Protagonist, wake up

Jian Zhu's tests showed that he had severe schizophrenia. "He has severe amnesia, poor self-awareness, and it is difficult to distinguish the difference between himself and the environment... He will hear someone calling him to do things, yelling at him or comforting him...I suggest sending him to Dr. Liu .”

"how?"

"His situation is different. Judging from his performance, I think he has dissociative identity disorder, which is what we often call multiple personality split."

He was then sent to Dr. Liu at North Street Hospital for further observation and treatment.Xie Lang said to him: "This doctor is an acquaintance of mine before, and she is very interested in hearing about your situation." The doctor Liu they are going to see is a psychologist who has treated multiple personality patients for many years. several similar patients.Dr. Liu is a kind-looking middle-aged lady, and such a soft appearance tends to relax her patients.

The sound of heels clashing on the smooth floor, Xie Lang followed Dr. Liu and approached the office. "Since the catastrophe, there have been more and more people suffering from mental illness. The hospital has reported the problem to the higher authorities a long time ago... No, it is impossible to draw a conclusion now. After all, there is also the possibility of pretending to be crazy. You don't have to worry about him here, we ..." The words stopped abruptly, and they looked into the room together through the half-open door.

The boy was sitting upright on the chair with his head down.His sitting posture is very upright, trying to straighten his back, and he looks very well-behaved from the side, but this is quite different from the performance in the data.Doctor Liu watched him outside the door for a while and came in.Hearing the sound of the door being pushed, the young man turned his head, and saw a soft and harmless smile on the person who came.But Dr. Liu found that he couldn't see people in real terms, as if he saw a more erratic distance through her.

"Hi, are you Dr. Liu?"

"Yes. Would you like something to drink?" Seeing that he refused, Dr. Liu pulled up a chair and sat down without saying anything.She flipped through the information, read him the most basic information, and then asked him, "Is that right?"

"No, that's not me, that's Xiaozhu."

"Aren't you Jian Zhu?"

"No, I'm Jian Lanzhou."

"Then Lan Zhou, where is Jian Zhu?"

"Xiao Zhu fell asleep, he has been too tired recently."

Doctor Liu nodded and asked tentatively, "Then can you let me talk to Jian Zhu?"

"No way, Xiaozhu was so stimulated that he didn't even listen to me. If he wakes him up, he will commit suicide again."

Dr. Liu looked at the boy carefully, "He knows you? So it was your idea to come to see me this time?"

The boy was silent for a while this time, before he sighed for a long time.So Dr. Liu saw his eyes becoming dazed, and his lips twitched.Suddenly he opened his eyes wide and looked down at his wrist.Confused and panicked on his face, "Didn't I cut my wrist? Why didn't I..." He suddenly jumped up from his chair and shouted, "I'm not dead?!"

Seeing Dr. Liu looking at him, Jian Zhu froze.Then he fell to the ground in shock, and the chair was brought down by him.Dr. Liu was surprised to see him quickly crawl behind the big vase with hands and feet, huddled up and trembling his shoulders, "Here it comes again..." He cried, "Why? You can't let me go ?"

Dr. Liu tried to approach him.But he trembled even more when Dr. Liu approached, and he kept sticking to the wall behind him, wishing he could be embedded in it.She squatted in front of the boy and comforted her softly: "Don't be afraid, don't be afraid. No one here wants to hurt you."

The soft whisper made Jian Zhu gradually relax.Wispy bangs blocked his eyes, but he didn't move.

By the time they returned to the table, it had taken most of the day.Dr. Liu asked, "Is someone going to hurt you?"

Jian Zhu's voice was suppressed, "Marin..."

"Who is Marlin?"

He doesn't speak.Dr. Liu coaxed patiently: "Are you a friend of Mr. Xie? He is very worried about you. I am the psychologist he asked to help you."

"I don't remember." Jian Zhu was very sad, "I always do this...I don't know where I will wake up, every time I open my eyes, something I don't know will happen, I am very sad...I this time It seems that I have slept for a longer time." He suddenly looked up, "Doctor? Will you believe what I say?"

