Academy’s PTSD Chaplain

36 – 36. Beast (1)

The stars embedded in the night sky are beautiful, unreachable. I exhaled a heavy smoke from my cigarette towards the shimmering brilliance.

The tobacco smoke of a tobacco with a strong scent that relieves the stifling feeling. The bright ash-colored smoke rises and covers the shining starlight, which is regrettable.

I flicked the short extinguished cigarette onto an ashtray. With a crackling sound, a brief spark flew.

From Noble mtl dot com

Thud.

Suddenly, I turned to the sound.

“Am I interrupting?”

It was Lieutenant Mayhem. He sat down hesitantly in the chair next to me, setting down a bottle of liquor in one hand and two glasses with ice in the other. I nodded slowly.

“Not at all.”

“Why are you sitting here in such a remote place, gazing at the night sky? You’re the protagonist of today, after all.”

“The night sky is clear tonight.”

“But?”

“You can’t see the stars well. It adds a certain charm.”

“Well…”

Lieutenant Mayhem poured liquor into a glass with a large ice cube. I placed the glass he handed me on the table.

“Even though we had dinner together last time, it’s still good to see your face.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah. We happened to meet while passing by the academy last time, but we might never have met if I hadn’t known your address.”

“It must be the grace of the Lord.”

“Yeah, it’s the grace of the Lord.”

Lieutenant Mayhem took out a cigarette. I instinctively lit it for him.

Watching Lieutenant Mayhem exhale smoke, I also took a cigarette in my mouth. Naturally, I popped the filter and lit it, and Lieutenant Mayhem looked at me with narrow eyes.

“So, you smoke cigarettes now?”

“Yes, well… it turned out that way.”

A white stick made of tobacco, filter, and paper. It slowly burned from one end, gradually depleting its life. I silently watched it.

As the smoke of the tobacco with a peppermint scent spewed out, Lieutenant Mayhem cringed his nose and made a subtle expression.

“So, it’s the cigarette Helena used to smoke.”

“…”

“You still…”

“Do you see that star?”

I pointed to a star with my hand. If you follow the tip of my hand, a bright yellow star comes into view.

“What is the name of that star?”

“I’m not sure.”

I was about to say the name Helena, but I swallowed my words. It was a superstitious thought.

“It resembles Helena’s hair color, doesn’t it? Don’t you think so?”

“…”

However, Lieutenant Mayhem spoke first. I had no choice but to silently nod my head.

“You must still miss Helena. I understand.”

“Thank you.”

“Did you love Helena a lot?”

I stiffened, my body going rigid. After a moment, I reluctantly parted my lips and spoke with difficulty.

“Love… It wasn’t merely an intellectual emotion.”

“Does that mean you respected her as a human being?”

“It’s similar. But if you ask me if I loved Helena… Yes. I loved her, and I still do. Foolishly.”

“Love is always foolish.”

I looked at him silently. Major Mayhem continued to gaze at the night sky.

“I used to feel the same. I had a foolish love that could never be realized, and I suffered numerous setbacks.”

“Is that so.”

“But look at me now. I eventually won that love.”

“Are you referring to Mrs. Melissa?”

“Yes. My wife, Melissa. She was so stubborn when we first met.”

The corners of Major Mayhem’s mouth twitched, reminiscent of the past.

“Although recklessness may be synonymous with love, do you know what its other name is?”

“I don’t know.”

“It’s a trial. A trial.”

Major Mayhem’s starlit eyes twinkled. I turned my gaze to the night sky without saying a word.

“Foolishness and trial. Both are always present in every love.”

“…”

“Depending on how you utilize them, it can change your future.”

“I have already messed things up.”

“Yes. There are loves that can never be fulfilled.”

Major Mayhem turned his body around. Beyond the balcony entrance, I could see people inside the bar, lively and boisterous.

The balcony and the bar seemed to show different worlds. The noisy atmosphere felt alien.

“It’s that girl.”

