, but just asked inexplicably, "What is Dad talking about this month? Is it about finding a job again in the middle of the question, or some secret between you and your son?" Her tone was brisk, and in front of her father, she would always They all tried their best to fix their ages within a certain range, so that their father could continue to be a glamorous couple with her.

She finally found disinfectant alcohol, gauze, bandages, and medical adhesive tape from the cupboard. These medical supplies are absolutely indispensable in this family where the current famous doctor is the fulcrum. The wound was wiped with a cotton ball soaked in alcohol and dried in the air. The pain that I had experienced has also revived again. I think it may be difficult for the skin and flesh of the ear to heal again, but fortunately it is only the position of the pinna, so it is not a problem even if it cannot heal.

I looked at my father and said to this middle-aged man who was no longer young.

"Thank you."

That night Osamu Dazai finally stopped sleeping in my room, one of my ears was wrapped thickly by my mother with gauze and bandages, it was as strange as some mutated pandaren, but the hearing in the other ear was like Compensated, too sensitive.I heard my father and mother arguing in the master bedroom, and my mother sobbed, and then became hysterical, complaining that it was my father's fault, that she had done so much for the family, that she was at her limit.They probably quarreled all night, but I slept very soundly that night with their vague and clear voices, maybe because my subconscious had already started to sing for my complete freedom. until dawn.

I soon moved to the room next to Mori Ogai. When I contacted the real estate agent, I found out that this house had been paid rent all the time, but no one lived in it. The rented house seemed to know that I would live in again. I asked the real estate agent who the previous tenant was, but the other party said that there was a confidentiality agreement, and they could not disclose the information of the previous tenant. I wanted to thank you Yes, since it's so mysterious, I don't want to get to the bottom of it.

Osamu Dazai enrolled in April, and he has taken classes for a whole semester now. After a while, he should be able to get a short summer vacation. The vacation of medical students is shorter than that of ordinary subjects, even the summer vacation, plus The schooling period is six years, not including the follow-up doctoral studies and the time for internships in hospitals.It's a long way.

Maybe it was because I left home completely, I finally made up my mind and went to the market to buy furniture and kitchen utensils, and bought daily necessities such as pots, pans and pans, which made this one-bedroom house feel like a residence. , even though the rice will be overcooked, I still force myself to learn some necessary survival skills so that my life will not be so bad.

Sometimes Mori Ogai and I go out at the same time and take the same train to go to work in the office. I have been working in his office for the fourth month. So tired, and the workplace atmosphere is not bad, most of the colleagues in the office are capable, and the set of subordinates and seniors is not so obvious in Mori Ogai's office.

The former female employee who was on maternity leave told Mori Ogai that she planned to be a full-time mother after giving birth. Mori Ogai settled a sum of compensation for her, revised the contract with me, and hired me as the official manager of the firm. staff.

I took a day off on a certain working day and went to the cemetery to visit the grave of Osamu Dazai’s biological mother who died 11 years ago. Some people have already been here this year. I don’t think it was Osamu Dazai, but I guess it was My mother came here because the incense stick in the small incense burner was not sacrificial incense, but the incense from Nepal that my mother often lit in her room. The incense was not completely burned, probably because of the The wind was strong, and it was blown out naturally within a few hours of burning.

Dazai's tuition was still paid by his father. He and Dazai seemed to have reached an agreement, requiring Dazai to follow the path he had planned and not to resist in the slightest. Naturally, he must achieve excellence in all subjects at school. As for his father's respect for Dazai I don't know about Zhi's plan after graduation. I guess he will be admitted to a hospital for an internship. The scope of choice is probably one of thoracic surgery or brain surgery. But there are still six years to go, and the world is changing rapidly. I don't even know what I'm doing after the next year, so I don't have the energy to think about what will happen to Osamu Dazai.

Osamu Dazai has a lot of homework, and he likes to come to me to rest most of the time. Obviously, the journey home from school is shorter, but when he comes to me, he spends at least an hour and a half on the tram every day, but Osamu Dazai doesn’t seem to know Tired, still running back and forth like this, I assigned a key to him, and it was late at night when he opened the door and came in. It was conceivable that he came on the last bus. Unlike him, I don’t need sleep, I just let him enter the door. Take it easy, don't disturb me to sleep, but Osamu Dazai has always ignored my warning, waking me up every night, as if forcing me to sleep with him, I complained that he is a kindergarten kid Bastard, he didn't refute it, he insisted on it.

His holiday was Saturday, and it was almost dusk when I came back from school. I turned on the TV, turned down the volume, watched an old movie, fell asleep, and Osamu Dazai opened the door and walked in. He took it off and stepped into the living room wearing only his socks.

I raised my head and kissed him. He squatted down by the sofa and asked me gently, asking if I would like to go to the seaside with him for vacation.I also thought about Osamu Dazai telling me about his turtle shell dream at the beach that day, but I didn’t answer quickly, not only because I knew that even if I didn’t give any answer, I would still fulfill his wish in the end, I also wanted to ask him one thing.

"Dazai, tell me honestly, did you know that your father was at home that day—and that your mother would go back from her natal home that night? You answered the phone call from my mother. I won’t be able to go back until two days later, and I will believe that she will not return home that day.”

Dazai didn't speak.

"I found the bug in the socket behind the flowerpot in the living room." I sighed.

In fact, what's the use of me exposing him now, the matter has come to this point, everything happened without accident in Dazai Osamu's script, and I can't escape, and I don't want to escape again.

Osamu Dazai hugged me tightly and bit on my lips. This kiss was not as light and sweet as the dry kiss a few minutes ago. A relationship that would be distorted without each other.That may be called love that has changed in nature, and I have no time to define it.

The sunset outside the window was grand and bright red, as if it had revealed the warmth of a fire.

I will usher in this hot and humid midsummer again.

END