Protagonist, wake up

At first, Jian Zhu thought about committing suicide again, probably because he was in a daze. He thought that before he died, he could see Jian Lanzhou.But then he was woken up and walked out of the magic barrier, and finally realized that he could live well without anyone.The things in this world are generally like this, after cutting out the heart and lungs, you can still live your whole life empty.

Lan Zhou told him long ago that his life is still long, and there are infinite possibilities in the future, he can't pin all his life's hopes on one person's emotions.When the time comes, his feelings will be pulled out of his body by a broken bone and cramps, won't he be limp like mud and become a heap, unable to stand up again?No, you have to look farther, he said.Come to think of it, there are so many things to do even if you live alone.You can settle down in a beautiful city, where there will be enthusiastic neighbors and children who can help you trim flowers and plants; you can pet cats in cafes and make trustworthy friends; you can also cry while listening to sad songs When you wake up, it's a new day.

You can be a volunteer, you can work, you can study...there are so many things you can do, and every second of your life will not be wasted.

He said, I will think of you when I read books, I will think of you when I cook, and I will dream of you when I sleep... I have engraved traces of you in my life.If I lose you...

Lanzhou said softly and gently, "That's exactly why I will be with you all my life, and I will never be separated."

Jian Zhu recuperated in North Street Hospital again for a while, and at the same time he became enthusiastic about public welfare, especially child protection.In his spare time, he paints with a brush, learns cooking and tea art, insists on reading and exercising, and learns to arrange his life in an orderly manner.

It was hard for anyone who saw him for the first time to imagine that he was still as crazy and weak as he was a year ago.

He learned to immerse his grief in tea, and the bitterness was evaporated, and the sweetness was drank little by little.

After he was discharged from the hospital, he agreed to Xie Lang's experiment.Before the start, Xie Lang said that this is a high-risk experiment, if he is not careful, he may get lost in the spiritual world, and then brain-dead.Jian Zhu said it didn't matter, he knew very well that it was all fake.He said to Xie Lang: "I know you have selfish intentions, and you also want to see Yan Ziluo. You are much more sensible than me, and my experiment will have better results."

He didn't expect that Xie Lang would dare to play such a big game, restoring and superimposing dreams and memories to build a grand and fantastic virtual world.

"Even if it's fake, I still want to see him again."

The princess and the witch in fairy tales eventually become each other's shackles, just like in reality, Jian Lanzhou lives forever attached to Jian Zhu, unable to have an independent body, and can only be seen by Jian Zhu for the rest of his life, touched by Jian Zhu Touch the real body.

At the end of the story, the beautiful princess asked sadly-do you love me?do you hate me?If you could do it all over again, would you still want to see me?

Now Jian Zhu can say: "I love him, I hate him. But if I can do it all over again, I would still like to see him."

**

It was a long wait for the next experiment. After Jian Zhu came out from Doctor Liu, he returned to the East Third District.

The house he rented back then was still there, and the owner was actually Ge Feiliu.Standing downstairs, he suddenly thought of a surprised and puzzled question behind him: "Jian Zhu?" He turned his head, and the man with the water bottle and the underpants gradually overlapped with the images from the past, so he also smiled sincerely : "Brother Feiliu, hello!"

The two brothers drank and chatted at night, only to realize that several years had passed before they knew it.

In the end, Ge Feiliu got drunk, hugged Jian Zhu and muttered: "You said that you didn't come back to see your old friends after you left for so long..." "Your house will not be returned, and my brother will always give it to you Keep it. Brother, you clean it regularly, do you know?" "Hey, why have you lost so much weight, you don't have much meat..."

Jian Zhu took a sip of his wine and patted Ge Feiliu, "Brother Feiliu, I'm back."

He lives here again.He didn't live in the house that Wang Yunzhou found for him back then. In fact, Jian Zhu had already thought about it. After the experiment was completely over, he would return to the East Third District to live.Because there are his friends here, and this place carries the most memories of him.

He went to see Wang Helin in two days. She had grown into a big girl and was about to get married.When they saw him, they were still in tears, and the Qian family even asked about his health. They always regarded Jian Zhu as a great benefactor.Jian Zhu was rescued a year ago and Wang Helin helped to identify him. When the husband and wife saw Jian Zhu in the hospital, they almost knelt down for him.

On the desks of Xie Lang and Dr. Liu were the experimental descriptions he had sorted out, which contained the specific details of the spiritual world Jian Zhu constructed.

"Two days ago, Zhuzi said that he had already looked for you, and I brought more comprehensive information today. I know that this world is constructed according to Jian Zhu's deepest desire, and the identities of the characters in my memory will definitely change. But the biggest change is It’s him himself.” He picked up another report and handed it to Dr. Liu, “This is the detailed information on him and Jian Lanzhou that I collected before.”

"You can clearly see that Jian Zhu in the spiritual world has become a completely different person. In reality, Jian Zhu can't eat spicy food, doesn't drink green tea, likes to eat green onions, etc., but in the spiritual world he has completely changed his hobby."

