paranoid personality disorder

I made an appointment with Dr. Lin the next day.

When I entered his office, he was probably a little busy at that time. He glanced at me from behind his eyes and gestured to the seat: "Please sit down, wait a moment."

I sat in the chair and waited for a while before he could barely be considered idle.

He raised his head and gave me a wry smile: "I'm sorry, I've been busy recently."

I shook my head to show that I didn't care.

He raised his hand and asked me, "Is there anything you want to tell me?"

I said, "He said he met me when he was in elementary school, and I don't have any memory."

He paused and asked, "Can you tell me what he said?"

I thought about it: "He said he saw me in the fucking attic, and I looked up and smiled at him."

I saw Dr. Lin picked up a pen and wrote something, and then looked at me: "Did he say the fucking attic?"

I nodded.

"Did your parents divorce when you were a child?"

I didn't speak.

Dr. Lin said: "Usually, it should be said that the attic is my house, but he clearly mentioned that it is his mother's house."

After he finished speaking, he lowered his head and thought for a while, then continued to ask, "Did you say anything else?"

I was still thinking about whether to tell the whole story. After deliberating for a while, I chose to tell him: "Last night he put a belt in front of me and asked me to tie him up or whip him."

The doctor paused and asked me calmly: "May I take the liberty to ask if you are a couple?"

I looked at my fingers and smiled bitterly: "I don't think it can be defined that way."

The doctor thought for a while: "Sorry, I don't intend to pry into your privacy, but this should be helpful for my treatment. Can I ask if there is a contractual relationship between the abuser and the abuser?"

I froze for a moment, and couldn't help laughing: "There is no such relationship." After thinking for a while, I continued, "I also asked him last night if he had a tendency to be masochistic, but he denied it."

The doctor lowered his head and wrote something, then looked up at me: "The patient has a strong desire to perform, so he can't rely on his own words to verify this kind of thing. Can you tell me more about the details of your relationship?"

I reached out and touched the armrest of the chair, a little embarrassed: "Didn't I say he had erectile dysfunction when I brought him here?"

The doctor looked at me gently and motioned me to continue talking.

I said: "Because some bad things were used at that time, probably because of the pain, he couldn't get an erection for more than ten days."

The doctor bowed his head and wrote something: "That is, the pain does not make him feel pleasure." After a pause, he said again, "May I ask, there is sex between you and the patient, right?"

I laughed dryly: "It's a bit like I'm receiving psychotherapy."

The doctor smiled slightly: "In fact, everyone has some problems in their hearts more or less. You are welcome to think of us when you encounter things."

I nodded. "Yes, there is sex."

The doctor wrote something more, then raised his head and asked me: "Hmm... can you tell me which party took the initiative?"

I looked at Dr. Lin and said, "He."

He lowered his head and wrote something, took off his glasses again, rubbed his nose bridge tiredly, put on his glasses and looked at me apologetically: "Sorry, my eyes feel a little tired." Then continued, " Did he beg you to do things like bind or whip during the first sex act?"

I thought about it: "It seems not."

The doctor continued to ask with a gentle face: "May I ask when or what kind of scene did he bring up such a thing?"

I froze for a moment.

The first time was when I said I would buy him some toys and he asked me to put them under him.

When I first said it, he refused.

The second time I came home with a guy from a bar and he fucked the guy and asked me to shove something down his urethra.

It withered for a long time after that.

The third time he withered for a long time, I scolded him, he wanted to stuff things into it.

Then, then, Xu Nuo came to the door, he took a knife and asked me to kill him.

Xu Zhao came to the door, he put the belt in front of me, and asked me to whip him.

I froze on the chair, and was relieved by the doctor calling a few times.

I reached out and touched the tip of my nose, which was sweating a little.

The doctor glanced at me: "Sorry, can't you tell me?"

I felt my breathing became heavier. After a long time, I lowered my head and looked at my hands folded on my thighs. My voice was a little hoarse: "He said, to make me happy."