Retrograde

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These low voices are too much like the whispers between lovers, and also like the comfort between lovers, the feeling of throbbing for a while spreads to the listener's limbs and bones along with the alcohol.

Qin Jueheng hasn't drank so much and in such a hurry for a long time, and since she promised Zhao Jili, she has never even felt so drunk.

Therefore, the taint and confusion at this moment is even more impossible to escape.

When his mind was slightly distracted, Qin Jueheng unconsciously grasped the words "love" and "a lifetime".

"I can't live without you", Zhao Jili's soft voice lingered in Qin Jueheng's mind unknowingly.

For the first time, she realized that she might love Zhao Jili.

She loves Zhao Jili's softness, she loves Zhao Jili's cunning, she loves her who is willing to show meekness in front of her despite having thousands of thoughts.

But what kind of love is this?

Why does this kind of love make me feel throbbing and make me feel attached at this moment?

Qin Jueheng seemed to have received a heavy blow in an instant, his pounding heartbeat hadn't eased yet, but every beat became ambiguous and painful.

What kind of love is this?

Before losing his mother, Qin Jueheng, who had never felt lost, would answer without hesitation: This is love for children.

But at this moment, she shamefully found that she was used to Zhao Jili's sweet talk, her cuteness and gentleness.

She will feel her heart beating for Zhao Jili's cunning, and she will also feel throbbing for Zhao Jili's embrace.

At this point in my thoughts, all the answers are obvious.

Qin Jueheng began to think in panic——if it wasn't for the sudden opening of her heart this time, if it wasn't for the just-right drunkenness, if it wasn't for the gentle comfort that hit the nail on the head——it might be a long time before she found out what she wanted. It will take a long time.

But Qin Jueheng would rather not be aware of such intentions.

Just at this moment, her complexion suddenly turned pale, and the pain of losing her loved one was also covered by the violent blow in her consciousness at this moment.

She suddenly let go of Zhao Jili's hand and pushed her away.

"?"

Zhao Jili was baffled by her sudden movement, and stretched out his hand in the dark, trying to hug her again, but he clearly saw Qin Jueheng dodging to the side very clearly.

"What's wrong?" Zhao Ji asked inexplicably.

She was too dependent on and needed Qin Jueheng too much, and Qin Jueheng was used to such intimate contact, so that this time the push away became strange and abrupt, which made Zhao Jili feel flustered for a while.

She waited for a long time, and looked up at Qin Jueheng for a long time, but only got a sentence in the dark: "Jili, you go to sleep first, you have to go to school tomorrow."

Qin Jueheng's voice was suppressed and trembling, which made Zhao Jili think for a moment that his comfort was useless.

"Is Auntie sleeping too?" She also stood up and asked cautiously.

"I'm going out for a while."

Qin Jueheng endured the overwhelming regret and self-blame in his heart, his movements were a little stiff as if struck by lightning, and he reached out to pick up the coat that he took off when he came back.

She felt that she couldn't stay here, she wanted to get out of here.

Leaving at least tonight.

Qin Jueheng didn't say any unnecessary words, and didn't look back at Zhao Jili, then walked out of the house and drove away quickly.

It wasn't until returning to the long-lost and familiar place of joy, being in the feasting and feasting that I once loved so much, that the blurred and ambiguous atmosphere temporarily relieved the throbbing that rose up at that moment and was never realized before.

Looking at the dim light in front of him, Qin Jueheng covered his face uncontrollably.

The bursts of panic made her feel hot and cold, and she thought of the gossip she had despised.

She was painful and unbelievable, unbelievable that all the rumors that she had disdained and argued before had finally become facts.

Qin Jueheng evaded, but had to face it, doubts and accusations surfaced in his mind over and over again.

----Am I really a pedophile?

Even though Zhao Jili has reached the age of thirteen or fourteen years old, he has long been soft and charming, and is no longer an ignorant child, but Qin Jueheng was completely unable to distinguish his love for Zhao Jili for a while , When exactly did it sprout.

Did this strange, untimely, violating vague ethics, and perverted feelings plant the seeds at the first glance, and grow complex and intertwined roots in the intimate contact in the future?

Qin Jueheng suddenly thought of Zhao Jili's more indulgent temperament these years, the child's innocent appearance like an angel at first, Zhao Jili's attachment to him, and Zhao Jili's unconditional obedience to him.

And such a self who was completely trusted developed a shameful and terrible love for this child.

Such an angelic child, gradually because of his unknowing love, was treated like a lover, spoiled without a bottom line, showing a willful and presumptuous evil side.

---- Am I unworthy of raising such a child?

Qin Jueheng thought helplessly.

The roots of this strange and clear emotion were so deep in her heart unconsciously that when she finally realized it at this moment, even if she just wanted to pull it up a little bit, she would feel an unbearable throbbing pain.

She couldn't do without Zhao Jili.

Qin Jueheng understood this point thoroughly and clearly.

She loved this child, in whatever name.

The author has something to say: no no, no no no.

Chapter 7 Nan ​​Yuan

Until many years later, Qin Jueheng often thought at the transition between dream and waking——if he had had the courage to confess his feelings to Zhao Jili early in the beginning, maybe everything would be able to get out of the current tragic and pale deadlock.

But she chose to escape.

.

The 14-year-old Zhao Jili is about to enter high school, and he is at the age when he is the most delicate and sensitive.

But at such an age, Zhao Jili began to clearly notice the change in Qin Jueheng's attitude towards him.

This kind of change made Zhao Jili confused, and soon began to make her feel the panic of restlessness day and night.She could vaguely realize that it all started from that early summer night, when Qin Jueheng began to change into a strange appearance to her.

Unnecessary overtime, inexplicable hangouts, and most unbearable nights out.

Even when they met, Qin Jueheng was still soft-spoken as before, but Zhao Jili could sensitively perceive that Qin Jueheng was always avoiding him.

When he was young and ignorant, Zhao Jili also vaguely knew that Qin Jueheng's appearance was different when he was outside and when he was at home.

She has seen some of these differences with her own eyes, and also learned a lot from other people.

She knew that Qin Jueheng was a spoiled daughter-in-law, she also knew that Qin Jueheng's temper had never been considered kind, and she also knew that Qin Jueheng's kindness to her had always exceeded everyone's expectations.

Even now, apart from the estrangement that only each other can detect, Qin Jueheng still treats her so well that no one can find fault.

It wasn't until even this impeccable obedience started to fade that the buried lead finally started to heat up.

"Ji Li, wake up."

There was a light knock on the door, and Qin Jueheng's voice came through a door.

Zhao Jili lay on his back on the bed, staring at the still chandelier overhead.

She actually woke up a long time ago, but she didn't intend to get up. She knew that Qin Jueheng came back very late last night, and also knew that Qin Jueheng had not left early as usual.

How rare is this? It's been a long time, so long that Zhao Jili has gotten used to Qin Jueheng leaving early and returning late, and hearing the sound of Qin Jueheng gently pushing open the door and leaving early in the morning.

That almost silent departure always made Zhao Jili feel that he was a torrent that needed to be avoided.