touch the back of the unknown

"I have seen spring flowers blooming."

I closed the book, and the dry grass outside the window moved with the wind.

Today is the winter vacation, and there is only one class before I can go home. The class is completely boiling, but some people feel very sad, because the next semester will be divided into classes, divided into arts and sciences, and everything will be disrupted.

I heard that many people cried in one class, but not in our class, just on the surface.

Yan Wu never came to school. I don't know if he dropped out of school. Since I went to his house to look for him and he ignored him as a transparent person, I never looked for him again, and he never contacted me.

This matter quickly subsided in the school, and everyone agreed not to mention it. After all, in this small county, it is better not to mention this kind of matter.

I don't plan to go to Yan Wu again.

I went to find Shen Yu.

I waited by the stairs until I saw him, there were a few girls beside him, I called to him: "Shen Yu."

He raised his head to look at me, the smile on his lips was still cold, no matter how he looked at it, he was not pleasing to Yan Wu's eyes.

I didn't have much hope and said: "I want to ask...the last time you and Yan Wu..."

He glanced at me quickly, dismissed the girls with a smile, approached me, and we walked to a place where there were not many people.

He opened his mouth: "You know him? You tell me to stop bothering me, disgusting."

The voice is also very pleasant, gentle and soft, but the words spoken are not very pleasant. I began to wonder whether Yan Wu was blind to fall in love with such a wolf-like guy who only has a good face.

I said, "Has he contacted you during this time? He hasn't come to school."

The disgust on Shen Yu's face deepened: "It's bothered me a few times, it's best not to come to school."

I wanted to ask the whole story of this matter, but I didn't ask after thinking about it, Shen Yu seemed to see it, he smiled contemptuously, raised his chin slightly, the wind blew his hair, I remembered that I had just met Yan Wu At that time, I used to imagine the picture in my mind.

The boy raised his head slightly, his hair moved slightly, and the white shirt gave off a vague fragrance, only his eyes and smile remained in the world.

Shen Yu can definitely do it.

His voice seemed to come from far away, or my consciousness drifted far away, sounding vague and unreal.

"Do you know?...I have known him since junior high school. Of course I didn't know he was gay. He said he liked me since junior high school. Then someone told me...saw Yan Wu secretly kissing me while I was sleeping... Then I went to ask him, and he admitted it, and said he wanted to date me, it was disgusting, so I scolded him a few times, and he just went home, useless."

He spoke with beautiful malice.

"Then he was besieged..."

"Oh, a friend of mine found out, so he helped me get out of the underworld, as a solution to a problem."

Shen Yu smiled innocently at this moment.

I wanted to punch him, preferably more than one, in that smug face.

I said goodbye with a smile, Shen Yu nodded arrogantly, as if he was happy to slander Yan Wu in front of another person, he seemed to be happy to talk about it, and put himself as a victim, an innocent person, being involved The normal heterosexuality that comes in.

He left, I looked at his back, my eyes gradually turned cold.

It was finally the winter vacation, and I lay in bed for more than ten hours. Finally, I couldn't bear it anymore and got up to take medicine.

I feel that this period of time is better than the previous period. The ability to control emotions has recovered a little bit, but collapse and extreme mania will still appear, and the cycle repeats. I began to wonder if the doctor said it was not bipolar.There is also less tendency to self-harm, just a growing sense of isolation.

I finally struggled and did not lie back under the warm blanket.

The day finally passed in a sleazy novel.

I hurriedly finished my dinner and decided to do another thankless thing.

"I went to a classmate's house. My homework is still there. I'll go get it back."

"It's not too late to go tomorrow... Are your legs okay?"

"It's okay, I'll ride slower."

I pushed the mountain bike and rode out the door. It was already dark, the moon was very bright, and it was far away. I didn’t even need street lights to see the road under my feet.

I accelerated with all my strength, and after pedaling for half an hour, I finally arrived at Chenyang Community.

The legs were hurting, and the joints were screaming beside my ears. I impatiently told him to shut up, although the next second he was walking with a stagger and almost fell to the ground.Shame to death.

He entered the elevator without any hesitation until he stopped in front of 701.

I am hesitating.

Total hesitation.

I began to regret my impulsiveness. Mania is indeed something to be avoided. After I calmed down, I began to regret it. When I hesitated, the door opened.

There was a lot of national abuse in my heart, and a middle-aged woman looked at me blankly. Fortunately, although my brain was still repenting for my previous behavior, I still responded in time.

"Auntie, hello... May I ask if this is Yan Wu's house? I'm his classmate. He hasn't come to school all this time. The classmates in the class asked me to come and see..."

