Jonson's Diary

July 2018, 2, overcast

My name is Qiao Song. This is the third year since I was diagnosed with depression. Today I just went to a follow-up visit. The doctor suggested that I keep a diary, which is good for recovery, so I have this diary.

I'm a pretty cool guy, and I was a huge Sherlock Holmes fan, yes, I was.

The things I was interested in somehow became what I was interested in before.

I used to want to go to Florence, I used to want to see the sea, I used to be able to draw and write music, but now I am just a waste.

There are me and Xiaosong at home. Xiaosong is a Labrador I raised, and he was also adopted under the doctor's advice.

When I had insomnia at night, when I was hysterical, and when I always wanted to jump from the 30th floor of my house, he was always with me.

I still have Xiaosong to raise, and I just died, what should he do?

He may become a stray dog, but there is no place to hide in the world. He may also meet a better master who is willing to love him and take care of him, or he may wait for a master who will not return like the loyal dog Hachiko.

I don't want to gamble on those possibilities, so I have to live before I arrange Xiaosong.

I only have Xiaosong, and Xiaosong cannot only have me.

Sometimes I feel that I am quite selfish. Every time I go crazy and self-mutilate, crying and laughing like a mentally retarded person, Xiao Song will hide under the sofa and look at me quietly with fear or worry.

At this time, I thought, fortunately my parents and grandmother passed away early, otherwise, if they see me like this, I'm afraid they won't be able to accept it, and the mental pressure will be even greater than mine.

I feel sorry for Komatsu again, I always scare him when I go crazy, I'm sorry, I'm sick.

I don't even know why I'm sick, and I can't figure it out.

My parents died young but they love me very much, my mother is a violin player and is elegant and generous, my dad who wrote "people are stupid and rich" all over his head chased her hard, he liked to brag about how he chased me when he was a child Mom, I still remember how my mother scolded him.

After they passed away, I was picked up by my grandma. Grandma was a capable and wise person. Time can not erase her brilliance. She was also a legend when she was young.

When I was in elementary school, I was a kind of transparent existence, communicating with others but not in-depth, and maintaining a moderate relationship. I always thought that my future life would be like that.

But no, the peaceful life was broken by a rich N generation named Xue Lin.

In fact, one day, something very important of his disappeared, like a bracelet or something, I forgot, and that day, unfortunately, I happened to be on duty.

He threatened me that if he didn't help him find something, he would keep pestering me and not let me go home.

I didn't know what I was thinking at the time, I probably lost my mind, and I couldn't help myself to put on a comparison in front of Xue Rin.

I perfectly demonstrated my observation and logical reasoning skills and found his things at the lost and found office. The teacher at the lost and found office seemed surprised that Xue Lin came to get things with me.

So, news of my good relationship with Xue Lin spread throughout the school.The saddest thing is that since then, Xue Lin and I have always been miraculously assigned to the same class, and happened to be at the same table.

From elementary school to high school, it has always been like this. Even the teacher came to me directly when he wanted to find Xue Lin.

I can't wait to strangle that pretentious me to death, all reasoning and observations are fake!If you lose something and can't find it yourself, shouldn't you go to the lost and found office?

My delusional peaceful life was broken by Xue Rin, and I have been living with him in dire straits ever since.

Thinking about it now, I kind of miss it.

That guy Xue Lin left in his second year of high school, and he didn't know where he went. He handed in the transfer application, but he left without taking back his house key.

The teachers were very worried about him. During that time, I was called by the teacher every day to ask Xue Lin's whereabouts.I really just have a bad relationship with him!Or the evil fate that the teacher forcibly contributed to.

He and I are barely friends, but if Xue Rin wants to go on a solo trip, I don't think he will specifically notify me.Maybe something big happened to his family!

As for what the teachers said in private: Without Qiao Song and Xue Lin, they would have been arrested and eaten in prison long ago!Although Xue Rin was indeed a little skinny, it was not to this extent.

Xue Lin is the kind of domineering president who is very popular with girls.From the pure school girl to the bad hot girl, there are all his fans of Uncle Xue, but it's a pity that that guy is gone!Complete!No!for!Place!move!

When the girl asked him to play, he always said: "I don't have time, I want to play video games with Xiao Qiao."

People watch anime at home, and the blame comes from the sky.God knows that I became a public enemy of women because of this sentence, and lost countless girls!And that almost shameful nickname—Little Joe

Don't look at me as a trash now, as a man who was obsessed with fitness and had eight-pack abs, the nickname Xiao Qiao is really, a little embarrassing.

I remember a few times when I was so angry that Xue Lin shouted at Xiao Qiao more and more vigorously, and her tone was quite unscrupulous.I just let him go, I can't afford to provoke him.

The promised rich N generation will receive elite education and inherit the family business?Are you serious about throwing Xue Lin in this small town?

What domineering president?In my eyes, at that time, Xue Rin might have been a sophomore boy like Sasuke, and I was a passerby. I probably hoped that Naruto would appear soon every day.

In short, I have no dissatisfaction with my life, nor have I suffered any inhuman treatment.

I asked Dr. Cheng, and he said that not everyone who suffers from life suffers from depression, nor does everyone who lives a peaceful and happy life suffer from depression. It is just a matter of probability.

Just like smoking, will non-smokers definitely not get lung cancer?Not necessarily, it just means that people who smoke have a higher chance of getting lung cancer than non-smokers.

Dr. Cheng is a very patient doctor. He has a son who is about my age and died of depression the year before last.As a doctor, he failed to save his son.I think it may be because of his son, I have a good relationship with him.

He is often so busy that he does not touch the ground, and he would occasionally call me during his shifts to say that he chose to study medicine because his mind was affected by the muddle in his judgment.

As a doctor, he has to go to psychological counseling every once in a while, so as not to be killed by various negative emotions.

Put yourself in my shoes and think, if it were me, I would definitely go crazy, ah, I am sick now.I mean, if I had come to do the job before.

Being a doctor is really a difficult job with high risk and high pressure.Dr. Cheng has seen students who are severely depressed but their parents ignore them, and they are forced to leave the hospital to slander doctors for cheating money. He has also seen parents who suffer from severe anxiety because of taking care of patients with depression.

Thinking about it, I feel terrible, let alone contact.

No one wants to be in contact with a person full of negative energy all day long. Thinking about it this way, I feel that it is really not easy for a doctor, especially when facing all kinds of doubts from family members.

If I get better soon, Dr. Cheng will relax a little bit!

I'm really sorry, I have depression.