The strongest brain in entertainment

Chapter 230 Tucao Conference (2)

on the stage.

Li Fan complained about some miracle medicines for middle-aged and elderly people, TV station prize-winning guessing scams, etc. Then he changed the topic and started to complain about the four regular guests on the field.

"When I received an invitation call from our producer, I immediately agreed. After all, I heard that the level of our program in the first two seasons is obvious to all in the Internet media and TV industry. It has an excellent reputation and we cannot surpass it," Li Fan paused for a while when he said this, and said emphatically, "I said 'everyone here'!"

Host Zhang Gang waved his hand, "Don't worry, Li Fan, our production this season is more sophisticated, the star lineup is stronger, and we have hired me as a new host, we will definitely surpass the previous two seasons."

"Well, the production is more sophisticated, the star lineup is stronger, these two items alone, indeed—" Seeing Zhang Gang gesturing to himself with his hand, Li Fan stepped on the rhythm, shook his head and said, "Uh, with you I really can't tell!"

Amidst the audience's laughter, Li Fan continued: "The producer called me and asked me, Li Fan, do you understand our show? I said I had seen the clip, and the producer asked me if Teacher Zhang recognized me. I said Of course I know Mr. Zhang Gang, isn’t he the one who has been in and out of the host world?”

Zhang Gang, who twice announced his retirement from the hosting industry, bowed his head and kept sighing.

"The producer also asked, do you recognize that 'Dan Dan'? I said no, and the producer said it was the one with the smallest eyes. I asked in amazement: 'I know who you are referring to, but, buddy Has eyes?'"

The camera is shown faintly, and faintly "squints" his eyes and smiles.

Li Fan continued: "Before the recording of the show today, I finally saw Dan Dan in the waiting room, and she took my hand and said: 'Li Fan, they all said that my eyes are small, my nose is flat, and I am ugly, you can tell me the truth. Comment objectively on my looks.'

I thought about it for a long time, looking at the expectant look on Aian's face, and then nodded vigorously: 'Well, you look very creative! '

He said lightly, "What about my nose?" '

I said: 'Others' noses are viaducts, but yours is a suspension bridge! '

'What about my eyes? '

'Eyes, other people's eyes are the windows of the soul, your eyes are the cat's eyes of the soul! '

Seeing that Wei Wei was hit hard, I quickly comforted him: "I think there are only two kinds of people in the world who can attract people, one is very beautiful, and the other is just like you. Don't be discouraged, your rate of return is no worse than mine!" '"

Amid the laughter and applause of the audience, the audience members covered their faces and cried bitterly.

Li Fan said again: "The producer asked: 'Who else do you know besides Dandan? Do you know Chizi?' I said no, and he said: 'Chizi is called the future of Chinese talk shows by netizens. , you don’t even know him?'

As soon as I heard this, I put down the phone and quickly watched the first two seasons of the program to pay my respects to the wonderful performance of our country’s talk show in the future. The future! ! '"

There was applause at the scene, and Chi Zi made a gesture of stabbing his chest with a knife.

Li Fan pointed at a certain talk show host in the audience and said in surprise: "Hey, Wang Jian, you actually laughed too, that's really weird! Your show's ratings are so low now, and it hasn't been stopped yet?"

Wang Jian lowered his head in "shame".

……

"Okay, I'm Li Fan, a newcomer in the Tucao world, please take care of me!"

Li Fan bowed and stepped off the stage, sat in the guest seat, and watched the talk show performances of other invited stars.

There are some differences between the "Tucao Conference" in this time and space and the previous life.

The "Tucao Conference" here invites 4 stars in each issue, and each of them will bring a talk show.Then, the other 4 regular guests of the show also came to the stage to complain.

Make complaints about social phenomena and the guests present. In a relaxed and lively atmosphere, the whole program is full of entertainment and sharpness.

After the other three specially invited celebrity guests came to the stage to complain, the other 4 regular guests of the show began to come on stage one after another.