"You are Xiao Wu's classmate, come in, I am his mother." She smiled palely, I glanced at her, she is a woman with temperament, pay more attention to maintenance, from her age It can be seen from the lack of fat, the hair is also very neat, and at first glance it is light makeup, and the appearance is relatively delicate, which really does not look like Yan Wu at all.

Yan Wu's house is very clean, well-decorated, not a temporary rented one. The light brown solid color curtains are closed, blocking the night outside, and the white floor tiles are as bright as new.

Unexpectedly, it is very tasteful. It is really much better than the house I am going to move to. I have a headache when I think of the ugly lamp in the new house. My mother’s taste really disagrees. The match chosen by my mother with great interest kept whispering that it was ugly, but I could only close my eyes and refuse to look at it.

In the end, I couldn’t see the living room and dining room at home. Fortunately, I still reserved the right to decorate my own bedroom and study room.

She poured me a cup of tea, I looked down, and gently smelled the fragrance of tea leaves, it was warm water.

"I'm really sorry, I'm going to catch up with the dinner, you..." She hesitated, and said, "Xiao Wu is unwilling to come out in the room... really... this kid... can you persuade him?"

She looked like she didn't know that Yan Wu was gay. I was a little surprised, so I had no choice but to answer with a smile, watching Yan Wu's mother leave.

When the anti-theft door was closed, a silence followed. I stood there, thought for a while, took a deep breath, walked to the door of Yan Wu's room, and knocked on the door.

There is no answer in it.

I tapped again.

Still not.

I took another deep breath, expressed my apology and thanks to my leg brother, and kicked Yan Wu's door fiercely.

It was so hard that I was taken aback by myself.

The door was pulled open.I heard the voice inside, hoarse and choked: "Mom, you..."

Then he stopped, and the door opened, and I saw Yan Wu staring at me blankly, his eyes were still red and swollen, his clothes were messed up, his hair was messed up, and he didn't wash his face.

I look back at him.

Yan Wu was stunned for a while, and then slammed the door shut.

Luckily, I had prepared for it a long time ago, with one leg lying there, I was hit badly, and I shivered in pain. Fortunately, I bought a little time for me, I squeezed into the room, and then closed the door forcefully.

Turning to look at Yan Wu, he was still silent and lowered his head, his hands were tightly clenched, and blue veins were faintly visible. I suddenly felt a little distressed, and then I began to scold myself. It’s really putting a hot face on someone’s cold ass, you are looking for him eagerly , people don't want to see you, so they just close the door, and they still look like this now.

I suddenly became irritable again, he likes Shen Yu, he likes it, he was forced to come out of the closet, he was forced to come out of the closet, he was forced to come out of the closet, he would not go to school anymore, I missed a month of class, and I was beaten back, he Why are you avoiding me? I didn't provoke him. He was the one who provoked me first. What's going on now that I suddenly don't see anyone?

I called him: "Yan Wu."

He didn't speak, but still stared at the ground, as if there was a flower on the ground.

I'm a little annoyed that you can't see a flower when you stare at it.

I am prettier than that ground!Why don't you stare at me?

I thought of Shen Yu again, and I was even more angry when I thought of him, why is he so good-looking.His personality is still so disgusting, but Yan Wu still likes him! ! !Depend on! ! !

I approached Yan Wu and called him again, but he still ignored me.

Suddenly I calmed down and felt that I was really sick again. Such impulsiveness did not suit me at all. I had some headaches. It has been like this since the time I went to find Shen Yu. It should be that the depression period some time ago has passed and I have reached the manic period. .I felt my whole body cool down, I really wanted to see the things in front of me more clearly, I looked at Yan Wu, then turned and left.

I was impulsive, and I didn't think about it, and I didn't calculate it carefully...

I put my hand on the door.

Then I stopped moving.

Yan Wu didn't call me!He didn't call me! ! !

I felt the tyrannical factors in my body suddenly awakened. They were extremely active during the manic period, prompting me to trample on my reason. Then I turned around and threw Yan Wu to the ground hard. He didn't seem to react. , and I hit too hard, he grunted, turned his head away, I raised my fist, and was about to smash it down, but then I stopped.

I saw Yan Wu's face was shining brightly, and the liquid slid down drop by drop.

If you think about it with your face, you know what it is.

Yan Wu cried.

Why are you crying? I remembered that he was fighting with the people Shen Yu called, and he was surrounded by more than a dozen people in the corner without crying.He went to the hospital by himself, and half of the other party also went to the hospital. Are you crying like this now?Because of Shen Yu?

I suddenly feel very tired.

I didn't take my medicine at night... by the way...

I was a little tired, so I buried my head in his chest and said in a low voice: "I'm tired, let me sleep for a while."

Of course not his butt, his chest muscles are quite comfortable.

I am asleep.