indescribable

early summer June [-]th

In summer, the story of the two teenagers continues.

"Chen Xiang!"

It was Liu Dongze's voice, Chen Xiang thought so, unconsciously, the familiar voice had been engraved in his heart and could not be erased.

Chen Xiang looked back, it was Liu Dongze.

Like the countless lunch breaks when he ran in his direction.

The blond hair floats in the space with the wind, the joy in the black eyes cannot be concealed, the upward curve of the mouth is the most familiar kind of warm smile, wearing the summer school uniform, the figure is completely highlighted, not particularly strong But it is not thin and thin, running with two long legs is a beautiful scenery.

The closer the distance, the stronger the sense of unreality in Chen Xiang's heart.

He thought countless times, it would be great if Liu Dongze could become his own sun.

But he knew that was impossible.

"Liu Dongze? Is your family here too?"

The time is not lunch break, but early morning, which is the time for school.

But at this time in the past, Chen Xiang had never seen Liu Dongze on the road.

"It's something, come here to go through some formalities."

Although the smile on his face was still there, Chen Xiang felt that Liu Dongze was not happy.

"What's the procedure?"

Chen Xiang asked, but Liu Dongze didn't answer, his face was very conflicted, as if he didn't know what to say or not.

"It's okay if you don't want to."

Chen Xiang was very understanding and didn't pursue it to the end, but after hearing this, Liu Dongze not only didn't calm down, but his face became even more tangled.

In the end, neither of them spoke, they were silent for the whole way to school, and Liu Dongze didn't speak until they entered the classroom.

"I'll talk to you again this afternoon."

After Liu Dongze said this, he walked to his seat.

Chen Xiang was lying on the desk, thinking about Liu Dongze's words and the flashing expression on his face when he spoke.

Where did that intense sadness come from?

Although everything will have a result during the lunch break, Chen Xiang still can't help thinking about it.What happened to that sad look?

Hearing the sound of pattering inadvertently, and looking out of the window, there is already a light rain in the sky, which wets the long-dry earth, and the gray cement floor is painted with gray spots by the light rain.

Coincidentally, the school was on holiday on the afternoon of the 14th of this month, and the teacher ended the class early in the last few minutes of the last class, and there was a sound of collecting things under the podium.

The moment the bell rang for the end of the last class in the morning, all the students boiled like boiling water. The schoolbags were put away long before get out of class ended, and the students with their schoolbags on their backs filed out from the classroom door.

Chen Xiang also carried his schoolbag on his back, but he was not in a hurry, but walked to the front seat next to Liu Dongze and waited.

I don't know what kind of mistake Liu Dongze made today, he confiscated his things, and only started stuffing things in his schoolbag randomly after school.

"Liu Dongze, hurry up."

"Don't rush me at this time, okay?"

Liu Dongze showed a rather helpless smile, but the movement of collecting things in his hands accelerated, he quickly packed his schoolbag and went out with Chen Xiang.

The two walked in the corridor of the school, Liu Dongze did not chat with Chen Xiang very rarely, but looked at the passing classrooms, corridors, and stairs, as if he wanted to see through the structure of the entire teaching building.

"Liu Dongze, what did you want to say to me at noon today?"

Chen Xiang finally asked, Liu Dongze's footsteps paused imperceptibly, and then he let out a long sigh, the smile on his face could not be held for a long time, overflowing with an indescribable sadness.

"I said that the reason why I went with you this morning is to go through formalities, right?"

"Ah."

Liu Dongze stopped, and Chen Xiang also stopped. Chen Xiang seemed to realize something, his heart tightened for a while, and his breathing became lighter. Chen Xiang knew that what Liu Dongze said next might be the result of both of them. Unacceptable tragedy.

"I was arranged by my family to study abroad."

"Maybe keep going until college..."

“And it’s not always possible to come back after college.”

Liu Dongze looked at Chen Xiang, and Chen Xiang also looked at Liu Dongze.

"Isn't this a good thing? I dare not even think about going abroad..."

Chen Xiang wanted to put on a happy smile for Liu Dongze, but his vision was already blurred, his heart ached as if it had been crushed, and the feelings he tried to bury deep in his heart were forcefully pulled out, and then torn to pieces, Chen Xiang almost You can't control yourself.

I like you.

Chen Xiang almost blurted out.

do not leave Me.

For a moment, Chen Xiang even felt that even if Liu Dongze felt that this relationship was distorted, it didn't matter, even if he was hated, it didn't matter, even if they didn't love each other, as long as he could be kept, as long as he could be kept, he would be considered...

But he knew it wasn't going to work.

Liu Dongze stretched out his hand to comfort Chen Xiang, but he stretched out his hand halfway, but was blocked by Chen Xiang, Chen Xiang wiped away the tears on his face with his sleeves, his eyes were red, and he couldn't even smile with a forced face, Chen Xiang had to lower his head , to prevent Liu Dongze from seeing his embarrassing face clearly.

"Chen Xiang, will you come see me off?"

