I'm waiting for you in the wind and snow

Chapter 133 Sad and Not Sad
The man’s cries could no longer be heard outside the window, so I stood by the window and looked at him. He was standing by the Erhai Lake. I suddenly saw despair in his back. I couldn’t help worrying that he would jump off, so I put on clothes, and walked out of the small courtyard, and until now, I have not replied to the messages sent by Yang Sisi and Ye Zhi.

I walked up to him and asked, "Dude, what are you doing?"

He just turned his head and glanced at me without speaking, but his pain was all written on his face.

I handed him a cigarette, and said, "I run an inn nearby. I don't have any malicious intentions... I just want to come over and see if I can help you."

He didn't take the cigarette from me, but finally said, "I'm fine."

"If you're okay, hurry up and find a place to rest, it's getting late!"

"Can't sleep, can't sleep all night and all night."

I passed the undelivered cigarette to him again, and said, "I can't sleep because of insomnia, let's talk for a while."

He just took the cigarette from my hand, and I handed him the lighter as well.

The swaying flames gave off a faint light between his fingers, and I sat down on a rock before him, and lit a cigarette while waiting for him to return the lighter. I was not in a hurry to talk to him. Speaking, because the Erhai Lake, where the cold wind is constantly blowing, he is like a mirror for me. Through him, I see a painful self.

When I was about to finish a cigarette, I asked him, "Dude, where are you from?"

"Nanjing people."

"Is the relationship not going well?"

He closed his eyes, and replied after a long time: "It's extremely painful, it's an indescribable pain!"

I raised my head, exhaled the smoke heavily, and replied: "I have experienced it, but I have survived it."

"How long have you used it?"

"Let's talk about what you've been through..."

He looked down at the cigarette that was about to burn out in his hand, but he didn't intend to extinguish it at all. During the moment of silence, the cigarette had already burned his fingers, and he endured it with a painful expression, but I knew that the most painful It was still his heart, he just thought that physical pain could numb his heart, but doing so would only make the pain worse.

In the sound of the waves constantly lapping over, he finally spoke to me and said, "We have been together for 8 years, 8 years, do you know how long it is?"

"All your youth and hers."

"Yes."

I handed him another cigarette and waited for him to continue.

"She betrayed me, but what I hate is myself... When her father was sick and hospitalized, all my savings were only 5 yuan, and I used it to see her father, but this money is not even a dollar. Weekly medical expenses were not enough... I started to borrow money from my relatives and friends, and I borrowed all I could, and finally got together another 10 yuan; but when I sent the money to the hospital, a person driving a Mercedes The man in the car also sent her 20... I know that man has been pursuing her... Hehe, when she took the money from that man, I knew I was done... I really It's over, shortly after her father was discharged from the hospital, she had a wedding with that man, and the day before the wedding, she also returned the 5 yuan to me, and she said: "I hope none of us owe anyone anymore..."

My heart was so heavy that after a long time, I said to him: "You are a man!"

He weeps.

I patted him on the shoulder again and said to him: "She loves you, she just doesn't want to drag you down anymore, so... oh! People are alive, sometimes they are so helpless!"

"But I can't forget her. My heart bleeds when I think that her wedding dress was not for me!"

"It's quite painful... But from another perspective, this is also the best result between you..."

"I would rather she kill me with her own hands than live in such pain!"

"I advise you not to think that way She must hope that you can live a better life than her."

"It won't get better... I won't get better for the rest of my life... I didn't believe it before, but now I believe that incompetence and mediocrity can really kill a person... I can't find any motivation to live."

I bit my cigarette and said to him, "Then you should hate her...Hate can keep people alive!"

He turned to look at me... He was shocked by my words.

I said again: "You send her a message now, say you hate her...and make her suffer more than you."

He cried again: "Even if she suffers more than me, so what?... She still can't come back!"

"Then what's the point of your pain now?... It's better to think about something practical, such as how to make yourself stronger; after all, this is the root of your pain, you should understand better than me, It was your weakness that forced her to make that choice."

He yelled at me: "Could it be that if I become stronger, she will come back to me?"

"She won't...so, she is already your past tense...Maybe, if you try to grit your teeth and walk a few steps forward, you will find that there are better scenery. You really shouldn't regard this place as a own grave..."

Having said that, I pointed to the front, and then said to him: "Look at the Erhai Lake, it's completely dark now, like a monster that can eat people, but you can't question everything about it because of this, Because when the sun rises tomorrow, you will definitely see a different scene. Just where we are sitting now, after seven o’clock, there will be seagulls, white cruise ships, and cruise ships. Beautiful women from all walks of life... If you don't deliberately think about those pains, lighting a cigarette, looking at seagulls, looking at beautiful women, isn't it also a kind of enjoyment?... But the premise, you are willing to stick to it for a while!"

He takes a deep breath...

"Brother, for people like us, even death has a cost, because our parents are not rich and powerful people, and they still point to us to provide for them in the old age. If you really die here, they It will only be more painful than you are now...you are more cruel than killing them with your own hands!"

He looked at me and gradually lowered his head.

In this silence, I took a deep breath of the cigarette, and then looked into the distance, it was really dark there, but if I remember correctly, the sun rose at that position...

He finally took the initiative to speak to me and said: "You haven't answered me yet, how long did it take you to survive?"

I smiled, then frowned, and replied after a while: "At that time, I may have suffered more than you. What you experienced was only life and separation, but I endured life and death at the same time... Those days were so painful to me. In other words, only the night is not gray, because it's all fucking dark!... But I didn't think about dying. On the contrary, I felt a little more hunger in my heart, because I wanted to live for the other person who died, and I couldn't die. I want to tell that person who is separated from me that I will live a better life than her... Brother, remember, there will be one or two things in life that make you feel powerless. You are a coward when you get down, and you are a coward when you stand up You will be as powerful as me!"

Speaking of this, I laughed out loud, and said again: "Haha...you see, I'm living a pretty good life now...After I resigned from Shanghai, I came to Dali, and then I drove the car behind you with a bunch of buddies. That inn...not to mention that we have too many inns, it is still very easy to earn 200 million a year, so I see your current pain from the perspective of someone who has experienced it, and I think it is quite funny!...You should learn to create Life, instead of handing over your life and death to a woman, to a love that has no hope... because one day, another woman will re-enter your world, and you have to take out the sunshine to greet her, so The torrential rain in your heart should stop!"

He first looked dull, then sniffed, and said to me: "...Before you said these words to me, I felt like I had died once; after listening to you say these words, I felt that I could breathe again... But this stalemate will not pass for a while."

"It's okay, you can spend some time pondering and pondering... Maybe you will soon understand that there may not be no more important feelings than love in this world..."

He nodded.

I patted him on the shoulder again, and said, "You look good... You are now in a 45-degree direction, which is where the sun will rise tomorrow. If you are afraid of insomnia, sit here and wait... Dude is really sleepy." Alright, go back to sleep first."

"Thank you."

I smiled at him, then patted off the dust on my body, and walked towards the place where I lived... But, inadvertently, I saw my own shadow under the moonlight, so humble, so hypocritical...

Yes, I am not living better than when I was in Shanghai, and my inn, which earns 200 million a year, will soon be demolished.

I'm just pretending not to be sad, and then to comfort another person who is sad. In fact, there is no need to pretend to be sad or not... Just like this brightly lit city, there must be countless lonely hearts hidden.

(End of this chapter)