paranoid personality disorder

Dr. Lin is also very interesting, he will report to me about his recent situation from time to time.

I had a little anxiety again, fearing that it would turn into a symptom of long-term insomnia, so I would sit with Dr. Lin for a while in a week.

As for the source of the anxiety disorder, Xu Zhao would fly over from his city every Friday, and then fly back on Sunday evening.

Lived in my house.

Weird.

I guess there is something wrong with me, people always live in my own home with such dignity.

Like an idiot.

He just went back and forth for two months.

That afternoon I went to sit with Dr. Lin for a while, and Dr. Lin asked me with a slight smile: "You see, you know the source of your anxiety, why don't you try to ask yourself, what is the result you want?"

"You guys have been dating for so long, but you still broke up abruptly, which is more unacceptable. Try to chat with each other, don't run away, or you may always be like this."

He spoke softly and seemed to be in a good mood.

I thought for a while, got up and picked up my clothes and prepared to leave.

When he stood up, he got up to see me off, pondered for a while, and then said: "As for Mo Qian, I really can't tell whether the one you mentioned is the real one, or the one in front of me is the real one." Really him."

I stopped, looked at him, and wondered: "Doctor Lin, are you getting into the drama too deeply, or are you really in love with that person?"

Dr. Lin pinched the bridge of his nose and looked at me calmly: "I have been to his company, and he showed the image of a successful person with outstanding abilities in the company. I even talked to the employees, and many people admired him. his."

He looked at me gently: "About depression and not being sociable, he is exactly the same as what you described in front of me. He has two temperaments."

His eyes were clearly very gentle, but I seemed to have a different smell coming out of the bar, and everyone walked to the door, I turned back to look at him, and was silent for a while: "What doctor do you want to express? You've said it yourself that he's an acting personality."

He took off his glasses, and his expression was still very gentle. He said frankly: "No one can play another look for such a long time, there will always be a time to relax." He paused for a while, looking at me, " But he didn't, never did."

As a doctor, he now doubts his previous judgment, so what else can I say?

I didn't speak, and smiled politely. Anyway, it's none of my business anymore, and I was about to leave.

The doctor came over and patted me on the shoulder: "And your business, try to explain everything to your ex?"

"It doesn't matter if the end result is old age and death or whatever, there has to be a result, right?"

I responded, tried my best to be a positive patient, and replied: "Okay."

He reached out and opened the door of his inner office.

As soon as the door opened, I saw someone sitting on the sofa outside. He was wearing a suit and leather shoes. He looked quite human. When he saw the door opened, he stood up and smiled slightly: "Okay?" Then he seemed to see me, maintaining his smile, "Ah, He Ji, long time no see."

As he spoke, he stepped forward, walked up to the doctor and took the doctor's hand on my shoulder, smiled slightly and said to the doctor: "Do you remember what day is today? I'll pick you up from get off work."

The doctor hesitated for a while and said, "I'm done with my work, you can go downstairs and wait for me first, I'll just pack up." After speaking, he looked at me, "When will you be here next week?"

I took two steps forward, out of the circle where the two of them got together, took out my phone and checked the time: "Call me."

The doctor nodded.

I turned around to leave, but after thinking about it, it seemed impolite, I turned around and said, "Oh, Mo Qian, long time no see." Then I waved my hand, "Well, I'm leaving, I wish you a happy~"

The two agreed, and I opened the door and left.

When I walked out, it was still raining outside, and the wind was blowing loudly. I tightened my scarf, and after looking for a while, I found that there were no taxis nearby. I took out my mobile phone and prepared to use the taxi app to call a taxi.

After squinting my eyes for a while, I found a person standing beside me, standing at a distance of two arms length from me, not far or near, lowered his head to light a cigarette, and looked at me sideways.

He bit his cigarette butt and grinned at me.

The rain was getting heavier and heavier, and as the wind blew in and hit my face, I glanced at him without showing any expression.

But the more he laughed, the happier he was. He spit out a mouthful of cigarettes and opened his mouth as if he wanted to talk. My phone rang, so I picked up the phone and looked at it. The car I called just arrived.

Glancing at him, he said, "Let's go."

Pulling off his coat, he ran to the car that had just parked beside him in the rain.

