catch the dream

Chen Yekai smiled and said, "I'll just talk casually, don't mind."

Yu Hao nodded. Before the college entrance examination, he didn't even have a goal. His grandma had breast cancer again. The doctor suggested conservative treatment. In order to make her happy, Yu Hao decided to go to the college entrance examination. The old man's metabolism is slow, and the cancer damage is not considered rapid. If it is good, it can last for two years.Yu Hao didn't dare to apply for schools in other places, after all, he couldn't take her to school with him.

Just nearly half a year ago, in June this year, when Yu Hao went to take the last exam in the morning, his grandma heated up milk and put bread for him.After returning from the exam in the afternoon, she left.

Previously, he owed a lot of foreign debts for medical treatment. Yu Hao sold his house and almost paid off the debts. He decided not to go to university, but to find a job in this city first, to pay off the rest of the debts, and then leave his hometown and bid farewell to the past. Start life from the beginning and find the meaning of living.

As a result, he delivered food for two months during the summer vacation, and then changed his mind. The supervisor was deeply troubled by his academic qualifications and told him.

"Going back to university, even if you get a diploma, it's better than looking for a job with a high school degree. Studying can change your destiny. If you don't study, you can only repeat your old ways wherever you go." Yu Hao explained.

"That's a good point." Chen Yekai said, "But I think that reading is not all about fate. You can die in the morning after hearing the truth. Go for 'useful'."

Yu Hao didn't quite understand, but no one had ever told him these things before, so he nodded.

Next, he saved up his salary for several months and enrolled.Tuition and accommodation fees can only be owed first, living expenses of [-] per month, phone bills, transportation expenses for tutoring, extra bedding in cold weather... many items of expenses have to be spent on winter vacation.When he moved into the dormitory, he had hoped to build a good relationship with his roommates and start a new life.But from the beginning of military training, he gradually discovered that the problems that had troubled him for many years seemed to be there forever.

During the military training, his roommates smoked, so he couldn’t go with him; after the military training, everyone gathered for a meal and asked the instructor to eat, and each person was 25, [-] was his food expenses for four days, so he didn’t go either.The roommate asked him to go to the Internet cafe for a night out. It was [-] a night, and he had to eat supper, [-], two days of food expenses, so he couldn't go.When others asked him to invite him, he didn't have the money to return the invitation, and he didn't want to spend it in vain.

My roommate chipped in to get online. He was out. He wanted to play free mobile games to make life less boring. As a result, he downloaded Thunder and watched videos, which made him annoyed to death. Because of this, Had a fight with them.

"Grandma bought the iPhone for me." Yu Hao cherished this phone very much. When he was packing up his grandma's belongings, he found this packaged gift that was going to be handed to him after he was admitted to university. There were marks of being dropped on it.

"I'm going to sell it." Yu Hao said, "Use it for food expenses."

Chen Yekai said: "There is no need. Although it is difficult to make money, it has not reached this point. Keep it."

Yu Hao finally recognized the reality, gave up his plan to integrate into the humane society of university, resumed his life in high school, sealed himself up, and tried not to speak if he could.Studying, hoping to get a scholarship, but for the application for poverty aid, he prepared all the certificates, but he didn't give it to him in the end.I have passed these three schools, what books do I still study?For whom?

"What about the student loan? Didn't you apply for it?" Chen Yekai said.

"It hasn't been approved yet." Yu Hao replied, "The academy said that the materials are not complete, and my mother's signature is needed, but my mother doesn't know where she went...the certificate cannot be issued."

Chen Yekai said "hmm" and said, "Go back and ask."

Later, Yu Hao was isolated in the dormitory, like a gloomy wild fungus, always making people feel uncomfortable and an eyesore.There was always talking and laughing in the dormitory. When he returned home, he would lie on the bed wearing earphones. His roommate deliberately teased him, pretending that he couldn’t hear, but in fact he heard everything.

Before the mid-term exam, his roommate wanted to copy his English test paper, but he didn't agree or refuse. Everyone agreed that he agreed. After the exam started, he didn't pass the note to anyone. This behavior eventually aroused public outrage in the dormitory.After the lights were turned off that night, they covered Yu Hao with a quilt, beat him up hard, and poured a few more glasses of cold water into it.

"Fuck!" Zhou Sheng, who was sleeping behind the screen, finally couldn't listen anymore. He sat up, walked to Yu Hao's hospital bed, and asked, "Which ones? The ones from 405? I made them look good!"

Chen Yekai had no idea that there was someone eavesdropping behind the screen, and said angrily, "Sit down!"

Chen Yekai looked gentle and polite, but what he said just now had an unquestionable momentum. Zhou Sheng had to give him face and sat aside.

Fu Liqun said with a smile: "Red Hair has practiced boxing, and one of them can beat them for the whole class. Last time we saw a few people teasing a girl outside, he stepped forward and punched her, and the girl lay down."

"Then you call? Anyway, if you hurt someone, it's not easy for others to ask you to pay for it. You must rely on him, should you go?" Chen Yekai said to Zhou Sheng.

