How to Raise Your Regressor

"So, just like I said, everything was… hehehehe, meaningless."

"No, no. But, Dynogaur, he- no." She sputtered as tears fell down her eyes.

If I had to take an educated guess, Clementine must be saddened right now.

Which anyone could make, given that she's literally shedding tears, but the important thing is the implications behind those tears.

"God damn, why did you start crying? I was just joking."

"W-what- eh?" Her mouth hung open as she stared at me.

I could almost see a dialog box above her head stating 'Clementine.exe has stopped working'. Too bad we don't have a Task Manager.

She just froze and stared at me, as if she was looking at something she simply could not comprehend. Her eyes shifted to her left, then to her right, then finally met mine again.

"Eh?" She eked out.

"Gosh, it was just a joke. Why did you have to go ahead and take it so seriously? You have an absolutely zero sense of humour."

"…" She scowled.

I must applaud her self-control though. If I was in her place, I would have stabbed myself 37 times by now.

"I hope you'll work on improving yourself." I sighed exaggeratedly.

"YOU! How dare-"

"It does make me wonder though. Didn't you claim that your emotions were irrelevant? Why were you crying then?"

"Ohh, I see now." She wiped her tears with her cuffs. "I see where you're going with this." She snorted.

"You do? How wonderful."

"You're an asshole, you know that?"

"Hey, I take offence at that! I'm not just an asshole."

"Oh yeah?"

"Of course. I'm a gentlemanly asshole."

The fact that she doesn't even understand that makes me worry for her.

"Alright, stop, okay? Just stop!" Another tear fell down her cheeks.

"Okay, okay. I'll stop." I shrugged. "But I did manage to get my point across, did I not?"

"…Yes." She sniffled. "Yes, you did."

"Bravo! I would like you to remember, Clementine. Never think that your emotions are irrelevant. They're a part of you; they make you whole. You have every right to be saddened by the death of someone you considered family. It doesn't matter that they never saw you the same way, or that death was what they desired. You lost someone close to you, and it IS a sad event, no matter the circumstances."

"B-but I want to be happy for him, because his wish was fulfilled."

"And you should be. That is a joyous occasion, after all."

"You are contradicting yourself." She frowned.

"Not at all. I asked you to be happy for Dynogaur, but be sad for yourself. Those are two different things."

"That doesn't even make any sense." A slight smile appeared on her face.

"But I'm sure you got the gist of it, right?"

"Unfortunately." She nodded with a sigh. "But wouldn't that make me selfish?"

"Perhaps, but you owe it to yourself. After all, Dynogaur wasn't the only one with you during that time. You were with yourself as well."

"Okay, that seriously didn't make any sense." She raised her brows.

"Is that so? Well, let me put it this way. When all is said and done, when you're standing at the end of your life, looking back at it, you'll see that through that entire journey, YOU were the only one who never left your side. So, take care of yourself just as you would take care of those you love."

"I… see?" I could see a question mark floating above her head.

"Oh well, don't worry. You'll learn it with time."

'Loving yourself' is a concept that sounds so easy, yet a lot of people fail horribly at it. They either don't love themselves at all or they love themselves too much.

It's like raising a little Devil I mean a little child.

You give them an ample amount of love so that they can grow up to be wonderful persons, but you also use the necessary amount of strictness so that they don't go down the wrong path.

"I hope so." She finally genuinely smiled.

"For now, take your time to process your emotions. If you keep bottling them up inside you, they will one day erupt like a volcano and hurt those around you. That wouldn't be the most tactical decision now, would it?"

Besides, according to most societies, unhealthy coping mechanisms like suppressing one's emotions are reserved solely for men.

Why be mentally healthy when you can just man-up, right?

And since Clementine is a female (as far as I'm aware, that is), she should face her emotions like a champ.

"Also, as I said earlier, I'm truly sorry for what I did to Dynogaur."

If I knew that killing him would have led to such an… exotic situation, I would have just sacrificed myself instead.

I mean, dying a horrible death is always far better than handling awkward situations.

"Do not-"

"Uh, uh, uh. Remember what I told you?"

"Ugh." She rolled her eyes. "Fine, I will try my best to forgive you."

"Good."

"Actually, I will not forgive you." A smirk arose on her face.

Eh?

"Uh, okay."

That's justified, to be honest.

"Is that all?" She furrowed her brows.

"What do you mean?"

"Aren't you going to do something to earn my forgiveness?"

"Well, in my experience, it's incredibly hard to make people let go of their hatred, so, you know."

So I'd rather just not try because that would be a pain in the ass. Also, her hating me would work perfectly for my goal of not wanting to be a part of the Dysfunctional Family.

"Seriously? Is that how you're going to behave?"

Wow, despite being truly born only a few days ago, she's still acting like an adult.

Looks like being in a semi-conscious state did wonders for her.

"Well, what can I do to earn your forgiveness?"

For the time being, let's indulge her lest she pulls out a fucking sword and stabs me.

"You were the one who took away my family, so you're going to provide me with a new one."

"And where the hell am I going to find a fucking Minotaur now?"

"..."

They're mythological creatures, Clementine. I can't just walk into a Supermarket and order a freshly made batch of them.

"You know I didn't mean that!" She huffed.

The fuck is she talking about- ah.

Well, that sure was a miscommunication. She should have been clearer with her words.

"So you want me to…"

"Because you are the one who took away my old family, you are going to be my new family." She poked at my chest. "From now on, you're my elder brother."

Ah, fuck.