"Oh, let me see... like spicy food, drink green tea... these are Jian Lanzhou's preferences."

"Also, Zhuzi has always been taciturn, because of the influence of multiple personalities, he is always gloomy and withdrawn, with a cold personality. But in the experiment, he has a cheerful and gentle personality, and he is willing to take the initiative to make friends with outsiders. I know a little about Jian Lanzhou Don't you find it strange?"

Teacher Liu put down the materials, "You also said that the spiritual world is the reflection of Jian Zhu's deep desires, so this kind of character design just meets his expectations. No one wants to be an unpleasant gloomy character. What's more, you I guessed it," she couldn't help sighing, "he hopes that Jian Lanzhou likes him better. He thinks that Jian Lanzhou should like lively people more, and he himself likes Jian Lanzhou's character very much, so intentionally or not He set himself up like that.”

"He wants to create a sunny and gentle person, but the only gentle gentleman he has met these years is Jian Lanzhou, and they are one, so he subconsciously positions himself according to Jian Lanzhou. Imitate the other person's preferences, character, in other words, he lived himself like Jian Lanzhou."

After waking up from the experiment, Jian Zhu went to Dr. Liu to re-examine, and to tell her the content of the experiment and confusion.

"I didn't have competent parents, I didn't go to college, I liked men and was rejected by society, the people I loved couldn't hug me, I was troubled by multiple personalities... These can all be changed in the spiritual world. The dean mother I like really becomes I lost my mother, and my mother took me to escape the misery. I went to college and fell in love with Lanzhou. This time, no one will call me disgusting. My friends and relatives have blessed my love, and my mental illness is also helped by you Slowly fade away... how nice it sounds."

"But at the same time, the past that you don't want to recall is also slowly seeping in the form of dreams, right?"

"Yeah, it's very strange. I can recall all the details after waking up. Now think about it, doesn't the first person who is trapped in the bronze mirror in the dream world symbolize the Lanzhou? Trapped in the body to accompany The other party grows up and can do nothing for the person he cares about...Xiao Xie Lang is just like me, escaping, blaming herself, and losing relatives, lovers, and friends."

"What about the second dream world?"

"I have a lot of memories of domestic violence. I dreamed about my unbearable father and my cowardly mother. To be honest, that step back when my mother pleaded really hurt me. Oh, and Marin, but she More in my third dream."

"This dream makes you the happiest, right? After all, it fulfills more of your wishes."

Jian Zhu seemed to be smiling or not, he continued: "What doesn't make me happy is that I actually wear women's clothes in my dream. Ahhh, I have a shadow on women's clothes... just like a wedding dress, put it on They feel as if they put themselves in the role of a woman, and have a feeling that Marin is possessed in reality. You know that I don't like Marin very much, although I want to marry Lan Zhou..."

"As for the third dream, it was very confusing. I was a little dazed when I woke up, and I was really scared."

"Didn't you think that you were cruel and full of hatred in your heart?" Dr. Liu said, "For yourself, for Marin, and for the people on the road you mentioned before?"

After a while Jian Zhu nodded.

"The man in black is your own dark side, representing your hatred and ferocity; the pure white mask is your own cowardice, symbolizing the fighting of personality; the animal masks are the drug dealers and gangsters you meet in reality, what do you think? Dealing with them almost ruined myself. As for Marin, she is both a protector and a promoter. You are grateful for her protecting you, but also resent her for hurting you."

"The first multiple personality patient you treated, did you believe her when you first met her?" Jian Zhu asked.

Dr. Liu truthfully said: "To be honest, it's not easy."

"Yes, because she herself can't believe her own words, actions, and experiences because of the confusion of various personalities. I, like all multiple personality patients, I can't believe myself."

Dr. Liu recalled the conversation she had with Jian Zhu two days ago, and continued to Xie Lang: "As for these three dream worlds, they are interspersed according to the development of Jian Zhu's spiritual world. As an introduction; then there is mutual acquaintance and love, where there is a fairy tale dream that reflects his happy mood; finally there is a thriller dream, which indicates that the stable spiritual world is beginning to be turbulent, and the experiment is about to end, and he will wake up and leave."

"You can find all the memory traces of each person and Jian Zhu in this experiment. This is the magic of dreaming."

**

Before Jian Zhu was taken away by Heifang, he met Zhou Ding when he was traveling from the Northwest District. He hadn't seen him for a few years. The little chubby man had grown tall and strong, and he was married and loving.

Reunions are always exciting.

Zhou Ding introduced his wife Sun Xuan to Jian Zhu generously, and his words were full of happiness and pride.Jian Zhu listened with a smile on his face, wishing them sincerely in his heart.

