Gu Pan

Chang Gu glanced at Shen Pan who was sleeping dimly with the quilt on the bed, raised the corners of his mouth helplessly, decided not to worry about the earphones, and sat down and pushed the person on the bed: "Panpan, get up and have breakfast."

Shen Pan didn't respond, Chang Gu called out a few more times, and took the opportunity to pinch his face a few times.Shen Pan let out a dazed "uh", frowned unhappily, without opening his eyes, he pulled the quilt over his head directly.

Getting Shen Pan to wake up has almost become Chang Gu's pleasure. He watched Shen Pan wriggling under the quilt a few times, knowing that Shen Pan would lift the quilt and get up after a while.

He and Shen Pan have been together for too long, and Chang Gu has figured out the pattern.

But this time Shen Pan dawdled for a long time, and after a while, he lifted the quilt abruptly, frowning slightly, as if he was at a loss.

Shen Pan closed her eyes, her voice still had a nasal sound that had just woken up: "Agu, you...you go out first."

Chang Gu was taken aback for a moment, saw his serious face, and subconsciously glanced at Shen Pan's lower body - except for his head, this guy's whole body was wrapped in a fluffy air-conditioning quilt, so he couldn't see anything.

Unable to see, Chang Gu simply reached out to touch it. He and Shen Pan had done this kind of thing countless times, and their shame had already been eaten with breakfast.When Shen Pan was touched by him, he froze for a moment, then opened his eyes suddenly.

"No response." Chang Gu murmured to himself suspiciously, and rubbed the little curly hair on Shen Pan's cheek, "Huh? Why is your face so ugly? Do you want me to go out to avoid suspicion?"

He was too close, these few words were almost whispered into Shen Pan's ear, the young man's voice was low and magnetic, implying gentleness, half of Shen Pan's face went numb all of a sudden.

The word "avoid suspicion" twirled around in his ears, and fell silently into his heart.Shen Pan thought to himself: "I've been hiding it from him like this, when will I be tall? Isn't he the one I plan to spend the rest of my life with? Can I keep this secret for a lifetime?"

But it's one thing to know some truths, but it's another thing when it's time to speak.Shen Pan lay stiffly on the bed for a while, until Chang Gu felt that something was wrong with him, and then said slowly: "Gu'er, get up first, I... I'll find something."

Chang Gu looked at him strangely: "What?"

Shen Pan sat up and put on indoor slippers: "It's a small thing, black, a bit like a Bluetooth headset..."

Chang Gu suddenly remembered the little thing he had stepped on when he came in, and quickly picked it up and confessed to Shen Pan: "Is this it? When I picked it up, it was on the ground, and I accidentally stepped on it..." .”

Shen Pan was stunned for a moment, took the gadget, and suddenly couldn't help laughing: "Is it just one? There's another one that won't let you crush it and throw it away, right?"

"No." Chang Gu said, "I only had one when I picked it up."

Shen Pan was silent for a while, staring at the little thing in his hand: "Baby, do you know what this is?"

"Headphone?" Chang Gu sat down next to him, resting his chin on Shen Pan's shoulder, and said uncertainly, "But you just said that this thing is a bit like a Bluetooth headset...that is to say, it's not a headset? What is that? ?”

Shen Pan took a deep breath and turned to look at him: "Do you know what a hearing aid is?"

"Hearing aid?" Chang Gu was stunned, and unconsciously widened his eyes slightly, "This...is this yours? You usually use...do you want to use this?"

Shen Pan stood up, avoiding his sight, and walked slowly to the window: "I told you my mother died in a car accident, right? She was protecting me, but... cough, I was still seriously injured , the hearing loss is quite serious, and the vision is also slightly damaged." He faced the window for a moment and smiled suddenly, "Baby, if you have something to say to me, you'd better stand next to me, otherwise your voice is low I'm afraid I can't hear you."

Chang Gu opened his mouth, but he still hasn't recovered from the news for a while.After a while, Shen Pan didn't wait for him, so he had to turn around by himself, with his back to the window, facing Chang Gu.

Shen Pan wasn't sure if Chang Gu had spoken just now, but he didn't hear it, so he pretended to be nonchalant and said, "When I slept with you, I would secretly take off the hearing aid and hide it at night, and then secretly put it on the next day... I didn't expect such an accident." He smiled helplessly, "Now you have trampled on one of the hearing aids, and the other has fallen somewhere... Baby, can you help me find it?"

Chang Gu sat motionless on the bed, stared into his dark eyes, and asked softly: "If there is no such accident, how long are you going to keep this from me?"

There was a distance between them, Shen Pan couldn't hear his murmurs clearly, and could only see Chang Gu's lips moving slightly.Shen Pan is usually used to relying on hearing aids, and has never seriously studied lip language at all. Simple phrases may be read with guesswork. He really can't translate such long sentences.

