Cultivate a black technology god

Chapter 215 Ariel's past (18)

"Hey, Vicky," said the doctor firmly, "it's not time yet, I want you to listen carefully to what I'm going to tell you now."

"Our discussions have come to a logical conclusion, what more is there to say?"

"Sit down, Vicky, would you please sit down?"

Vicky sat down reluctantly.

The doctor commented grimly: "You say that Peggy Lou, Peggy Ann, Mary, etc. are not the same person. But they may be the same person. Vicki, don't you see different aspects of the same person that they may be?" ?”

"No, Dr. Wilbur, I don't see it," said Vicky, shaking his head thoughtfully. "You are you. You are Dr. Wilbur and no one else."

"Go on."

"And I'm Vicky. There's no one else here. See." Vicky stood up from the couch and paced the room. "Do you trust me now?"

Vicky sat down again, smiled at the doctor, and said, "Problem solved. There's no one else here. You're Dr. Wilbur, and I'm Vicky."

"Vicky," replied the doctor, "hasn't solved anything. Let's be honest."

"But, Dr. Wilbur," insisted Vicky,

"Probably solved. We've solved the big philosophical question of who I am. I am me and you are you."

"Nothing is solved," the doctor reminded Vicki,
"We haven't figured out the relationship between Ariel, Peggy Lou, Peggy Ann, Mary and others. What...?"

"Question, problem, problem," Vicky interrupted the doctor.

"I want to ask a question too. Why do you have to ask these questions?"

Resisting the logical conclusions that the doctor tried to draw her to, Vicky refuted her own claim that the doctor was alone with her:

"By the way, Dr. Wilbur, Mary wants to see you. She wants to come to our analysis, and I think we have to say yes to her."

"Our psychoanalysis?" Dr. Wilbur repeated.

"If you girls are not alone, how can you say 'us'?"

Vicky giggled. "You could call it group therapy," she said ambiguously.

"You just admitted that you are sisters."

"That's family therapy, thank you for correcting me," Vicky responded so quickly.

So Vicky disappeared, just as her body left the room.

Another voice, which was definitely not Vicky, spoke politely: "It's nice to meet you, Dr. Wilbur."

"You are Mary?"

"Mary Lucinda Sanders Dorset."

It's not the voice of sophisticated Vicky, or the voice of childish tantrum Peggy Lou.

It's an unmistakable Midwestern accent, soft, deep, and melancholic.

The doctor had never heard this voice before.She only knew about Mary through Vicky's memories of her life in sixth grade.

The doctor gestured to Mary to sit on the couch and waited for Mary to speak.

But Mary kept silent.

The doctor thought it was a reservedness common to new patients.But is this a new patient?

"What do you like to do, Mary?" asked the doctor.

"I keep the house," replied Mary, "but it's not easy."

"What must you do?" asked the doctor.

"Follow Ariel."

"What are you doing with Ariel?"

"Wherever she goes, I will go."

"What else are you doing?"

"Help Ariel,"

"How to help?"

"Help her in practical ways, in subtle ways."

"Like what?"

"Well, Dr. Wilbur, that's very practical. You may know that Ariel and Teddy Reeves shared a flat in Morningside Drive not long ago.

You know what a new apartment is all about.Yesterday morning at 8:45, I had to come out to meet a worker who was working on a new window.At 7:15pm, I have to come out again because I don't want Ariel to hang the new curtains.

I feel like the key to making the family work is mine.In the past few days, we have received deliveries here and there, and we cannot sleep in the morning.

So, I had to hang a sign next to the electric bell downstairs: "Please do not disturb."

Ariel and Teddy are redecorating the apartment.I'll do the job. "

"What else are you doing?"

“It’s hard to get things done in that big brownstone. It would be nice to have some more space. I love having a garden, the animal room, we just got the Capri cat.”

"You don't like New York?"

"Not really. But I don't look around either. Sometimes I go to museums or libraries, and that's it. I rarely leave the apartment."

"What are you doing in the apartment?"

"Housework. I also read books, listen to music, paint pictures occasionally, and write poems. Poetry can relieve pain."

"What pain, Mary?"

"Oh, I prayed."

"What pain, Mary?"

"Didn't they tell you? Where's Vicki? Where's Ariel? Where's Peggy Lou?"