"Of course." Doctor Liu smiled very gently.She found that Jian Zhu was always reluctant to meet people's eyes when speaking, but just now that personality had been looking directly into her eyes. "I've seen many like you."

Jian Zhu was silent for a long time as if he was weighing things up, and finally he said seriously: "Then you must promise that you will keep the secret, and you must never tell anyone else in the world."

"That's my medical ethics."

"You swear." Jian Zhu refused to let go.

"I swear."

His body relaxed and receded, and his eyes drifted away again.When he leaned forward again, his tone became easy-going and friendly, "You can't lie to him, Xiao Zhu hates being deceived."

"Jian Lanzhou?" Doctor Liu understood, "Jian Zhu just mentioned Marin."

"Oh, that girl." Jian Lanzhou frowned, "She caused Xiao Zhu a lot of trouble."

"Is Marin sleeping too?"

Jian Lanzhou nodded.

Dr. Liu found that this personality didn't seem to be trying to hide his abnormality of multiple personalities like other patients. Instead, he was very cooperative with her and seemed to have a vague expectation for treatment.But it was limited to this, he seemed to be concerned about the personality of the master, and he would not tell unless asked.The two personalities displayed at the same time are always wary of the surrounding environment.

The information Dr. Liu got from the conversation: Before coming here, Jian Zhu had suicidal tendencies, so she had been forced to sleep for a while.She asked the nurse to observe from the visiting hole at regular intervals, and recorded Jian Zhu's daily activities.The manifestations are: normal appetite and excretion, acceptable mood, willingness to cooperate, gentle personality, and does not reject contact with others.Because it has been determined that this place is a safe place, Jian Lanzhou has always been in control of the sovereignty, and it is he who has faced outsiders many times.

But in the middle of the night, the nurse came to tell Dr. Liu that Jian Zhu was very manic in the ward. He seemed very dissatisfied with being trapped in the room, and kept beating the pillow and making a lot of noise.He became depressed again in the middle of the night, and in the early morning the nurse found him wrapping himself in a quilt and hiding in a corner.

In order to treat Jian Zhu, Dr. Liu must determine all the personalities in his body and obtain the data of all personalities to understand their characteristics.She also needs to understand Jian Zhu's experience, and then combine each personality confession to integrate the reasons for their existence and the conditions they were created at that time.But Jian Zhu is currently very repulsed by this, coupled with memory loss, it is very difficult.

Jian Zhu had a physical examination the next day, and the record mentioned again that his eyes were wandering and he was very inattentive.When asked why he was doing this, he said it was because he was talking to other people.On the other hand, he resisted the metallic touch of instruments and the touch of male doctors.Jian Lanzhou smiled apologetically at Dr. Liu, "Because of the shadow left by Xiaozhu's forced intercourse by his adoptive father when he was young."

After a few days, Jian Zhu lost his temper with the nurses because they called him "Jian Zhu".During the meal that time, he dropped the bowl, cursed people irritably, and kept asking the nurse to call him "Marlin" or "Jane".Unexpectedly, Marin's attitude towards Dr. Liu was not bad, although he was upset, he obediently stopped making trouble.

Dr. Liu got other information from her, and Marin said she didn't care about the treatment.

"I did do some bad things back then," she said, shaking her leg, "but I wouldn't be able to live if he died. It would be nice if the treatment would stop him from tossing around. But doctor, I'll tell you bet."

"What are you gambling?"

She laughed viciously, "Maybe he doesn't want to receive treatment?"

Dr. Liu finally sorted out the following information:

1. Jian Zhu (master personality): Black hair and black eyes, 19 years old, height 175, orphan.He experienced sexual assault and domestic violence in his childhood, was withdrawn and gloomy, was not good at talking, and was fearful and wary of the outside world.

2. Jian Lanzhou (Personality 23): Black hair and black eyes, wearing glasses, 180 years old, height [-].He has a gentle personality, is good at painting and cooking, and has a smart mind. He is extremely protective of Jian Zhu.He is mainly responsible for appeasing and controlling sovereignty in a safe environment, and he arranges who will come forward to deal with the outside world.

