touch the back of the unknown

Today's weather is mediocre, I thought so, then I carried my schoolbag, opened the car door, watched my little broken car go with the wind, then turned around and took out my commute card and walked towards the school gate.

The guard yelled loudly at the students who didn't have a day card, but they let them through.I walked past them, past the frolicking students, past the gatekeepers who bored me.

Today's weather is average, my mood is average, everything is the same as usual, there is nothing out of the ordinary.Nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

In fact, everything is out of line, quietly avoiding the eyes of the bright side.

I watched the boy and girl in front of me laughing, and the boy put his hand into the girl's sleeve. The wide sleeve has two hands clinging to each other, but I know that hand will be on campus one night. somewhere inside, into the girl's skirt.

I spread out my homework, nothing was written on it, it was blank.Of course the teacher saw it, but he didn't say anything.

I didn't listen to what the teacher was saying, but I was wondering if I took today's medicine.

Finally, when school was over, I walked in the opposite direction to the flow of people, they walked towards the cafeteria, and I walked towards the school gate.

The guard stopped me again, I looked up and saw a small white car parked not far away, so I left without paying attention.

I was speechless along the way, until I walked into the house, walked into the bathroom, and looked at the delicate and soft face in the mirror, as if seeing it for the first time.

Really bad.

That sucks, right?

I laughed coldly in my heart, laughing at myself.Then lie on the bed, take out the tablet, and start the daily routine.

I was obsessed with watching the man's strong body on the screen, watching the struggle and lack of focus on his face when he was penetrated, watching him being strangled and forced to scream obscenely, watching his asshole being ruthlessly beaten Tear it apart... I was hard, and then I started to move up and down, no skill, but full of pleasure because of the scene on the screen.

With the usual post-orgasm emptiness, I unapologetically tossed a large wad of tissues in the trash and waited to destroy them the next day.

Thinking of the girl today who asked me if I would fall in love in high school, I told her with a fake smile that I would if I met someone I liked. Now I think it’s all nonsense, and I can’t be hard on women at all.

I only discovered my sexuality in the third year of junior high school, after downloading AV and GV.

I am a person who likes to experiment very much, so I tried whether I would have feelings for GV, and found that I only have feelings for GV.

Especially when those muscular men are pressed and fucked hard... My desire is even stronger, and I can't wait to replace No. 1 in the film and go to it myself.

But it's impossible, and it's even more impossible for me in reality.

I live in a small conservative and backward county. Although few people regard homosexuality as an enemy, many people are disgusted and disgusted.

But even though I had mental problems and a withdrawn personality, I was regarded as a good student because of my good grades and superficial skills.

And it is even more impossible for me to give up the opportunity to be regarded as a good student and try the forbidden fruit I have longed for.

After all, in this small county, there are no so-called strangers who can go to 419.Everyone knows everyone, and everyone who knows everyone knows everyone.

It is impossible for parents to accept that their children, me, are gay, they are stubborn and corrupt, with an air of ignorance, and they pay great attention to other people's words.

So I expressed my desires to the screen in a small room with a suppressed and hypocritical smile and words every day, as well as adolescent hormones.

How I want to try that forbidden fruit.

Every day, repeating the boring life every day, repeating.

Under the daily vomiting and nausea, I lived every day, every day, gradually decayed, gradually aged, gradually died, and my body became rigid.

I vomited violently in the bathroom every day until I vomited bile, and those nauseating things were shaking in front of my eyes.

So disgusting.

With a hypocritical expression, I stepped into the classroom again.

The deskmate is a boy, a boring person who talks very little, or to me.

I know I've always been withdrawn, but there's nothing I can do.If I often communicate with others, my spirit will easily break down.Until it shattered into one piece after another, turned into powder, and was blown away by the wind.

I hurried through the corridor and bumped into a figure, as if accompanied by the sound of something falling.

I pulled the thoughts I used to react from the sky and saw a boy picking up cards scattered all over the floor.I immediately put on an apologetic smile: "Sorry, let me pick it up for you." He shook his head and replied, "It's all right."

I lowered my head, looked at the card on the ground that he wanted to take back quickly, and said softly, "This is a prohibited item in the school."

The boy froze for a moment, raised his head, a little at a loss.

The school prohibits this kind of game card, once found, it will be confiscated immediately, and those who know the truth but do not disclose it will also be punished.

In fact, it’s just nonsense. I saw a lot of people playing in the sports meeting and didn’t confiscate it. It’s just that if someone deliberately informs, the Academic Affairs Office will notify the head teacher. Some extremely contrived people set themselves up as disciplinary committee members and often make small reports without shame.

Of course I am not this kind of person, just because I am not good at communicating with others, so I can only think of this sentence temporarily.

I don't know how this boy will react.

The contours of his face were darker, and he didn't look like he was fifteen or sixteen, maybe a little older.His skin was very tanned from military training.When he stood up, I found that he was tall, half a head taller than me, and I was only 1.7 meters.His shoulders are broad and his legs are long, as if he developed earlier than others.

The boy smiled and said pleadingly, "Can you keep it secret for me?"

I froze for a moment.

I have done similar things before, and the other party gave me a blank stare.

I nodded.

The boy smiled wider and said, "Thank you."

He walked a few steps, then turned around and asked, "Which class are you in?"

I said, "Class three."

He smiled so much that he showed his white teeth, and said, "I'm from class seven, Yan Wu."

He walked away, with his back, I focused on his buttocks, very straight and upturned, I imagined those legs wrapped around my waist under his unbearable sex, I moved.

I turned around, and the sun was shining on the ground from the window, which was a little warm.I looked at the noisy crowd, and countless voices surrounded my ears, as if the scene just now was just a phantom.

Suddenly everything became quiet, and there was nothing left. In front of the sun, I put my hands on my head and squatted down deeply. Under the warm sun, I felt a biting chill.