"Not directly. They said it: fear of being close to others, fear of music, fear of hands, to avoid falling into traps. Vicky and Peggy Lou's denial of their mother shows that they are afraid of her. Are you afraid of her?"

"I never felt that Ariel's mother was my mother." Mary seemed to be speaking the truth.

"What pain, Mary?"

"You'll always know that's what I told Vicki I wanted to come today. I wanted to help you with our psychoanalysis. But I came here with some guilt. Maybe it's a sin to come to a psychiatrist Bar."

"Hey, Mary," the doctor said slowly and clearly, "you know that Ariel and Vicky and Peggy Lou have been here for about nine months. Do you really think that everything they say and do here is evil?"

"I don't know," thought Mary, "I really don't know."

"Then why did you come?"

"Among the dogwoods and blooming sour apple trees last month, you were not a psychiatrist,"

Mary said thoughtfully, "You are a friend. We need friends."

"Ariel has friends. Are her friends your friends?"

"I'm afraid so," replied Mary.

"But not the other way around. Teddy Reeves knows my name and can identify me among a few people. But Laura Hodgkins recognizes me as Ariel. Most people do too. I sometimes very lonely."

"Then why don't you go out and make some friends yourself, like Vicky did."

"Well, you know what it is," Mary explained,

"Just one thing, I don't have clothes that fit. I wear whatever I can find in our closet. What looks good on other people doesn't necessarily look right on me."

Mary paused, looked down, and smiled wearily.

"On the other hand, I'm not as attractive as Vicki, and I'm not as attractive as Vanessa. I'm not as attractive as them. That's what I am."

Dr. Wilbur later learned that Mary saw herself as a pudgy, motherly little crone type of girl, not very fashionable.

Indeed, Mary comes across as a home-centered person, a nest builder, a housewife who loves dolls, kitchens, and church.

Despite having no children, despite the difficulty of cooking “in an apartment kitchen like a pencil case,” Dr. Wilbur became increasingly aware:

Mary's problem was not with the dolls and the kitchen, but with the church.

The doctor will one day find out: Her opening line, "Maybe it's a sin to come to a psychiatrist," is a powerful reflection of the church-centered conflict.

It is full of color, and the weight of her grandmother in her heart. "Grandma died and no one could replace her.

Ariel did not mourn her grandmother, she disappeared.Peggy Lou quietly mourned her grandmother when she was alone.

We all mourn except Vicky, but I grieve the most when my grandmother died and I simply showed up to mourn her. "

"Did you show up at the funeral?"

"No," replied Mary,
"I wasn't there when Ariel was nine. I was out when we were ten and Peggy Lou was running the house."

"How did you get your name?"

"These are my grandmother's characters. I am very like my grandmother, so I took her name. The son of my grandmother in Dorset is my father, and I am like him."

Mary began to cry softly.The doctor remembered:
Ariel never sheds tears. "What's the matter with you, Mary?"

"Grandmother," Mary replied.

"But this was over 20 years ago."

"That's what it is now," said Mary, shaking her head sadly.

"There is no past. If you have it in your heart, it is the present." Later Wilbur learned that Mary was always pursuing the only real home she knew—the home of Mary Dorset.

"Mary," said the doctor, when the time was running out, "I hope you will not dislike my inquiry: where will you go when you leave here?"

"Go home," said Mary,

"Back home where I belong. I called Dad as soon as I got home. Didn't Ariel tell you that he lives in Detroit with his wife Frieda? I wanted to take his mind off a lot of things. You See, Ariel is not a perseverant person in his eyes. I am the perseverant one.

"In the camp of life,
Don't be like the dumb cattle that are being driven,
Be a hero in the struggle! "

The doctor wanted to say something, but Mary explained that the poem was the "Hymn to Life" by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, and went on:
"The lives of great men remind us,

We can ennoble our lives,
stay behind us,

Footprints on the sands of time! "

The doctor wanted to say something again.Mary went on reading to herself:
"Then let's get up and do it,

single-minded, regardless of any fate,

completing, pursuing,

Learn to work and know how to wait! "

Mary's voice was hoarse: "Oh, poor... poor..."

"Poor what?" asked the doctor.

"Life!" replied Mary promptly. "The campsites for these overnight soldiers are not good. We can't all be heroes."

"A campsite is not a barracks, but a camp for any camper," the doctor pointed out.

