Jonson's Diary

2018.4.12

Xue Lin hardly spoke, and smoked with a gloomy face at home.Is it because of me?Is it because of me that he can't be with others?

Is there nothing left for me but guilt and sympathy?

No, I don't need any mercy at all.

2018.4.13

I told Xue Rin that if he meets someone he likes, don't worry about me, we can just break up.

Xue Lin broke out after being gloomy for many days.

"Okay! Let's break up then! I [Fu Qiang] damn don't want to see you again in my whole life!"

We had a fight, it was fierce.

2018.4.14

I moved out and I stood at the door with my suitcase.

Xue Lin sat on the sofa, motionless, exhausted and helpless, with bandages wrapped around her hands, and the room was filled with the pungent smell of medicine.

I want to say I'm sorry, but I can't say it, the apology is too weak, and the damage can't be undone.

Some people like to say 'sorry' casually when they do something wrong, what kind of 'sorry' is this?The so-called atonement is to let the perpetrator feel the pain of the victim as it is.

Only then can suffering be soberly understood.

July 2018, 4, sunny

The temperature continued to rise, and the wound on the hand became inflamed.

I passed by a flower shop, the fresh green was refreshing in the hot summer, I walked in by a ghost.

The owner of the store is an elderly lady who wears gold-rimmed reading glasses, is thin, and wears a floral dress. She moves the flowerpots in and out effortlessly.

For a moment, her figure overlapped with that of grandma's, and they overlapped perfectly.

"Young man, do you want to buy flowers?"

I rubbed my hands together uneasily, not knowing how to respond.How long has it been since you talked to a stranger?Don't know, forgot, my memory can't be used as a reference for a long time, because my brain can play tricks and like to fool me.

"Or buy potted plants?" She ran to the backyard and took a wooden bench.

"It's so hot outside, aren't you afraid of heat stroke? I see you've been walking around outside for several times! I really don't know what you young people think! You don't take care of your body at all, you will suffer when you get old!"

"I want to buy potted plants." As soon as I finished speaking, I wanted to slap me. Seriously, I can't even raise myself well, so I want to raise potted plants?

"Leave it at home?"

"Yes, it is."

Then I went home with a pot of tiger piranha.

Tiger Pilan, this is the first time I have heard of this name, but it is not the first time I have seen it. It turns out that it is called Tiger Pilan.I put the tiger piranha on the balcony, and it has become the beauty of my house!I think of Komatsu, he is much better off without me.

Do you feel bad when he treats you like a stranger and yells at you?Not sad?

So what?So what if you're not sad?

I finally disappeared in his world.

I bought this house, a house, and I bought a bed, nothing else, and a separate bathroom.

It is suitable for my long-term survival.

An Huai came back today and said he would come to play with me.

I have a very strange illusion, I always feel that An Huai likes me.When I think about it now, it's really not right. When I was in the hospital, An Huai accompanied me, which can be understood as emphasizing friendship, but...

I will lose my temper at him, no, no, no, that can no longer be called losing my temper, it is called losing my temper.

I don't want to recall my appearance at that time, but I remember, An Huai, no matter what I did, he would stand still and look at me silently, and when I gradually calmed down, he would say:

"I'm sorry, can I peel the chestnuts for you later?"

Seriously, I owe him even if I sell it.

An Huai brought a lot of drinks and snacks, not the same.For a while, I liked to eat all kinds of things, because I didn't feel full, I ate without restraint, and I vomited when I ate too much.

When An Huai found out, he brought some snacks, and I ate a little of each, and he wouldn't allow me to eat when I was almost done.

I looked at the pudding he handed me a little worried, how can I explain that I can't eat it now?

I think it's funny, either anorexia or overeating, the weight is like a roller coaster, one moment high, one moment low.

I finally put the pudding in my mouth, and there was a saying - I was afraid of something, I spit it out as soon as I swallowed it, and I didn't have time to go to the toilet!

This was the first time An Huai lost his temper with me, and it was also the first time I saw him angry.

"Don't eat if you don't want to," he reprimanded with a straight face, "I won't force you."

Yes, like now, An Huai really pampered me too much.However, didn't he still have a crush who he liked since childhood?I'm not sure if I'm nervous.

I was in a tired state most of the time, couldn't talk, didn't feel like talking, and went out for a walk because the doctor wanted me to get some sun.

I didn't speak, neither did An Huai, he was wearing earphones, maybe he was listening to rap.That guy, surprisingly likes that kind of stuff.I remember he seemed to like a song called loseyourself?Seems like it?

Noticing that I was looking at him, An Huai took off his earphones and asked if I wanted to listen?He also brought other headphones, I shook my head and refused.

"You...how are you and Xue Lin?"

I turned my head and looked at him in surprise, so he can gossip too?

"If you don't want to answer, you don't have to answer, I just ask casually."

"That's it, nothing worth talking about."

"Really? Are you planning to get married?"

I replied emphatically, "No! I will not marry anyone."

"why?"

"I don't want to harm others like this. Moreover, if life is compared to a burning flame, some people's flames burn fiercely, and others will be smashed to pieces with a light touch. There are also some people, relying on only There is a faint light, lingering on the last breath, that little remaining fuel, who can I love?"

"Is that bad?"

I pulled the corners of my mouth and smiled ugly: "What's so good about it?"

"You mean, that is to say, some people have 100 kilojoules of energy to like someone, while others only have 10 kilojoules. Shouldn't 10 kilojoules of energy be more pure?"

"I can't tell you." I understand what he means, but if I'm like this, forget it.

"Don't just talk about me, what about yourself? You have been secretly in love for so many years, and you haven't done anything."

"some."

"Huh? Means you caught up?"

An Huai was a little helpless, but also a little embarrassed and said: "Well, he doesn't hate me."

An Huai turned his head away, pinched his red ears with his fingers, and stammered for a long time before saying:

"I, I didn't even think of it."

"What kind of person is it?"

"Quiet, rational, speaks bloody, plays the piano very well, looks very indifferent, but in fact is easy to be soft-hearted, very gentle, always considers others but can't take care of herself, she is a fan of Sherlock Holmes, I like it very much Reasoning games, I hate losing the most."

One thing down one thing? 68 characters!Oh My God!It's a pity, I really want to attend Anhuai's wedding.