touch the back of the unknown

It's finally the new year.I stood in the dark and watched the fireworks bloom outside the city walls, but they were not reflected in my eyes. I wrapped myself up and felt like I was going to be swallowed by everything.

Is there anyone, is there anyone there?

There are many relatives, and these few days every year are a kind of torment for me. The house is full of people, and my clothes are unfamiliar, with a mocking smile on my face.Sitting in the crowd, I felt an indescribable nausea in my heart.

I only picked up a few pieces of meat for lunch, and a large group of people were lively, but I felt chills.

I went to the temple to burn incense with the children of my relatives. The sun was unexpectedly scorching, and I felt that I was tanned by a color difference.There were kids playing with cannons, and I was terrified of that thing, but I don't know why, I was terrified of things that made unexpected noises.Seeing children playing, I had no choice but to hide behind the children of my relatives. It was a girl, my cousin, who was a head shorter than me, and was only in the first grade of junior high school.The little cousin in front greeted me and told me to run over quickly.

I remembered when I was in elementary school, when I was still very young, there were many people in the classroom, everyone was playing and laughing, those voices passed into my ears unreservedly, stimulating my brain, I was very I want to vomit and cry, but I want to scream more, as if the surroundings will be quiet, I cover my ears, curl up on the table, and release all my broken emotions in my mind.

I was afraid of these sounds. The teacher looked at me with a smile and said that there is a disease called noise phobia. I looked at him blankly. I knew he was joking, but I couldn’t control my trembling. in spasms.

What are they talking about?Those noisy women, they like to gossip so much, they don't know the sense of shame, the shame of being discussed, hanging in the very center of the city as if a layer of skin has been peeled off.

My thoughts are mixed, the sun is so burning, my oldest cousin, who is only half a year younger than me, is already 1.8 meters tall, he walks ahead with a smile, and suddenly turns around and says to me: "He Yi, I I feel that you are not living freely, not at all free.”

I rested my head on my cousin's shoulder, but didn't realize it: "Huh?"

"Your life is controlled by your parents. They plan everything for you. You don't live freely."

I smiled disapprovingly, and said, "I think it's okay... I went out to drink with my classmates..."

I stopped talking suddenly.

The cousin has a pair of extremely long legs, but is very ordinary, with an average figure, poor grades, and a more active personality.

Not of the same kind, not of any kind.

I feel a sense of irritability for no reason.

When I got home, I said to my father: "I feel that half of my life is gone. If I come back at night, it will be gone in nine out of ten."

My father was lying on the bed and fell asleep, and replied, "Go do your homework."

write you mb.

I opened the refrigerator and drank most of the iced drink.After drinking it, I felt refreshed, without the dizziness before.

I think of my performance at grandma's house before.What a self-righteous ass you are, I said to myself.

My mother insisted that I was normal, and hid my antidepressants. I didn't care, after all, I didn't take them on time for several days, but today I took them out of the cabinet and swallowed two pills.

I am calling, but I don't know who I am calling.

I dialed Yan Wu's number and got connected after two rings.

Yan Wu was more cheerful on the phone, sounding very happy: "Oh, I'm at my grandma's house... Well, ah, you're going to my hometown tomorrow." He was a little regretful, "You can go to my grandma's house to eat dumplings , the stuffed meat she wrapped is very delicious."

I eat stuffed vegetables every year.I kinda want to try it.

"Yeah... I'll try it in two days, save some for me."

"Sure."

I can't wait to try the meat dumplings.I haven't done my winter homework yet, and I feel a little frustrated thinking about it.

"Have you done your winter vacation homework?"

"It's all done... Ah." Yan Wu seemed a little dazed, "Did you make a mistake? Haven't you done it yet?"

Bingo, you guessed it.

"Lend me to copy." I said seriously.

"No." Yan Wu's tone was more serious than I pretended.

"Your grades are so good, what if you copy your homework and fail the entrance exam."

I was originally in the experimental class, but I didn't take the experimental class exam after one semester, and I will definitely be in the ordinary science class in the next semester.Yan Wu is also a science subject, his grades are average, of course he did not take the test of the experimental class.

I was going to fail the exam, and I didn't bother to review. Last semester, I missed too many classes and didn't do my homework. It would be a strange thing to do well in the exam.

Forget it, if you don’t copy it, you won’t copy it... This is considered caring, yes, I was a little happy in my heart, but I didn’t say it.

"I died." Yan Wu said, "My mother asked me to help her chop vegetables..."

"Okay," I thought for a while, then asked again, "Can you cook?"

Yan Wu's tone was a little hesitant: "Uh...instant noodles..."

I want to learn how to cook, my heart suddenly became clear, and I made a decision immediately.

"Hang up, see you later." I put down the phone when I heard the beeping sound from the receiver.

I was trying to cook a few days ago. I fried two dishes, but one dish was overcooked with shredded pork, and the time was too long, and one dish was made with too much vinegar, and it tasted like vinegar.

I hope I can reach the level of a chef, so that Yan Wu will be very happy to eat, and I can do housework and so on, but I should hire a part-time worker, otherwise it will be too troublesome, and it is not easy for two big men to spend a whole day doing it Housework, after all, there are other things.And repairing electrical appliances at home... I really don't know how to do this, I can only turn a light bulb.

When I get to work, I want to buy him a ring, platinum or diamond, the style is relatively simple, and it is best to buy him a car, a villa... Forget it, just live in an apartment for two people. Work nearer.There is a night market nearby, and you can go to drink beer and eat barbecue at night. It is best to have lamb skewers and crayfish.

By the way, one very important thing is to get a marriage certificate. Of course it’s not in China, but it’s a must. There will be a grand wedding, and then I’ll kneel down on one leg and hand over the ring, and there will be many, many roses… …

I was thinking about the future, but I forgot one prerequisite, that is, Yan Wu and I are together.

I turned around and saw another me sitting across from me, his face was terrified, and he said, "Who are you? What are you doing? What did you say? What did you say!?" He trembled violently, and then terrified Screaming, rolling on the ground.

I looked at him coldly, then opened my eyes, I was lying on the ground, my throat hurt a little from the roar just now.

I looked at the ceiling and imagined that it fell down and hit me, and I became one with the ceiling, and then the ceiling was put back together, and the people below didn’t know that there was a person embedded in it, his body twisted, His eyes stared down blankly, but he could never go back, he was no longer a person, but the ceiling.After many years, the house was demolished, the ceiling was shattered, it was crushed into a pile of powder, and there was a pool of blood, dark brown blood soaked into the soil.There used to be a life here.

The glass on the bookcase looked at me coldly, and I looked at him with the same eyes, and then I saw the person in the glass trembling, his eyes widened, his expression contorted, his body convulsed, and his cry could be heard through the glass , if other people saw it, they would definitely not suspect that he was a lunatic.

You should go to a mental hospital, I scolded him, sitting lazily on the chair, thinking about everyone's ugliness.

The cold in the room made me shiver.

so cold.

I tear apart the sun, enjoying the momentary joy of the cold and me,