This program has a characteristic, but when it comes to star complaints, on the surface they are complaints, but in fact, sometimes it is more of whitewashing.And there are a lot of self-deprecating jokes, this self-deprecating behavior is very easy to attract fans, such as the self-deprecating follow-up of the faint!
Dan Dan walked onto the stage with her eyelids open, "Hello everyone, I am Dan Dan, and I am the kind of particularly attractive person Li Fan said! Today I finally met Li Fan in person. I am as excited as the audience. , this beautiful boy who has been dubbed by netizens as 'comes out every 5 years' is different.

But even if you are handsome, what's the point of comparing yourself to a monkey?Ah Li Fan, ah the beautiful boy who comes out every 5 years? "

There was warm applause and some people whistled, but Li Fan shook his head helplessly.

He said lightly: "The first time I saw Li Fan, I felt inferior. This guy is so handsome. When Li Fan saw this, he kindly comforted me and said, 'Brother, it's not your fault. This traffic accident of yours should be done by you. Uncles and aunts take full responsibility, probably 'drunk driving', or 'fatigue driving'!"

This very connotative joke made the audience laugh out loud, and Li Fan laughed very cooperatively. This joke was provided to Dan Dan when he was in the lounge, including many of the following jokes.

Faint: "My eyes are small, and I have always felt low self-esteem since I was a child. When I was young, I was lying in my room watching TV shows. My mother came over and thought I was asleep and turned off the TV. In order to cover up the embarrassment, I had to give two symbolic blows. snore!
When I was in school, I obviously listened carefully to every class, but the teacher's chalk head would always fly in the end.I recently bought a car, and I was driving my girlfriend home a few nights ago. On the way, my girlfriend suddenly pulled on my clothes and said: 'Dan Dan, Dan Dan, wake up! '

Someone said that my ugliness is all-round, not just the eyes, and then recommended Meixiuxiu photo software to me.

"Tucao Conference" is so popular, I have become a public figure after all, and I can't just post the pictures without editing them.So I opened Meilixiuxiu and used the one-click automatic P-picture function. As a result, when I looked at the finished product, I found that my eyes were gone. What kind of software is this?The product is defective!I have to complain, as a celebrity.

Then the product manager of Meili Xiuxiu personally called and said that the APP may have treated my eyes as acne and gave P off! "

Treating your eyes like pimples and removing them. This joke can make people laugh for a whole year. The whole scene is full of joy and applause. Li Fan in the guest seat has a very sense of accomplishment. It is very good. It provides this burden to the faint sound. Got it!

"From now on, I look forward to the collapse of this company every day! Unless they join the Li Dan model.

Being so ugly is not a solution. My girlfriend decided to take me for plastic surgery. The two of us went to the most famous plastic surgery hospital. As a result, my girlfriend first became very interested and said: "I want to look like the female star Wu Feifei!" The doctor nodded, and then took out a photo of Queen Sun Feifei! "

There is a story here. When Wu Feifei first debuted, she was accused by netizens of having plastic surgery after Sun Feifei, not only her name, but also her looks.

Wu Feifei, who was in the guest seat, picked up the pillow behind her and tried to throw it towards Dan Dan. She smiled faintly and said, "The doctor asked me again who I wanted to have plastic surgery done. I said Li Fan, and then asked the doctor again, "The whole nose is plastic surgery. How much?'

'2! '

'Where's the chin? '

'3! '

'What about the cheekbones? '

'4! '

'What about the eyes? '

The doctor thought for a while and asked me: 'Do you have a house in the city center? '

'Have! '

'Is it the full amount? '

'Yes! '

The doctor nodded and said: "Optimistically, it should be enough to sell the house!" '"

When the audience was almost laughing, he continued calmly: "Finally, my girlfriend has to be Wu Feifei... er, no, Sun Feifei, I will do what Li Fan did. Just as the agreement was about to be signed, the doctor suddenly shouted: 'No way! , you are brothers and sisters!'

Huh?How come plastic surgeons also have the ability to look at faces and check genes?

The doctor said: "A while ago, there were rumors on the Internet that Li Fan and Sun Feifei are siblings. If you follow others' advice, isn't it just a brother-sister relationship?" '

……

Well, I am Dandan, I hope everyone can understand my faint sadness, thank you! "

Amidst the warm applause, Danny walked off the stage, high-fived the guests and returned to his seat.