"I'm telling you that," Mary said impatiently,

"A word or two doesn't matter. It's a bad camp we all live in. We're defeated soldiers. That's what it is. Finishing, pursuing, learning to labor, knowing how to wait. We've got to be calm, we're in the Being young has been great. We learn a lot, we try and try and try. Ariel tries. I try. We all try, but it doesn't work."

"Mary," said the doctor tenderly,

"Maybe something is getting in your way, and maybe after we figure out what it is, we'll be able to try."

"So you see," Mary went on to herself, not listening to the doctor,

"You can't trust poets forever, and I don't trust anyone."

"Do you trust grandma?"

Mary nodded.

"You trust your father?"

"Yes," said the tone forcefully.

"He's almost perfect." Mary clearly loved her father unreservedly.

"You've got to trust me, or you wouldn't be here."

"Well, let's see," said Mary.

Time is up.Dr. Wilbur walked her new patient to the door.

"You know 'The Egoist' by Sarah Firth?" Mary asks, "Ariel and I loved that poem when we were kids. It goes like this:

' In a circle centered on me, he went round and round,
It is true to say that he is a genius;
For except for egoists,

Who can make both the circumference and the center of a circle. '"

Who is Circumference?Who is the center of the circle?The doctor weighed it.Is the center of the circle Ariel, or an incarnation?
It is not easy to find the center of the circle, but the next day two avatars who have never seen it come, the problem is even more complicated.

From the moment Vicki introduced the two newcomers, the clinic was so active that Wilbur couldn't contain his excitement.

The woman sitting next to the doctor was Marcia Lynn Dorset and Vanessa Gale Dorset at the same time.

The doctor couldn't help but wonder how Arielle Dorset's tiny body could simultaneously support so many diverse characters.

Dr. Wilbur's knowledge of Marcia and Vanessa is very limited, and it was introduced by Wiki: "Marcia can feel what Ariel feels, and it is more intense. Vanessa is a tall girl with red hair. I love playing the piano and am filled with joie de vivre (joy of life).

The two of them generally have the same interests and like to do things together. "

But when he met Marcia and Vanessa, the doctor didn't know them as well as Mary.

Because the body is occupied by both Marcia and Vanessa, the doctor still doesn't know how to distinguish between the two.

But after exchanging a few jokes, she could tell by their voices.

Although the two have the same English pronunciation and speak in the same way, Vanessa is a soprano and Marcia is a contralto.

Vanessa's voice is lilting and rhythmic, while Marcia's is morose.

As with Mary, the doctor begins the conversation with the following question:
"What do you two girls like to do?"

"Travel," said Marcia.

"Wander around," Vanessa said.
"We're always interested in new places and new things. Life is life."

Masina and Vanessa talk about how they both appreciate airplanes, big cities, theaters, concerts, places of interest, and buying their favorite books.

"We each have our own preferences," Marcia explained.
"But when I have Vanessa with me, it's more refreshing."

The Doctor understands that Marcia and Vanessa are close friends in Ariel Dorset's circle, just as Vicky and Marianne Ludlow are close friends on earth.

"Tell me how you feel, Marcia," the doctor suggested.

"You don't know what trouble it's getting you into,"

Marcia replied with a smile on her face, "You've opened Pandora's box with that question,"

"Doctor," Vanessa interjected,

"You shouldn't have asked her. She might have told you!"

"I see you two girls have a good sense of humor," said the doctor.

"To survive in the Dorset family, you must have a sense of humor." Vanessa replied immediately.

"Mary, Peggy Lou, and of course Ariel, are always very worried and make life like a Russian novel.

It was so funny to look at them.Ariel was 12 years old when I arrived at Willow Corners.

I've been there for a long time, but I can't get enough of this small town.

Really, you should come and see.Fear of God and hate of man.

Flattery, flattery.They are so sweet in their dealings with people that I have mental diabetes. "

"Excellent wording," interrupted Marcia,
"I've never used that phrase before. You stole it from me, didn't you? I'm the author! Why don't you play your piano all day and let me come up with great words?"

"But it's me who coined this word, it's me..."

"Oh, Vanessa, I'm sorry, I was just teasing you."

"Be careful," Vanessa warns, "our mother will say:

'Teasing is a word that shouldn't be used around people'. "

Vanessa's voice is clearly modeled after Heidi Dorset.She turned to Dr. Wilbur again: "We can never be 'children' outside the family circle.

