his substitute

There were more and more people in the coffee shop. Xun Musheng stood up slowly while leaning on the edge of the table, still feeling dizzy and blood rushing to his brain.He walked towards the door of the store, with the lukewarm wooden beads on his palms, but Chi Yu's words echoed in his ears—I wish you well.

He would rather hear Chi Yu say "goodbye".

Walking to the door, just as he was about to push it out, the door was pulled open from the outside, and a young man rushed in in a hurry, almost colliding with him head-on.He was upset, but he didn't want to vent his anger on the stranger, so he left sideways without even looking at him.The man suddenly shouted: "Ah! Mr. Xun!"

Only then did Xun Musheng turn around and saw that it was one of the nurses he had hired for Chi Yu.

It was this nurse who accompanied Chi Yu with Zhou Chenzhong just now, but Xun Musheng was so focused on Chi Yu that he didn't notice the people around Chi Yu at all.

The man hurriedly took out a piece of paper that was folded twice from his pocket, "Mr. Xun, Mr. Wen asked me to bring this to you."

The word "Mr. Wen" made Xun Musheng frowned.At present, there are very few people who know Chi Yu's original identity. Naturally, the nurse does not know, so it is not unusual to call him "Mr. Wen".

But Xun Musheng was quite unhappy when he heard it.

The man handed over the paper, and said, "Mr. Wen was going to give it to you personally, but he left in a hurry just now, and he just remembered it when he got back to the ward."

Xun Musheng unfolded the paper, and the handwriting on the paper was skewed, uneven horizontally and vertically, like a child's handwriting.

He asked sullenly, "What is this?"

"I don't know." The man scratched his head, "I didn't peek, I just know it was written by Mr. Wen."

Xun Musheng was very surprised.He had never seen Chi Yu's handwriting, but he also knew that this ugly handwriting should not have come from Chi Yu's hand.

He likes Chi Yu's hand very much, the fingers are long and slender, the palm is warm, there are old thin calluses on the fingertips, and there are several scars that have healed on the palm.Such hands have nothing to do with beauty, but they are rough enough.He kissed every scar and callus on those hands, and Chi Yu always wanted to shrink back, but he held on tightly, and when he raised his eyes, he could see the stars in Chi Yu's eyes.

But now, he couldn't hold Chi Yu's hand anymore.

"By the way, Mr. Wen asked me to bring a sentence." The man said again: "Please clean up everything written on the paper, it's troublesome."

What is written on paper?

Xun Musheng took a closer look and understood what Chi Yu meant.

If he hadn't left in a hurry just now and forgot about it, Chi Yu would have said to him: "Mr. Xun, I have lived in your house for a while and left some personal belongings. Please ask someone to clean them up. There are not many things. It's not expensive, just throw it away. I wrote it all on paper, take a look, there shouldn't be any omissions."

The sense of loss came up again, and Xun Musheng's fingertips trembled slightly, barely controlling his emotions, and said to the nurse, "Okay, I see."

The nurse left, but Xun Musheng didn't get in the car immediately.

Holding the paper, he walked aimlessly on the street.

Chi Yu simply wanted to erase all traces, from eye drops, underwear, slippers, to pajamas, razors, everything was written.

Xun Musheng felt an inexplicable sadness in his heart, as if he was about to lose a precious treasure.

Why the word was so ugly, he read it several times from beginning to end, and finally understood.

Chi Yu's hand has not fully recovered, and it is difficult to hold the pen. He writes while thinking, and finally writes like this.

Xun Musheng lowered his right hand, and the paper collided with the wind, making a very soft sound.He looked in the direction of the hospital and murmured involuntarily, "Chi Yu."

"What are you?" Zhou Chenzhong looked at Ka in front of him, and frowned.

"I have some savings." Chi Yu looked calm, as if he had finally let go of the burden on his shoulders, "I can afford the hospitalization and nursing expenses during this period."

Zhou Chenzhong pushed the card back, "There is no reason to burden you."

"I am no longer a special soldier. Captain, please take care of me. I take medicine from you and accept your counseling. I have never spent a penny." Chi Yu said slowly: "This is the army's tribute to us retired special soldiers. Thank you for taking care of me. But I am sick and injured myself, so I can’t let you or the old army bear the burden.”

Zhou Chenzhong was speechless for a long while.

In fact, Chi Yu's expenses in the past few months were all paid by Xun Musheng, and Xun Musheng deliberately concealed it, so Chi Yu thought that he spent money from the old army.

Knowing that this matter cannot be exposed, Zhou Chenzhong temporarily accepted the card after careful consideration, intending to withdraw a small part of the savings from the card, and then find a reason for "special reimbursement", and return the withdrawn money to Chi Yu in the future.

After all, it cannot be returned to Xun Musheng, and Xun Musheng will not accept the money.

In the final analysis, Chi Yu was injured because of Xun Musheng, and there was no reason for Chi Yu to pay for the hospital himself.

Seeing that Zhou Chenzhong accepted the card, Chi Yu seemed relieved.At this time the nurse came back and said with a smile, "Mr. Xun hasn't left yet. I've already handed him the paper."

Chi Yu's eyelashes drooped slightly, "Thank you."

Zhou Chenzhong easily caught the slight change in his expression, sighed inwardly, and changed the subject: "Do you have any plans?"

The question was broad, and Chi Yu was silent for a long time before saying, "Professor Zhou, are you still worried that I will commit suicide?"

