The biography of Concubine Lin in the harem

Chapter 84

I regret that this place is not my land (2)

Outside Wanbao Pavilion, there are several white plums in full bloom. In the frosty moonlight, there are clear colors dancing in the breeze, like flickering candles.

At the second quarter of Haishi, the sky is full of stars.The night in the first month was extremely cold, Zhu Chengbi was combing a simple and drooping auspicious cloud bun, with a red gold plaque on the hairpin, and an inconspicuous cloak embroidered with double-petaled snow lotus, with extremely fine and soft fur on the neckline. , brushed on the face, like the delicate buds of willow leaves in spring.

Zhu Chengbi tightly held a roll of bright yellow thick-faced imperial edict, sniffed the cold air deeply, and retracted the thoughts that drifted farther and farther away, only to feel the slight soreness of his fingers.This is the last chance and the only chance for me and Yizhen, to be considerate of everyone, and there will be no more disputes and troubles.

If you get something, you have to pay. You can never have both.

At three o'clock, there was the sound of steady footsteps behind him, and Zhu Chengbi smiled slightly: "You are here."

"I'm here." Yizhen slowly turned to Zhu Chengbi, looking at her clear eyes and inconspicuous attire, slightly puzzled, "Zhu Xi told me, you have something to tell me, but why did you choose Zhu Chengbi?" Here, why are you dressed like this?"

"Wanbao Pavilion is the place where you and I met for the first time." Zhu Chengbi moved his eyes to the vermilion lacquered wooden plaque, and the three gilt characters of "Wanjin Pavilion" only left a vague and hazy outline in the moonlight. However, no matter how blurred, No matter how hazy it is, the bright and full golden color can be discerned.However, from the 34th year of Xianning to the third year of Qianyuan, the gold paint was painted over and over again, and the original color has long been lost.

Yes, things are different from people, things are no longer the same, and people will naturally become more.

"That day, I came to Wanbao Pavilion with my mother, and Wei Jiuding's "Luo Shen Tu" was hung on the east wall. , who is it, and what kind of woman do you admire in your heart, so that you can paint so vividly."

Yizhen took a step forward and stood side by side with Zhu Chengbi: "'Gorgeous and elegant, quiet and leisurely, tender and charming, charming in words', at that time, I entered Wanbao Pavilion and saw you standing in that painting Next to the painting, the sunlight leaking into the pavilion is so warm and beautiful, you are like the Luoshen who walked out of that painting. I use this sentence to describe you, it is from the bottom of my heart."

"That year, I was only 14 years old, and you were only 15 years old. In the past 25 years, every time I think of the scene at that time, no matter how cold and difficult the palace is, my heart will always be warmer." Zhu Chengbi hoped Looking at Yizhen's rather moving eyes, he smiled peacefully, "At that time, when I looked at you, your smile was so beautiful and warm, and there had never been a man who looked at me with such a smile, even my father No. I thought at the time, if I could marry such a man, I would have lived up to my life."

Yizhen's eyes dimmed, and he murmured: "Three years later, you will marry the emperor's brother."

"On the seventh day of July in Xianning's 37th year, the rain was heavy and cold, but no matter how heavy or cold it was, it couldn't cool one's heart." Zhu Chengbi quietly wiped away a little crystal from the corner of his eyes, and said in a low voice, "Father is high above, so naturally I am so self-willed, even my sister refuses to ask me to help me, and my mother can't speak, so she can only watch me kneeling in the heavy rain with distress. I know you are outside the house, but I can't go out. My only hope is to beg me My father let go. But my father told me coldly, 'The Zhu family always needs someone to sacrifice for it'."

Thinking of the past, Yizhen touched his heart and sighed long and hard: "The next day you got married, I had a high fever and locked myself in the study room by myself. , but I have never kneeled before anyone else! I begged him in such a low voice, begging him to withdraw your marriage, I knelt in front of him and begged hard, but he was completely indifferent."

Zhu Chengbi's eyes were filled with melancholy like mist and sea tide. For a long time, she only looked at the round moon in the sky. , faded away bit by bit, until it was like a hook, hidden in the pitch-black night.

The past will always pass, and if you are full of energy, there is still a future to imagine.However, the most frightening thing is that the past is an eternal regret and pain, a nostalgia that cannot be grasped, and a thought that cannot be recovered.However, I'm afraid that I can't even grasp the future, can't think about it, and look forward to it. I'm lingering in the reality of pain like a deep swamp all day long. Every inch of time is like a sharp knife across the skin. There are unspeakable pains and hard to heal. injury.

Zhu Chengbi's hand trembled slightly, and for a moment, he hesitated, and handed the imperial edict in Yichen's hand: "Take a look."

Yizhen was full of doubts, but he took it according to the words, and shook it away gently: "The empress dowager died of a sudden illness, and the emperor, concubines, and ministers were mourned in Yining Palace... What?"

Yizhen was shocked, and pressed Zhu Chengbi's calm eyes tightly: "What are you doing?"

"I'm tired. I don't want to be the Empress Dowager anymore. Since I became the Empress Dowager Zhaocheng of the Great Zhou Dynasty, I haven't lived happily in the past two years and eight months."

"You don't want to be the queen mother? Then, you want to..."

"I want to go with you, leave the capital, and go to any place. It has been 22 years, and I have regretted it all the time. I should have left with you." Zhu Chengbi's eyes were firmly fixed on Yichen's face, and she said eloquently Words, like the clear voice of wind chimes under the eaves, "Now, I have made a decision, I don't want anything, I just want to go with you."

Yi Chen hesitated for a moment: "Then what about Xuan Ling?"

