[Journey to the West] Tucao Emperor who was delayed by Buddhism

The ancestor was probably drunk. I told him to shut up, but he ignored me. Instead, he stretched out the branches and leaves, grabbed Monkey King, lifted him upside down, and held his ankle, doing He turned upside down, mistook him for me, and said unhappily: "Avalokitesvara, if you have an apprentice, you don't want me anymore, you are a big villain! A big villain!"

Sun Wukong was lifted high by him, his whole body was entangled in vines, and he couldn't move. After being shaken like this, he almost shook his head out the next night. He lost his life, and he couldn't bear to fight back, so he was hanged with nothing to love.

I said: "You can shut up! You don't say it sooner or later, and you just say it at this time..."

The old ancestor raised Sun Wukong angrily, and said: "If I made a noise before, how could you keep coming to play with me? I don't have legs like you, and I can go anywhere!" Shake the Monkey King in the air vigorously.

That Zhen Yuanzi is not good at hearing, at this moment when he heard Xiaolu speak, he couldn't hear clearly, and said blankly: "Guan Shiyin, what did he just say? Who is shameless, whose face is mine? Are you leaving?" Near, do you hear me clearly?"

I hurriedly said: "I didn't hear clearly, I didn't hear clearly, who knows what he said!"

Alas, I am a good Avalokitesvara, I don't want to make trouble at all!

Before I finished speaking, the little monk Xuanzang stood next to Zhen Yuanzi and said solemnly: "Amitabha, he just said that Emperor Donghua copied the face of the same emperor and received incense in the lower realm. "

……

……

……

You, Jin Chanzi, are indeed the number one nonsense spirit in the Three Realms. You are always thinking about harming me. If you don’t say a word, will you die or something!

After he finished speaking, he looked at Zhu Bajie in a daze, and said, "Amitabha, why did the Buddha force Guanyin to wear skirts, shouldn't girls wear skirts?"

Zhu Bajie's jaw almost didn't drop, he widened his eyes, arched his nose, and coaxed the little monk: "Master, this is not about you and me, let's not ask about it. And you saw it too, Guanyin My sister is very beautiful in a skirt, so that's all right."

The little monk was about to say something when he heard Zhen Yuanzi yelling: "Donghua's golden statue in the world uses my face? But my face has been made ugly! Which one did he use? The ugly one, or myself?"

I was trying to comfort him. After all, this matter has been going on for hundreds of years. He doesn't know about it, and it hasn't caused any impact. He simply forgets about it and lives as usual...

However, before I could speak, I heard the little monk say again: "Why don't you go to the human world and see for yourself, seeing is believing?"

……

I almost foresaw a war.

The outside world is terrible, I hugged the branches of Xiaolu tightly in fear.

It is said that this incident was really a big trouble afterwards.

The same gentleman came to the world, stopped in the Donghua Temple, had big eyes with the golden statue that looked exactly like him, and looked at the squint-eyed and mustache statue in his Taoist temple, so angry Knocked down, simply smashed a temple in Donghua, took the golden statue and went to his cave, threw the golden statue in front of his door, and shouted: "Emperor Donghua, why did you come to the world? Do I look exactly the same?"

Speaking of which, Donghua's seniority is extremely old, and Immortal Zhenyuan is the ancestor of the Earth Immortal. The two pointed their noses at each other and scolded each other. It was really the biggest war of words in the Three Realms, and the melons were enough for the underground juniors to eat for hundreds of years.

This Zhenyuan, besides having a face that harms the country and the people, has no other abilities. The only ability is that his sleeves are big and his sleeves are cool. When he is short of breath, he likes to blow a strong wind and blow people into his sleeves.When he caught Sun Wukong back then, he just slapped his sleeves and took him away.

Emperor Donghua obviously didn't want to fight against his sleeves, so he did something that made me applaud.

As far as this matter is concerned, when I look at it hundreds of years later, I think this old bastard is really fucking awesome.

Emperor Donghua said to Zhenyuan: "I used your face to shape my golden body in order to let more people know your face. This is because I like your face better than my own. That's why I did it for you."

To be honest, such shameless words made me strip naked and run naked in the Three Realms and Six Paths, I have no face to say it.

But Donghua didn't, Donghua's old man's face was probably a piece of shit, not only did he say that, but he also said it so affectionately that Zhenyuan believed it.

Why didn't you say that the incense that was enshrined to the same king as the world didn't end up in your pocket!Why don't you mention the matter of you discrediting the black family!you--

Forget it, he is Emperor Donghua after all, I'll just pretend I'm blind in this matter.