3. Marin (personality one): A personality full of hatred.Chinese and foreign mixed race, with flaxen hair, amber eyes, 16 years old, height 169.Irritable and surly, with violent and potentially antisocial tendencies.She has great strength, is good at guns and handwork, and is responsible for protecting women and children, and she protects all of them in dangerous environments.He used to sell drugs and tried to take drugs, planning to take revenge on Jane's father.

The test showed that the IQ of each personality is different, and the one with the highest IQ is Jian Lanzhou.He is much more mature than other personalities, behaves rationally, and can express repressed emotions through specific behaviors.And Marin is the most schizophrenic personality, highly sensitive to the surrounding environment.

Marin's words left her with a question.She must allow all personalities to communicate, help each other in the face of problems, and break their independence.But if there is concealment or reluctance, this is a difficult problem to deal with.

Patients in other wards complained to the doctor that they were always confused by Jian Zhu's different names. Dr. Liu told others not to mention other personalities' names in the hospital, and they were all referred to as "Jian Zhu".When the teenager claims that he is another personality, remind him that his name is Jian Zhu, and when he denies his behavior, show him the truth—this is also beneficial for personality fusion.

Soon Jian Zhu took the initiative to come to the door, and it was Jian Zhu himself who saw Dr. Liu.

"There are two other people in my body... I don't know when they appeared, they have been with me for a long time." Jian Zhu whispered, "I always thought this was normal when I was young. Then I found that I began to lose time, to be honest It's really scary. I often wake up and find myself taking a test in class, or lying in the store, and I'm somewhere else for a second. I don't know where I will wake up all these years, and I don't know what to do What happened, I didn't know what I was going to face - I was abandoned by time."

He hugged his knees and asked softly: "A few years ago, the two of them told me that they were in my body. I thought it was a ghost or something, and I once thought I was suffering from hysteria... Tell me the truth, am I sick?"

Dr. Liu sighed, "You already knew that they were all your personalities—you are a multiple personality patient."

Jian Zhu clenched the handle of the armchair tightly, and said in an unsteady voice, "It's not a soul, but a personality? No, doctor, they are not personalities." He looked into Dr. Liu's eyes, "They are clearly human beings."

"..."

"When you call them 'personalities,' it seems like you don't believe they really exist."*

"I've been dawdling all these years. When I'm awake, I always tell myself to live hard. Although I'm cowardly, I feel very happy because of the existence of one person." He said, "It's Lan Zhou. He Accompanied me through my childhood and adolescence. Counting a full ten years, I will feel at ease and feel courageous when he is around. How do you make me think that he is not real?"

Dr. Liu was surprised that Jian Zhu seemed to have different feelings for Jian Lanzhou, "You...you wouldn't..." But she couldn't believe it, she had never encountered such a situation in her many years of practice.

She and Jian Zhu spoke almost at the same time——

"you like him?"

"I like him."

God, what is this called?How could some patients fall in love with their own personality? ! Dr. Liu felt like crying.But Jian Zhu's question was not over yet, "I fell into a coma after committing suicide, but when I woke up, I was told that you would be my psychiatrist. I want to ask you, did Lanzhou propose it?"

Dr. Liu has indeed considered this issue, and Jian Lanzhou also admitted it.At that time, she felt that this personality was too protective of the main personality, and even mentioned Jian Zhu in a different tone, that kind of doting and tenderness was a bit like being a son and a bit like a lover.So she asked casually, "Are you really willing?"

Now she can convey Jian Lanzhou's intentions to Jian Zhu, "Yes, this is his choice."

Jian Zhu laughed, "His choice? Has anyone asked what I mean?"

"You don't want to be treated?"

"I don't want to!" Jian Zhu said firmly.He stood up and left in a hurry, "I'm sorry, Doctor Liu, please give me some time."

**

Jian Zhu ran out and called Xie Lang.After a while, a car drove up.The car window was rolled down, revealing a gentle and cold young male face.

"I'm Wang Yunzhou."