Zhou Sheng thought so too, no one dared to provoke him, and Yu Hao must be blamed again.

Yu Hao looked at them, feeling a little moved in his heart for some reason.It might have been much better if they had been roommates when I entered the academy.But maybe after getting along for a long time, they will also hate themselves.

That night, he remembered very clearly, half asleep, the quilt covered his head, and when he woke up, he finally knew what happened.They beat themselves up for a long time, and when they finally broke up in a crowd, Yu Hao didn't lift the quilt, but curled up in the quilt, tears streaming out uncontrollably.

"Let them be careful." Zhou Sheng said to Chen Yekai.

Chen Yekai said: "You are the one who should be careful. If anyone in their dormitory has a broken leg, I will come to you. You are the number one suspect."

Zhou Sheng: "..."

Yu Hao couldn't help laughing, and said, "No, thank you. I'm thinking about it."

Zhou Sheng asked him: "You were wronged about stealing things, you must have put in a lot of effort in your dormitory and didn't run away. How can you be like this? Are you not afraid of being struck by lightning?"

Yu Hao said: "It's no wonder they hate me, sometimes I actually hate myself."

Everyone: "..."

Later, Fu Liqun introduced him to the work-study job, because Yu Hao saw him drinking tap water beside the court, in fact, Yu Hao knew it in his heart, and he would never play basketball again.The tutor paid him [-] at a time, and he went to the school four times a month. He cherished this opportunity very much.

The students didn't cooperate very much at first, Yu Hao didn't scold her, he just told the truth in front of the parents.After seven classes, the primary school student probably wanted to drive him away, so he put the watch in his bag.He didn't think about it at first, and found that there was an extra watch in his bag. Because of the past, he was very vigilant.

He thought it was his roommate stuffing it in his bag, so he took out the watch and put it on the table without making a sound.As a result, everyone noticed the watch and said nothing.

Yu Hao became more and more puzzled, and was about to sell the phone, so he took the watch with him, and asked the recycler how much the watch cost.After learning the price, I was shocked, and was about to post a recruitment notice outside the study room, when the parents of the students called the police.

Every time he went to the other party's house, he would go directly into the study. Although he thought the family was rich, he never thought that the watch came from here.Until the police came, he always thought that he put away his things in the study room by mistake, or that the people in the row behind put the watch on the table and accidentally dropped it in his bag.

"Did you tell Mr. Xue these words?" Chen Yekai asked.

"Some have said, some have not." Yu Hao said wearily, "He doesn't believe me."

Chen Yekai said: "Teacher Xue is a good teacher, why do you say that?"

"His eyes are exactly the same as my junior high school head teacher." Yu Hao replied, "One time the teacher caught me smoking. I don't smoke. I shared a table when eating, and the next table smelled of smoke. The teacher decided it was me. They They are all biased against me, and it’s useless to explain too much.”

"If it were me, I wouldn't be alive anymore." Zhou Sheng sighed, "It's fucking disgusting to be alive."

Everyone: "..."

"Then you haven't had a single friend since you were a child." Chen Yekai ignored Zhou Sheng and said to Yu Hao.

Chen Yekai's words were just to pave the way for the next sentence, and he waited for Yu Hao's reaction after saying it.Yu Hao thought about it quietly for a while, and just wanted to shake his head and tell him that half of what he has come to today is due to hardship, and half is due to his personality.But just when he wanted to say "no", he suddenly remembered the general in his dream.

"There are still." Yu Hao said, "I decided to live a good life."

Chen Yekai wondered why you didn't play cards according to common sense, but still smiled and said: "I am also your friend."

"Me too." Fu Liqun said with a smile, "There are some things, don't be too fussy, just get over it."

Zhou Sheng said: "I heard what you said, and I remembered a movie called "This Killer Is Not So Cold". There is a classic line in it..."

Chen Yekai couldn't listen anymore, and interrupted: "The infusion is over, let's go, how do you feel?"

Yu Hao was much better, the nurse came over to remove his needle, and Chen Yekai planned to take them to eat hot pot, the so-called "let's celebrate your new life together".

Yu Hao had almost digested the on-the-go meal he ate at noon, and he felt vaguely uncomfortable. It was the discomfort of self-blame, and also a sense of resistance to the relationship with "friends", as if he had a relationship with Chen Yekai, Fu Liqun or even After Zhou Sheng has known each other for a long time, he will gradually hate himself.

As long as all relationships do not begin, there will be no end, no expectation and no disappointment.From this point of view, Yu Hao would rather the friends he just met eat hot pot by himself, and let him walk back slowly by himself.But Zhou Sheng couldn't help but dragged him over.

Chen Yekai had just ordered and ate a few bites when he received a call from the college and had to buy the order and leave early; Fu Liqun packed two fried rice and took him back to the college so that he would not know the way when it was dark.Yu Hao and Zhou Sheng were left, facing the dishes for four people.