Shen Pan could only shake his head, thinking that Chang Gu was making trouble out of no reason—he couldn't hear what he said, and Chang Gu had to talk to him from such a distance.

Physical defects are completely exposed to others, even with the closest lovers, Shen Pan still feels uncomfortable.He forced himself to stand there quietly for a while, and seeing that Chang Gu had nothing to say, he simply stopped waiting and lowered his head to start looking for another missing hearing aid in the room.

Looking at his movements, Chang Gu knew what he was going to do, so he immediately helped him find it.A few minutes later, the two teenagers found the unlucky hearing aid under the bed, Chang Gu fell on the ground and stretched his arms to pick it out with difficulty.

Shen Pan took the gadget from him, and said to himself, "I don't know if it's broken or not..."

"Then don't wear it for now." Chang Gu hugged him suddenly, and whispered in his ear, "Anyway, we have nowhere to go today, so we're just doing homework here...don't wear it."

Due to his hearing loss, Shen Pan's ears are particularly sensitive, and he can feel numb all over with just a breath.Chang Gu always knew that this part of him was extremely sensitive, but now that he finally knew the reason, he couldn't help but feel a little heavy.

He didn't ask Shen Pan why he kept it from him for so long, it seemed that all the unhappiness in his heart disappeared with the wind following the question that Shen Pan didn't hear clearly just now.

He kissed Shen Pan's white earlobe, and the latter trembled slightly, holding back without struggling.Chang Gu stroked his auricle lightly, as if he wanted to feel the hurt and pain that the person in his arms had experienced many years ago through the touch from his fingertips.

When Shen Pan got ready to wash up, Chang Gu leaned on the door frame of the bathroom and looked at him: "Do you have long hair because you don't want others to find out about it?"

"Probably." Shen Pan soaked a towel, wiped his face slowly, and fell into the long memory, "I didn't want to wear a hearing aid at first, and felt that wearing it was an admission that I was flawed and incomplete. Man, there was really nothing I could do later, it was hard for me to hear the people around me without the help of this thing."

Shen Pan said: "As you know, I studied in Hetang Town in junior high school. When I first started school, because I couldn't hear clearly, I couldn't keep up with the teacher's teaching progress, and I couldn't communicate with the students around me. Getting along with each other—I am always afraid that others will find out that there is something wrong with my ears, so I can only pretend to be cold and indifferent to everyone.”

Chang Gu let out a "Yeah", feeling a little empathetic inexplicably - when he first came to Hetang Town, he lived under the fence and was completely unfamiliar with the surrounding environment, and he ignored everyone. Saying a few words will reveal some bad things about yourself.So he put on airs stubbornly, preferring to be a difficult person in the eyes of others, rather than letting others see the incompetence and weakness hidden in his bones.

Now Chang Gu vaguely understood that it was a deep-rooted inferiority complex, a manifestation of a serious lack of security.

"My homeroom teacher in the first grade of junior high school has contacted my dad several times, and my grandparents have also been invited to the school to communicate with me about my problems many times." Shen Pan said, "But my dad loves me, and my mother just passed away. He is reluctant to say a serious word to me, and he is even less willing to force me to do something. Although grandpa usually doesn't like to talk, he spoiled me since he was a child. You should also be able to see that he is the kind of pet with no bottom line. And grandma , She likes to scold me, but she also has a sharp mouth and a bean curd heart, she is sadder than anyone else when this kind of thing happened."

Shen Pan: "None of them said anything about me, and his father donated a lot of money to the junior high school, so that the school leaders and teachers could take care of me... The matter of hearing aids is just gone."

"What happened later?" Chang Gu frowned. Even though he was young, he could hear the problem now——Shen Pan's family loved Shen Pan, and he knew that, but Shen Pan never behaved like that. As a spoiled young master, he has never thought carefully about Shen Pan's family's education methods, but has always been a little envious of Shen Pan.

But hearing what Shen Pan said, Chang Gu immediately felt something was wrong. According to Shen Pan's family's way of caring for their children, it's a miracle that they didn't spoil Shen Pan so much.

Shen Pan: "After one semester passed, I didn't even see my grades, and my interpersonal relationship was in a mess. On the day my mother died, my father took me to see her and told me about my mother's death in front of my mother's grave. What my mother expected of me when she was alive."

Shen Pan: "You may not know that my mother is the only person in my family who is still strict with me. Since I was a child, I was only afraid of my mother. After my father said that day, I went home and thought about it for a few days, and I figured it out. ——If I fail anyone, I can’t fail my mother.”

"I started wearing hearing aids after that, but I still don't want others to find out that my ears have problems—I know it's all because of low self-esteem, and hearing loss is not a big deal, but I..." Shen Pan wrinkled Frowning, staring at Chang Gu in the mirror, it was the first time that he had to completely open his heart to a person, not allowing himself to hide in the slightest, "I learned music from my mother since I was a child, hearing loss is very important to me. ...Agu, I can't help feeling inferior."