Not even the word 'heck' is allowed at home. "

"You shouldn't criticize your mother," Marcia said.

"Oh, how clingy you are to your mother is making me sick.

You can never cut the umbilical cord in your life.

Doctor, I mean the umbilical cord.

Are you right?It is for this reason that this kind doctor has come to help you grow up. "

"Vanessa, don't do this," Marcia begged.
"It's not a sin to ask someone to love you."

"For the sake of the earth—I'd rather say for the sake of God—you sound like a TV series."

Vanessa uses exaggerated gestures in every word.

"Vanessa, it's unfair for you to say that." Marcia was crying.

"Not fair! Who among us has ever been fair?" Vanessa shot back.
"Is it fair that we are rejected when there are girls? One day I will break free and be my own thing. And you, Marcia dear, will come with me, and you will have a taste of life and a taste of life. And We've been together, even though you came into Ariel's life long before I did. Marcia, you'll find yourself sleeping at night and waking up comfortably in the morning, the key is you don't look back. Don't you forget Lo What will happen to Te's wife!"

"Vanessa," Marcia begged, "you've talked enough. We're talking, and the doctor probably thinks we're talking to ourselves."

"No," interrupted the doctor, "I'm perfectly aware that you two are two. I want you two girls to come and talk when you want, without restraint."

"We don't compete with other people," said Marcia mischievously.

"For example, Wiki, she is very cool and helps us a lot. But she also talks too much, almost like Vanessa."

As the time was up, the doctor asked, "What are you going to do when you leave here?"

"I want to go somewhere through the international airport." Vanessa said without hesitation.

"Last time I was leaving and Peggy Lou was messing around. I was going to buy a ticket to San Francisco, but she bought a ticket to Cleveland. So, I guess I'd better go home and play Mozart Bar."

"I'm going home to work on that paper for The Crown," said Marcia.

"Okay, please go ahead." The doctor reminded them.

After they left, Dr. Wilbur imagined Vanessa pounding on the piano while playing Mozart, and Marcia pounding on the typewriter while writing.

They are two people, but they only have two hands anyway, how can they play the piano and type at the same time?

For three days in a row, Marcia and Vanessa came every day, and the doctor began to worry that something was wrong with Vicky, Mary, Peggy Lou, and Ariel herself.

But through these three contacts, the doctor finally decided that Marcia and Vanessa, despite their very different personalities, were a pair of close friends.

And what connects the two of them closely is that they are both so full of vitality.

However, there are still differences between the two.

Vanessa is full of energy, seems to be electrified, and often uses exaggerated gestures to dramatize everything.

In this, neither Marcia nor any other incarnation (at least the doctor has seen it) is incomparable.

Marcia is a copy of Vanessa, only quieter and more melancholic. Although she is sometimes more relaxed, she is basically a pessimist, but she can follow Vanessa to escape reality, or read books to escape from the world.

She sees life as "disgusting and futile" and people as "simply awful".

Vicki seems to be right when he says that Marcia can feel Ariel's emotions and reinforce them.

Vanessa said something about Marcia's faults in a roundabout way, and said that what she said was like a TV show, which seemed to be correct.

When Ariel and the other avatars saw the sad scene on TV, Marcia must have cried.

Whatever the story, Marcia cried when a child (even a dog) finally came home or was brought to her parents or found her mother.

Marcia is the most motherly of the several incarnations.

Vicki once told Dr. Wilbur:

"Marcia would cry just thinking about her mother."

Not long after Vanessa and Marcia's fourth visit, Vanessa put on a play.

"Goodbye, dear," said Vanessa in a melodious voice,

"I'm sorry to leave you. I'll miss you, but I'll be having fun in Europe."

Vanessa then turned around and said, "I can't stand it when I see her. I hope this motherfucker leaves the dock and goes home."

Vanessa changed her position again, and her voice changed.

She is another woman on the pier, watching the first woman go.

"I'm sorry for you leaving me, take care of yourself and wish you a happy stay in Europe."

Then, Vanessa pursed her lips and murmured a narration:
"May she drown!"

Dr. Wilbur clearly saw the two women on the pier saying goodbye.

This skit was performed so realistically, so vividly, that the doctor couldn't help but comment:
"Vanessa, you're in the wrong business. You should be an actor."

(End of this chapter)