Xie Lang couldn't move away, so Wang Yunzhou came to take Jian Zhu to his new residence.The car drove all the way into a place close to the city center. This area is affordable and quiet, with a park behind the community.Jian Zhu thought about something and didn't keep anyone. Before leaving, Wang Yunzhou left him his business card, saying that they might have more contacts in the future.

When Jian Zhu was finally left alone, he was suddenly at a loss.When Dr. Liu confessed, he felt his heart burst, how could he say that?Said that he fell in love with his own personality, and still dreamed of being with him for a long time?

Jian Zhu broke a lot of things as if venting.He hit his head, and the violent dizziness made him bend over and vomit.Soon he heard Jian Lanzhou's panicked voice.He stared at the face in the mirror and said in a low voice, "Do you want to leave me?"

Jian Lanzhou felt a bit of a headache, but he was trapped in the darkness and couldn't do anything other than speak.He wanted to hug Jian Zhu, but he was restrained.Jian Lanzhou tried to reason with Jian Zhu: "Xiao Zhu, haven't you been sad for a long time because of Marin? As long as you are willing to treat, you can become a normal person and you will never lose yourself again. Besides, the long-term split is not good for you. Your body is also hurt, I hope you can live better."

"But you will leave me too." Jian Zhu began to hammer the mirror with red eyes, "We have been together for more than ten years, and you are my only relative. I fell in love with you like a fool, but now you want to tell me that you can give up completely All of this. Jian Lanzhou, why are you so cruel?"

He felt that his heart was being oppressed, as if a steel clamp was squeezing a soft mass of meat tightly, and it would burst in the next second.Jian Zhu bent over and covered his chest as if he couldn't take it anymore, feeling dizzy.

Lanzhou, my heart hurts...

"Little Zhu!"

He felt a deeper despair than when he was nine years old, because this time he had a choice, but if he chose, there was no way back.If he doesn't accept treatment, he will continue to face Marin's crime. If he accepts it, he will lose Jane Lanzhou and walk alone for the rest of his life.There are abysses around Jian Zhu, and the only person who can save him is planning to have him send him away with his own hands.

"Little Zhu..."

"I can't—" Jian Zhu broke down completely, "I'm killing you with my own hands! Why are you so indifferent, why aren't you angry? You know that I like you...you talk, you come out, you meet me !"

After a while, "I'm sorry Xiao Zhu." Jian Lanzhou's tone was imperceptibly low, "I'm sorry..."

"I don't want to hear you say this..." Jian Zhu looked at the nosebleed dripping on the back of his hand, his eyes gradually darkened, but his tone was filled with increasingly strange excitement, "Say, Lanzhou," he said. He raised his hand to his mouth, his eyes fixed on the blood vessels, "How about I bite down?"

"Little Zhu..."

"Isn't that good? If I eat myself, no one will bother me, and we can be together forever!" He grinned, and then bit down on Jian Zhu's exclamation.

Wang Yunzhou received a call and came to the apartment with his belongings. The young man who opened the door looked sloppy and probably hadn't had a good rest for a few days.Wang Yunzhou vaguely saw the mess in the dark room behind him, and there was a strange smell.

"Thank you." The young man took the things with his head down, his voice was hoarse, and there was tiredness that could not be concealed in his soft voice.There are still scars on the outstretched wrist.

"Here is the letter that Dr. Liu asked me to give you." Wang Yunzhou still couldn't help asking: "Do you really need help?"

The boy shook his head, then looked at Wang Yunzhou with firm eyes, "Please tell Dr. Liu, Xiao Zhu will return to the hospital soon."

**

When enough pressure is applied from the outside world, a person who is shaken inside can sway from side to side.Jian Lanzhou separated all the pros and cons little by little, crushed them and spread them in front of Jian Zhu.

He said: "I was born to love you, and I will give you all the emotions you desire, so I hope you will get better and better than anyone else. This is also your deepest desire."

"You can live without me, but I can't lose you. You will always remember me when you live, and you will inherit my memory, my abilities, everything about me. You are me, and then we will truly become one, without People can tear us apart."

"Xiao Zhu, Marin and I are willing to exchange our existence for your stable life in the next few decades."

The author has something to say: The desire to survive makes me code desperately

*——"24 Billys"