Zhou Chenzhong didn't expect him to ask such a question, but he was really worried that he would have such a tendency in the future.During this period of time, his mood didn't seem to fluctuate much, but it didn't make people feel at ease. Now he is living in the hospital, and it's okay to be taken care of. After leaving the hospital and returning to the workplace, it's hard to say that he won't be stimulated again.

"I won't anymore." Chi Yu said, "When I can't sleep these days, I always think of my former comrades-in-arms, and Wen..."

He paused for a few seconds, and seemed to sigh, "I wanted to die the most when I was on a mission, but I was rescued. I didn't die on the battlefield like them, so forget it. You know, they really want to live Come down, but go in the end."

"So I can't end my life hastily, otherwise I won't be able to explain to them." Chi Yu looked at a point in the air, his eyes became distant, "Since I didn't die during the mission, I have to live well."

Although Zhou Chenzhong was a civilian military officer, he was also a person who had been to the front line, and he patted Chi Yu's shoulder lightly with deep feelings in his heart.

Chi Yu came back to her senses, "But in the future, I may not live for Wen Yun anymore."

Zhou Chenzhong paused with his fingers on his shoulder.

"This year is the ninth year, enough." He smiled helplessly, "I used his name, did the work he wanted to do, and took care of his grandfather. I thought he would be very happy. Happy. But I live like this, if he sees it, he probably wants to beat me up."

"I'm not him, even if the household registration says 'Wen Yun', I can't live for him."

"This truth is actually quite simple, but it took me 9 years to figure it out. When people are gone, they are gone. There is no such thing as who can help someone to live."

"...Thanks to Mr. Xun for waking me up."

Zhou Chenzhong said: "Mu Sheng has been going smoothly since he was a child. He has not suffered any blows. He does things in his own way. You..."

Chi Yu shook his head, "It's nothing, I really lied to him. People should be responsible for what they have done. I have made it clear to him just now, Mu, Mr. Xun is not an unreasonable person, and he probably won't do it again. Let me down."

"I'll talk to him again." Zhou Chenzhong said, "Do you have any ideas about identity?"

"It's inconvenient to change it back, and I've lived in Zhongcheng for so long, and everyone who knows me knows that my name is 'Wen Yun'." Chi Yu said: "It's very troublesome to explain it suddenly."

Zhou Chenzhong was a little surprised, "I never thought about leaving Zhongcheng and starting from scratch?"

"I'm used to it." Chi Yu smiled, "I'm in my 30s, and if I go to a strange city again, I'll have to spend time getting used to it. But..."

Zhou Chenzhong wanted to suggest that he change his life in another city, but seeing that he had no intention of leaving, he kept silent and asked, "But what?"

"But I want to change my job." Chi Yu said: "It is said that I love my profession, but I still don't like the media industry. Since I no longer regard myself as Wenyun, there is no need to insist on waiting for me. In the new media department."

Zhou Chenzhong nodded in agreement, "It's overdue. What do you want to do?"

Chi Yu showed a slight embarrassment, "This... I haven't thought about it yet. It seems that there is nothing special I want to do. Maybe I should find a job that I can do first."

"Don't worry, take your time." Zhou Chenzhong said: "You didn't spend a lot of money in the hospital this time, so you don't have to worry about money for the time being. You can go out to relax after you leave the hospital. The Chu team is in the neighboring province. If you want to find He is reminiscing about the old days, and he can go at any time."

In the evening, Xun Musheng returned home, drank a few glasses of wine alone, unfolded the papers sent by the nurse again, and began to count them one by one.

Chi Yu wanted him to throw away his things, so he did.

But just after finding half of it, he stood still in the living room.

Drunkenness hit her, and her eye sockets became hot.

On the coffee table are Chi Yu's water cup, toothbrush, towel, and a half-used Longliqi hand cream.

In dry winter, Chi Yu sometimes rubs it on his hands.Once he saw it, and immediately took out a box of expensive hand cream.Chi Yu shook his head, saying that this one is pretty good.

At that time, he thought, what a fart, the smell is so strong, it doesn't even smell good.

But the slander belongs to the slander, and after that he also followed Tu Longliqi, and it was rare that he turned back and asked Chi Yu to help him paint.

The past is like a needle, piercing people's flesh and blood.He took a deep breath, and then exhaled forcefully, but he couldn't let out even half of the boredom in his chest.

This residence was the "home" where Chi Yu lived together for a period of time in the past. After the accident, he almost never came back. The house seemed to retain the atmosphere of the original life, as if Chi Yu would come back.

It seems that when the next winter comes, Chi Yu will help him apply hand cream.

He closed his eyes, crumpled the paper into a ball after a few seconds, threw it on the ground violently, breathed heavily, and kicked the whole coffee table over with one kick.The things on the coffee table fell to the ground with a splash, and the water glass was smashed to pieces.

A feeling that he had never experienced before came to his heart, and he stood in the mess for a long time before realizing that the feeling was "lost".

He pressed his temples, thinking it shouldn't be like this.

He had experienced "losing" a long time ago. After losing Wen Yun for more than ten years, what is "losing"?

But why, the feelings of the two are completely different?

The second hand ticked, and the lights outside the window went out. He squatted down, picked up the scattered objects, and put them back to their original positions one by one. It's all crushed.

He gradually understood that the premise of "losing" is "possessing".

He never owned Wenyun.

All he has - once had, is Chi Yu.