The next one is Chizi's time to make complaints on stage.

Chizi had a little braid, but his eyes were actually not that big, certainly a bit bigger than Dan Dan’s. Unexpectedly, he also teased Dan Dan with his small eyes, “Hello everyone, I’m Chizi.

Dian is worried about her small eyes, I am here to persuade Dian, big eyes have big eyes troubles, small eyes have small eyes benefits, for example, the smaller the eyes, the smaller the contact surface with the outside world, right?You all said that watching Wu Feifei's TV series has hot eyes, but Dandan definitely doesn't have this problem!

What I want to complain about today is Li Fan in the audience!
Now everyone knows that Li Fan is in a mess. A learning machine was out of stock online in half an hour, and offline in the whole country within a day. Why? "

Having said this, Chi Zi turned to Li Fan and said, "Aren't you the double champion of the Idioms Conference and the Poetry Conference? Don't you just have three world records? You just advocated a new textual research. You and the famous Compared with Wang Mu, the little fresh meat, what else do you have? Does Wang Mu’s masterpiece have... yes... forget it, it’s not important!"

Wang Mu in the audience wiped his "tears".

"I have been researching for the past few days. Why can the products endorsed by Li Fan be so popular? What is the reason behind it? I also want to be popular and see if I can learn from it. So I summed it up. 4 o'clock:
1. The product is good.

2. Li Fan is talented.

3. The launch time is Double Eleven.

4. Li Fan is handsome!

I think success is not out of reach. We look for good products slowly, and we have the same talents. We have them every year during Double 11, and looks are ignored. I have three-quarters of Li Fan. Advantage, even half of Li Fan's fame can be exchanged.But a woman told me that except for the fourth item of "handsome", everything else can be ignored. "

All the female audience members, female choreographers and other female directors nodded in approval.

"Look at you, eh, superficial!
The products endorsed by Li Fan became popular, and many celebrities were envious, and many traffickers also looked for agents, companies for advertisements, and resources.This is understandable, but, what do you think you are involved with some old-fashioned stars?Don't look left and right, it's just you, Teacher Zheng Kaili! "

Teacher Zheng Kaili pointed at him, with an expression of "You're kind, don't leave after school".

"Teacher Zheng Kaili has also found an agent. She wants to win an endorsement contract, make money like other traffic niche students, and then get a new boyfriend. Otherwise, she will really have no money!"

There was another hearty laugh at the scene. Everyone knows the story of teacher Zheng Kaili. She is 50 years old this year. She made a 28-year-old model, and was finally cheated by the model for money and sex. There has been a lot of trouble these days. .

Chizi continued: "The agent thought about it and said it was not impossible, and then gave Teacher Zheng Kaili a list: anti-slip shoes for grandmothers, multifunctional crutches, longevity oral liquid, duck down cotton pants...

Teacher Zheng Kaili quit at that time and shouted: "I want to endorse something for young people like Bu Bu Sheng." '

However, Mr. Zheng Kaili, there is no learning machine for middle-aged and elderly people. Could it be that you want to 'learn a foreign language'? "

When middle-aged and elderly people learn foreign languages, it is very easy to think of teacher Zheng Kaili laughing in a popular TV series.

"To measure whether a person is a big star, it depends on how many contracts he has on his back. Then Li Fan, you are obviously not good at this, and you are far inferior to other big names, such as Wu Feifei in the audience. It doesn’t cost money at all, let’s take a look at Feifei now, from head to toe, it’s all sponsor’s products, let’s count them now!”

Chizi pointed to Wu Feifei and counted from the top of her head: "Lingmei's jewelry, Adaffe's watch, Oliye's dress, Ollie's shoes. Let's count inside, Tingmei's——"

Wu Feifei quickly interrupted: "Don't, don't, Chi Zi, don't count inside!"

……

In the "Tucao Conference", amidst bursts of laughter, all the guests finished their complaints, and then it was time to select the Talk-King of this session.

All the stars began to throw out their choices one after another, and finally, Dan Dan became the Talk-King of this issue.

He faintly walked to the stage and said modestly: "I am ashamed to accept it, in fact, the funniest articles in my manuscript were provided to me by Li Fan. The amphibious star of the world!"

