his substitute

The excitement subsided in silence, and the world seemed to build a wall as high as a wall, isolating all life.

Every minute and every second was stretched extremely long, like a rusty butcher knife repeatedly cutting and sharpening the flesh.

Wen Yun finally couldn't take it anymore, and sighed softly, as if giving up all the extravagant hopes and hopes.

He didn't look at Xun Musheng again, because he really couldn't bear it, but he had to.But when the right hand held the door handle, after all, it was still a pain in the heart, and tremblingly said: "Isn't it..."

Before he finished speaking, his left hand was suddenly grabbed.

On the back of the cold hand, there was a warm palm.The palms of the hands were trembling undetectably, but they were getting tighter and tighter to the back of the hands.

Wen Yun looked back quickly, and when he met Xun Musheng's eyes, he lost the strength to withdraw his hand.

"Is it because you were injured in the army?" Xun Musheng's voice was low and his eyes were like a still pool.

Wen Yun didn't understand why he asked this question, a little doubt floated between his brows, "I..."

Xun Musheng suddenly pushed him forward, and asked again: "I was injured, right?"

Wen Yun shook his head in a panic, nodded again, and wanted to say something, but his throat seemed to be caught by a hand, and he couldn't make a decent sound.

Why do you ask?He opened his mouth blankly, wondering if he didn't express clearly just now.

The words he said were repeated over and over again in his mind, he thought, as if he had made it clear.

Did Xun Musheng not understand?

shouldn't be...

But now that he made it clear, and Xun Musheng understood it, why did he ask "Is it because he was injured in the army?"

How could this be the reaction?

"I'm sorry." Xun Musheng turned sideways, and suddenly pulled Wen Yun into his arms.

Wen Yun's eyes widened, his chin hit Xun Musheng's shoulder, subconsciously trying to struggle, but he felt the person holding him trembling.

He was stunned, raised his numb hands, and said in a hoarse voice, "You, what's wrong with you?"

"I'm sorry." Xun Musheng tightened his arms and almost exhausted all his strength, "I didn't know."

Wen Yun's mind was confused, and he patted Xun Musheng on the back unconsciously, his voice was so low that only he could hear, "Why do you have to apologize? It's obviously me who should apologize."

When he understood what Wen Yun said "I'm not a normal man", Xun Musheng felt the ice water pouring down, piercing his heart like a cold needle, the pain was so painful that he couldn't move, and he couldn't cry out from the cold.

Never thought that the high-spirited Wen Yun suffered such crimes for several years.

It never occurred to me that Wen Yun's repeated rejection of himself was because of such flaws.

What was Wen Yun doing when he was struggling in pain and trying various "special medicines"?

He tried to force Wenyun, and even drugged Wenyun's wine.

It was he who personally uncovered Wen Yun's scars.

The moment he grabbed Wen Yun's left hand, what he felt was heartache.

Only heartache.

When being carried into the bathtub filled with warm water, Wen Yun still had an expression of disbelief.

Alcohol has made his nerves numb, and he doesn't understand why a lying and unhealthy self is treated so tenderly.

Xun Musheng looked at him as if he was looking at a treasure. He was so shocked that he gently curled his legs in the water.

"Wen Yun." Xun Musheng called out in a low voice.

He didn't dare to answer, fearing that this was just a dream after drinking, and he would wake up if he made a sound, and when he woke up, he would find that he was not lying in the bathtub of Xun Musheng's house, but was thrown on the street with people coming and going.

The winter night was brightly lit, but it was also cold to the bone. He watched Xun Musheng's car drive away, and said goodbye to the short but warm company softly.

Beggars are not afraid of the cold, and only rely on a thin old clothes to survive the end of the year round after round.Fortunately, I picked up a fur one year and spent the most comfortable winter in my life.The fur was taken away in the next year, and when the snow came again, they froze to death silently in the bustling streets.

"Wen Yun." Xun Musheng pressed his fingers hard, forcing Wen Yun to look at him, "Look at me."

