Looking for a woman named Xiaoyao

8. Looking for a woman named Xiaoyao

After returning from Lake Baikal, Xiang Wan officially went to work in the training institution.My life has also returned to normal, consulting during the day and writing at night.

Spring will pass soon, and the short-lived relationship between me and Xiaoyao has ended before it even started.However, in countless details of life, I still think of Xiao Yao from time to time.

Xiaoyao's hobby is painting, and she sent me some sketches on the Internet: there are bright and large sunflower fields, undulating lavender gardens, and golden mountain daisies.The themes of Xiaoyao's paintings are all about nature. In her paintings, I can feel the rhythm of life and the power of growth. In my dark days, I reawaken my longing and enthusiasm for life.

I admit that sometimes I am a pessimistic person. For countless nights, I lay on the rocking chair in the glass greenhouse on the top floor of my residence, watching the lonely stars, unable to see where I came from, and where I went back.

As a psychological counselor, I have received some les clients who came out, had sex, resisted marriage, and forced marriage. Many people struggled powerlessly in the shackles of emotion and reality, and they walked on the edge of darkness.Many people suffer from mental illness because of this, and even met some people who have suicidal tendencies.

That day, when I turned on the TV, Li Yuchun was singing the song "Ten Miles of Spring Breeze" on the dazzling stage. Today, the wind blows to you again, and it rains. You said that all the wine is not as good as you.

do not know why?I sat on the couch and suddenly burst into tears.At that moment, Xiang Wan happened to push the door open, and Xiang Wan had a full view of my embarrassment before I could take it back.Xiang Wan walked over, I hugged Xiang Wan, weeping wildly, letting my emotions pour down, just like that time when Xiang Wan hugged me and cried loudly in the consulting room.

Two months hadn't expired yet, and it didn't occur to me to ask the party to leave my residence in advance.That weekend, I came back from the supermarket outside and bought all kinds of fruits. I made an appointment with Xiang Wan the day before to make a salad and fruit platter together.

I walked into the living room with fruit, and saw all of Xiang Wan's clothes piled up on the floor of the living room, lavender, apricot yellow, lake blue, green, those clothes were either bright or simple, just like her, flamboyant and quiet at the same time .Xiang Wan bent over, folded each piece, and put them in a 24-inch luggage trolley.

I said, "What are you doing? Why are you leaving all of a sudden?"

Nothing, I just thought I should go.Don't you think I'm a superfluous being here?

Xiang Wan, how could you have such an idea? I never thought you were superfluous.

You don't feel it, but I do.Ruoru, I just found out today that I am just a pawn of yours, a pawn used to divert the target when love is frustrated.Is the person you like the prototype of the protagonist in your les novel?

I didn't expect that after reading my les novel on the Internet, Xiang Wan would have fully understood my deepest thoughts.

I said, "It's just a fiction, how can you take it seriously? Where are you going to find a place to live right now?"

I pulled Xiang Wan and said, come on, help me cut a pineapple.I don't know if it was affected by emotions, but when Xiang Wan was accidentally scratched by a knife, she yelled, I quickly took a bandage, and Xiang Wan stretched out her right hand with the palm facing up.

Before that, I had a vague feeling that Xiang Wan and Xiao Yao would be related in some way. I was not sure of their relationship until I saw the mole on Xiang Wan's hand.

I tried my best to keep Xiang Wan, I want to get to know the mysterious little demon through Xiang Wan.

I said, aren't you very interested in my love life?

That night, Xiang Wan and I were lying on the floor in a mess, each talking about our love, hatred, past and past.

At such a moment, I embody the good professionalism of a psychological counselor. I quietly hide the thousands of gallops in my heart. Even though what is unfolding in front of me is a magnificent epic, I will not move.

Xiang Wan seemed to be immersed in the memories of Xiao Yao and talked about the details of their relationship, from food and daily life to hobbies.

I asked: "You are both each other's first love, the love in the green years is so beautiful, why do you have to separate?"

Jae-mi's love is no match for the distance of time and space.She went to Xinjiang, and the world was far apart, and the relationship was hard to continue.

Do you still think about her?

Will do.But Ruoru, you should be clear that this kind of longing is no longer as painful as it was at the beginning.It is the indifference and relief of the clouds and clouds, the indifference and relief after the flowers bloom.

So do you hate her?

Xiang Wan didn't say yes, nor did he say no.She said she was tired today, can you give me a hug.

We walked from the bedroom to the glass greenhouse on the top floor, which is my paradise.I bought a lot of potted flowers, such as pothos, milanum, jasmine, copper money grass, goldfish...the flowers arranged in this small world are full of fragrance and full of life.But during this time, due to the lack of care and care, some flowers and plants have turned yellow and decayed.

