[My Hero Academia] Atonement

"Xiao Sheng:

Are you OK?

Today's letter is the crystallization of my long-standing feelings for you.I know that maybe in your eyes, the word "crystallization of feelings" is too cold, and maybe you will also think at this time, "Is this Chijiu talking like this?"... Please don't be angry after reading this, I mean no offense.

I hesitated for a long time, but in the end I still felt clumsy.So I decided to use words to convey the words and feelings that I can't convey to you verbally.

The words in this, in Xiaosheng's opinion, may be too shameful to be seen.But I still insist on writing, if you can read to the end, that will be my last happiness.

In my memory, you have always been a figure from the back, a figure in front of me, shining with hope against the light.Your powerful and confident back unknowingly occupied all my eyes, and the growing inferiority complex and longing entangled me.

It was during my time with you that I experienced for the first time this tight feeling in my chest that I couldn't breathe - and it got worse over time.The growing restlessness and depression left me at a loss as to what to do.

But you are an unattainable mirage to me, my personalityless.Because of my weak body, humbleness without personality...Compared with you, I am just a shadow living under your light, a stone on the side of the road that is not worth mentioning, and a mantis arm that is overwhelmed.

I adore you, I yearn for you.So after a long time of deliberation, I finally chose to write to you in honorific language.I respect you, until the end of my life, this tiny existence still yearns for you who are strong, confident, and able to do anything.

I know that in your eyes is the path of the strong that I have never been able to achieve, and I also firmly believe that you will be able to gallop on that shining avenue, and see all the flowers in Chang'an... This is what I still regret until the end The only thing is that I can't witness the moment when your robe is added to your body.

It is impossible for me and you, I know it in my heart.You and I are in different worlds, your world is the world of heroes, the world of the strong; but I can only crawl on the ground, survive like an ant, and live in the world.

But do you simply abandon my feelings for you in silence?I can't do it.When I come back to my senses, I can no longer take back my gaze and miss you.Only in my room alone, at first I just hoped to commit myself to pleasure, just to be able to slightly relieve the inner sick love in the constructed fantasy.

But as I caressed myself deeper and more times, the burning pain and depression in my chest became heavier, and finally the depression formed into a block, which could not be dissipated in my heart for a long time.

When you yelled at me, when you were violent to me, when I was thinking about you alone, tears spewed out uncontrollably.I can't do not care about you, can't forget everything about you.

If I cut off my feelings for you, I know that this will not bring me relief, but will only add more pain to myself.

Presumably you will feel troubled, because the gap between me and you is like a chasm, and mountains and seas cannot be leveled.

But even so, I don't want to be the only one who feels the pain.So I am always haunted by your side.I want to be involved in your past, your present, and your future.Although I know that my current state is difficult to do.But I still wish you the best of luck that I could never do.Past, present, future.

Looking at your troubled expression and your angry behavior, I should have been very sad for the physical and spiritual harm you caused, but every time I see your unruly pupils, the bitterness of my admiration is even stronger one chip.

In my 15 years of life, I have experienced how my dreams, my goals, and my innocence have caused troubles or jokes to those around me.My mother was sorry for my incompetence, Xiaosheng was annoyed by my incompetence, and the insignificant people were ridiculous for my incompetence.

But my longing is still ridiculously persistent, telling me that I still have a glimmer of hope that I can catch up with you, walk side by side with you, and embark on the glorious road in your eyes with you.

But seeing how annoyed you were when you found out that you and I were volunteers for heroes, I finally had to face what you have been reminding me of all this time, something I have been unwilling to face: how the weak can compete with the strong, How can the weak struggle with the same goals as the strong—this may seem to you an insult to the status and efforts of the strong by the naivety of overreaching.

So, when you said to me that it is better to have hope in the afterlife, I was initially angry and humiliated by being offended, and my instinct asked me to protect my dignity and resist.But when I finally saw your furious face, my timidity made me unable to refute.After calming down, I even agree with you that you have a point:

I can't stand side by side with you like this, I can't be with you.Such me, with the same goal as you, is overwhelmed and desperate.

Who knows, your reminder gave me courage and hope.It's not that I haven't thought about suicide, but the timidity of the weak always stops me when the idea germinates—I think you will laugh at me.I can't even do the simple and most rational death.I'm really a weak coward.How can it be compared with you.

Bakugo Katsuki’s name cannot be followed by Midoriya Izuku, just like how Mahatma Gandhi could compare him with Hitler.

After school that day, I didn't go to pick up the notebook you threw downstairs, because you gave me the courage to give up and rebirth, I decided not to care about it, even if it was thrown away or treated as a joke, it It has nothing to do with me, who is about to get a new life.

I lay on the ground on the roof and watched the sky from dusk to night.It saddens me that until the last night of my life there was no Summer Triangle - the Summer Triangle we used to watch lying on rooftops together as children.You were there next to me, your hair shaggy and wonderfully prickly, your breathing steady, your skin warm.

