Jonson's Diary

It rained continuously for several days, and there seemed to be hail, the temperature dropped precipitously, "Chaos Warrior" was playing on the computer, and the volume was turned up so loud that even Xue Lin could hear it in the kitchen.

The water in the pot was churning, and Xue Rin's face was blurred by the dense water vapor. He didn't wake up until the water was boiled dry, and he quickly added a little water to it. After repeating this several times, Xue Rin got impatient and directly Throw in the noodles too.

Opening the seasoning box, Xue Lin realized that there is no lower limit for people to be unlucky: "Qiao Song, go to the supermarket downstairs and buy some salt! Hurry up!"

Just after shouting, Xue Rin was silent for a few minutes, standing there motionless.Outside the kitchen, "Chaos Warrior" is still playing in a loop:

"Wait, do you remember the agreement with me? You are not allowed to kill each other until you find a samurai with the breath of a sunflower."

"By the way, I wanted to ask you before."

"Who is the samurai with the sunflower?"

Xue Lin finally came to his senses, he walked very slowly, stepping on his heart with every step, excruciating pain, and had to go on, it was only a short distance, where he could usually reach in three or two steps, Xue Lin It took a long time to walk abruptly, maybe more than ten minutes, or maybe several hours.

Xue Lin's eyes widened. On the sofa was his computer. Of course, there was no Qiao Song.

He pulled the corners of his mouth like a self-deprecating smile, covered his eyes with his hands, and knelt down on the dirty floor.

It took a long time before I heard a suppressed cry squeezed out of my throat.

In his mind, he kept recalling his last absurd dream - he was lying in a coffin, with pure white and reddish flowers floating around, Qiao Song turned and left.

Hearing the news of the death, Xue Rin just stared at his trembling hands without any real feeling.

What?who died

Qiao Song.

Who?

Qiao Song.

Oh.

There is no real feeling, just like watching TV, the host said that the young man was brutally murdered, as if he was far away from him.

After Xue Lin handed over the work, he shuttled through the sea of ​​people alone. He went to the supermarket to buy some chocolates, biscuits, and potato chips as usual. It was only when he got home that he realized the fact that Qiao Song was gone.

He used to have such a day, when he was in his third year of high school outside, facing an empty house, and his eldest brother was not there, only him.

Like this time, he bought snacks for two people, would pay attention to the release time of the figures, and would buy a bunch of yogurt.

Every time Xue Lin waits to react, the house is already full of things about Qiao Song, and Xue Lin will curse Qiao Song every time: Fuck [civilization] slot!I am so good to you, if I go back, you [Civilization] Mom forgot I will definitely beat you all over the floor to find your teeth, nose, nose, face and face swollen, and you will never show mercy!

Xue Lin is also afraid. The relationship between people, whether it is friendship or love, no matter how people argue, you have to admit the fact that if the relationship is good, the short-term separation will not affect the relationship between each other. No matter how much love is stronger than gold at the beginning, the distance of time and space will eat away at everything.

Even if it does not reach the point of cannibalization, you have to admit that the distance of time and space does affect family, love, and friendship.

Messy but warm love letters, emails sent every day, occasional video calls, and voices on the phone, none of these are as touching as a hug when we meet.

The world we live in does not allow us to spend too much time missing someone. We may suddenly think of someone, and then toss and turn in the middle of the night, but most of the time, I will only draw in my mind at an inadvertent moment. After a name, like a butterfly, it stays on a flower for a while, and then flies away without hesitation.

Xue Lin was afraid that Qiao Song would forget her, and she was also afraid that she would forget Qiao Song, worrying about gains and losses.

Wanting to go back to him, this sentence prompted Xue Rin to study every minute and every second, so that he could compress the time and go back earlier.

different?

The days without Qiao Song were also different.

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't see Qiao Song anymore. This person had truly disappeared from Xue Rin's world.

He no longer participates in Xue Rin's future, but only lives in Xue Rin's past.

How to do it?What would I do in a world without you?

Xue Lin felt confused uncontrollably. In the future he planned and expected, whether it was eating or quarreling, traveling or staying at home, there was Qiao Song.

What to do now?

If possible, Xue Rin wants to leave and has nothing to miss.

Xue Lin despises those who run away, he never runs away, because running away doesn't solve any problems.

When he faced his parents’ quarrels when he was a child, he did not run away, and left alone; when he came out, he faced doubts, disappointments, and even contempt from his elder brother, he did not run away, and chose to prove that he was not just playing for fun; he did not escape when his parents died. Run away, and confront those inexplicable relatives head-on.

But this time, he ran away, a coward who didn't even dare to go to the funeral.

Xue Lin wondered countless times, if he had chosen to stay with Qiao Song all the time, would he have died?If he doesn't come back, will Qiao Song still be alive?

Xue Lin curled up, and as soon as he closed his eyes, he saw himself stabbing Qiao Song fiercely with a long knife. Qiao Song was in a pool of blood, smiled relievedly, and comforted him painfully: "It's okay, it's okay. , It's your... fault."

The intermittent words turned into heavy shackles, making Xue Lin unable to breathe.

Why?Obviously I am a murderer, why should you be gentle with me?Why don't you hate me?Why?

It's my fault!Why are you still so gentle?Why don't you show a look of hatred?Why do you say forgive me?

Qiao Song, my best friend, closest family member, my beloved lover, my destination, and my future, he gave me the best family, love, and friendship in the world, and I killed him.

He will be the obsession of my life, the lingering shadow, my shackles, my original sin, and he will be the nightmare that I chase after my soul in the middle of the night.

But at the same time, he is my best dream, my most cherished rose, and the beautiful tattoo engraved on my soul.

He is my only light, he died because of me, I went to heaven because of him, and I fell into the abyss because of him, he is my elusive phantom, the brightest gem in my memory.

I will take good care of Xiaosong, I will take good care of myself, everything will be as he wished, only one thing, my lover, and only him, please forgive me, this is my last waywardness.

I will complete all the unfinished business of Qiao Song, make money, travel, meet more interesting people, open a bookstore...

Everything is as he wishes, and I will set sail.

First stop, the sea in Florence.