"With Miao Congzhe, Su Suixin, and a group of civil and military officials who are loyal to Dazhou, there will be no problem." Zhu Chengbi took a deep breath, staring at Yizhen's resolute face, "You once told me that you waited for me for 20 years. At that time, the first emperor was assassinated, my answer is, give me a little more time, and I will clear everything on the road, right?"

Yi Chen nodded subconsciously.

"Now, Ling'er's road has been paved. He is 16 years old and can be in charge of the government. Then we can also retire. Suzhou, Hangzhou, Dali, Lijiang, Wuling, no matter where we go. Unless, You don't want to go with me."

There was a complex look in Yizhen's eyes. He frowned and looked at the woman in front of him. She was already 39 years old, and her best time was spent in the deep palace, no matter how reluctant she was.But why?Why would I hesitate and be reluctant to ask myself to leave the capital with her at this moment, in this way, for the woman I think about day and night, the woman I regret so much, and the woman I dream of? ?

Zhu Chengbi's eager eyes became cold and silent inch by inch, like the mist in the aromatherapy, rising with heat waves, and then extinguishing the temperature and spreading away, until it was completely cold and no different from the surrounding: "Yizhen, are you Don't want to?"

"No." Shouting these two words, Yizhen suddenly felt much more relaxed in his heart. He took a quick breath and held Zhu Chengbi's cold hand tightly, "Okay! I promise you, let's leave the capital."

A faint smile spread over the corners of Zhu Chengbi's lips. She slowly pulled away her hand and said lightly: "You must be struggling in your heart if you want to give up all your power and all your fame. From ancient times to the present, Jiangshan You can’t have both with a beauty. If you choose Jiangshan, you are destined to be lonely for a lifetime; but if you choose a beauty, you can only live a life in a mediocre way, and you are so far away from a heart with lofty ambitions.”

Yizhen said anxiously: "I admit, I struggled, but in the end, I chose you."

"If it was 22 years ago, you would have taken me out of the capital without hesitation. Once, I failed you, and I had to think about my family; now, you chose me, and I am very grateful. In the end, is it I owe you more than you owe me."

"Bi'er, why, why are you not happy at all, why are you entangled in these debts? We can leave the capital, leave all fame, wealth and lust, can't we?"

"Is it possible? Can you really leave all fame, wealth and lust? If we were boating in the West Lake, would your heart still stay in Purple Austrian City? Stay with the emperor's uncle, the regent, who has never been seen before or since. If you are struggling, it means that you have thoughts and loves. Then, in the future, you will definitely blame me, and blame me for extinguishing your fiery heart of governing the country and the world with a ladle of cold water " Zhu Chengbi took a step back, two lines of tears flowed uncontrollably, "You see, we have to face the reality, we have all changed, and we can never go back."

Zhu Chengbi's voice was tinged with a bit of choking, as if a guzheng with the sound of flowing water and clouds was pouring down, and a string was broken in an instant, and the rhythm was no longer clear and melodious as before: "Look, The snow lotus on the cloak is so beautiful, but when you look at it through tears, you always feel that it is the flower of the other side that has withered all the colorful colors. The flowers and leaves will never meet. Just like us, from the time I married into the Wei Palace, Our end is doomed."

Yizhen staggered a step, trying to hold Zhu Chengbi's hand, but she retreated calmly, like a slender jade leaf, drifting farther and higher with the wind.

"I used to like you so much, and wanted to marry you that way. Up to now, people are still the same as before, but their hearts are no longer the same as before." Zhu Chengbi slowly took off the jasper lotus bracelet on his wrist, and handed it to Yichen , "May it be like a lotus flower entrusting jade, endless life. This is what you once gave me, and now I will give it back to you. Wearing it on my wrist, I will always think of you in the past, but now, there are too many people between us , too many things, too many desires that are difficult to let go, too many shackles that are difficult to break free. I am no longer Zhu Chengbi, and you are no longer Zhou Yichen, I have become the empress dowager, and you have become the regent."

In the moonlight, the bracelet glowed with a cold light, but it was nothing more than an exquisite jade lock. Once, I locked myself so tightly with him, even if I couldn't see each other often, I could always feel each other's sincerity and love. Boiling heart.However, in the end, fame and wealth, lust, complicated entanglements, and endless suspicions are tightly locked up, and there is no chance to breathe.

If you are too tired, you should let go. If you can’t let go, you will develop resentment and hatred, until you are entangled by vines and scarred by the thorns on the vines.After that, if you choose to compromise, you will still be injured, but if you feel the pain bit by bit, you will become numb; and if you choose to break free, although you will be free, it will be accompanied by severe pain and irreparable scars.Either way, it's too late too late.

"Bi'er..." Yi Zhen took the pair of jasper lotus bracelets with trembling hands, remained silent for a long time, then spoke out suddenly, the voice was full of sadness and despair, "You are always right."

"I really hope that both you and I are wrong."

Stepping on the bright moonlight, Zhu Chengbi left step by step, like a fairy in the moon, and finally returned to her original position.

There was a "stab" and another, such a slender and sharp sound, piercing into Yichen's heart like thorns, and in a dazed moment, countless bright yellow silk fragments flew from Zhu Chengbi's wide butterfly sleeves Coming out, like the heavy rain that year, separated himself from her inside and outside the courtyard wall.

The idea that had been supporting him all this time collapsed, and Yizhen knelt down on the ground, clenched his fist and slammed it hard on the ground. There was blood, which gradually merged into a coquettish flower.

It turns out that you and I were both wrong.

From the very beginning, it was wrong.

Note: Wei Jiuding, whose date of birth and death is unknown, was active in the late Yuan Dynasty.Mingxuan, born in Tiantai (now Tiantai, Zhejiang Province), is good at boundary painting and learned from Wang Zhenpeng.There is a work "Luo Shen Tu" (hanging scroll paper collection of the National Palace Museum in Taipei, China) handed down from generation to generation.

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