Major Mayhem pointed towards someone. Sofia, who listened attentively to Dennis’s words with her emerald eyes sparkling, looked like Helena.

“She resembles Helena, especially when she smiles… I understand now why you brought her along.”

“Is that so.”

“However, don’t simply think of her as a replacement for Helena. It could become a deep wound.”

“I am being careful.”

“Father Antonelli. Just by seating her here, you have shown a lack of caution.”

Note: I have made slight adjustments to the sentence structure and phrasing to ensure better readability in English, but the overall meaning and atmosphere of the excerpt remain intact.

It was a piercing remark. I tightly closed my eyes. There was nothing wrong with what he said.

Deep down, it was true that I projected Helena onto Sofia Bujae. There was no room for excuses.

“You are a good kid. You have been particularly obedient. You have been a great help getting here.”

“Yes.”

If it weren’t for Sofia Bujae, I wouldn’t be here. I didn’t deny his words.

“It’s a favor without a cost. Don’t repay it with a sharp dagger.”

“But, Helena….”

“What happens with Helena is Helena’s own business.”

Do not try to connect Helena and Sofia Bujae. Lieutenant Mayhem had said that.

“And your job is to figure out your own way.”

Lieutenant Mayhem raised his glass. The ice in the glass had melted to the right level, diluting the strong alcohol scent. I held up my glass following him.

“But…. let’s put aside complicated matters and enjoy today.”

“Alright.”

I smiled and lightly clinked my glass with his.

Clink!

“For the fallen heroes of the Phoenix Squadron who couldn’t be here.”

“…And for Helena.”

A sip of alcohol lingered in my mouth. Its taste….

Definitely, it wasn’t bitter.

***

“Sofia Bujae, please wake up.”

“Kuul….”

“Sofia Bujae.”

Sofia Bujae was completely unconscious. Carrying her on my back, I silently moved towards the academy, giving up on waking her up at the moment.

“Puhhh….”

I tried to clear my blurry vision. From Sofia Bujae’s mouth on my back, a deep sigh with the smell of alcohol came out. The strong scent made my tongue tingle. I have no idea how much she drank.

I knew she was sociable… But what did she talk about with Dennis? She continued to engage in conversations with people around her, including Dennis, until I returned from the balcony with Lieutenant Mayhem.

“Uhhhh….”

Sofia Bujae’s body twitched. A warm breath escaped her mouth and tickled my neck.

“Uhhhh…. Huh…?”

“…Are you awake now?”

“Uh… Head Priestess….”

As Sophia Subdeacon turned her head to meet my eyes, she blinked for a moment, trying to grasp the situation. I spoke, her groggy body stirring as I did.

“How much did you drink exactly? It seems like you had enough to make you unable to control your own body.”

“Ugh… I’m sorry….”

“Now, try to walk on your own.”

“What…? Uh, what…?”

Sophia Subdeacon, who had been carried on my back, mumbled with a hoarse voice, turning her head anxiously. Soon realizing she was being carried on my back.

“Uh, whoa…!”

Literally jumping, she was slipping off my back. I quickly grabbed her wrist.

“You might fall. Be careful.”

“Why… Why am I… like this….”

Sophia Subdeacon’s face was a clear indication that the alcohol had completely worn off. It was almost pitiful to see her grab her head as if trying to remember what she had done, visibly suffering.

“Uh, sorry… I’m sorry… What do I do? Am I going crazy….”

“Sophia Subdeacon, let’s go back to the dormitory. It’s getting late.”

“Oh, right… Yes….”

Sophia Subdeacon stumbled as she walked by my side. I sighed and held her hand.

“You might fall.”

“Ugh… Thank you….”

Honestly, carrying Sophia Subdeacon wasn’t a difficult task. She was small and lightweight. The problem was that I didn’t have her dormitory key. It was also challenging to search her body for it.

Since she would gradually sober up as we walked, it was better to assist her and let her walk on her own to avoid any accidents.

“Um… Head Priestess.”

“You called me.”

“I heard from Mr. Dennis and others….”