Zhou Sheng had a cigarette in his mouth, added a bottle of beer to drink by himself, kept bringing food for Yu Hao, and said, "When you go back to the dormitory, just say, I'll cover you, and if anyone bullies you again, let him wait."

Yu Hao didn't know how to get along with this social youth college student, so he nodded restrainedly.

Zhou Sheng said again: "Chen Yekai's scarf, guess how much it is?"

Yu Hao: "How much?"

Zhou Sheng said, "It's enough to pay our tuition fees for a whole year."

Yu Hao: "..."

Zhou Sheng said, "Forget it, let's eat more." It wasn't until the two barely finished eating all the food that Yu Hao almost vomited, and Zhou Sheng sent him downstairs to the dormitory and told him to go back.

"Give me the lighter." Zhou Sheng took Yu Hao's lighter and said, "It's confiscated, go back, see you tomorrow."

The autumn wind blew, and the temperature in Ying City dropped overnight. Yu Hao was shivering from the cold. When he returned to the dormitory, all his roommates had gone out to surf the Internet all night. He bowed down and dragged out the woven bag under the bed, which contained all his belongings.

The house was sold, and there were a few photo frames left, including a group photo of grandma and him, and plastic ones, a group photo of the whole class when they graduated from high school.On the day when the graduation photo was taken, he was in the hospital with his grandma for an examination, but he was not in the photo.

Yu Hao put away the photos and wanted to find a down vest to wear tomorrow, but found a wooden box under the woven bag.When opening the box, Yu Hao's hands trembled slightly.

Inside is a chess set.

Soldiers, artillery, chariots, soldiers, horses...

He remembered the day when his father taught him how to play chess when he was a child, and taught him which one was pawn and which one was handsome.He liked the side of the scarlet letters, so they turned into a crimson banner flying under the Great Wall, overwhelming and irresistible.

He thought of the time when his grandma played chess with him after his father died, and he always won, but his grandma never won when he played chess.

"A hundred battles are victorious!" When he was a child, he won his grandma's army, and grandma smiled and set the chessboard and started all over again.

Yu Hao put away the chess pieces, lay down on the bed, and fell asleep in this empty darkness.

"Good night."

He said to himself that he must live a good life tomorrow, just like what the general said in the dream of reviving himself.Yu Hao always believes that day has something to think about and night has something to dream about.When the dream appeared, it happened to be the last moment of his life. Having such a dream may mean that deep down in his heart, he still has a little expectation of trying to live.

"Back?" said the general's voice.

Yu Hao woke up suddenly, yelled, and sat up from the floor. The general knelt on one knee and stood by his bed, like a loyal guardian.

"Why... why is it you again?" Yu Hao was shocked.

The first time he had a dream, Yu Hao thought it was a natural phenomenon, but now he entered the dream for the second time and met him again.

The general sat cross-legged on the ground, folded his arms, his movements were clumsy due to the friction of his armor.

"After you light the beacon, you are safe for the time being." The general said seriously, "But if you want to find yourself, you have to keep working hard."

"No no." Yu Hao said in disbelief, "Wait, this... is this true?"

He turned his head to look at his surroundings. He was in a private house with wooden walls and cabinets and a floor.

"This is your dream," said the general.

"I know this is my dream..." Yu Hao said in a little confusion, "But why is this dream like a series?"

"Strange?" said the general. "This is a fixed representation of your conscious world. Get up, go out and see?"

The general stretched out his hand to Yu Hao, pulled him up, motioned him to push the door, Yu Hao pushed open the door of the folk house, and after the dazzling light disappeared, there were vast mountains, hills and fertile fields, with herds of cattle and sheep wandering between the mountains and fields .The sky was dark, but compared to the high walls of the Great Wall, it was much brighter.

Yu Hao stared blankly at the scene in front of him, the general then walked out of the room, closed the door, and explained: "The world of dreams is huge, and with your experiences, the boundaries will continue to expand."

"I never dreamed of this place." Yu Hao said with a frown.

"I must have dreamed about it." The general lowered his head to adjust the metal gloves, stretched and clasped his fingers, and said casually, "You just forgot that my strength has become a lot stronger this time, and I should be able to escort you to the totem safely. "

"Totem?" Yu Hao turned to look at the general.

"Talk while you walk."

"The totem is something you have always held on to in your heart, and it is also commonly known as the 'original mind'. Where it is located is the center of the world, and it determines how your 'self' behaves."

There were herds of cattle and sheep on the prairie, and there was a road paved with earth and stones under their feet. The general and Yu Hao walked forward all the way.

"You still believe in hope, but you have become more and more marginalized for a long time. You have been driven to the end of the conscious world, and almost fell into the subconscious world. Remember the last time you stood on the edge of the Great Wall?"

Yu Hao: "Yes, I... I always wanted to jump, but I felt someone pushing me from behind."

The general said: "Now, you have turned back, so I will take you back to the place where the totem was, and let you regain control of the world."

"And then?" Yu Hao asked, "What will happen to me?"

"You'll become a better version of yourself," the general said simply, "or rather, 'go back' to the person you once were."