Later, Sun Xuan told Jian Zhu that she and Zhou Ding were colleagues, and that she had helped him run away with gangsters.At first, she just liked her a little bit, until she broke her shoes at a party, and only Zhou Ding noticed so many people chasing her at the first time, and he didn't care about other people's eyes, squatting down to change her soft cloth shoes.It was very comfortable for her to step on, and the pain on her feet was relieved, so she asked him how to carry cloth shoes with him.The burly man touched his head, and said with a naive smile, "I noticed that you were uncomfortable walking with new shoes this morning, and thought that your feet would definitely be worn out, so I specially brought a pair of soft shoes tonight...I wanted to give it to you as a gift. "

Many people don't understand why Sun Xuan married such a humble husband with such good conditions.She laughed when she heard this, everyone knew Zhou Ding's conditions, but only she knew his kindness.

After Jian Zhu heard it, it was a lie that she said she was not envious.When his sister-in-law said this, he saw the light in her eyes, as if he was sitting opposite him in a boat, as doting and gentle.

He remembered that time when the sky was just right, and the happiness in the eyes of the person opposite him was unobstructed.

At that time, he was still worried about multiple personalities. Today, when he is sitting on the train from the East Third District to the Northwest District, he feels a long-lost peace in his heart.

This time he came to the Northwest Region again for Xie Lang's second experiment - different from the hypnotic state last time, this time he will remain awake and enter the spiritual world.

After hearing the news, Jian Zhu was unexpectedly quiet. This kind of tranquility was obtained by his self-cultivation for nearly a year.A year ago he would wake up from a dream and then become hysterical.Because he dreamed that Lanzhou's body became translucent, and then asked him if he regretted it.

He couldn't answer.

During this year, he reflected on the past from time to time, and finally found that the past is still there, but the future is still there.He can't and doesn't want to forget the past, just like losing time in the past, he has to face his unbearable life soberly.Because he knows that it is the past that made him who he is now, allowing him to examine himself calmly and accept reality.

He remembered Zhou Ding's maintenance, the dessert shop owner's care, Ge Feiliu's enthusiasm, Xie Lang's help... and other people's small but kind actions.He had a rough life, but he was so lucky to meet a group of good people.It was because of their existence that Jian Zhu did not become a scumbag who took revenge on society.It is also because of Jian Lanzhou's tolerance and love that he can firmly lock up his negativity, allowing him to have a light and a benchmark to follow.

Jian Zhu spread out his hands, on which were calluses left by painting.

Dr. Liu said that she could see the shadow of all personalities in him, which is the inevitable result of personality fusion.Sometimes when he is painting with a brush or reading a book and sipping tea, he can still feel Lanzhou standing behind him, lightly holding his hand to accompany him.

He's gotten a lot of love along the way, and it's rooted in his life now.So Jian Zhu knew that he had lost everything in the physical definition, but he had always had spiritual companionship.

**

The waves are bursting, washing the soft sandy beach.The vast sea stretches, and finally meets the blue sky.

Jian Zhu stood in the shallow water area and raised his hand to shade the sun, watching the birds flying across the sky anxiously.

This is his re-entry into the spiritual world, and he still sees familiar people and things.He even met Jian's father again, and Jian Zhu still hated him when he appeared again. Jian Zhu could never forgive what he had done, even though he was about to die in pain.

Before the experiment, Jian's mother called him, crying and told him that the man had caused trouble and was beaten to death, and he was almost dying.

Although weeping, at the end of the phone call, this woman who had been weak all her life still said four words, evil will be rewarded with evil.

Who said she didn't have hatred in her heart?

It was a rare good time, no one came to disturb him, and there was only fresh nature around him.

Jian Zhu had some mischievous thoughts.He stepped into the sea step by step, and then sank himself into the water.

His body sank little by little, and through the blue ripples, he saw the blurred sunlight.

A small fish shuttled by his side, Jian Zhu stretched out his hand with a smile, and his fingertips seemed to touch a smiling face.

Maybe it's a fantasy, maybe it's not.

Jian Zhu felt a little suffocated, but he just raised the corners of his mouth, and tears gradually blurred his vision.

In the flowing blue sea lines, he seemed to see Lan Zhou's warm face again, and he stretched out his fingertips trying to trace the longing face.

我 很想 你.

We are of one soul, and only death can separate or reunite us.

I love you.

Say it to you who can't hear you.

The author has something to say: I'm still a little dazed after writing the last word, I didn't expect it to end so soon... In view of such a messy ending, I want to take it easy (doge face)

I was listening to EasyComeEasyGo (Alice on theroof's song) at the end of the code. If you like it, you can search it. Thanks again to the readers who accompanied me to the end, and I will give you refills~

The following are the good reference materials and sources of inspiration, some of the sentences and plots are referenced, and the main parts are listed here:

Movie: 1. Mulholland Drive

2. Horror Cruise

3. Inception

Books: 1. The Interpretation of Dreams

2.24 billy

3. Billy War

4. Nanhualu

5. Management psychology

Video: BBC Documentary The Truth About Personality

Baidu Encyclopedia and Weibo