"of course."

Chen Xiang regained his composure and looked at Liu Dongze. The faces of both of them were not good. The heavy sadness was entangled with the light rain, and the air instantly became colder by a few degrees.

"Because we are good brothers."

Chen Xiang said against his will.

Because of some business, Liu Dongze's parents had gone out earlier. When Liu Dongze left, he was alone, carrying the schoolbag he had just carried from school, and a small suitcase that he had packed at home.

Chen Xiang accompanied Liu Dongze all the way, from school to home, from home to the airport.

The distance was quite long, but neither of them talked about taking a ride.Chen Xiang didn't know what Liu Dongze was thinking, but Chen Xiang was selfishly hoping to stay with Liu Dongze longer.

The suitcase was being dragged, making a gurgling sound, and the wind blowing was cool, Chen Xiang couldn't help but gather up his collar. Chen Xiang's neck is an absolutely sensitive area, and it feels itchy when a little cool wind blows over it Very uncomfortable.

This reminded Chen Xiang of the scarf that Liu Dongze gave him during the Spring Festival this year. He wore it all winter, and even when it was colder in spring, he was not willing to take it off at all.

At that time, I thought it was just a simple dependence on the scarf, but now it seems...

The light rain tended to be heavy, and the fine and dense rain fell, blowing into Chen Xiang's collar along with the wind.

The cold rain touched the warmth of the skin, Chen Xiang shrank his neck instinctively, Liu Dongze looked at it, found an umbrella from his schoolbag, opened it and stuffed it into Chen Xiang's hand.

"Don't you want it?"

"No, just hit it."

Usually Liu Dongze is smiling, smiling, smirking, laughing, all kinds of smiles, with the color of sunshine, are so clear in Chen Xiang's mind, but at this time Liu Dongze is something he has never seen before. of.

There was no expression, unable to tell what it was like, Chen Xiang only felt indifferent and strange.

Afterwards, Chen Xiang also wanted to help Liu Dongze open an umbrella several times, but was rejected all of them. Liu Dongze even walked a few steps faster to keep a distance of one meter from Chen Xiang.

Chen Xiang didn't know what was wrong with Liu Dongze, but now was definitely not a good time to go up and talk to him, in fact, the two of them didn't talk much along the way.

There are too many things I want to say, and I want to be brief and focus on the key points, but I don't know where the key points are.

It was obviously afternoon, because of the dark clouds, it seemed that the sky was not half bright, the green leaves turned dark green, and there were fewer and fewer pedestrians on the road. Some of them took shelter from the rain, and some took taxis to go home. Chen Xiang watched The rain became heavier and caught up with Liu Dongze, holding the umbrella above him rigidly.

Maybe it was seeing Chen Xiang's firm eyes, or maybe it was because he understood that the rain was heavy and he couldn't be willful, Liu Dongze didn't refuse this time, and let the shadow cover himself and Chen Xiang.

The two walked close, squeezed under the small umbrella, breath could be heard, ambiguous thoughts rose from Chen Xiang's heart and then were forcibly pressed down, the familiar smell of Liu Dongze made Chen Xiang feel uneasy.

But soon these will all be memories.

As soon as he thought this way, his mind suddenly calmed down, as dead ashes, and he couldn't get up, like icy rain, Chen Xiang looked at Liu Dongze, Liu Dongze just looked at the road ahead, the emotions in his eyes were blurred, like Thinking about something, frowning.

After seeing countless Liu Dongze's smiles, at this time of separation, Chen Xiang finally had the opportunity to record Liu Dongze's negative expressions into his heart.

Even though that expression was as sharp as a sharp blade, he had to stab it hard into his heart, watching the blood trickle out from the heart, and the wound followed the shape of the blade.

I originally thought that the flight would be delayed because of the rain, but the sky cleared up after the light rain did not last long.

It was the first time that Chen Xiang hated sunny days so much.

Entering the airport lobby, Chen Xiang put away the umbrella in his hand and was about to return it to Liu Dongze, but Liu Dongze didn't have the slightest intention of reaching out to take it. He just stood still and looked deeply at Chen Xiang.

Chen Xiang stretched out his hand holding the umbrella in the air, as if feeling embarrassed, Chen Xiang withdrew his hand.

In front is the security checkpoint.

Liu Dongze opened his mouth, as if to say something, but there was no sound.

Chen Xiang was waiting for Liu Dongze to speak.

After a while, Liu Dongze slowly squeezed out a word.

"Then... goodbye."

"Goodbye."

Chen Xiang responded to Liu Dongze with a smile that he could finally hold up.

"Well, it's about time, you should go back quickly."

It was three o'clock in the afternoon, it was not too late, but Chen Xiang didn't have the energy to complain at all.

"Well, you too... smooth sailing..."

He replied with Liu Dongze's strange words.

Even though it was the last, the result still didn't explain anything?

But they have already bid farewell, and Chen Xiang can only rub his broken heart into the corner, hoping to forget it sooner.