Xiang Wan and I sat side by side, looking up at the starry sky, the stars were few and far between.The night breeze was cool, Xiang Wan hugged me, the world was silent, and the moonlight was silent.

In far away Xinjiang, on the other side of the network, when I couldn't see the little demon clearly and understand the little demon, Xiang Wan lifted the veil for me.

The night is young, there is a faint fragrance floating in the greenhouse, Xiang Wan leans against my arms, and a shooting star streaks across the sky.

Xiang Wan said that Xiao Yao is a very sunny and cheerful girl.We had a wonderful four years of college together.We went shopping together, took a walk in the campus playground where the sunset was full of afterglow, read horror novels while huddled in bed in the dormitory, ate vanilla ice cream and secretly kissed in the back row of the movie theater.

The initial stage of love is beautiful, we are each other's first love, but the direction of love is beyond our control.After working, she went to Shenzhen to work in the financial industry.We were all born in a small town in the south of the Yangtze River, and grew up amidst the babbling and yelling of oars in the water town. We have adapted to the slow pace since we were young. The changes in the environment brought about by work have changed her. I often hear her complain about the hard work in big cities and the fast-paced life. Life made her uncomfortable.Because we were in a different place, we got together less and separated more, so we broke up soon.

After breaking up, she went to Xinjiang. I heard that she opened a youth hostel in Yili. The hostel has a very nice name: Happiness from now on.She often told me that she is a person without much ambition, and she likes the rural life without horses and carts, so she resolutely came to Xinjiang after working in Shenzhen for two years.

A gust of wind passed by, and the night wind became a little chilly, and Xiang Wan fell asleep leaning on my shoulder.

After 2 months expired, Xiang Wan still moved out of my apartment.This time, I didn't keep her, and she left without a sound. It wasn't until after I got home from the consulting room that day that I realized that all her personal belongings were gone.That night, the familiar knock on the door never sounded again.

After Xiang Wan left, I returned to living alone.Just at the beginning, you will suddenly feel a little empty.Just like when I was a child, every time my grandmother came to my house to stay for a short period of time, every time I parted, I felt too much reluctance.It will take time to adjust to life without grandma after leaving.

During the countless days when I was single and alone, I devoted my time to writing novels.Efforts always pay off. The articles I create on the Internet have gained many readers and fans. Their encouragement and messages have become my spiritual motivation.

There are also some die-hard fans who express their love to me directly on the Internet in a high-profile manner.Caiwei said that if you meet a suitable person, you might as well try to socialize. You should look at the whole forest, there is no need to stick to a tree.

But the little demon is always a puzzle, and only by solving her can I resolve my knot.

In August, the city where I live is the hottest season of the year. Eggs can be cooked on the ground, and there are almost no pedestrians on the street at noon.When I told Caiwei that I was going to Yining, Xinjiang, Caiwei said: As a woman in her 8s, I have to admire your courage to live for love.But Ruoru, you have to know that sometimes the truth is often cruel.

Compared with the hot weather, the temperature in Yining in July is just right, more than 20 degrees. I was wearing a cotton shirt and a thin long skirt. I was alone at Yining Airport, feeling a little at a loss.

Xiang Wan only told me the approximate location and name of the youth hostel, saying that it was not far from the Jieyou Lavender Garden, but I didn't know the exact location. My only clue was the name of the hostel, the name that gave people infinite warmth : Happiness Hotel from now on.

After staying in Yining for one night, I went to learn about the lavender garden, the purple flower sea, and the rolling mountains.Walking among the flowers, the shadows of the flowers are graceful, the bees are dancing and the butterflies are dancing, and the fragrance of flowers and herbs is refreshing.But no matter how beautiful the scenery is, I still have no intention of staying for a long time.

That day, I asked countless passers-by to no avail.Seeing that the sunset is about to sink into the horizon, I plan to go back to Yining City to stay for one night. When I continue to search tomorrow, a little girl from Hasar told me that she knows this hotel, and she said that her family lives in this hotel near.The little girl's tone was sure, she didn't seem to be lying.After walking with Xiaoniang for 20 minutes, I finally saw the hotel.From then on, at the Happiness Hotel, those big characters carved in wood are still in sight.

The hostel is not big, a row of small wooden two-story buildings, but there is a large yard in front of the door, some flowers and plants are planted in the yard, and some seats are placed. Most of the guests are backpackers. After dinner, everyone sits Enjoy the shade and chat in the yard.