Li Fan quickly said: "No, it has nothing to do with me."

……

This issue of "Tucao Conference" officially came to an end. When the audience left, Dandan and Chizi quickly bowed and apologized to Zheng Kaili and other celebrities.

"Ms. Kelly, I'm sorry, I'm so offensive, don't mind."

"It's fine, it's work."

"Sister Feifei, offended."

"Hey, I came here to offend you!"

Li Fan also had to show his attitude to Mr. Zhang Gang, "Mr. Zhang Gang, I really like you. I have watched all your previous programs. It's great. No one can lack you in this program."

Zhang Gang said with a smile: "The disgusting look in your eyes on the stage was so realistic, I wouldn't believe it was a fake. It's a pity that you don't become an actor, by the way, how about my previous job-hunting program? "

Li Fan nodded affirmatively, "It's very good, I like it very much, but I always have a question, why can't a job recruitment program recruit a suitable host?"

"Hey, you boy!"

Li Fan patted his head and said, "I'm sorry, Mr. Zhang Gang, I blamed me for getting into the drama too deeply."

Everyone gathered together while being polite, and after taking a group photo, they all walked backstage.

Dandan and Chizi gathered around Li Fan and exchanged jokes with him. In their eyes, Li Fan, who was sandwiched between them, was definitely a king-level figure in the joke world.

In addition to Li Fan's own speech today, the few jokes Li Fan provided to them before the start of the program were really excellent, and they were all explosive. They admired Li Fan's "professionalism" very much.

Fain: "Li Fan, you can be called the strongest joker, bar none!"

Chi Zi: "I absolutely agree with this, especially a few days ago, the article "Goodbye, Haze", that is the pinnacle that our joke world cannot surpass, let's talk about your method of creating jokes, and give us jokes Pass on some experience to the world!"

Li Fan was accepted by Duanzijie with open arms. He smiled and said, "I can't compare with you. You are professionals, and I am an amateur."

Chizi: "No, no, you are the professional!"

Flicker: "Now when I think about the joke about Yaohao cooking, I'm still laughing until my nose bursts into tears. Absolutely, it's a cure for all kinds of unhappiness! Let's talk about your 'creative philosophy'!"

Li Fan sighed and said: "There is no creative idea, it's all a flash of inspiration!"

He asked faintly: "Really not, it's all based on inspiration?"

Li Fan nodded, "Really not."

Chi Zi said, "Then show us your inspiration."

Li Fan thought for a while and said, "Meat or vegetarian?"

"Hey, we've divided them into different categories. Let's get the meaty ones first."

Others also came over one after another, waiting for the cultural idol to eat meat, and wanted to take the little train of the cultural idol.

Li Fan picked through the jokes in his previous life and said: "Let me start with a half-hearted one. It was said that a young woman went to take out the garbage and accidentally slipped and fell into the garbage. When she was about to get up, she was picked up by someone. The old man held her in his arms, and said with emotion: 'City people just don't know how to live, so I won't let such a good daughter-in-law say I don't want her.'"

Everyone urged another one, Li Fan thought for a while, and said: "The dung beetle is in love with the mosquito. The dung beetle: "What is your occupation?" The mosquito: "Nurse, injector, what about you?" I make pills from traditional Chinese medicine.’”

Everyone laughed and continued to urge: "Come to increase the amount!"

Li Fan said again: "The two corn kernels got married. The next morning, the male corn kernel woke up and found popcorn lying beside him. He asked strangely: 'Hey, who are you? Where is my wife?'

Popcorn shyly said: "It's disgusting, you've blown them apart and you don't know them anymore?" ! "

Some old drivers laughed knowingly, while others kept scratching their heads. What do you mean?

He grabbed Li Fan's hand with excitement and said: "You are definitely the sweeping monk in the joke world, here comes another five-star full-level one!"

"Uh, um, ah, I'm just cleaning the room. Dear teachers and seniors, I'm rushing back to school. We'll see you later."

Everyone looked at the background of Li Fan's departure, thinking that this guy is definitely the dirty demon king in the cultural world! !
(End of this chapter)