“What are you talking about?”

“Well, it’s about… you, Head Priestess.”

“My story?”

“Mr. Dennis mentioned it. He said you’re a person even surpassing a saint….”

It seemed she had heard about my story from the time of the Great War. Feeling a sense of embarrassment, I subtly turned my head away from her.

Dennis, like others, had clearly exaggerated, and I no longer needed to hear how much they had embellished.

Calling me a saint? It seemed as if Dennis, in his drunken stupor, had lost his mind. His face flushed for no apparent reason.

“Nonsense. Don’t pay attention to such talk.”

“Hehe, you seem embarrassed.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Should I address you as Saint from now on? What’s your baptismal name?”

“Benedict.”

“Saint Benedict Reverend.”

“…”

From Noble mtl dot com

I gazed silently at Sophia Bujé. In response, she subtly turned her head away, as if trying to conceal something from me.

However, I had already seen and spoken. The gleaming glass bead in her eyes.

“Sophia Bujé, why are you suddenly crying?”

Hearing my words, Sophia Bujé’s shoulders twitched, trembling. I pulled her a bit closer and asked again.

“Why are you crying?”

“I’m not crying. Oh, it’s just a sudden yawn…. Ah, yawn! Ugh!”

Sophia Bujé let out a forced yawn. Then, suddenly clenching her jaw, she began to shed tears, making her attempt to hide them even more evident.

“Ah… My jaw, the, the jaw is…”

Looking at me with a bewildered expression, Sophia Bujé confidently wiped away her tears.

“So, why are you crying all of a sudden?”

“I didn’t cry.”

“You did cry.”

“I didn’t.”

“Maybe I saw it wrong.”

To someone as young as her, this might seem like a petty act. I simply acknowledged her forced attempt.

Then, this time, Sophia Bujé hesitated before speaking.

“Just… um.”

“Yes?”

“Just, I felt so happy that a few tears came out. Your laughter, Reverend, it seemed like something I hadn’t seen in a long time.”

I nodded slowly. I had felt it before, but there was a warm glow in her words.

“Sophia Bujé.”

“What?”

“Thank you. Before, and in the future too.”

“…Same here.”

Sophia’s subtitle tightly held my hand. Feeling that warmth, I continued walking towards the academy.

The stars hanging in the night sky were beautifully twinkling.

* * * * *

“Will you come today?”

“I think so. You even led the Sunday service last week.”

“On Friday, it was a little different. It would have been nice if you had announced it earlier.”

“Oh, that’s right.”

The classroom is noisy. And it is unusual.

Today is Tuesday morning, which means it’s the day of Professor Lucio Antonelli’s theology class.

It was quite unusual for the classroom to be so noisy before this Antonelli’s class. Students were filling the spacious classroom with their own conversations and colorful topics.

“Did anyone attend the Sunday service last week?”

“My friend attended, and she said he was incredibly handsome.”

“What nonsense is that?”

As the chattering in the classroom gradually turned into noise.

“29 minutes!”

As someone shouted it out, the students’ gazes were split into two directions.

Half of the students looked at the front door of the classroom, while the other half looked at the clock hanging on the wall. There were no students who deviated from these two.

“Will he come today…? Will he come with the same hair?”

“Well, his hair does look better, to be honest.”

Even Chloe, Ellen, and Laura were not exceptions. The silence was restored in the classroom in an instant.

As the second hand ticked and moved, the clock finally pointed to 9:30 AM.

Buzz.

Without a slightest error, the front door of the classroom gently opened. Leaving that behind, someone who opened the front door stepped onto the stage.

Thump. Thump.

Contrary to rumors, it was an ordinary entrance. A few students showed a slightly disappointed expression.

Finally, the one who sat in front of the lectern fixed his glasses and slowly opened his mouth.

“Hello everyone.”

As always, Professor Antonelli remained composed.

“It’s been a week.”

After a week-long wait, his lecture finally resumed.

In the eyes of the students, it was the moment Ichae returned.