Wen Yun's Adam's apple rolled, and he said after a while: "Why?"

Why not angry?

Why bring me back?

Why are you still so...gentle?

Xun Musheng sighed, his eyes swept down, and he quickly put his legs together even tighter.

It was limp and unresponsive.

Xun Musheng supported his knee, "Can I touch it?"

Wen Yun was surprised and puzzled. He clearly wanted to refuse, but his legs opened slightly, and then he closed his eyes in embarrassment, allowing Xun Musheng's hand to slide along his thighs to that place.

When being held, he pursed his lips tightly, his breathing stagnated, and his wet eyelashes trembled like branches and leaves in the snow.

Xun Musheng's eyes turned hot, he patiently comforted him, and patted his back with the other hand, and murmured: "It will be fine, it will be fine."

In the sleepless night, the two hugged each other in the warm light.

The bed was big and soft. Wen Yun was wearing Xun Musheng's pajamas, leaning against the owner of the pajamas, and finally regained some clarity.

"You really don't mind?" he asked.

Xun Musheng kissed the top of his hair, "I just feel pain in my heart."

Wen Yun took a deep breath.

"Can you tell me why?"

The sound of breathing is very light, and the heartbeat replaces the footsteps of time.

After a long time, Wen Yun said: "Overwork, injury, the doctor said there may be drug and psychological reasons."

Xun Musheng tried his best to restrain his emotions, "When did it happen?"

"Many years, before and after retiring from the army."

"Always like this?"

"Yeah." Wen Yun paused, his cheeks were a little hot, "Occasionally there are some reactions."

Xun Musheng thought of the bottle of medicine written in foreign languages, "What is that medicine?"

Wen Yun's heart beat faster again, "I bought it recently."

"Didn't the doctor prescribe it?" Xun Musheng frowned.

"No, I didn't go to the hospital."

Xun Musheng's tone changed, "Don't eat any more."

After a few seconds, Wen Yun nodded, "Yes."

"I'll take you to see a doctor." After Xun Musheng finished speaking, he felt the person in his arms go stiff. Then he realized that the words did not convey his meaning, and immediately changed the topic: "Even if the cure is not curable, I will not let you go."

Wen Yun raised his eyes, but stopped talking.

Xun Musheng grabbed his hand and put it on his heart, "I have been waiting for you for so many years, no matter what, I want you to stay by my side."

The heart beats in the palm, conveying a cavity of love.

After a while, a tear rolled down the corner of Wen Yun's eyes, "Thank you."

Xun Musheng shook his head, "I should say thank you—thank you for accepting my wishes."

The warm sun in winter is extremely precious. On a sunny weekday, Xun Musheng made an appointment with the best specialist. Wenyun resisted the hospital, but still mustered up the courage to knock on the door of the consulting room with him.

The examination was carried out in an orderly manner. The doctor chatted with Wen Yun alone for half an hour. After the report came out, he said: "It can be cured, but it needs the cooperation of family members."

The word "family" warmed Wen Yun's ears. Xun Musheng shook his hand and looked at the doctor seriously: "Speak."

The doctor looked at Wenyun: "Can I talk to Mr. Xun?"

Wen Yun was a little embarrassed and knocked down the seat by the door when he left.

As soon as the door was closed, Xun Musheng asked, "What do I need to do? What is the cause of his illness?"

"The reason is more complicated." The doctor said: "From the current examination report, Wen Yun has no physical problems. But according to him, the cause of the disease is overwork and over-medication many years ago."

"Then in the end..."

"There must be those two reasons, or direct incentives." The doctor said: "I have treated veterans before, and the reasons are similar. You don't need to worry too much, but you have to be patient, especially you."

Xun Musheng nodded: "I understand."

"I prescribed medicine, and you supervised him to take it on time. But more important than medicine is your guidance."

"Ah."