At this time, I was very familiar with the feeling. A few years ago, as a backpacker, I entered Tibet from Qinghai alone, and then came to Nepal from the Zhangmu border of Tibet. I stayed in the holy garden of Lumbini for ten days. .Long-distance travel is a self-seeking and exile. In the wind and sword of life, the journey is a beam of light that shines into the monotonous and poor life, and can temporarily forget the pain of life.

I was greeted by a Kazakh brother in his 20s. After checking in, I chatted with him.From the scenery of Yili to the food in Xinjiang, my brother and I had a very unhappy chat.

Finally, I took out the photo of Xiao Yao and asked, do you know her?

Oh, yes, isn't this our former boss.

She is the founder of our hostel, but a year ago, she transferred the hostel to the current owner, and then left here.

Do you know where she went?

This, I'm not sure, I heard that she seems to have gone to Finland and opened a gallery in Helsinki, Finland.

She is a painting lover, and the paintings on the walls of the hotel are all drawn by her. I looked in the direction of my brother's finger, and there were paintings left by her on the wall of the lobby.Like the paintings she passed on to me, in addition to the landscape paintings of lavender, sunflowers, and daisies, there are also some abstract paintings. Those wild lines can show the intense emotional surge.Movement and stillness, peace and agitation are unified and harmonious in Xiao Yao's body.

The way the little brother spoke was very sincere, not like he was lying.As if guided by a spirit, after staying in Yili for ten days, I applied for an expedited visa, bought a plane ticket, and flew to Helsinki, Finland according to the clue my brother said.

This port city has both the romantic atmosphere of an ancient European city and the charm of an international metropolis.Walking through the streets, you can feel the cleanliness and elegance of this city everywhere.But I didn't have the heart to stop and watch.

I don't know the specific address of the gallery. I have searched every gallery in the city, but I have not seen any trace of the little demon.I took out the picture of the little demon and asked everyone I met, have you ever seen this person?Human potential can be stimulated by strong desires.I even did something that I couldn't even believe myself. I printed a large stack of the portraits of the little demon and pasted them all over the walls in the streets and alleys of the urban area in the form of missing person notices, making myself a bit like a detective novel. Same as the police.

However, after ten days of searching in Helsinki, the hopes were dashed, just when I was about to give up.In a gallery on the corner of my street, I saw a familiar oil portrait of a woman standing by the lake with a cold face.If not me, who would it be?

Standing on the street where people come and go, my tears flow down unconsciously.It turns out that Xiao Yao likes me, but I still don't know why Xiao Yao wants to withdraw.

I asked the owner of the gallery if he knew the author of this painting?

The owner of the gallery told me all about the leprechaun.But I heard that she left here a month ago and returned to Dali, China. I don't know exactly where she went.

That night, I stayed in a hostel opened by an Eskimo. The roof of the hostel was a piece of transparent glass, and I could see the starry sky at night while lying on the bed.In the middle of the night, I tossed and turned, and then I saw green ripples in the sky, followed by a rainbow spectrum.Soon, there was a commotion in the hotel. Everyone picked up their cameras one after another, but they rushed out the door to see the aurora without putting on their coats.That night, I was lying on the bed in a daze, I remembered the photo of the aurora that Xiao Yao had sent me, and then I was even more dazed.

In the following January, I traveled from Yili to Helsinki, and then to Dali in China. I was looking for some possible clues, and wanted to see the little demon with my own eyes. I wanted to stand in front of her and tell her: I like you, we don’t can be together?

After searching again and again to no avail, I returned to my small town in the south of the Yangtze River.One weekend in late autumn, after an autumn rain, I received a consultation call, asking if I had time for consultation on weekends.The girl's voice was a little familiar, I thought about it, it was a little like the singing voice of a little demon, although speaking and singing were somewhat different, but I could hear some similarities.I said I'm off on weekends, and you can come over on Monday if you're free.There was a moment of silence on the phone and then hung up.

I don't know, but the other end of the phone is Xiao Yao.Later, I could no longer find any clues about her, so I had no choice but to give up.

I don't know, the reason why Xiao Yao retreated completely and became indifferent was because after Xiang Wan found out my secret, she sent the selfie of me and her kissing me in Lake Baikal to Xiao Yao.

On a weekend in late autumn, I was walking alone on the cold Binjiang Avenue. The sycamore leaves fluttered in the air and then fell to the ground like a drunk and frustrated man.I stood by the river and threw that self-portrait into the river with all my strength.I didn't even know that behind me, Xiao Yao witnessed all this and left quietly.

In the twists and turns of love, Xiao Yao and I missed each other after all.