Time will erase everything, Chen Xiang thought so.

"I love you."

The warm breath in the ear is a familiar temperature and sound, a pair of strong arms wraps around his neck and confines himself into a familiar embrace, his body leans back but there is no need to worry about falling.

Chen Xiang was held tightly in Liu Dongze's arms, what was more difficult to calm down than this movement was the whisper in his ear.

I love you.

These are the words that Chen Xiang wants to hear, and they are also the words that Chen Xiang wants to say to Liu Dongze.

Chen Xiang's brain froze very disappointingly, like a lifeless broken doll being held in Liu Dongze's arms.

"I know this will disgust you, but I'm afraid this is the last time I'll see you, and I have to say it, even though you won't accept it."

Liu Dongze buried his face deeply into Chen Xiang's neck, the heat that was completely different from the icy rain poured down, and a soft whimper sounded into Chen Xiang's ears.

"I know you can't accept this feeling."

No.

"I know maybe you might hate me from now on."

no.

"I know this kind of unrequited love is really..."

it's not like that.

Chen Xiang finally regained his strength and tried hard to break Liu Dongze's hand, but as if he was afraid that Chen Xiang would break free and run away, Liu Dongze hugged Chen Xiang vigorously, and he still refused to let go, Chen Xiang tried to break Liu Dongze's hand again. head, the same does not work.

While being overwhelmed by the sudden joy that the person I like also likes me, at the same time, I am oppressed by the farewell atmosphere created by Liu Dongze, and I can't breathe.

In the end, all the emotions were squeezed together and turned into inexplicable anger. Chen Xiang broke Liu Dongze's hand at once, and after breaking free from Liu Dongze's embrace, he turned around and hugged Liu Dongze back and forth.

Chen Xiang could clearly feel Liu Dongze's body froze, and then he stretched out his arms to hug the one who offered to throw himself into his arms.

"I can accept."

Just like Liu Dongze just now

"I don't hate you, ever."

Chen Xiang also whispered in Liu Dongze's ear

"Before this, I also thought that this unrequited love would last."

Soothe Liu Dongze's uneasiness

"I love you too."

Both of them had red eyes, and the suppressed feelings in their hearts were finally released. After a year and a half of friendship, no one can tell who fell in love with whom first, but these are irrelevant.

They are sympathetic, and that's enough.

But parting is unavoidable in the end, Chen Xiang regretted it, and Chen Xiang often thought about it in the days after that.

If it had been earlier, if it had been confessed earlier, would it have...

But time will not turn back, and there is no such thing as regret medicine.

The warm moment of the two embracing each other was finally interrupted by the cold voice of the flight boarding, and the two reluctantly let go of each other.

Both Chen Xiang and Liu Dongze's eyes were red, like two rabbits, they looked at each other and smiled, as if they had finally let go of something.

"Will you miss me when I'm gone?"

Liu Dongze asked.

"meeting."

"Will you call me often?"

"meeting."

"Will you wait for me?"

"meeting."

"Will you forget me?"

"will not."

I'm afraid this kid is really stupid, Chen Xiang thought so.

"Don't try me with this stupid way, get out of here, and I'll see how you catch up to the plane later."

Liu Dongze showed Chen Xiang's familiar smirk and dragged his luggage into the security gate.

Chen Xiang watched Liu Dongze dragging his luggage away, then turned around and walked towards the airport gate.

"I will return!"

Chen Xiang heard the voice of a fool who was still yelling at him after passing the security gate, and stopped, but when he looked back, he didn't see a familiar figure, probably rushing to the ticket gate.

Chen Xiang turned around again.

Liu Dongze's body temperature seemed to be recorded on his neck, and the joy that his crush also liked him was gradually washed away by the sadness of parting.

Even though he promised to come back, Chen Xiang was still uneasy.

It's not that he doesn't believe in Liu Dongze, but that he is afraid of time.

Counting the parting time, there is still one year left in high school and four years in college, but the two of them have spent only two years together.

When he came back, this mood.

This feeling of loving him.

still there?

Chen Xiang was not sure.

But what Chen Xiang can be sure of is.

"I will wait for your return."

At least now I love you, at least now I am willing to wait for you, if possible, I hope this feeling can last until you come back.

In the sun-colored clouds, the shadow of the plane is looming.

You are about to go to another world, but you still stand still.

Only parted for a few minutes.

My eyes were once again covered with water mist, and I could no longer see clearly what was in front of me.

What is that hot and humid thing that slid down my cheek...

Everyone has his own way

One day we will be apart, won't we?

Silently wiped the tears off his face.

Just say "precious".

Will cherish your feelings in the bottom of my heart.

~END~

The author has something to say:

あの日の感しみさえ

The sadness of that day is also good

あの日の苦しみさえ

The pain of that day is also good

そのすべてを爱してたあなたとともに

I love every bit of being with you

boobs

stay in my heart for a long time

今でもああなたはわたしの光

you are still my light

——"Lemon" Yonezu Kenshi