"My judgment is that Wen Yun is very shy in terms of sex. There are two reasons for this. One is that he thinks he is not healthy, and the other is that he has not had sex for many years. He may not be used to your contact, but you can't back down, understand me mean?"

Xun Musheng thought for a while, "Can't it be all based on his ideas?"

"Under the premise of not hurting him, you can be stronger."

Wen Yun was fidgeting in the lounge. Seeing Xun Musheng coming out of the consulting room, he wanted to ask what the doctor had said, but couldn't open his mouth.

Xun Musheng approached, smiled and hugged his shoulders very affectionately, "The doctor asked me to supervise you to take the medicine."

Wen Yun's cheeks became hot, "What else?"

Xun Musheng raised his eyebrows slightly, leaned into his ear and said, "We have to go back and talk about the rest."

The new media department's work from years ago has come to an end, Wen Yun doesn't have to work overtime, Xun Musheng picks him up on time every day, takes him to do everything a lover should do, and at night watches him take medicine with warm water, and falls asleep with his arms around him.

The first time I was held there with alcohol as an aphrodisiac, the next few times I was fully sober.Wen Yun was too ashamed to look at Xun Musheng, but his chin was hooked by strong fingers.

Xun Musheng looked into his eyes firmly, and said seriously, "This is nothing to be ashamed of."

I don't know if it was the medicine that took effect, or Xun Musheng's soothing effect, or both, Wen Yun had a slight reaction.Xun Musheng took his hand under his belly, not letting him escape, feeling the trembling of his fingertips, clasped the back of his head, and kissed him deeply.

After helping Xun Musheng relieve himself with his hands for the first time, Wen Yun sat there for a long time.Xun Musheng hugged him from behind and kissed the back of his neck.He asked in a daze, "What if I never get better..."

"It will be fine." Xun Musheng put his earlobe in his mouth, "Trust me."

He closed his eyes, raised his head, and said softly, "Okay."

Lives are changed by love -- even if it's not really a perfect relationship.

Xun Musheng used all his tenderness and patience on Wen Yun. The only thing that puzzled him was that Wen Yun's reaction seemed too green.

Shyness is understandable, but virginity is strange.When Xun Musheng comforted Wen Yun, he often had the illusion that Wen Yun had never been so close to others.

But this is clearly not possible.

Wen Yun had a lover.

After another few days of not returning home, the desk was covered with a thin layer of dust.Wen Yun picked up the photo frame by the window, and after a long silence, sighed softly.

I have someone I like, and he wanted to tell Chi Yu, but an indescribable feeling like an invisible hand covered his mouth, preventing him from opening his mouth.

He didn't understand why this strange feeling came from.

At night, lying on his bed, he dreamed of Chi Yu again.

It was the first time we met in the special brigade - the instructors were clearly strict, and secretly took care of every member; the comrades were very annoying, and there were fights every day; the training was extremely hard, and sometimes I felt that I couldn't do it. will be returned to the original unit.

It is the day I miss the most.

He saw Chi Yu running towards him with a smile, calling his name while taking a bead from Chen Xiang's bracelet.

But the dream was like a silent movie, he couldn't hear Chi Yu's voice.

It's always like this, every time I meet Chi Yu in a dream, when Chi Yu calls his name, he can't hear anything.

After waking up, he wanted to tell Xun Musheng his past life for the first time, where his youth and sweat were found.

If Xun Musheng wanted to know, he was willing to talk to Xun Musheng.

Zhongcheng can't help the fireworks, and at the end of the year, there will be fireworks blooming in the night.

Xun Musheng clung to Wen Yun's hand, strolling in the street full of New Year's spirit, inadvertently mentioned the past, and remembered Wen Yun's resistance when he was "parking", so he had to stop.

But Wen Yun said: "Last time you asked me about him and me in the military camp, do you still want to hear it now?"

Xun Musheng was startled, knowing that Wenyun was finally willing to open his heart.

"Think," he said.

Wen Yun was silent for a moment, and finally said, "His name is Chi Yu, and he is my partner."