In the end, he returned to the door of the house still drenched and drenched. The sensor light was on, and he saw a figure in a suit who was also drenched standing at the door of his house.

Oh, it's Friday.

Really, I'm getting bored to death.

I took out the key and opened the door, I glanced back at Xu Zhao, and said angrily, "Come in."

Although he was drenched, he walked in with a very steady demeanor, took off his soaked shoes, wiped his feet, changed into his indoor slippers, and asked me, "Have you eaten yet?"

I took off my soaked coat and glanced at him: "Go and take a shower quickly, let's talk after we finish."

He froze for a moment and nodded.

After he came out of the shower, I put on clean clothes and went into the bathroom. When he came out, he was sitting on the sofa in his pajamas.

When I was in a trance like this, I felt as if I had returned to the original place.

He is still my Xu Zhao.

I am also his.

He looked back at me, lowered his eyes and said, "What do you want to say?"

It pulled me back to reality, we have been separated for more than a year and nearly two years.

The timing is ridiculous.

I wandered into the kitchen to boil two bowls of noodles and brought them out. He sat on the sofa and looked at me, looked at me, and his eyes suddenly turned red.

He covered his eyes with his hand and murmured, "I'm a fool."

I put the noodles on the small table in front of him, and just as I withdrew my hand, he grabbed me, and he looked at me eagerly with his red eyes open: "Old He, shall we start over?"

He said: "I saw you walking up and down the kitchen, saw you come out with a bowl, and it seemed to bring me back to the old days. I'm such a fucking fool."

I took out my hand and ordered the bowl in front of him: "Eat first."

He lowered his head and reached out to pick up the chopsticks, scratching his face.

I sat down next to me and bowed my head.

starving.

He didn't say a word or two, but saw that the person next to him suddenly lost his chopsticks, and he said in a hoarse voice, "Can't you forgive me?"

I'm not in the mood to eat noodles.

Put down the chopsticks, ready to say something.

He choked his voice and said, "You don't have a companion now, do you? I can wait."

In this way, there is no need to eat the noodles. I have a stomachache. After thinking for a while, I said: "Xu Zhao, it's boring, really."

He buried his face in his palms, and his voice was muffled through the cracks in his hands: "Old He, you are always like this. After you decide on something, it seems that no matter what others do, you can't bring you back."

He said: "How many years have we been in a relationship, if you say we break up, you break up, and you don't even want to stay."

"It makes me feel that my existence is dispensable."

I looked at it for a while, and the noodles I cooked by myself, after a while, after the noodles soaked up the water, the whole surface would be mushy, ugly and unpalatable.

It's the same as the relationship between the two.

It will always be like this after being together for a long time, it is tasteless to eat, and it is a pity to discard it.

When I really lost it, I was hungry, but I could still think of the deliciousness of that bowl of noodles.

I looked at his sideways face, and blamed all the faults on me. Really, I made excuses for myself, and I was always so selfish: "It's my fault to say so now?"

He raised his head and looked at me for a long time, then shook his head with red eyes: "I have regretted it a long time ago, really, Lao He, I thought you would at least coax me a few words, and then I will come back."

He reached out and rubbed his eyes: "really, I will be back right away."

I thought about it, as if nothing could express my mood at the moment, I looked down at the noodles in front of me, and said in a calm voice, "It's late."

Hearing Xu Zhao suddenly laugh, his voice choked up with a smile: "Why are you so ruthless, old He, how can you be so ruthless."

"I beg you, please, I really know I was wrong."

Somewhat funny.

How many things have I experienced with him, from the time when I was ignorant in adolescence, the panic of suddenly knowing my own sexuality, the anxiety of knowing the person I like, the surprise when we are together, the mess of having sex for the first time, when coming out of the closet He was slapped, insisting on being together, so what if the relationship between father and son was severed, and when the tears were all drained, he swallowed them in his stomach.

There are so many things, every mood is as clear as engraved in the bone when I think about it carefully.

But that's how he let go of my hand.

He said: I'm sorry, Lao He, I fell in love with someone else.

"I like him very much."

"I really like him a lot."

Like I used to like you.

Why didn't he think about my feelings when he said such a thing?