I'm waiting for you in the wind and snow

Chapter 590

After taking a deep breath and trying to calm myself down, I answered the phone call from Ye Zhi, but I was silent, I waited for her to speak first in the sound of my own breathing...

Ye Zhi sighed first, and then said to me: "I contacted the doctor who treated you, and he told me that your condition is very bad... He said that the peroneal nerve was damaged, which affected your ability to move. , and there is a possibility of further deterioration in the future.”

I was stunned.

Ye Zhi said again: "When you called just now, what you said really made me very angry... But calm down and think about it, you are not a particularly emotional person; the reason why you are like this must be because There was a particularly big change, so I asked someone to contact your doctor immediately... Are you in Shanghai now?"

Ye Zhi's sensitivity makes her the second person who knows the truth besides the doctor, but from my heart, I don't want her to know. I always feel that it is better to let myself live better than her. The best consolation for our relationship.

After bowing my head and being silent for a while, I finally asked Ye Zhi, "How do you know I'm in Shanghai?"

"I also inquired about it. As for how to inquire about it, don't ask..."

I instinctively felt that it was Yang Sisi who said something to her, because just now, I took Ye Zhi as the most hurtful weapon and stabbed it into Yang Sisi's heart. It's possible that they contacted Ye Zhi... I can even imagine the content of their conversation.

Ye Zhi suddenly asked me again: "Where are you? I'll look for you."

I stared blankly at the snow-covered street lights outside the window. She was the second woman who came here to find me this night... I don’t doubt her motives. I know she has never forgotten me and cared about me. , it's just that I'm not what she cares most about, that's why we have the relationship we have now.

Yes, only those who really care will come to me on such a snowy night.

It was necessary for me to meet Ye Zhi, because I wanted to know what Yang Sisi had said to her; but this dilapidated small hotel is not a place to receive guests, so we made an appointment to meet on the Bund.

……

There is already snow on the road, so many taxis have been equipped with anti-skid chains, which makes the whole city look a little cautious, not only the cars, but also the footsteps of passers-by. Only a few children are immersed in the joy of snow adults are still carrying all kinds of troubles, walking numbly in the set direction; in an instant, the world is divided into two extremes in my eyes, and I am in the gap , looking for living space.

I'm suffocating!
……

Half an hour later, I came to the Bund again, which has made me feel ups and downs countless times; I looked around, and finally found Ye Zhi near a green belt. She was holding a transparent umbrella, standing under the street lamp , the light has turned the ground under her feet into a light yellow...

In order not to appear crippled, I walked as slowly as possible. When I got to Ye Zhi's side, I immediately leaned against the guardrail. I didn't speak immediately, just looked down at my shoes, slightly As soon as he moved, the snow under his feet made a "creaking" sound.

When I first looked at Ye Zhi, she was looking at me with a very complicated expression...

I squeezed my chin with my hands, smiled stiffly, and finally said to her: "I used to hate you quite a bit, but now I don't hate you at all, because there are many things that really only come to an end , you will know what you think...Although it is a bit wishful thinking, but I have to do it...I am already like this, I don't want to drag anyone into this mess of mine...I have no confidence Come out...really!"

To my surprise, Ye Zhi didn't instill that sunny chicken soup for the soul in me, she just asked me: "Then what are your plans for the future?"

"I've been blind... the original spirit is gone... everything I see is gray now, only at night is it not gray... because it's all fucking dark!"

I wanted to light a cigarette from the cigarette case again, but the case was empty...

Frustrated by such a small thing, I slammed the cigarette case on the floor and cursed "fuck".

I have no image to speak of, I am old, decadent, and full of bad words... But I am not angry at Ye Zhi, I am cursing fate, it is unfair to me, I am almost depressed.

In the silence between each other, Ye Zhi gently pulled my sleeve, she let me stand under her umbrella, and then brushed off the snow from my shoulders.Her expression was very serious, but her voice was very soft, and she said to me: "Promise me, no matter how uncomfortable you feel, you will quit smoking, okay?...Your body really can't smoke anymore!"

"I don't want to smoke either, but I don't know any other way to make me feel better... I feel like I'm standing on a pile of rubble, and there's an abyss behind me. If I relax a little, I'll fall into it. Doomed... I'm really scared, very scared!"

I swallowed, and then tightly closed my eyes, but the more I didn't want to look at this world, the clearer the feeling of threats from all sides...

I was trembling, I fell into a self-made horror picture, unable to extricate myself...

……

Suddenly there was a warm feeling in the palm of my hand, it was Ye Zhi who held my hand, it was very effective, in the warmth she gave, I finally got a sense of security, I looked at her with mixed feelings in my heart.

She said softly to me: "...I understand the mood of patients better than anyone else...they will be fragile, they will think wildly, they will complicate simple problems, and they will feel that the whole world is dark...but as long as you put Think of your heart as a river, and you will slowly let go... because no matter how dirty the stain falls into your heart, time and water will wash it away... You have to try to open your heart, only let When the sun shines in, the river that belongs to you will have ripples."

"I don't want to hear this chicken soup for the soul...it doesn't work for me, I'm just a pool of stagnant water that stinks!"

Ye Zhi bit her lips, and she said in a lower voice: "This is not chicken soup for the soul... What you are going through now is what I have gone through... I am even more desperate than you, but we still have to live... ...Even if it's not for yourself, it's for those who care about us...you are much luckier than me, at least...you have a group of people around you who sincerely regard you as your friend, and I...are alone and helpless."

I finally turned my head to look at Ye Zhi, she let go of my hand, and then tightly grasped the guardrail, she seemed to be lost, but her heart was extremely painful.

After a while, she smiled again and said, "Mi Gao, have you noticed that the two of us are actually quite alike, we both think we can bear everything, and we don't want our loved ones to suffer with us... In fact, we are more like Everyone is vulnerable, just like you now... helpless like a child."

"The heavier the responsibility on the body, the more concerns will be... We are not wrong."

"So you understand me?"

I took a deep breath, and then replied in a low voice: "Understood, I only hate that we don't have the ability to predict the future. If I could predict the future... many things, I would not choose to do so... Now, I am more than anyone else." Everyone suffers!...I don't expect others to understand me anymore, I just hope that after a few years, I won't hate me...Speaking of it, fate is really like a reincarnation, the end point and the starting point are actually a point, just a process It's just one more circle...I suddenly stand in your position now...After walking this circle, I also understand...You have never let me down, it's just because love has too many tricks, so every time Everyone has their own way of expression."

Tears were faintly shining in Ye Zhi's eyes, she seemed to have been waiting for this sentence for too long!
She said to me: "You have to get out of this situation, so think ahead about how to do it ... the sooner you plan, the less pain you will have."

I smiled and asked, "Is this also your experience?"

"That's it."

"Well... I have a plan. I plan to go to Bangkok after finishing all the things that must be dealt with... Brother Ping, do you remember?... He met a very authoritative neurologist over there. It's my only hope... I don't want to be a disabled person."

"Alright, I'll take you there, I'm free recently."

"No, I can do it myself."

"I have been in Thailand for a long time, and I am familiar with everything there. It will be much more convenient for you to have me as your guide."

I shook my head and replied: "Forget it, you have a fiance, I don't want to cause you unnecessary trouble...Since brother Ping let me go, he will definitely take care of me."

Ye Zhi pondered for a while, and finally said to me: "I'm not a very expressive person, so when you are good, I just watch silently... When you are not good, even when you are in a desperate situation, what is it in my eyes? It's all worthless...including the things you think I care about the most...At worst, I have nothing."

(End of this chapter)