Su Qian had to admit that her psychological endurance had reached its limit.
If it wasn't for Si Mohan, Si Yuxi and Si Zhexi who forcibly "dragged" her out of the darkness later on, then it is not certain whether she is still alive after experiencing life's heavy blows time after time.
Even now, she is still trying to tell herself that for Si Mohan and her two children, she must survive and live.

Because she understands Si Mohan's affection, and understands how painful it would be for Si Mohan if she died, she is not willing to let him be so sad, and does not want to be his "white moonlight in the heart, cinnabar mole on the chest" She didn't want Si Mohan to be unwilling to open up to accept other people because of this, so she wanted Si Mohan to give up on her completely.

Su Qian wanted to destroy her impression in Si Mohan's heart through her future actions.

She had to turn into something he didn't like, and let him understand that he fell in love with her only because of his misjudgment.

Only in this way can he give up on her completely and start another relationship again.

Su Qian is not afraid that Si Mohan will be disappointed in her, dislike her, or even hate her.As long as...as long as she is in his heart, not the kind of lowly person he hates the most
As for the two children, it is also the reason for her to continue to live.Because the children couldn't sleep well without her, what would the children do if she died?
Other than that, she really has no attachment to this world anymore.
Her friends, whether it's Ai Nien, Xue Mengyao, Meng Xinghe, or Gu Mei, if they hear the news of her death, they may feel sad to varying degrees.

But at least it won't be unacceptable like Si Mohan.
The earth will go the same way without anyone, and after a long time, they will have new friends, and they will gradually forget her.

Perhaps, occasionally, I would think of her again and sigh with emotion.But that's all
Su Qian really didn't want to continue, she felt that she was so tired of living, so tired that she didn't even have the heart to curse the merciless heaven.

She didn't want to ask why God was so cruel to her. Mother, Ruojin, father, Su Yao, and Si Mohan, all of whom she regarded as treasures, would leave her without exception for different reasons in the end.
So, she was tired, she was already desperate, she didn't want to accuse the heaven of injustice, she just wanted to seek relief as soon as possible.
That's right.

Su Qian is real. I don't want to live anymore.
On the way she closed her eyes and meditated, she had already decided on her final destination.

After she finishes all the things she has not done, which she thinks she is responsible and obliged to do, she will find a chance to leave quietly, and then go to "follow in the footsteps of mom and dad".
Maybe mom, dad, and Ruojin, they can meet her after death.
Su Qian closed her eyes like this, calmly planning her own death path.

After a period of hard thinking, she came up with four reasons that still fetter her, and roughly thought of the solutions to these four problems.

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