For this reason, Yu Shitong was almost not pissed to death, because he reasoned with Donghua.

Let me just say, why on earth did he want to reason with Donghua?If he is unreasonable like Monkey King, beat him up first before talking, maybe things will be easy to talk about, but unlike the world, he will be reasonable, and he told Donghua very gently: You just like me your face, you can’t like it in this way, I’m not happy with you like this, and it’s my face, not yours, I don’t want to share my face with you at all, can you tell others That's my face, sculpted again?

As a result, Emperor Donghua asked him affectionately: Then why do you think I like your face?How do I like it to make you happy?

At that time, he was so frightened that Tong Shi was in a cold sweat, and he didn't ask for reason, and ran away without looking back.

This is because Donghua is not only ugly, but also very ugly. When he is usually, you look at him and think he is not that ugly, but when he looks at you affectionately, he is really very ugly. ugly.

To be honest, for a selfish person like me, if a peerless beauty like Zhenyuan begs me coquettishly, I will probably spend a while with him. I also want to watch for a while.

But if Donghua came to act coquettishly, flirtatiously, and beg me by my sleeves, I would probably be frightened out of my wits by him, and I wished I could agree immediately. It was because I was scared when I saw his face, so I was in a hurry. Promise, so as not to prevent him from making ugly appearances, leaving a psychological shadow on me, and causing physical damage.

Therefore, when Donghua was next to his golden body that looked exactly like Zhenyuan, and gently asked Zhenyuan how he could be happy, Zhenyuan was so frightened that he had goosebumps all over his body, and he wished that he would never see this picture of him for the rest of his life. Face, ran away like flying, afraid of running too slow and being pulled by Lord Dijun, and asked another gentle question.

Because Zhenyuan was intimidated by Donghua's face, this matter has not been resolved so far. The people still enshrine the Emperor Donghua with Zhenyuan's face. As for the small temple of Zhenyuan, the popularity is very low, nothing else, It's pretty quiet.

However, these are all later stories.

What gave me the most headache at the time was the other two sentences Xiaolu said.

One sentence is: Buddha is a straight male cancer.

There is another sentence: Jade Emperor is a little bitch.

Alas, why did I owe it back then! !In fact, the Buddha is very good. As I said, he is a very good Buddha. He is probably the best Buddha in the world, but things in the world are like this, and there is no such thing as perfect.When I said this, it was because his aesthetics were too straight, and Xitian was forbidden to change his overall attire, so there were no goddesses and immortals in Xitian to work, so I had to wear skirts to preach.

At that time, we were not as close as we are now. Every day we talked to each other and determined to annoy each other to death. He couldn't quarrel with me, so he sat on the golden palace with his back to me and didn't bother me, and then sent his apprentice to quarrel with me.

Jin Chanzi opened his mouth, and I turned my head and ran away in fright.

At that time, I saw his apprentice quarreling for him, his jealousy was very severe, and he talked to Xiaolu every day about how bad he was, but in the end, he slipped his mouth and scolded him, and after thousands of years, Xiaolu actually died. Remember this sentence, this is very embarrassing.

But what can I do now?Do you want me to say in front of Tang Seng and his disciples, no, the Buddha is just a straight man, not a straight man? Isn’t that equivalent to admitting that I said this in disguise.

In fact, Xitian didn’t have so many precepts back then, we were arguing and cursing all day long, for example:

Me: Tathagata, you fucking straight man!

Tathagata: Guanyin, you are a dead monster!

Me: You didn't force me to be a ladyboy, you bald head!Bald ass!

Tathagata: Is it amazing to have hair? You go!

The three views of the two of us have been reconciled for thousands of years and have been opposed to each other. When we quarreled, what we said hurt people, and it was not true at all.The main reason is that after we quarreled with the common people in the world, we felt that personal attacks are still more useful.But our relationship is still very good after the quarrel. This is also a matter of thousands of years ago. After all, at that time, one of the rules and regulations should not kill, and other teachings have not been formulated. If this word was spread at that time, Tathagata probably said: Oh, it’s okay, Guanyin complains about me every day, and I’m used to it.

Maybe he can defend me a few words: He only complains about me because he likes me, and he complains about me, which shows that I am a good Buddha.

But what if it spreads now?

...then it would be better to let me die.

How many precepts are involved in this is enough for me to roll down to the six realms of reincarnation for several lifetimes.

And the words of the Jade Emperor, if this reaches his ears, I will die.