The summer triangle is the only memory I can recall about you and the sky.At that time, I hadn't awakened my personality yet, and you and I could still chat and laugh together.I really miss that time, the past, the past.It is now a burning desire in my heart.

I think you will laugh at me, the season when I died was not summer, let alone the big triangle.I know, I'm just wondering if my last day will be a miracle.However, no miracle happened in the end, it was just another ordinary day.

In the end, with the desire to make everyone feel at ease, what I felt was a gust of wind and a sense of weightlessness that didn't last for 3 seconds.Finally, snap.The Green Valley Izuku finished, and the red hot liquid raised the curtain call.Goodbye!The clown waved his arms exaggeratedly and bowed.

Xiaosheng, I will fly to the starting point of my life and chase you again.

When the red dust made you a great hero, when my eyes were wrinkled and it was almost dusk, although at that time, I didn’t know about my new relationship with you, but one day, I will bring you With the hope of going to death, catch up with your distant and tall figure, and surpass All Might together to become the best hero.Until then, I absolutely—

To engrave this feeling for you in your soul.

Yours sincerely"

The author has something to say:

Affection must be a tragedy, and it must be read in death.

What this article wants to say is that "the sins committed in youth will be atoned for in a lifetime".

Regarding the setting of the world line: Kajiang bullied Xiaojiu during the Zhesi period, which eventually led to Xiaojiu's suicide, and then Kachan lived in the shadows.

Regarding the setting of Kajiang in the article:

I have been torn between whether to focus on expressing the side of Ka-chan who is unwilling to admit his sins when he was young because of his self-esteem, or the gloomy side that has been shrouded in Xiaojiu's death for a lifetime.In the end, he chose Kajiang, who admitted his sins after some struggles.

Young Shunran died because of his bad jokes when he was a child, and it is impossible not to think of Xiao Jiu after he has embarked on the road that Young Shunran dreamed of.Death does not make a person's existence thinner. On the contrary, for Kachan, death makes Xiaojiu's position in his life more clear.This is a kind of dull pain, a small injury that you think is nothing but develops into a serious illness over time, and it affects the whole body when you move it, and it hurts to the internal organs.

Kachan during the Zhesi period didn't notice the importance of Xiao Jiu to him, he bullied him, looked down on him, and tortured him, because he relied on his own strength and understanding of Xiao Jiu - thinking that Xiao Jiu had persisted for so long, I will not give up easily - so Kachan has never looked at Xiaojiu directly

.

But Xiaojiu's death dealt Kajiang a heavy blow, it was about growth, about feelings, about herself.Xiao Jiu was so important to him, so in the face of his death, Ka Jiang's inner pain had no place to vent, so he had to digest it by himself.

"After he died, everything belonged to him. He was everywhere, reminding him of his sins." After Xiao Jiu died, even if Kachan didn't admit it at first, the pain and the disappointment and loneliness of losing Xiao Jiu made him Gradually became silent, so when Ka Jiang grew up, he became gloomy, no longer irritable but violent.

You don't know how to cherish until you lose it, and you don't understand his preciousness until you lose it.So Kachan finally gradually understood how important Xiao Jiu was to him back then, and Kachan finally chose to face the crime he committed when he was young and frivolous.But no matter what, the law will not do anything to him as a minor. No one will understand his crime, so Ka Jiang can only use his own psychological self-blame to atone for his life.

About Xiaojiu:

No one is sane when they commit suicide.When Xiao Jiu finally faces death, he must have a mental breakdown to go to his own ending, otherwise the rational Xiao Jiu can't let go of his mother and his longing.

The Summer Triangle is Xiao Jiu's association with "Sky" and Ka-chan, and it was also the time when Ka-chan hadn't bullied him in their childhood.

Xiao Jiu wants to return to the relationship he had with Ka Jiang in his childhood, so he still has a glimmer of hope when he is dying, hoping that the Summer Triangle will appear and a miracle will happen.But in the end there was nothing but an ordinary day.Xiao Jiu realizes that he is as ordinary as this day, and has no significance, and miracles will not happen.So the broken Xiaojiu chose the most likely way for a miracle to happen-jumping off a building, longing for a new life.

After Xiaojiu died, just like Rebecca in "Butterfly Dream", although she died, she was everywhere, surrounded by Kachan, reminding Kachan of her crimes and reminding Kachan of Xiaojiu's feelings for him.

About the article:

I have never been able to write normal emotions, so the emotions of the characters in my articles are all distorted, and it is precisely because of distortions that love can arise.

Repeatedly emphasized words, radio waves, and stream of consciousness are the main methods of my writing.Line drawing and dialogue are my shortcoming. As for the setting of the plot, what I write really has no plot, and it is all trivial love piled up with trivial things.

However, there is nothing wrong with using love to generate electricity, right?I like to focus on the internal analysis of characters when writing.After all, besides their pools, we also love their sparkling personalities.

The above are some nonsense I wrote at the end.I love Win and I love these two little boys for 1 years!I can't live without them!

I wish you all a happy meal.