But I always felt that what I said was right, he was a little slut, and I really pretended to be too much black material on his side, and I had to hide it for him, so I was very resentful.If you say he has done something bad, don’t tell me it’s fine, but if he doesn’t, he wants to show off to me, and I’m very angry. I’m so angry that I can’t scold him in front of him, otherwise it will become diplomacy question.Let me be honest, for these things, if he is not the Jade Emperor, I will immediately scold him from head to toe in front of him.

For example, you are a corrupt boss, you are a cheapskate, you are a murderer...

But he happened to be the Jade Emperor, which is very subtle.At most, I could only scold him angrily behind my back, and I have scolded him for the first time in history, and it has been remembered again.

Sure enough, people can't do bad things. It's really the way of heaven and reincarnation. Who will the sky spare.

I really want to explain to Zhenyuan: "This tree absorbs the essence of the world, and maybe sometimes absorbs some dross..."

But Zhenyuan didn't want to hear it, he only cared about his face.Jin Chanzi and I are both here, and he is too embarrassed to investigate this matter now, so he can only invite us to drink tea absent-mindedly.

It doesn't matter if we drink tea, only Sun Wukong is still hanging there, he is hanging on the tree, and he is arguing with his ancestor: "Since your branch is so powerful, why don't you talk to me when I hit you, just let me put it on the tree. If you beat me down and then treat me here, don’t you mean to wait for me to kill you and make me owe you favors?”

The old ancestor is a little sober now, and he also recognizes that this is the Monkey King who defeated him. He hung Monkey King on it, and he was thrown back and forth like a roller coaster. Without saying a word, he just said: "Gulu!"

Sun Wukong said in despair, "What do you mean?"

In short, the two of them were entangled, and they were inseparable. Sun Wukong couldn't fight back, and no one could understand what the ancestor said. We simply ignored them and were invited to drink tea by Zhen Yuanzi.

Zhen Yuanzi was still immersed in what happened just now, and said to me: "Do you think what the ancestor said is true or not? Why is Donghua's face the same as mine?"

I immediately said: "I was shocked too, I just found out."

Zhen Yuanzi said: "He's fine, what are you doing with my face?"

I quickly said: "Yes, I was scared to death, I just found out, just now."

Zhen Yuanzi suddenly realized something was wrong with me, squinted his eyes and looked me up and down, and asked, "Guanyin, what do you mean?"

I didn't dare to speak, the little monk held the tea in his hand, took a few sips, wiped his mouth, and said: "Sister Guanyin said that she just found out just now, not a long time ago, not recently, and not in the future , I just found out."

Then, showing two dimples, he smiled brightly at me: "Is that so?"

...you just add to the chaos.

That Zhen Yuanzi pondered for a while, frowned while holding the tea, and stared at me with a pair of eyes, which made me very scared.

Alas, speaking of it, the relationship between Zhen Yuanzi and I is neither good nor bad, but because I always come to him to watch Xiaolu, he unilaterally believes that I have a good relationship with him, and that the gods in the upper world have something to do with him. He is about to come and pull me to accompany him. I have maintained this false friendship with him for thousands of years. I always feel that he should be completely disappointed in me until now, and will never talk to me again.

After all, this is what good-looking people are like. They are super confident and glass-hearted at the same time. He believes that you will be very close to him when he sees him. If one day he suddenly finds out that I actually like that tree more The delicate self-esteem will be broken in an instant, and something will happen.

I'm afraid that his one billion IQ will suddenly come online, and he will deduce the whole story.

He was holding tea, looked at me, and suddenly asked: "Avalokitesvara, are you..."

When he said this, he suddenly stopped talking, choked in his throat, turned his head suddenly to look at the young monk, and waved to his subordinates: "Take the mage to pick two fruits in the garden to eat."

Qingfeng Mingyue, that is, his two Taoist boys, was dumbfounded when they heard it: "What kind of fruit are you knocking, ginseng fruit?"

It must be known that Zhen Yuanzi has always been extremely stingy. He knew Tang Seng and his party, the four masters and apprentices, so he gave them two pieces of fruit to eat. The talented Monkey King pushed his tree, why did he suddenly become so generous?

Zhen Yuanzi winked at his Taoist boy, raised his chin, pointed at Tang Monk and said, "Take them out first, I have something to say to Venerable Guanyin."

Generous people become stingy, probably due to lack of money recently, which is understandable; but stingy people suddenly become generous, which is very scary.

... This made me panic.

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